Gilmer

I always liked the simple, "I don't drink" approach of RR. Like you, at the beginning it was my continual nagging BS that got in the way. Rational recovery turned into endless rationalization.

After I relapsed once at four months, and then again five months later, the cycle finally got really old. I wasn't so much kicking myself and self-flagellating anymore at my caving in; it was more a weary sigh and a side-eye in the mirror. It was finally the right time to just move beyond it.

Nowadays I am perfectly capable of instantly quashing the AV with a flat "I DON'T DRINK." (Phrase courtesy of Trachemys).

You will develop a lot more ease in your authority over the AV with the passage of time. This relapse has no doubt taught you a huge amount. You are wiser now and will put up with less crap.

LonelyShadow

SL I'm not sure if the AV can directly affect mood but certainly as the f-it's led to drinking then certainly it must of played a part. I guess I got myself into a debate with the AV which I shouldn't do, you just say "Nope." or as Gilmer and Trachys suggest "I DON'T DRINK" and get on with whatever you were doing, which has worked absolutly flawlessly for me in the past during even the most stressful of situations (Mother being in agonising pain, 6 hour drive to job interview etc) If you start to engage it in dialogue you give it more credit than it deserves, like trying to convince a dog to stop barking by reasoning with it. No, you just tell it plain and simple. "NO"

Someone on another thread gave the analogy that if you imagine a game of chess, the AV goes first and moves a piece, awaiting your response. If you start playing by moving your piece you run the risk of losing the match, so you just pick the board up and throw it in the bin and walk away.

This time around I guess I played and lost. But I need to do more reading into it because I'm not entirely certain whether the AV can actually make you FEEL miserable, without being obvious about it. More reading into AVRT is certainly another support method I can work on for myself.

Gilmer Thank you your words are helpful

"at the beginning it was my continual nagging BS that got in the way"

Yeah I have the same, I might put a poster up with

"JUST GET ON WITH IT"

In my room

SoberLeigh

I was out to dinner recently with friends that I hadn't seen in ages. Wine was ordered for the table and when the waiter reached to pour wine in my glass, I automatically put my hand over my glass and casually said "No thanks; I don't drink".

It came out so easily yet with contented conviction.

Keep reminding that AV, LS.

Love you, Leigh.

Saskia

LS, I agree that we all need to do what works for us :-). I do use parts of RR. I imagine the AV as a hideous little blind and dumb beast sitting on my shoulder. When it starts talking in my head I get an image of a barrier in my brain that walls off the little rotten beast's voice. For me, that helps. Definitely listening to it is very bad for my addiction!

LonelyShadow

I imagine the Beast as a terrible monster that is locked in an impenetrable cage with invincible bars and an unbreakable lock on the door. I hear the AV when the beast is using everything It can to try and get me to open the cage.

I recently realised a mistake that the cage has a door and a lock in the first place. If you had a deadly beast would it not be better to simply put it in the cage and weld it shut?

SoberLeigh

And remove all air.

trachemys

Don't capitalize "beast". Not deserving of it.

After a while, it goes from a declaration of independence to a puzzlement. "But, I don't drink. Why would I want a beer/wine/cocktail?"

SoberLeigh

No kidding, trachs; I look back now and think "WHAT was I thinking???!!!". Obviously, I wasn't.

Saskia

For me, it seems to help to not dwell on details of the beast. I just cut it off as quickly as possible. As I recall, RR calls for that approach.

trachemys

Some strangers have been puzzled by why I don't drink. Explaining it to them has made a few people quit.

LonelyShadow

In Rational Recovery "Beast" is given capital letters, page 110

'Start seperating from your Addictive Voice now by naming it "Beast." Giving it this particular name, with a capital B, will help you stay on target as you get into position to destroy your Addictive voice"

I think it's still healthy to study and understand it, I think the times you should just cut it right off are when it tries to start engaging you in dialogue

trachemys

Yea, I'm a rebel. Even to RR.

I put my av in the place it deserved.

Excuse my french but, **** it.

gleefan

Saskia - Your new community sounds wonderful! Can I move in? I admire your practical approach to sobriety.

LS - First of all, hugs to you. It sounds like you've had a rough day clearing up the mess from drinking. I think every path to recovery will work so long as you work hard at it. You don't have to spend massive amounts of time working on it, but you have to be willing to work on it every day - otherwise you're feeding the caged beast. It's hard to keep the cage shut at first, but every day as you get stronger, holding the door shut will get easier. (And eventually, you may even meet other people who are holding their doors shut, and build a whole life around it, but we don't need to get ahead of ourselves, so for now, just hold it shut.

Petals - You are being a good sport, but your weekend sounds difficult. I went on a booze soaked vacation with my extended family when I was about six months sober. I gritted my teeth, did it, and chalked it up as another thing to tick of the "to do sober" list. I was in the habit of doing things that made other people happy; not going didn't seem like an option. At the time, I was still in the habit of feeling frustrated when I couldn't drink. It was hard to see the corks popping every day at the time I used to start drinking, and like you I looked longingly at many glasses of wine. I did what I needed to do to stay sober but I left vacation feeling depleted.

What I've learned is that it's my job to fill that spiritual vacuum. I know that sounds somewhat obvious, but for me the simple lessons have been some of the most difficult to learn. This weekend is one of my kids' hockey tournaments. This time last year I was white knuckling one of these weekends, hanging onto my sobriety by a thread, wondering how on earth I would ever feel happiness again if I wasn't drinking.

It's been a long road, but ... eventually I began to remember who I am. Today I honor my truths. I express myself, do things I enjoy, share it with others, and have fun. I think any path that you take to recovery will get you there.

Have a good weekend, Undies!

LonelyShadow

I'd hate to be your AV!!

trachemys

My av hates being my av.

petals

I did it! Safely back at digs.xx

Gilmer

Well done, Petals! You've earned a good night's sleep!

trachemys

Yay, petals!

Saskia

Petals, yay!

Glee, I think one needs to be at least around age 60 to move here so I think you've got a ways to go! Just keep it in mind for later, lol :-)

BoozeFree

All those posts regarding the AV is exactly what I needed to read. I've had some major cravings today to drink and stupid AV trying to trick me thinking it would be ok bc I'm off tomorrow. I didn't end up going to that concert. Feeling lonely and tired and like I just want to mentally check out from life for a bit.

Petals glad you got thru the day and night without drinking.

Gilmer hope your daughters pregnancy goes well.

GF I remember those times last year with the hockey game struggles. You've grown so much in your sobriety it's very inspiring.

LS hope you continue to feel a lil better with each day sober.

Drake, Babs, Carlos, sass, soberjim, newleaf and everyone else hope you have a nice weekend