Class of October 2014 Part 17
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 3,805
Feeling very low since 3pm or so, should have posted. I didn't. I drank. I'm pretty much done with this for now. Just not ready to deal with everything right now. It's not my time.
This is a relapse and I'm not sure how to get out.
Love you guys.
-Arbor
This is a relapse and I'm not sure how to get out.
Love you guys.
-Arbor
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Throw everything you have at it - ask for help from family and friends, AA or some other group, see your doctor, counsellor...
I realise none of those options are especially appealing but if you want to get out of the hole you need to start climbing arbor - and sometimes we just can't do that alone.
D
I realise none of those options are especially appealing but if you want to get out of the hole you need to start climbing arbor - and sometimes we just can't do that alone.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
This is a rare time that the online support system is frustrating. I'd go to meetings with you Arbor. I'd have lunch with you and listen. I'm for you and care about you and your future.
Please keep the lines of communication open my friend.
Mark
Please keep the lines of communication open my friend.
Mark
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,443
Well, if you come back and read these posts Arbor, you will know that we're not done...we will support you and love you every step of the way.
I know that I always felt really differently about things when I was drunk, and when I was hungover. I wanted to give up too. I think we have all been there at one time or another...or even many times.
When you want to talk, please come and talk to us. There is nothing we can't get through together.
And you CAN get out of this Arbor...you really can.
I know it can be hard to talk to a doctor/counsellor about this...but when you are ready, please consider it. Let people help you here love.
We are here for you...
So much love, and love to everyone. ♥
(Walked for hours today, my feet hurt so much, OY...now off to a job appt thing).
I know that I always felt really differently about things when I was drunk, and when I was hungover. I wanted to give up too. I think we have all been there at one time or another...or even many times.
When you want to talk, please come and talk to us. There is nothing we can't get through together.
And you CAN get out of this Arbor...you really can.
I know it can be hard to talk to a doctor/counsellor about this...but when you are ready, please consider it. Let people help you here love.
We are here for you...
So much love, and love to everyone. ♥
(Walked for hours today, my feet hurt so much, OY...now off to a job appt thing).
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
Yeah Arbor you should see a doctor or therapist and do what they say. I had a lot of good resources available to me that I resisted for years. I was afraid I'd lose my pride if I went to treatment. I ended up losing my pride because I didn't. I'd hate to see you hit the wall like that. You need to do something different this time. You need more support.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,443
Wow, what a long day. In fact, I have done more in the past week than I can remember doing for a very long time. Kind of empowering. 
I do miss being able to spend so much time here, but life beckons, and that's a good thing. But no matter what, checking in here (with you guys) is the first thing I do every day, and that is not going to change.
When I was working this morning, I did a lot of thinking...it's such awesome thinking time. I realised how much has changed in my life in the past 4 months. And it's been hard. But ultimately, it has been very good for me.
My beautiful friend Hev would laugh if she heard me say this, but I am now a calm person. Yes, really. Not sure when THAT happened, but it's a very nice change.
I have some awesome shows to watch tonight, and some very yummy food.
It's going to be a good night.
I do miss being able to spend so much time here, but life beckons, and that's a good thing. But no matter what, checking in here (with you guys) is the first thing I do every day, and that is not going to change.
When I was working this morning, I did a lot of thinking...it's such awesome thinking time. I realised how much has changed in my life in the past 4 months. And it's been hard. But ultimately, it has been very good for me.
My beautiful friend Hev would laugh if she heard me say this, but I am now a calm person. Yes, really. Not sure when THAT happened, but it's a very nice change.
I have some awesome shows to watch tonight, and some very yummy food.
It's going to be a good night.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Arbor, you've mentioned that you put it out there that not drinking was a way to show support for your spouse while she was expecting. It seems that you've struggled more since you can't use that reasoning for cover anymore.....to continue to not drink will draw a line in the sand that will be noticed by those close to you. Drawing that line was very difficult for me for many reasons, one of which was my self image as a man, male pride or whatever.
My wife is not alcoholic and doesn't understand it all, nor could she. I had to make myself vulnerable (something for which I have an unreasonable disdain) and let her know that I cannot control my drinking. For so long I took advantage of the fact that I knew she didn't get it, and continued to let her think that I could cut back if I really wanted to. I believed it myself for a long time.
For me, that conversation, that line I told her I had to draw, was a turning point even though I felt humiliated at the time. She didn't know how to help me until I drew that line for her. I asked that there to be no alcohol in the house for a long while. That helped me so much. I always wanted to keep my drinking problem about me and not expect my spouse to have to put up with any changes.....not their problem right? Wrong.
For so long I painted the 'I can do this without unfairly subjecting her to my problem' approach as somehow more noble and strong. In reality I was just using that reasoning as a way to keep my wall up and guaranteeing that she'd have to deal with the results of my alcoholism down the line.
It may be that you and your wife have already talked through this in frank honesty. These were just some thoughts that came to me as I look back at my personal experience.
And since I know y'all are all wondering.....I got the toilet fixed!!! But I did curse once.
V, after all that walking on vacation, I can now empathize with you more about your feet. My blisters are still healing!
My wife is not alcoholic and doesn't understand it all, nor could she. I had to make myself vulnerable (something for which I have an unreasonable disdain) and let her know that I cannot control my drinking. For so long I took advantage of the fact that I knew she didn't get it, and continued to let her think that I could cut back if I really wanted to. I believed it myself for a long time.
For me, that conversation, that line I told her I had to draw, was a turning point even though I felt humiliated at the time. She didn't know how to help me until I drew that line for her. I asked that there to be no alcohol in the house for a long while. That helped me so much. I always wanted to keep my drinking problem about me and not expect my spouse to have to put up with any changes.....not their problem right? Wrong.
For so long I painted the 'I can do this without unfairly subjecting her to my problem' approach as somehow more noble and strong. In reality I was just using that reasoning as a way to keep my wall up and guaranteeing that she'd have to deal with the results of my alcoholism down the line.
It may be that you and your wife have already talked through this in frank honesty. These were just some thoughts that came to me as I look back at my personal experience.
And since I know y'all are all wondering.....I got the toilet fixed!!! But I did curse once.
V, after all that walking on vacation, I can now empathize with you more about your feet. My blisters are still healing!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 3,805
Thanks Mark, V, Briar...
It's true that it's been a struggle since the baby has been born. You right Mark in that I was using the pregnancy as a reason not to drink. I don't have that anymore and there is alcohol in the house and around me all the time. Every F'n family member drinks. I can't expect anyone to change because of me. So I feel like just dealing with the alcohol use rather than quit.
I looked up some AA meetings in my area last night as I was feeling sorry for myself. I'm also very angry. Threw my glasses and phone against the wall....we will see what happens. I'm very tired and may put it off until tomorrow.
It's true that it's been a struggle since the baby has been born. You right Mark in that I was using the pregnancy as a reason not to drink. I don't have that anymore and there is alcohol in the house and around me all the time. Every F'n family member drinks. I can't expect anyone to change because of me. So I feel like just dealing with the alcohol use rather than quit.
I looked up some AA meetings in my area last night as I was feeling sorry for myself. I'm also very angry. Threw my glasses and phone against the wall....we will see what happens. I'm very tired and may put it off until tomorrow.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
Arbor it might be good for you to be around people who don't drink. AA is good for that. You could just slip into a meeting to check it out. You need to do something to step up your game. While I didn't ultimately stay with AA, it gave a a real push to figure out what would work for me. And in my experience, you couldn't find a nicer, more welcoming group of people.
You can read their core text online if you want to see what they're about. Google AA Big Book. You can also go on YouTube and listen to AA Speakers. Their talks are awesome even if you don't work the program. I still listen to them sometimes.
From my perspective, the key is that you have to do something differently, whatever that may be for you. Try something new that has helped others recover. There are a lot of options out there.
You can read their core text online if you want to see what they're about. Google AA Big Book. You can also go on YouTube and listen to AA Speakers. Their talks are awesome even if you don't work the program. I still listen to them sometimes.
From my perspective, the key is that you have to do something differently, whatever that may be for you. Try something new that has helped others recover. There are a lot of options out there.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,443
If you can make the time to get to a meeting Arbor, it would be good.
As Briar said, you will find a bunch of really nice people who get this.
It might be a big relief to have some face-to-face support.
And keep talking to us...we all want to help.
As Briar said, you will find a bunch of really nice people who get this.
It might be a big relief to have some face-to-face support.
And keep talking to us...we all want to help.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,443
Arbor love, you are not disappointing us. Gosh man, we are alcoholics. (Well I am, that's for sure).
We get this. We have all been there. For me personally, I was there for way too many years.
Talk as much as you like....we love you!!! ♥
We get this. We have all been there. For me personally, I was there for way too many years.
Talk as much as you like....we love you!!!
♥
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Good evening gang,
V, I hope that you enjoyed your shows and good food last night. Seems that you're settling nicely into a more settled routine after all the upheaval you've dealt with these last few months. I hope your job efforts are going well.
I feel as though I may be tiptoeing into another stage myself in that most of the time, on most days, I honestly like sobriety rather than tolerating it. I was hesitant to even type that in for fear it won't last, but I'm gonna take it for what it is and keep going.
I can relate to the anger thing Arbor. I allowed it to get out of hand and it tainted my thoughts with bitterness for a long time. Still does at times....but I think it's ok to let it out some times just like a good ol' cry can purge us of pent-up emotions. Your phone and glasses may not agree! I've thought of you a lot today and hope you made it ok.
Hoping to hear some good things from phoebe's latest travels....maybe safely back home now.
V, I hope that you enjoyed your shows and good food last night. Seems that you're settling nicely into a more settled routine after all the upheaval you've dealt with these last few months. I hope your job efforts are going well.
I feel as though I may be tiptoeing into another stage myself in that most of the time, on most days, I honestly like sobriety rather than tolerating it. I was hesitant to even type that in for fear it won't last, but I'm gonna take it for what it is and keep going.
I can relate to the anger thing Arbor. I allowed it to get out of hand and it tainted my thoughts with bitterness for a long time. Still does at times....but I think it's ok to let it out some times just like a good ol' cry can purge us of pent-up emotions. Your phone and glasses may not agree! I've thought of you a lot today and hope you made it ok.
Hoping to hear some good things from phoebe's latest travels....maybe safely back home now.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
Disappointment has no place here, Arbor. We are all here because we know exactly what it's like to be where you are. We want to know where you're at so we can support you. I hope today went all right for you.
All is good here. Mark you asked a while back about the fires here. They are pretty far East of us and our families, so we're all safe. We've got some funky smoke haze going on though. I took a picture for you this evening, I'll see if I can upload it real quick.
I hope everyone is doing well.
All is good here. Mark you asked a while back about the fires here. They are pretty far East of us and our families, so we're all safe. We've got some funky smoke haze going on though. I took a picture for you this evening, I'll see if I can upload it real quick.
I hope everyone is doing well.
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