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How to start when I don't even want to

Old 07-30-2015, 07:29 PM
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How to start when I don't even want to

I know I have addictions and abstinence is the only way to recover. I'm scared that I'm condemning myself to a life without choice, escape or vice and that I'll be bored and resentful. Why can I not be happy with the blessed life I have? Why is it not enough? Why am i compelled to act recklessly and risk the future of my family and myself?
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Old 07-30-2015, 07:38 PM
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I know what you mean. It is tough to quit when you "can pull it off." That was me for years. Periodically drinking and driving. Drinking too much at get togethers etc. Then my health started to decline. My nervous system took longer and longer to recover from drinking. That is what made me stop this time. God willing.
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Old 07-30-2015, 08:15 PM
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Didn't The Who do a song Substitute? Well, you substitute. You trade. You find other things to do instead of drink.
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Old 07-30-2015, 08:51 PM
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Welcome! Your first statement gives excellent focus for now. Thanks, it's a good reminder for us all .
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Old 07-30-2015, 09:01 PM
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That first response says it all. I had my fun with alcohol too. It eventually became more trouble than fun and my body just couldn't take the abuse anymore. This made me realize that it was time to quit. Of course this will be a big life change. You'll have to find other interests to occupy your time.
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Old 07-30-2015, 09:17 PM
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I'm scared that I'm condemning myself to a life without choice, escape or vice and that I'll be bored and resentful.
I was scared of that too - I think everyone is. I saw sobriety as an ending - but it turned out just the opposite.

I have never been happier than I am now - I have more fun and do more things than I ever did as a drinker. I don't hate myself, and I am surrounded by friends and people who love me.

Life is good

I know it's a leap of faith but that voice in your head is a lair - it wants you to stay as you are, chained and unhappy.

Happiness won't happen overnight - but it will happen
I hope you'll give recovery a go, Lingus

Welcome to SR

D
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Old 07-30-2015, 10:11 PM
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Lingus, I was scared of sobriety too, and at the same time I knew that if I kept drinking I would become the sort of person I would have formerly felt sorry for.

To help motivate myself I spoke to my doctor and asked what the future held if I didn't stop. I also read a lot of reputable information online. Google 'stages of alcoholism' if you want to look into your crystal ball.

Finally amend your attitude from something you're forced to do. Sobriety is your choice - be quite clear on that. No-one can force sobriety on you, you have chosen this path with all the pain and gain that it entails.
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Old 07-30-2015, 10:36 PM
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Addiction blinds you to your condition. I don't know your life so am not in a position to say you don't have a blessed life. What I can tell you is that I spent years in drug and alcohol addiction and often felt blessed. I was blessed but once I got sober and found out what life really could offer then in hindsight I found out how much more there was that I missed out on for years.
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Old 07-30-2015, 11:13 PM
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Don't think of sobriety as giving up choices.

I have much more choice in my life now that I'm sober.
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Old 07-31-2015, 01:33 AM
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Welcome Lingus
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Old 07-31-2015, 03:10 AM
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I think it's the opposite. Addiction binds us and takes away all choice. What's worse, it lies to us telling us it is our freedom. My addiction has told me the same thing.
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Old 07-31-2015, 05:14 AM
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Your topic title describes someone who is not ready for abstinence forever.

I wish you the best on your decision.
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Old 07-31-2015, 05:26 AM
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Ah, you need just a nudge. You already know that abstinence is the way out. Go for it!
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Old 07-31-2015, 05:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Lingus View Post
I know I have addictions and abstinence is the only way to recover. I'm scared that I'm condemning myself to a life without choice, escape or vice and that I'll be bored and resentful. Why can I not be happy with the blessed life I have? Why is it not enough? Why am i compelled to act recklessly and risk the future of my family and myself?
Because you are addicted and that is the terrible rat on a relentless wheel feeling we all had.

I knew I had to stop drinking too, but the thought did not grow any more than knowing it had to stop, the pain was relentless. I took no action for a good few years.

Then one day, I called in sick with a hangover for about the millionth time, and my heart, something in it, just the shame of all the lying and what I'd become - telling my boss yet again I was sick and coming down with something, was just too much. My very morals were being eaten away before my eyes.

Stayed home and downloaded a heap of books on alcoholism - that word I'd dreaded facing for so long. My head was aching, but somehow, I managed to not drink that weekend, and I can safely say it was most likely the most scariest times in my life.

2 years have passed, and I've had a couple of slips, but I love my life now, there is no gap or chasm that I thought would never be filled when I gave up alcohol.

It takes time, it's scary, and I've cried and cried at how gripped I was by this creature called addiction/alcoholism....but I love who I am now, I love me, I have no shame, nothing is hidden in my life.

I consider my life was most likely saved - I can't see where I would be if I'd drank for a further 2 years. 80% of me is convinced I would be dead by some sort of blackout accident.
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Old 07-31-2015, 05:37 AM
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Many in the beginning think that not drinking is a great loss in the way we live. It can be the loss of family, friends, employment, possessions, ********, self respect, soul and on and on.

Continue drinking and it can lead to an institution, prison, death, or worse, living a miserable lonely life.

Your choice.

BE WELL
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Old 07-31-2015, 05:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Croissant View Post
.but I love who I am now, I love me, I have no shame, nothing is hidden in my life.

.
This is beautiful. I agree that one of the best parts of being sober is the lack of shame. Don't get me wrong, we all still make mistakes and do things we shouldn't do when sober, but it is much more honest. We can say "yes, I did this, I apologize, it was me and my fault" whereas if you are drunk the shame is so enormous because you probably wouldn't do a lot of the things you do while drunk or hungover if you were sober.
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Old 07-31-2015, 06:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Meraviglioso View Post
This is beautiful. I agree that one of the best parts of being sober is the lack of shame. Don't get me wrong, we all still make mistakes and do things we shouldn't do when sober, but it is much more honest. We can say "yes, I did this, I apologize, it was me and my fault" whereas if you are drunk the shame is so enormous because you probably wouldn't do a lot of the things you do while drunk or hungover if you were sober.
Agreed. Being able to actually remember and take responsibility for all my actions has been so freeing.

I'm glad you posted, Lingus. I think a lot of us here have felt what you are feeling now. The feeling of having "no escape" really frightened me too, till I realized that I could build a life I didn't have to escape from.

You don't have to feel ready to start something, you just have to try. I hope you give sobriety a try with us.
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Old 07-31-2015, 07:29 AM
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Lingus, you will trapped by your addiction and it will eventually take your life.

If you choose to stop drinking, you will have the freedom to be the person you want to be.
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Old 07-31-2015, 07:46 AM
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Hi Lingus,

What I am hearing is that you are not happy with the way things are right now. I also hear that you are afraid of giving up something that is adding to your unhappiness. Regret dose not come from embracing the blessed life you have. Regret comes from loosing the blessed life you had because you didn't hold onto it when you had the chance.

Gald you found us.
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Old 07-31-2015, 07:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Lingus View Post
I know I have addictions and abstinence is the only way to recover. I'm scared that I'm condemning myself to a life without choice, escape or vice and that I'll be bored and resentful. Why can I not be happy with the blessed life I have? Why is it not enough? Why am i compelled to act recklessly and risk the future of my family and myself?
Why?

Because you're stuck in an addictive cycle.

I get it. I spent a long, long time there. Eventually, I got beat up by my own choices and my own addiction to cause me enough desire to "want to" so that I'd take action and get a start.

Then, I began to see more reasons to want to.

I struggled and fell down a few times.... but eventually my desire to change combined with enough evidence of how GOOD life is in sobriety to bring about enough momentum that I truly, deeply, wanted to.

Now it's a matter of ensuring I stay focused on all those positive, wonderful, prevalent reasons that my life is so much better because of it.

YOU CAN DO IT. Keep trying to want to. Keep looking for reasons to want to. Keep making steps.....

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