Dee74

Congratulations on your 'graduation' guys


D

bblackbirdflyy

Well I was trying to fit in and end nerves of meeting new people. Then we went wine tasting... then it was there and so was I. Then I was sneaking some here and there so ppl wouldn't know how much I'd had.... we came back home and I was feeling stressed... what better to fix it than more alcohol?

Ugh. Dumb.

Today would've been 30. Now it's 2! Not giving up.

Sulu1

Day 11. Another good sleep and feeling good.

I had a mental health assessment at the hospital yesterday (a result of me going to a&e whilst withdrawing), and it was very helpful.

I think I just need to keep doing what I am doing as I feel very strong at the moment. Noolan posted a great quote yesterday by Kerouac which has really stuck with me.

Time to climb out of bed and get to work.

Have a great sober day all.

lucyloo14

Hi everyone, Day 14 for me and feeling good, sleeping,full of energy and still positive! I think because I went nearly 6 months the last time, it has helped me to understand what's happening.

For those of us who's journey is a little more erratic, here is something I just read.....

"When people try to stop drinking and then drink they often feel ashamed , they may have reached rock bottom and often they feel in a no win situation. What they don't realise is that they are way ahead of the game - They have actually already realised they are trapped in the alcohol trap and given the choice they would love to escape"

Just getting to this point is HUGE! keep at it guys and stay on track!! keep on trying it will happen.

Easyrider

Morning All, Day 2! Still got a bit of head fog but I know that will pass. I'm worried about my hamster! He was biting the cage bars yesterday so I put his tubes back on the cage for something extra to do, one of the internal ones he managed to pull off and knock over his wheel. So he moved everything, all the bedding, saw dust and toys to one side of the cage. I think he was terrified. So I've taken off the tubes again and I need to get him a bigger house and something else to nibble on. Poor little guy.
I spent all yesterday evening reading up on SMART, I will do some more this evening but not so much. I'm going to COOK something nice for tea, get something to snack on and drink. I will do a little gardening as long as the weather holds up and I'm going to buy the bluray box set I was agonising over paying for. £24 is a lot for a series that will eventually be on netlfix anyway but thats like what , three days drinking? Stupid! I'll check back in later. :o)

SansaS

Checking in. Day 2 here. Disappointed that I would've been at a month today, but also happy that I managed to reduce my alcohol drinking to only 3 glasses of wine for all of June. Much better than the month of May!

JL2014

Stress outlets in the past haven't worked. New plans, going back to a couch-to-5K running program. Sounds lame but I'm WAY overweight, due to eating then going to bed. Working 2 jobs, and my main one now is dumptruck driving and running equipment. I'm worn out at the end of the day. Gotta push through and workout some. Thankful for a job where you bring home no stress. Probably first job I've ever had like that, and I'm 44. Thursday last workday this week so I'm happy about that ! Off all weekend. Plan to enjoy it sober. Got fishing on the brain, need to run some trot lines in the small lake close to our house. See what we can get.

Stubbs16

Hey all,

Checking in to say hello. Hope everyone is doing well today.

Bbfly, great reasoning! We can't ever give up, ever.

Its a better day today weatherwise. I'm hoping to see my son sometime today. Already called him at work and wished him a happy bday.

Hope everyone sticks around, reading and posting here has gotten me thru some of my darkest moments. But also, have enjoyed sharing the good stuff as well.

Have a happy, sober 2day June.

Humbug

It is my third sober day third day I woke up without a hangover. Super busy yesterday I just knocked out after work. I sweat a lot in my sleep and I haven't gotten a good sleep. I'm going to try go back to sleep don't need to get up for three hours but I only have had three hours of sleep so far.

CaseyW

Congrats on making the move to the Daily Support Forum, Junebugs! Glad to have you as neighbors to my home in the May 2015 thread. Stay strong! There's strength in your numbers.

Avra

hi all, I am still a part of the June 2015 class and will continue to be. I am just not as ahead as I would have liked. Day two here for me, but a new attitude that I hope serves me well. I am not posting much right now, but that will probably change. Hope everyone sticks with it and has a great week/weekend with success.

JL2014

Have to drop a line; I've been rude !
Wanted to thank everyone whose shared thoughts with me about recovery. I don't know if my ADD ramblings may help anyone, but it sure helps to not feel alone. To be honest until the other night I've not drank enough to have a hangover, in the past yr. That's a HUGE change for me. It was bad, but somehow it feels like a switch was tripped. I've not felt any "cravings" as bad as before. Probably just my imagination.
Anyway, thanks all, and keep plugging away.!

Sulu1

Day 11 over and done with. In bed now watching some Daredevil.

It's been hard today I must admit. 28 degrees Celsius here in the UK today and when I left work everyone was off to the beer garden for a drink. I managed to confortably decline however, although I felt a bit down afterwards. I played the tape through to the inevitable hangover tomorrow!

Goodnight all.

1stepup

Hi all, day 9 here on a very hot, humid day for these parts. Another busy day and got some important things done with bank etc, and decided to go to another meeting this evening which went well, a woman was drunk there, not too disruptive but it brought it home as to why I'm trying to stay sober.

Had a few cravings in the day but I'm finding they're not lasting as long as the days go by.

Well done Sulu on getting through that, playing the tape through has worked for me too . Hope everyone here has found our new home!

I need never drink again.

nyala

Bblackbird - I'm sorry to hear what happened, but great to see you back here, You are back and posting, you are going to be fine. I drew a lot of strength from your posts earlier in June. You are one of the reasons I made it this far and I am sure others will agree.

So, thank you and thank you for coming back


Hello everyone else too - feels good to graduate to another part of the forum - we are rookies no more - whether it is hour one, day two or day 30 - we are the class of June and we ride together!

Random free writing is going to follow so please don't feel obliged to read. I just need to see what comes out.

Been a bit of an introspective, mumbling-to-myself rather than shouting-at- myself few days.

Very flat emotionally, almost depression without the sense of hopelessness. I don't seem to be able to give myself any credit for staying sober, nor the tangible improvements in business activity and home life.

Put in masses of effort to turn around my business, at least two all-nighters, and many ( like this ) sessions that will go on into the wee small hours.

It is working, slowly. We are going to survive another month-end ( just ) and July looks a little rosier.

Heck cash flow has even improved. I have officially upgraded our rating from "doomed" to "very scary indeed". So that's another positive.

Lucy, like you I have a long stretch of sobriety under my belt - I need to grab some of your energy to remind myself that what is happening now can be forever. There is still part of me that sees this session this as riding out the storm before I come to my senses and re- emerge as that garrulous social drinker that everyone knows and loves.

Fortunately, 'rational me' knows this cannot be true - there is no evidence of it ever having been true - but there is plenty of evidence of me being crippled, poisoned, shackled and mocked by alcohol. I need to reinforce this though every day.

I can say that in 2014 I drank far less than in any other year for decades before that. But I also know I had deeper, longer, lonelier binges too, acompanied by a pernicious creep of sneaky drinking, and manipulating situations to suit my growing addiction. And this is why I am here.

I feel in control ( just ), but am worried about an event on Friday. It is a meeting with one of my largest customers. For all sorts of reasons it will be 'tricky', and I know I am going to take some of the 'challenges' personally.

Normally this wouldn't matter - I can manage situations well, internalise what I need to, and let off steam in another way after the business meeting is over.

The problem is - it will be held in a wine bar and the client insists on buying lots of wine and drinking heavily, while the rest of us traditionally join in. For obvious reasons, this has never bothered me in the past, but now, for equally obvious reasons it will be problematic.

I don't want to lie ( e.g. antibiotics ), I don't want to say I am an alcoholic, yet no way on earth do I want to have 'just one or two' or a spritzer or something.

Meanwhile...

AV: You do realise that if you don't get pissed with this guy, you are going to upset him more, he will pull the plug on your contract, your children are going to go hungry and you will have to explain your useless strategy to Mrs F - who will not understand.

Me: It is important that I stay sober and can answer all the criticisms of our service in a non-emotional state. There is a chance we may lose the contract, but there is an equal small chance we may double its size. The most likely outcome is that everything will stay the same.

Why am I worrying about this? In a weeks time whatever happens will have happened and we will be dealing with the consequences. If we do get fired then so be it.

If we get fired and I choose to drink, I will definitely crumble and at some stage drink to oblivion, argue with Mrs F, hate myself, cancel meetings or show up hungover, be grumpy with the kids, slide into depression and let other work pile up again such that it becomes overwhelming.

If we get fired and I choose not to drink. Well then I have a problem to fill the short term income gap. I keep going in the manner I have since 6 June (my last drink) and work as hard and as smart as I can to get back on track.

What if I get fired for not drinking. ?

Come on Fradley, that isn't going to happen, mate.

Ok - so now this is serious. I can handle talking to myself in the confines of my own house, my car, or even ( quietly ) in public spaces.

But now I am talking to myself within a post on in a forum on the internet.

I think I have resolved my 'Friday Trigger' situation by posting this. I have amplified the imagined level of offence caused by me of ordering a fizzy water way above its probable level in reality.

I need to spend the remaining time available preparing to be fabulous in the meeting.

How funny would it be if Mr Big Client were on antibiotics ?

Thank you SR for providing a place to air such thoughts - this is good therapy - like an amble with a good friend through the leafy lanes of my mind.

Clock on my mac says 00:02- which means it is July in South Africa. Lovely

Go well everyone

TheSereneTheif

There's at least ten things that terrify me about being sober. Primarily, my creativity drives me. And without it I feel quite like a husk. The thing is that when I'm high as all nothin', I achieve those creative places immediately. And they're usually pretty accurate, because my mind just has that capability of moving far outside itself.

Sober, it's just not that easy. I know that creativity is something that needs to be nurtured over time, and that getting it while your all messed up is really like cheating, but my fear is that I'll never get that creative while sober.

Another is talking to women. I've more than once piqued a woman's interested while fried beyond the universe. I'm outgoing, smiley, tactful, and usually just as co-ordinated as I am when I'm sober. As a sober man, I'm like a drunken donkey. My hands get all sweaty, my brain completely shuts down, can't think of anything to say. And I really doubt I'll get that good at it if I work at it while sober. Plus, relationships for me end like exploding elephants. Messier than you care to imagine. And they send me off the deep end. That's what sent me here before. Sober me feels like Spongebob Squarepants.

I really don't know how I'll manage these things. If I have to stay alone and uncreative, then I guess it's better than being all fubar'd up and dying at 37.

But things are getting much clearer today.

I think I'm actually mourning my addiction. I think about stopping and get a little teary eyed. It's been a valuable and dear part of my life for a long, long time. That's how I know it's not just another passing phase. My internal universe knows there's something changing on a fundamental level, and it's resisting a little bit. And no cigarettes today either. I've been sort of telling myself that I am the one in control. Not my addiction. I choose what to do. Not it. Meh, it seems to be working.

A friend asked me to go out today, and my initial reaction was to say yes. My internal mologue was saying, "Oh don't worry about it. You can handle it without drinking." So I just waited. I waited instead of answering right away. I waited about thirty minutes and decided that I better stay close to home until I get some more time under my belt. So that would be a success I think.

(Geez, that Squidward smiley is distracting.)

I feel that my mind's chemistry has altered. That the importance of things have shifted, and it's my job to keep them shifted. I feel as though I have fallen back to earth and am regaining my balance here.

Humbug

It's my belief that drugs/alcohol doesn't make you creative you are or your not. While being sober getting back in touch with yourself thoughts ands feelings might help you be more creative.
The girls you where picking up while you where intoxicated where most likely not worth it, with a impaired judgment how would you know.
It isn't eat talking and meeting new girls but going through that experience is worth it in the long run. For the relationship. Sure you might get reject here and there, just remember that they are just as nervous as you. Don't worry be happy and just reconnect to yourself and God bless you and stay strong and sober.

Noolan

Day 28.

It's been a great day. Nothing particularly eventful happened, but I had a pep in my step.

Went over to a friends after work to watch the USA play Germany for the World Cup. We won! Interesting takeaway was all my friends smoke weed; lots and lots of weed. They were also drinking. Surprisingly no urges for either. I think I'm drawing on the 9 months, but 28 days in I'm just as proud of this time. Using any substance isn't an option for me, so what.

There is so much more to life. Sure, I don't know what I want, where I am going, or what I am doing, but I'm not waking up anxiety ridden and trying to damage control the mistakes of the previous night. I also know my AV is lingering around waiting for a down day, but **** em! Bring it on. This is my life and I'm taking it back. Much love, Nolan.

PS: Now that we are into July, don't feel like a slip means you have to leave this class. I welcome anyone back with open arms. We are in this together and the time we have spent to this point is not washed away by anything.

Julie59

Hi Sansas ... yes how great that you only drank three glasses of wine for the whole of June ... great attitude to have

Faker

Haven't posted in a few days, but I've been reading and keeping up with all your progress. I still belong in the June class, but just. I'm feeling pretty down on my relapses and scared that I am farther down my addiction hole than I imagined. Reading the big book and working on my sober plan to get past my AV. Sober yesterday and today. Just need to stay in that place!