Class of April 2014 Part 18
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Originally Posted by SolitaryThinker 
Thanks y'all, I've missed u guys very much...dee I know what I can do about the drinking, but the other half I don't know. The more I try the more frustrated I seem to get...
Thanks so much Mariah I missed u
Thanks so much Mariah I missed u
Are you still getting counselling? that really helped me.
I really needed to talk stuff out and have someone else listen and point out that I really wasn't such a bad guy.
Tackling self hate can start off with something as simple as this - when you have negative thoughts about yourself, force yourself to think of two positive things you could say about yourself. Keep doing that.
Challenge the self hate.
Not drinking will help a lot too, in time. My mind works a lot better now it's not reeling from liberal applications of alcohol and drugs
What are you doing about the drinking?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
Morning Fools,
8.00am,
ST: Good to hear from you. No smokes or drugs is still a really good thing....!!!
have to go and read for assembly this morning, yesterday a sick day, back later on...!
stay tuned.....................
8.00am,
ST: Good to hear from you. No smokes or drugs is still a really good thing....!!!
have to go and read for assembly this morning, yesterday a sick day, back later on...!
stay tuned.....................
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Well, dee, I have a bevy of resources for the drinking and meetings, I just need to use them...I am still highly active at therapy and my therapist kind of does the same things. She points out all of my positive qualities and traits...I just don't see it still I guess...I was raised to believe that what I'm doing is meaningless and it's carried with me. For example, my therapist thinks it's amazing how far I have come, got my own place, paying the bills, and doin the right thing, but I don't feel like any of this stuff is important, it's just what needs to be done. I'm still looking at life as a chore and that's the problem as well. I'm going to therapy tomorrow afternoon, and she has been pushing me to join another group therapy setting on top of what we are doing already. I know I just gotta think differently but I'm struggling trying to figure out how. I just feel like a looser still. I was really upset last night and I broke down in my fiancés arms, I just kept saying "I'm such a looser, I'm such a looser". Naturally my fiancé told me I'm not and comforted me, but I still believe that to be the truth. Another thing that I have learned thru therapy, is that I can't believe everything I think. My mind is highly active and a lot is going on up there, I would believe everything I think, because why would I lie to myself? But apparently you do lie to yourself, and quite often for some people, including myself. I can't believe and latch on to every thought that runs thru my mind no matter what the case may or may not be. My therapist said that my cognitive perception is off completely...and tells me I really need to focus on improving that...that's where the mystery lies...but I'm not giving up at all...and the one thing I'm trying to do is not get angry or frustrated with this like I have in the past, I have to be patient and let things happen. The anger just makes me upset and I can't think clearly even more. Still chippin away, day by day.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
I had 40 years of that kind of stuff to get through ST.
I figured that regardless of what I was told as a kid, I was old enough now not to accept that as gospel anymore.
I also need ed to accept that just because I think it does not mean it's true or that I can;t change the way I think over time.
It was hard - it took me maybe a couple of years but I got to a better place and I began to see myself in a new light.
I think it's important to really keep at it - and the drinking stuff too - you will see dividends ST...just not right away.
D
I figured that regardless of what I was told as a kid, I was old enough now not to accept that as gospel anymore.
I also need ed to accept that just because I think it does not mean it's true or that I can;t change the way I think over time.
It was hard - it took me maybe a couple of years but I got to a better place and I began to see myself in a new light.
I think it's important to really keep at it - and the drinking stuff too - you will see dividends ST...just not right away.
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Yea, I'm def with ya man...the upside is that I've come way too far and put too much actual effort into this, that I'm never even remotely thinking about taking any steps backwards, or giving up in any way. I'll get there I think, if I didn't think it was possible I wouldent even try, I give up easy too...not this time tho
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
ST: For what it's worth here are my thoughts on your current situation, as I too have had to process these issues and try and move on......
Negative thinking becomes a pattern. The yogis say that you have about 90,000 thoughts each day and 89,900 of them are the same as the day before.
The problem with negative thinking is that you become absorbed in it.
It becomes everything.
In my drinking days, about 10 years ago was when it began, I was trapped inside that world.
This was at the height of my alcoholic, drug taking, self centered, destructive and unacceptable behaviour.....
My father used to say to me "there's a big blue sky out there", but for love or money I couldn't see it.
Nothing would fix the real problem.....
My thinking.
Then, "circuit break", police intervention......parents drive me into the country and leave me at at Ashram, with no money and a pack of smokes.....
I was there for nearly a year!
All these spiritual/yogic/buddhist/etc.... teachings are the same as catholic/christian/jewish teachings.
They all point to the fact your thinking needs to be clean, or free from negative patterns, then they give their respective method of attaining this.
In my opinion you need to find the method to free yourself from the chains of your thinking.
You need to create new patterns.
Therapy is good.
But the real tools for fighting to create change are discipline and regularity, which are hard enough to manage.
It's a process, it doesn't just happen.
Even when you're back "on the path", there's still the gremlin of addiction and other personal issues which will come back from time to time.
But the tools you develop over time will enable you to see them for what they are....
Not reality, just a pattern of thinking...
In saying this understand I'm far from perfect and have recently been looking back over my life and the various mistakes I've made and that always makes me feel bad.... Shame and guilt at times and regret at others.
You seem like a cool dude man and I'm sure with a couple of twists and turns you'll be back on the right track....
If you're born in a Ferrari you take the scenic route.......
stay tuned...........................
Negative thinking becomes a pattern. The yogis say that you have about 90,000 thoughts each day and 89,900 of them are the same as the day before.
The problem with negative thinking is that you become absorbed in it.
It becomes everything.
In my drinking days, about 10 years ago was when it began, I was trapped inside that world.
This was at the height of my alcoholic, drug taking, self centered, destructive and unacceptable behaviour.....
My father used to say to me "there's a big blue sky out there", but for love or money I couldn't see it.
Nothing would fix the real problem.....
My thinking.
Then, "circuit break", police intervention......parents drive me into the country and leave me at at Ashram, with no money and a pack of smokes.....
I was there for nearly a year!
All these spiritual/yogic/buddhist/etc.... teachings are the same as catholic/christian/jewish teachings.
They all point to the fact your thinking needs to be clean, or free from negative patterns, then they give their respective method of attaining this.
In my opinion you need to find the method to free yourself from the chains of your thinking.
You need to create new patterns.
Therapy is good.
But the real tools for fighting to create change are discipline and regularity, which are hard enough to manage.
It's a process, it doesn't just happen.
Even when you're back "on the path", there's still the gremlin of addiction and other personal issues which will come back from time to time.
But the tools you develop over time will enable you to see them for what they are....
Not reality, just a pattern of thinking...
In saying this understand I'm far from perfect and have recently been looking back over my life and the various mistakes I've made and that always makes me feel bad.... Shame and guilt at times and regret at others.
You seem like a cool dude man and I'm sure with a couple of twists and turns you'll be back on the right track....
If you're born in a Ferrari you take the scenic route.......
stay tuned...........................
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Thank You for that Obo
Reading your post ST & I do see that you have come a long way.....keep moving forward friend
Really glad to see you post too UP - your missed here!
Long day here & calling it a night! Happy Friday All you Fools
Reading your post ST & I do see that you have come a long way.....keep moving forward friend
Really glad to see you post too UP - your missed here!
Long day here & calling it a night! Happy Friday All you Fools
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
ST, thanks so much for posting. As you can see, you've been missed!
Everyone, without exception has things in their past which bring them guilt or shame. We all think our particular thing is unforgivable, or much worse than other people's, but it's really not. In order to follow our true path, we need to know both our strengths and our weaknesses. It's a lifetimes journey, but in the end we will come to know ourselves as a beautiful expression of life itself.
I also think that developing our spiritual lives can be an important way to help us find the meaning we seek. It's been a major help to me, that's for sure.
obo, I'd love to hear about your experience in an Ashram!
It's Friday, so I'm in for the Fools Bargain.
Everyone, without exception has things in their past which bring them guilt or shame. We all think our particular thing is unforgivable, or much worse than other people's, but it's really not. In order to follow our true path, we need to know both our strengths and our weaknesses. It's a lifetimes journey, but in the end we will come to know ourselves as a beautiful expression of life itself.
I also think that developing our spiritual lives can be an important way to help us find the meaning we seek. It's been a major help to me, that's for sure.
obo, I'd love to hear about your experience in an Ashram!
It's Friday, so I'm in for the Fools Bargain.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
ST I can identify with many of your feelings as I'm going through quite a rough patch mentally as well. You said some things in your posts that were helpful to me. You helped someone else without even realizing it. Thank you. Losers don't do that.
Obosob your post about negative thinking was also enlightening and useful for my situation. Thank you.
Dee I'm trying to use my hypochondriatic tendencies to my advantage. The more I think about the possible effects of alcohol on my health, the more afraid I am to drink. The only problem is that I sometimes have anxiety attacks worrying that the damage is already done. Oh well I'll take an anxiety attack over a hangover any day.
Thanks to everyone for being supportive during my health scare.
Coming up on one month soon and I'm happy about that.
You guys are spared for now because I'm typing on the phone and that annoys the crap out of me. I'll probably be back later with the usual incessant rambling.
Obosob your post about negative thinking was also enlightening and useful for my situation. Thank you.
Dee I'm trying to use my hypochondriatic tendencies to my advantage. The more I think about the possible effects of alcohol on my health, the more afraid I am to drink. The only problem is that I sometimes have anxiety attacks worrying that the damage is already done. Oh well I'll take an anxiety attack over a hangover any day.
Thanks to everyone for being supportive during my health scare.
Coming up on one month soon and I'm happy about that.
You guys are spared for now because I'm typing on the phone and that annoys the crap out of me. I'll probably be back later with the usual incessant rambling.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 684
Solitary, I'm so glad you've come back here, and I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with life, but I still think you've made a huge amount of progress since April.
It's so hard to overcome life long patterns of negativity, and to find compassion for yourself, but you are worth the effort.
Here are some simple ideas for you. When you catch yourself having a negative thought about yourself, quickly think of 3 positive things about you, and try to keep focusing on them for a while. Hopefully you can make the negative thought recede.
When you wake up in the morning, think of a positive quality you have, and try to make that into a sort of theme for the day. Think about it throughout the whole day, try to stay focused on it, think about how that quality enriches your life, and that of those around you. How it is an integral part of who you are, and how wonderful that really is.
Our brains are infinitely trainable, and you really can unlearn unhealthy patterns and replace them with beneficial ones. I have so much faith in you, and look forward to seeing you have it in yourself. Welcome back.
It's so hard to overcome life long patterns of negativity, and to find compassion for yourself, but you are worth the effort.
Here are some simple ideas for you. When you catch yourself having a negative thought about yourself, quickly think of 3 positive things about you, and try to keep focusing on them for a while. Hopefully you can make the negative thought recede.
When you wake up in the morning, think of a positive quality you have, and try to make that into a sort of theme for the day. Think about it throughout the whole day, try to stay focused on it, think about how that quality enriches your life, and that of those around you. How it is an integral part of who you are, and how wonderful that really is.
Our brains are infinitely trainable, and you really can unlearn unhealthy patterns and replace them with beneficial ones. I have so much faith in you, and look forward to seeing you have it in yourself. Welcome back.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 684
Soli, I'm so glad your tests came back good, that has to be a relief. Sorry the boots didn't work out.
Obo, I loved your last post. It sounds like you have wonderful parents, which gives you a really good head start on becoming a wonderful parent yourself.
Up, it's great to see you here again, you've been missed.
Mariah, I'm sorry you've been in a funk lately, and I hope it's lifting. I think trying to connect with people is a good approach to pulling yourself out of it. So is planning/starting your garden.
Freein, I've been wanting to go to a yoga retreat for a long time now, but haven't been able to afford it because of spending all of my money on pills. Hopefully this year we'll both make it to a retreat. I look forward to hearing about your adventures in gardening this year.
Topspin, I hope your face is getting better every day, and that the situation is totally resolved soon.
Izzy, I hate to disappoint, but I am entirely average.
Chick and Dee, I hope you are both doing well.
I'm leaving my friend's house and going to my family's the day after tomorrow, and am feeling pretty sad about leaving here. It's been such a nice visit, and I hate for it to be over, no matter how much I'm looking forward to seeing my family. One cool thing I've learned on this trip is that flying on Super Bowl Sunday is dirt cheap.
I had a dream about scoring pills the night before last that was quite realistic and vivid. One of the things that stood out the most about it was the internal debate I was having about whether to tell all of you that I had gotten pills. It seems that the Fools now are fully entrenched in my conscious.
I'm in for the bargain. It will be 10 months on Monday, and except for that dream, I hardly ever think about taking opiates now. It used to be so hard to imagine getting past them, and I am grateful every day for making it to the other side.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
Obo, I loved your last post. It sounds like you have wonderful parents, which gives you a really good head start on becoming a wonderful parent yourself.
Up, it's great to see you here again, you've been missed.
Mariah, I'm sorry you've been in a funk lately, and I hope it's lifting. I think trying to connect with people is a good approach to pulling yourself out of it. So is planning/starting your garden.
Freein, I've been wanting to go to a yoga retreat for a long time now, but haven't been able to afford it because of spending all of my money on pills. Hopefully this year we'll both make it to a retreat. I look forward to hearing about your adventures in gardening this year.
Topspin, I hope your face is getting better every day, and that the situation is totally resolved soon.
Izzy, I hate to disappoint, but I am entirely average.
Chick and Dee, I hope you are both doing well.
I'm leaving my friend's house and going to my family's the day after tomorrow, and am feeling pretty sad about leaving here. It's been such a nice visit, and I hate for it to be over, no matter how much I'm looking forward to seeing my family. One cool thing I've learned on this trip is that flying on Super Bowl Sunday is dirt cheap.
I had a dream about scoring pills the night before last that was quite realistic and vivid. One of the things that stood out the most about it was the internal debate I was having about whether to tell all of you that I had gotten pills. It seems that the Fools now are fully entrenched in my conscious.
I'm in for the bargain. It will be 10 months on Monday, and except for that dream, I hardly ever think about taking opiates now. It used to be so hard to imagine getting past them, and I am grateful every day for making it to the other side.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
10 months on Monday - that is awesome Adna! Enjoy the rest of your vaca time
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