Dee74

Personally, I think the responsibility of owning a pet extends to knowing when to end their life, if required Zero - so no, I don;t think you're being anything less than responsible.

Hope you feel better yourself soon.

D

LBrain

... then she rallied... sorry

maybe she rallied because she knew it was almost over and was ecstatic that you finally were able to fulfill her wishes...

Hang in there JR... I have so much stuff going on it's ridiculous...

having spent years not only drinking every day, it's the not taking care of things that came along with it that were invisible to me are now beginning to reveal themselves. I've been putting off a lot of things.
I'm chipping away at them. Unfortunately, the need for a job was kind of passe last year. Some things can't be left to fix themselves...
things that really matter at least.
Be Well.

zerothehero

Since her brief rally last week things have gotten worse. We plan to do it on Thursday night. I don't have to work Friday so we can keep her cool overnight and I can drive her to be cremated. I'm hoping my wife doesn't delay it again. I can't force her, but she has gone from feeling guilty for thinking she wanted to end it out of our own convenience to realize we're just prolonging her suffering. Three more days. The dog's passed out right now after a squirt of CBD/THCA tincture. So weird being in Colorado. All this weed and no desire on my part... Adios...

jackrussell

It ain't easy, witnessing dying. But: it's all part of the big picture. Hope it goes well, Zero. Best wishes.

LBrain

best wishes zero, I had to put a dog down, and I held him while it was done...
not a good feeling and I cried... but it was necessary... his name was Caesar.

zerothehero

Well...she passed peacefully last night after a sedative and then the injection. My wife held her while I placed a hand on each of them. Our vet was nice enough to do a house call, so we were home and she was calm. I wrapped her in an old flannel sheet adorned with baby blue sky, clouds, and random sheep. We let her lie there so her companion boy could sniff and let it sink in. He's surprisingly calm today, as if he, too, is relieved to know she's at peace. She spent the night in the trunk of my car, frozen by dawn, and this morning I took her to be cremated. I watched her roll into the oven and now the apartment seems oddly larger and more peaceful. I breathe into the grief and welcome it, which is part of my practice in reversing the old habit of trying not to feel. It feels kind of good, really. A mild pain in the chest, blood flooding the face and scalp, enveloping me in warmth while pressure builds in the head and the tears begin to flow. It's not so bad. And though it felt wrong to kill her it felt right to put her to sleep. When she lost interest in food a few days ago my wife was finally ready. I'm kind of convinced the little girl would have consented. Thirteen years. She used to run circles around the tree in the back yard while I played guitar and drank beers and sang, but these past few months she couldn't get up and we had to flip her every couple of hours. I sang her a few songs while we waited for the vet last night, but I choked up when I tried to sing,

"Sometimes I wish I was dead and gone,
would walk this world no more,
and all my troubles would pass away,
as I pass through heaven's door..." (Trampled by Turtles)

So, we ain't getting **** done today.

LBrain

thanks for sharing that zero.
grieve a little and be grateful a lot for having the memories

zerothehero

Thanks, man. My wife put together a video of photos of her life. She surprised me with it today. I cried.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your loss Zero.

D

zerothehero

Sure is quiet around here. I'm hoping it's cuz y'all are doing great!

jackrussell

Been away for a while. It's sad to hear about the old dog, Zero. So much emotion tied up in our dogs. Nothing to be ashamed about there. Our dogs try to make us whole.

zerothehero

Thanks, and good to hear from you, JR. It's been sad, but we're adjusting. Meanwhile, our bitch is pregnant, so the cycle continues.

I'm really close to deciding to resign from my job. I really want to but after all these years it's kind of scary. Plus, the pension is low so I'll need other work and health insurance. I wish I liked my job, but it's just BS. Life is too short.

Anyway, hope you're well. It seems we're all visiting here less and less, which I figure is either a really good or not so good sign. Nothing wrong with feeling less needy, but then, some of our crew could be back in the bars or worse. I'm just freakin' busy working two jobs and taking classes to try to make a midlife change in careers.

Don't be complete strangers, yo! Y'all helped me through some of the most emotionally charged weirdness in all my born days.

Dee74

as long as someone keeps posting someone else will answer Zero

Good luck with your decision, man

D.

jackrussell

Outside of Santiago de Cuba for a few weeks. Lovely. But little internet; which, in its own way, was lovely too. Obama will be visiting Havana this month; and the Rolling Stones are playing a free concert there this month as well.
Visited a Casa de la Trova mid-day for an hour or so and watched old and young musicians jam, smoke cigars and sip rum. People danced and laughed. Felt very much in a nice time-machine trip. Otherwise, very hot, sunny and dry. Ocean like bath water. Goat herds, horses and donkeys randomly wandering through the resort. Loved it all.
I will stay with this group as long as it speaks to me, which it always does.
Where else can I expect to read relevant quotes from guys like Epictetus??
Good luck on the job decision, Zero. I'm definitely in the life's too short group. You'll land on your feet if you move. If you don't, you may lose your feet, my friend. Oh: thought of you today, Zero. My daughter was visiting with the grandkids. They'd set up a work station on the kitchen table and were tie-dying tee shirts with gloves on. Kids are 4 and 2. Daughter put on Grateful Dead ipod stream, which she felt was appropriate to the task. She and the kids always listen to the Dead when tie-dyeing. Now: that's etiquette!

LBrain

good luck with the decision zero... having medical insurance is the toughest part... but if/when you make the decision - don't look back... I'm still waiting to from a couple jobs I applied for... will call one next week...

sounds like a neat trip Jackrussel... interesting I watched a documentary on Kennedy last night - most of it until I fell asleep... it centered around all of the foreign policy shenanigans going on around him... a crucial time in world history for sure...
on day 4 of an anti-depressant the doc gave me... it was time...
planning a trip to Wash Dc next weekend... of course as usual it is short notice... wife gets a few days off and declares, let's go somewhere... too cold to camp and hike for just a short trip... so we'll be tourists in the nation's capitol. not enough time to see everything I want, so it will be some of this and that... may even see the cherry blossom bloom as the NPS declared it will happen while we're there... I'm sure I'll take a thousand pics... got a place like a studio apartment with a kitchen, so we can save money on meals... it was a fluke that I found this place, but good to know, it's right next to Arlington National Cemetery... will visit grave of unknowns and probably Kennedy, the spend time in the mall and the usual sights... reserved a paddle boat on the pond for the day before we leave - might see the blossoms in all their glory...

zerothehero

Sounds like fun all around. My big plans include more classes (to prep for a new career), a few days meditating in a cabin, and some live music. No big travel plans. Lots to do. Drafted an intent to retire letter today. A little more research needs to be done, but it's looking like now's the time. The incremental increases from here on out are too small to justify the aggravation. "Allow it. See the space around it." (Eckart Tolle, who I find mildly annoying, but says some solid stuff)

zerothehero

Oh, speaking of tie-dyes... Dead & Co (Bob Weir with John Mayer) are coming to Colorado. Tickets are ridiculously overpriced so I was gonna blow it off. Then I get this email from a high school bud who took me to my first Dead show in 1977 and says he has a ticket for me. How could I say no?

Dee74

sounds like fate Zero - enjoy!

D

zerothehero

Ha! The surprise was when he texted and asked about scoring acid. I'm only half sure he was kidding. No concerns, though. I'll designate myself the driver.

LBrain

zero, I didn't know that was still a thing... I thought it went out in the seventies...

my nephew's eagle scout court of honor is today... something to get me out of the house for a few hours...