Babs1234

Getting ready to leave town for about a week. going on a short vacation with H , sister,and her friend. Will be in touch when I get back. Be safe everyone.
and Hugs to all of you.
yes, Sass, this year has been trying and sober is so much better.
Babs

tootsl1

Have a safe sober and happy trip Babs, see you back soon xx

Dee74

Bon Voyage Babs!

D

digdug

Happy new year!

Gilmer

You too, DD!

How was your vacation?

Saskia

Happy New Year to you, too DD!

Duff, how did it go for you?

Gilmer

Yes, Duff! How did it go?

Duffster

Hi guys Happy New Year!

It went ok -- we got through the holidays nicely enough but the last few days, since I've been home, have been emotional. I'm exhausted but working through it all. How was everyone else's??

Gilmer

Fun. We took a chance and invited a stranger to stay overnight for NYE and NY day--turned out way better than anticipated! Great conversation.

My middle son left a couple of hours ago: I'm just going to stay here again tonight for some "me" time. I will clean, but my pace is leisurely.

Saskia

Duff, I was concerned that the multiple holidays in a short time span along with still living in the same house would be stressful. Happy to hear you made it through and hope you will have some time to recoup.

Gilmer, you always manage to amaze me! You do so much and seem to sail calmly on through :-)

My holidays were relatively quiet with the exception of my ptsd spell. That really fouls up the functioning of my brain so I'm relieved that it didn't last more than a couple of weeks. My brain is now starting to function almost normally again. I finally got back to my regular walk today. Still an occasional temptation but I haven't come close to acting on it and have zero interest in going down that road again! I am especially grateful for my SR friends!

Gilmer

Thanks, Sass. It certainly didn't used to be this way!

I used to go into the total fetal position whenever I had some sort of obligation or responsibility.

I just hid myself drinking and left my poor family to explain.

I agree, it was largely through the friendships I made on this board that I was able to stop hiding behind the bottle and face life as it came.

I still don't love some aspects of entertaining--but I have developed the ability to delay gratification a good bit more.

Plus, being here and hearing encouragement mixed with constructive criticism when needed has helped me realize that it's not always all about me; rather, a huge chunk of it is about others.

I found that within appropriate boundaries, setting aside my own comfort to make others more comfortable was a rather nice thing.

tootsl1

Molly and I are heading home in a few hours, get there later tonight. Mom is still tired & father is still too demanding of constant attention, mom panders to him which infuriates me. It wears her out and reduces his mobility even further. It is a habit they have gotten into that neither questions.
Being me I've told them both off seperately, but it won't do any good!
At least being away for a few days has made hubby realise he'd miss having me around!! Lol x

Saskia

Well said, Gilmer.

Toots, so sorry about the challenges you are dealing with re your parents but happy (and not surprised) to hear Mr T misses you.

Duffster

It was and it wasn't, Sass. You mentioned that you experienced this when you were still living with your ex, that there's always an underlying feeling of tension in the house at this point. Still, we were able to have a very nice holiday with the boys. I think it caught up to me, though, and I kind of lost it on him yesterday which I feel bad about. I apologized but there are so many resentments - it's like I was able to put them aside for the holidays and just couldn't any longer - ugh. The problem is I don't think he was getting it -- he was acting like we're still a happy couple and I just couldn't fake it anymore -- I hate that I lost it but I think it got through to him that we are DIVORCING.

Sass, I didn't know that you were going through a PTSD episode. How did I miss that? But you're doing better now? I'm glad you're walking again, I find that sticking to my routine is such a help.

Gilmer, I too have gotten so much from SR it's unbelievable. I'm proud of the way you're handling things now - you continually impress me too.

Toots, glad you're getting home to Mr. Toots.

Gilmer

Thank you! I think we're all pretty impressive, if I do say so myself!

Saskia

Duff, it took awhile for me to even have a clue that was happening. My brain just didn't seem to function. Once I figured it out, I was able to work through it. This is the first time in quite a few years that I had a bad one. Too many things happening over the past few months! Better now.

tootsl1

Sass I'm glad you are on top of your PTSD episode, what a difference it makes to have the necessary toolkit to deal with something like that.

Duff, men (present company excepted obviously!) generally don't choose change the status quo, however uncomfortable, unless a better option presents itself ready to move into. Women tend to accept the status quo as long as they can, attempting to make a relationship work until they realise it needs two. Sometimes they feel they have made their bed and have to lie in it, regardless of unhappiness, sometimes, like several of us here, they find the courage to step out into the unknown.
There will be plenty of simmering resentment Duff, from what you tell us of the history. I suggest once you get yourself organised in your new life, that you find yourself a counsellor and try to let go of it. That's not easy, I know I still have dreams a occasionally, ( though come to think, not recently) of being quite violent to my ex. I never was in life, so I believe it is my subconscious still expelling the frustrated resentment I was unable to deal with at the time.
Have patience sweetheart, and keep your eye on the prize.
I am home, and have today to dismantle Christmas and tidy the house, back to work tomorrow, though just for the day!! Back to normal hours next week.

Duffster

Toots, yes you are right as usual! You're so insightful. I did tell my therapist that I wanted to work on (1) making this a smooth, peaceful transition and (2) letting go of the resentments I have toward my husband. I was going to cut back on my therapy as I felt I was making progress and was in a good place but clearly I still need it right now.

Enjoy your short work week!

Saskia

That sounds positive, Duff. Many of us need some extra help to get over the bigger bumps in life.

tootsl1

Hubby decided that as we missed Hogmanay together we should have a couple of days away in the highlands, so we're off today until Monday! X