Upwardspiral

Aww thanks Tooshabby. Not sure if you can make it out in the background but that big vine covered building houses the bike shop where I work. (Sombrita is the shop kitty, and she distracts me constantly with her sweetness!!)

Holds1325

Hi all,

So today is officially week 12 of my sobriety, calculating it, thats 84 days.

I never did drink but the thought of it hit me hard about twice. Once the thought popped in like, okay you can go ahead and drink tonight, what difference does it make? I shook that one off though.

I went to the store here and bought my children some snacks and what not just so I could run out of cash so I wouldn't have enough to buy any just in case the mood does strike again. Immediately after I left the store my mind instantly calculated how much money I had left, the cost of the alcohol I usually buy and that I actually had more money in my bank account then I remembered!

I never did drink last night. I still woke up feeling extremely tired and slightly dizzy, not to mention nauseated, thats sort of normal though. Its like my brain still wants me to remember hangovers or something.

Hows all your weeks going? Mine is busy busy! Way too much going on.

tokidoki

Hi Julyers,

Holds- Good job! Hang in there.

Toadie- I hope you're still enjoying your New England vacation. The Halloween get-together sounds like fun

Upward- I absolutely *love* your photo!

tokidoki

I just got back from work having just listened to the yearly update on 'mandatory reporting' laws. They've been strengthened in this state because, well, they have to.

Anyway, heard about a lot of disturbing stuff which we must report, so I was very happy to see the photo of the cat to cheer me up. Thanks again, Upward. We have a cat who, as I write, is trying to walk on the keyboard. Think I will blame him for any typos...

Also, just remembered how great it is to have a cat when I have my couple hours of sleeplessness every night. He's always ready to rock n roll even if it's two AM.

Take care, everyone.

Upwardspiral

Thanks Toki! Sombrita is a very special cat.
She arrived at my shop as a flea covered emaciated stray kitten. She was super calm and relaxed from the beginning. She has been through a lot living in a rough and tumble environment these past five years, and yet she is the most affectionate, quiet and independent kitty I ever met.
Everyone who comes through the shop is charmed by her affectionate presence.
Often when I have a bicycle in the work stand she comes up and nuzzles the front wheel and watches me work. She loves to lay right up next to the tires of parked bicycles. It melts my heart and I feel so blessed that she's in my life!

tokidoki

Sombrita sounds like a dear. Nothing like having a 'shop cat'!

Tooshabby

I agree - shop cats are soooooo cute. I love the way people respond to them too; love the way humans love animals. It's heart-warming. She sounds adorable.

I was thinking it was a push bike shop, but is it a motorbike shop?

Toki, what are mandatory reporting laws?

Tooshabby

It's okay, toki, I looked it up and am aware you are a teacher. That's rough.

Upwardspiral

Tooshabby, just bicycles. never heard the term push bike before

Tooshabby

Showing my age! :-)

fantail

Had a pretty good day today, in that it was normal. Finally, finally the intense PAWS spell I was in broke. Has anyone else been getting those? For me, along with the moodiness, I feel really, really stoned (but not in a good way) sometimes. Like I could just cross my eyes and stare at a wall for an hour, or like there's cotton stuffed in my head. And I'll nod off and need to sleep a lot. This week was like that, seemingly sticking to the 30/60/90 pattern. Just useless and upset on top of it.

Today I felt human again and could think straight. Such a relief.

I didn't consider drinking over the fuzziness, but I did walk around acutely aware of the fact that a drink would make the fog go away. I was thankful that I'm in a safe space right now where I can just be brain dead for a day. If I'd had an important meeting or something else that required me to be on it, the feeling of needing to drink just to snap myself out of it would have been very high. I've relapsed over these spells before. Can't wait until I stop getting them.

Holds -- so proud of you for sticking through it!!!

TS -- they've started doing more research on lifelong insomniacs now! My last therapist told me about it. Researchers are starting to understand that it's a different thing than people who experience it situationally. Hopefully that means they'll eventually figure out what to do with us.

Tooshabby

This sounds slightly ominous! Seriously though, that would be great, wouldn't it? I'm envious of people who have no problem with it.

So glad you had a better day today I've been feeling really fatigued. I hate that. I'm drinking fresh raw vegetable juices so I'm hoping that will help.

Dee74

'Push bike' is Australian and New Zealand speak for bicycle...or it used to be before globalisation

D

letitgo

Today my head was fuzzy. The heat is taking a toll. My body is ready for fall and cooler temps. Seems like i have been in warm weather since March. I guess i cant complain but the heat makes me lethargic.
Just got back from another AA meeting. It was a nice small group. The meeting finder app took me to the wrong place a few times now. The times nor locations seem to be accurate. At the first place I went a nice man that told me where to find a meeting. He was also telling me about specialized meetings for abuse, anger, pstd and other things. He was saying how they help people and how the groups are more specificied to issues. Paid for by our taxes. Makes me think at least our taxes have some good programs i dont know about.
The lead at the aa got me a booklet to help me fund the local meetings. Now i know to look up the groups from aa direct vs the app.

Things went ok today. Really busy with work. Looking forward to heading back home next week. I feel like i am never home because i am not. No real urges other then to drink once in a while. But i keep the reminder on my frontal lobe. Got some meditation in at lunch. I think i will make that a daily thing. Spends 10 minutes at lunch doing and thinking of nothing. Too uptight all day and i need to break it up.

Glad you are all doing well!!
Congrats for winning the mini battles. They add up.

Bellamiaa

Hi all!! I just found this thread! Day 77 here. I'll be around here a lot more! It's been rough but I'm hanging in there. Congrats to everyone here

Tooshabby

Welcome, Bellamiaa! Nice to have you with us :-)

It must be a bit tough at times being on the road a lot, letitgo. You're doing fab getting to meetings under those circumstances :-)

Dee74

Welcome bellamiaa

D

Cbf123

Hey folks :-)

Sorry for my absence. No drinking, all good there, but a few health issues which I'll explain later on. Hope you are all well though!

Cbf123

Thanks for that, guys! Writing is a big part of what I do for a living, always keen to improve :-)

Upwardspiral

Welcome Bellamiia

Glad you're feeling better Fantail.

I've been antsy and distracted at work but I think that's more to do with my job than PAWS. I have been hoping for more mental clarity than I've gotten but it's not even been 3 months.

I haven't dreamt about drinking in a few nights. Last night I did dream about a disaster; I was being swept away by a flooding river. It was alright though when I saw my cat was floating safely atop a barrel nearby.