One Year and Under Club Part 44
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,164
It's curious about AV isn't it? How we choose to visualise it. I prefer to think of it as some pathetic whiny beastie rather than something of any potential power. It is a very personal thing and an extremely strong tool to use, visualisation. We have yet to fully understand the mind and its ability to rule our body, but the more positive we we are, and the more we love ourselves, the less likely we are to indulge in self destructive behaviour.
For many of us here, the drink came because we had trouble with aspects of our personality. LS, being anxious, I'm sure alcohol oiled the wheels of a night out. I'm not sure AV can talk you into feeling miserable but you can. The fact is AV our 'addict Voice ' is still a part of us. It may be our addiction speaking, but that addiction uses every aspect of our personality to strengthen its argument. So if we feel a bit down, our AV will use that 'alcohol will make it better'. If we feel happy AV will use that 'we deserve a reward' . Because AV is a part of us, it know exactly which buttons to push for a response. So what we need to do is recognise that it doesn't infact matter that AV is using our mood, or our social anxiety or our loneliness or our fatigue, what we need to know and understand is that it will. And that we are prepared for when it does. I love your analogy of trying to stop a dog barking by reasoning with it, that is so visual and simple and true. Some things cannot be reasoned with so we just don't allow for dialogue with the AV. I DON'T DRINK period says it all. No room for sneakiness, or argument no room for discussion.
Petal, think of the story of the two wolves, I feel you feed the wrong one and it causes you to feel that you don't count. I want you to begin to work on positive affirmation. i feel you need to begin with self. Why do you feel unworthy? Who makes you feel that way? ( in other words who do you allow the power to make you feel that way? Begin to nurture yourself, nurture your inner child, be kind to her, let her believe in her abilities. learn to say no if doing something isn't your own choice. Believe in yourself. Don't just need to be needed, allow that you deserve to be loved for the amazing person you are.
Sass, I too want to move in with you stat!
BeFree, make sure you don't begin to isolate honey, or AV builds strength. X
Hugs all round
For many of us here, the drink came because we had trouble with aspects of our personality. LS, being anxious, I'm sure alcohol oiled the wheels of a night out. I'm not sure AV can talk you into feeling miserable but you can. The fact is AV our 'addict Voice ' is still a part of us. It may be our addiction speaking, but that addiction uses every aspect of our personality to strengthen its argument. So if we feel a bit down, our AV will use that 'alcohol will make it better'. If we feel happy AV will use that 'we deserve a reward' . Because AV is a part of us, it know exactly which buttons to push for a response. So what we need to do is recognise that it doesn't infact matter that AV is using our mood, or our social anxiety or our loneliness or our fatigue, what we need to know and understand is that it will. And that we are prepared for when it does. I love your analogy of trying to stop a dog barking by reasoning with it, that is so visual and simple and true. Some things cannot be reasoned with so we just don't allow for dialogue with the AV. I DON'T DRINK period says it all. No room for sneakiness, or argument no room for discussion.
Petal, think of the story of the two wolves, I feel you feed the wrong one and it causes you to feel that you don't count. I want you to begin to work on positive affirmation. i feel you need to begin with self. Why do you feel unworthy? Who makes you feel that way? ( in other words who do you allow the power to make you feel that way? Begin to nurture yourself, nurture your inner child, be kind to her, let her believe in her abilities. learn to say no if doing something isn't your own choice. Believe in yourself. Don't just need to be needed, allow that you deserve to be loved for the amazing person you are.
Sass, I too want to move in with you stat!
BeFree, make sure you don't begin to isolate honey, or AV builds strength. X
Hugs all round
The Long and Winding Road....
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Brisbane QLD
Posts: 897
hey fellow undies
Petals well done
To all fellow undies who are caregivers etc my hat is off to you all....as I hae mentioned I am a carer of sorts for my dear old dad who has schizophrenia.....
had a flat tyre on the bike today so had a significant walk came home to dinner and ate in the loungeroom....the old fella always eats with his mouth open no matter how many times he is reminded.....no offence intended but some times it is like a cow chewing cud....you can hear it from the next room
Anyways I lost it and yelled and ranted.....have now retreated to my room where I am typing this
I feel like a right heel........
peace to you all sigh
v
Petals well done
To all fellow undies who are caregivers etc my hat is off to you all....as I hae mentioned I am a carer of sorts for my dear old dad who has schizophrenia.....
had a flat tyre on the bike today so had a significant walk came home to dinner and ate in the loungeroom....the old fella always eats with his mouth open no matter how many times he is reminded.....no offence intended but some times it is like a cow chewing cud....you can hear it from the next room
Anyways I lost it and yelled and ranted.....have now retreated to my room where I am typing this
I feel like a right heel........
peace to you all sigh
v
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
Van that sounds like it must be the hardest job in the world.
It might make you feel better that people chewing loudly winds me right up too, losing your temper and ranting is human. Don't beat yourself up about it
It might make you feel better that people chewing loudly winds me right up too, losing your temper and ranting is human. Don't beat yourself up about it
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
Yes the Beast can be one sneaky creature that's for sure. No matter how we visualise the beast it's still essentially that part of us that wants to drink (Or use) for pleasure.
The Addictive Voice is the tool that the Beast has to convince you to take that first drink, and it will use your own intelligence to do so, words, thoughts, feelings and pictures. At the start it was hard for me to even be in supermarkets without the AV piping up with relentless images of getting a nice cold 8-pack of lager (Even then, just used the description 'Nice cold' trying to make it sound more appealing, nice try AV) but I told it No enough times that now I could freely skip up and down the alcohol aisle with £50 in my pocket and the Beast wouldn't try anything because it's learned that I just won't do it.
Gradually I wittled down more and more of it's usual places of attack, so now I can sit in pubs and have a NICE COLD DIET COKE with no AV piping up, again, the Beast has learned that I don't give in here. But It still sits in It's cage, waiting, dreaming, scheming.
The one I havn't been able to fully get to grips with yet are the times I am completly alone, as in nobody in the house sort of alone, having a day off scheduled for the following day, and knowing I will be alone on that following day. The AV gets me with -
Get drunk tonight, sober up tomorrow! It's only one night! Things will be different now you've been sober for a while! IT WAS JUST A PHASE YOU WERE GOING THROUGH!! NOBODY WILL KNOW!!!! You can clear up the next day IT WILL BE FINE!! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE WORK TOMORROW SO WHO IS GOING TO CARE?!
And mistakenly I enter into a dialogue trying to reason with it "But we shouldn't. It's a bad idea. I would know." and so on. Should just say NO and then most importantly, go and do something else.
To go back to the Beast in the cage analogy, why would I sit in the same room as the beast in the cage while it tries over and over and over again to convince me to let it out? Much better to just leave that room altogether and go do ANYTHING else.
Sorry for the long post just trying to help myself understand when I'm vulnerable and what I can put in place next time I find myself on my own.
I'll stop being so self-absorbed when I have a few more days under my belt
(Oh and I stopped taking the Diazepam it was making me so woolly headed I couldn't think straight)
Peace and strength
The Addictive Voice is the tool that the Beast has to convince you to take that first drink, and it will use your own intelligence to do so, words, thoughts, feelings and pictures. At the start it was hard for me to even be in supermarkets without the AV piping up with relentless images of getting a nice cold 8-pack of lager (Even then, just used the description 'Nice cold' trying to make it sound more appealing, nice try AV) but I told it No enough times that now I could freely skip up and down the alcohol aisle with £50 in my pocket and the Beast wouldn't try anything because it's learned that I just won't do it.
Gradually I wittled down more and more of it's usual places of attack, so now I can sit in pubs and have a NICE COLD DIET COKE with no AV piping up, again, the Beast has learned that I don't give in here. But It still sits in It's cage, waiting, dreaming, scheming.
The one I havn't been able to fully get to grips with yet are the times I am completly alone, as in nobody in the house sort of alone, having a day off scheduled for the following day, and knowing I will be alone on that following day. The AV gets me with -
Get drunk tonight, sober up tomorrow! It's only one night! Things will be different now you've been sober for a while! IT WAS JUST A PHASE YOU WERE GOING THROUGH!! NOBODY WILL KNOW!!!! You can clear up the next day IT WILL BE FINE!! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE WORK TOMORROW SO WHO IS GOING TO CARE?!
And mistakenly I enter into a dialogue trying to reason with it "But we shouldn't. It's a bad idea. I would know." and so on. Should just say NO and then most importantly, go and do something else.
To go back to the Beast in the cage analogy, why would I sit in the same room as the beast in the cage while it tries over and over and over again to convince me to let it out? Much better to just leave that room altogether and go do ANYTHING else.
Sorry for the long post just trying to help myself understand when I'm vulnerable and what I can put in place next time I find myself on my own.
I'll stop being so self-absorbed when I have a few more days under my belt
(Oh and I stopped taking the Diazepam it was making me so woolly headed I couldn't think straight)
Peace and strength
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
No dialogue. ever. No point, as you're a non drinker
Urge surfing was useful for me LS. It divorced me from the craving if you life...I observed it dispassionately watched it peak and then fall, and surfed through the wave...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
D
Urge surfing was useful for me LS. It divorced me from the craving if you life...I observed it dispassionately watched it peak and then fall, and surfed through the wave...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
D
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Don't concentrate on your av. Focus on your BS. Best Side. Focus on the you that wants to exercise, eat right and live well. You know that good choices make you feel good. Grab that and run with it. Be good, feel good, live good.
The last time I visited my parents, my dad walked me to the truck as I was leaving. His voice broke and he teared up as he told me he was so happy that I was taking care of myself.
That's what we should concentrate on. Not the moronic, self-destructive, miniscule flashes of addictive desire. Don't let it register.
Addiction deserves not one second of attention.
The last time I visited my parents, my dad walked me to the truck as I was leaving. His voice broke and he teared up as he told me he was so happy that I was taking care of myself.
That's what we should concentrate on. Not the moronic, self-destructive, miniscule flashes of addictive desire. Don't let it register.
Addiction deserves not one second of attention.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
(((Vandermast)))
I know I feel like a heel when I lose patience with my dad, too. I just make sure I apologize and treat him extra-nice for the rest of the day and all smooths over.
Dee is right when he says we're only human. You've got a very challenging job.
I know I feel like a heel when I lose patience with my dad, too. I just make sure I apologize and treat him extra-nice for the rest of the day and all smooths over.
Dee is right when he says we're only human. You've got a very challenging job.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
Petals, well done! I like what Toots wrote. I went through a period of time when I needed to nurture my inner child to feel better about myself. I would have an image in my head of holding me as a young child and letting her know that I would protect and love her and that she was worth loving. I did this for some time and it helped me a great deal.
BF, sorry you are having a tough time. I know those spells and believe you can get through this, too!
Trachy, well-said!
(((Van))). I took care of an aging parent who was easy compared to many and still I had moments of frustration that left me feeling like a bad daughter. I think most if not all of us who are caregivers go through that. You have an especially difficult situation and I hope you will forgive yourself when it becomes too much!
BF, sorry you are having a tough time. I know those spells and believe you can get through this, too!
Trachy, well-said!
(((Van))). I took care of an aging parent who was easy compared to many and still I had moments of frustration that left me feeling like a bad daughter. I think most if not all of us who are caregivers go through that. You have an especially difficult situation and I hope you will forgive yourself when it becomes too much!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Hi Undies,
Just a quick pop in today.
Something that struck me early on in AA was the comment that "The Same Person Will Drink Again." Sort of a shorter definition to that definition of insanity, don't you think? What am I adding to my recovery? How am I different today?
Went to mtg where an Old Timer received his chip for 385,440 hours sober. He began his share by saying that he felt sicker from the flu this week than he thinks he ever felt in his life. He said he felt soooo miserable, that he was thinking that a few shots of rum in some hot tea was exactly what he needed. Admittedly he does not trigger often, but still, 44 years later and counting, the POOR ME'S could take him back out and that is why he stays active in recovery.
In his final share...44 years earned him a double dip...he thanked Danny, 37 days sober for his share and pointed out that 44 years or 37 days we all share an equal seat at the table.
Finally, another share that touched me was..."I came to AA because of my consequences from drinking...I come back because of the many consequences of my sobriety."
How lucky are we to be sober today?!!
Enjoy the day, Undies.
Carlos
Just a quick pop in today.
Something that struck me early on in AA was the comment that "The Same Person Will Drink Again." Sort of a shorter definition to that definition of insanity, don't you think? What am I adding to my recovery? How am I different today?
Went to mtg where an Old Timer received his chip for 385,440 hours sober. He began his share by saying that he felt sicker from the flu this week than he thinks he ever felt in his life. He said he felt soooo miserable, that he was thinking that a few shots of rum in some hot tea was exactly what he needed. Admittedly he does not trigger often, but still, 44 years later and counting, the POOR ME'S could take him back out and that is why he stays active in recovery.
In his final share...44 years earned him a double dip...he thanked Danny, 37 days sober for his share and pointed out that 44 years or 37 days we all share an equal seat at the table.
Finally, another share that touched me was..."I came to AA because of my consequences from drinking...I come back because of the many consequences of my sobriety."
How lucky are we to be sober today?!!
Enjoy the day, Undies.
Carlos
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Hi Undies -
Nice advice from folks on overcoming the Alcoholic Voice and urge surfing.
I feel that my addiction can be found in the voice that tries to convince me to behave in less than sober ways.
This weekend I relapsed behaviorally. I stoked and fed the beast of anger and resentment that lurks inside of me. I let myself codependently enmesh with my husband's wishes instead of honoring what's healthy for me. I lashed out like a crazy person at people who I feel have done him wrong. I felt ashamed of myself afterwards, spiritually depleted, and no person can fill that void.
There's a saying, "the same person will drink." I caught myself acting like a drunk before I took a drink. As strong as my sobriety has grown in my heart this past year, when I am faced with the people, places and things that were a part of my drinking life, I can fall right back into the behavior patterns I had as a drunk - and the feelings of isolation, frustration, blame, shame.
I am so glad that I don't have to solve it alone. I can go to AA, pretty much any time, anywhere, to work through these issues, to help me refill my spiritual and recovery tank.
The hardest things to learn are the most simple: I can't give myself away. Its important for me to move forward seeking peace, serenity, joy, happiness and freedom.
Petals - You are one strong sober person!! Great job!!
BoozeFree - I can relate to how you feel. While I haven't come close to drinking, my sobriety has been tenuous the past couple weeks. We need to keep moving forward.
Nice advice from folks on overcoming the Alcoholic Voice and urge surfing.
I feel that my addiction can be found in the voice that tries to convince me to behave in less than sober ways.
This weekend I relapsed behaviorally. I stoked and fed the beast of anger and resentment that lurks inside of me. I let myself codependently enmesh with my husband's wishes instead of honoring what's healthy for me. I lashed out like a crazy person at people who I feel have done him wrong. I felt ashamed of myself afterwards, spiritually depleted, and no person can fill that void.
There's a saying, "the same person will drink." I caught myself acting like a drunk before I took a drink. As strong as my sobriety has grown in my heart this past year, when I am faced with the people, places and things that were a part of my drinking life, I can fall right back into the behavior patterns I had as a drunk - and the feelings of isolation, frustration, blame, shame.
I am so glad that I don't have to solve it alone. I can go to AA, pretty much any time, anywhere, to work through these issues, to help me refill my spiritual and recovery tank.
The hardest things to learn are the most simple: I can't give myself away. Its important for me to move forward seeking peace, serenity, joy, happiness and freedom.
Petals - You are one strong sober person!! Great job!!
BoozeFree - I can relate to how you feel. While I haven't come close to drinking, my sobriety has been tenuous the past couple weeks. We need to keep moving forward.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
(((Glee))), perhaps a regular dose of self-caring, self-kindness and self-compassion are also in order? You are rigorously honest and fearless in taking your own moral inventory. I sometimes wonder if self-compassion might be a good one to add to the mix.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
GF that saying about the same person will drink I've found to be so true. All the failed attempts I had before at sobriety definitely I think had to do with not making any real changes. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
Babs I hope you feel better tomorrow.
Finally I got my day of rest doing nothing besides watching tv and being lazy. I've had some bad cravings to drink the past few days but now feeling a little better.
Babs I hope you feel better tomorrow.
Finally I got my day of rest doing nothing besides watching tv and being lazy. I've had some bad cravings to drink the past few days but now feeling a little better.
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