Conquest

Congrats Venus on 90 days!!! And Chick on 100!!!!!!

Sounds like a great day, FAD. My brother and I are both sober this year and we haven't really talked about it, but I know he's proud and he knows I'm proud. We tend to stick together at gatherings where alcohol is served and it helps both of us I believe.

My day at the farm was simply beautiful. I got some mud on my boots, too.
Also got some much-needed sun. It felt incredible after all of this rain we've had. I'll try to post some pics tomorrow.

Saturday night and I'm in Pajamas, making burgers and oven fries, watching Grease on tv, and giving thanks for positive change... Moderation thoughts popping up here and there, but they're just that. Thoughts. This cheeseburger is going to knock those thoughts right out in 3...2...1...

Arbor

Yeah Venus. That's a good quote. I can't say I have any resentments at all really. I feel very genuine these days when I think about the choice of drinking. It's good you recognize this.

Sounds like you had a good day FAD. Isn't it interesting that you find your late fathers friend had a liver transplant and is on the wagon at just that moment? Sounds like a long day. I'd be tired after that.

Why does that silly bass song remind you of FAD Briar?

venuscat

Don't know if you have ever read "You Can Be Happy No Matter What" by Richard Carlson.
It is my favourite book of all time....it teaches us about the relationship between our thinking and feelings, and how we are in control of these things to a far greater degree than you might believe. Anyway, I highly recommend it.

Your Saturday night sounds perfect to me Conquest love.
Is tomorrow night your date night?
Have you decided what you are cooking?
(Or was that last night?)

Time to get off SR, hit the shower and go see my dad.
He is doing better at the moment, and definitely being nicer to me.
Fingers crossed it lasts.

Love to all of you,

V xx

venuscat

That's awesome Arbor...you have come a long way.
So glad you are in acceptance now about this choice we have made for ourselves!

Last week from's daughter and friends were dancing to that song, and he showed them his cool Footloose moves. I can see it in my head. LOL.

Conquest

It was last night and I made lasagna with salad and meyer lemon cookies for dessert. He gobbled it all up and we had a great time. (It all just seems too good to be true! But I'm going with it.)

I took the rest of the cookies out to my grandparents today and now I'm regretting that I didn't save a couple for myself tonight!

Meyer Lemon Crinkle Cookies

Crossing my fingers for ya too, Venus!

Arbor

That's right! Now I remember. Footloose moves!

Meyer lemon cookies sound amazing Conquest.

venuscat

Yes they do!!!

And I'm so so happy for you Conquest.
You deserve every wonderful moment of this.

venuscat

Turning
off
the
computer.....

Conquest

Thank you! And yes, they're heavenly. I surprised myself! Lol

And for the record... I inhaled that cheeseburger, totally annihilating the 'ol AV. Chalking up another win!

Stay strong, friends!

venuscat

Well done!
I am posting from my phone now.
I am incorrigible.

Mark1014

I enjoyed today, but will keep my wits about me on my country boy days. The fact is that on those specific outings 'bad things' directly related to alcohol usually didn't happen. It would seem easy to think to myself it'd be ok to have a few only at the farm etc...

I don't remember the exact wording, but a very useful post I read some time back was along these lines..... Bad things didn't happen every time I drank, but most of the darkest moments in my life involved drinking.

For me it's got to be all or nothing. To say that I want to moderate is probably a lie anyway. If I lived on a deserted island and someone dropped two beers a day for me, I would think what's the point? I don't like putting it in black and white, but I drank to get drunk. If I could do that with no negative consequences whatsoever, I probably wouldn't be here.

I look forward to seeing those pics Conquest. And those cookies sound great! I'm gonna buy the next Meyer lemon tree I see and put it in a container!

Arbor

Yup! There's goes any thoughts of moderation for the night!

Briar

I know what you mean, FAD. Songs don't seem quite so innocent when I think of my baby girl hearing them.

Briar

I've been getting texts from my coworkers wondering what happened yesterday. They noticed I disappeared suddenly and left my stuff. I did it on the proper by texting my boss that I wasn't feeling well and was going home. Now I have to decide what to tell those I'm close to...and what to do on Monday.

I've been ignoring everyone. I ignored an invitation to my daughter's friend's birthday party today (bad mama = this guy). I've been feeling apathetic. Well, I mean, drinking gives sort of a chemically-induced apathy, right?

Living drunk is hard, people. It hurts, no lie. Curling into the cramp from the 6am double and pushing through the afternoon crash takes cunning strategy and the kind of determination I really ought to apply to staying sober. I know this. I don't like the physical pain, but I prefer anything that distracts me from the mental mess I'm in.

I love my job. I don't want to leave it. Budget and bureaucracy and my inflexible perfectionism make it impossible, but when it comes down to it...I don't want to do anything else. I work to help and support crime victims and their families. My own family suffered a heinous crime, we lost one of our own, an innocent, and I have this fire in me to fix it. I want to try to fix it forever. I don't want to do anything else.

I want more than anything to go back on Monday and f***ing fix it.

But it's impossible. And everything else I'm supposed to do on top of that is impossible. And I don't f***ing feel like crawling out of the cave and getting burned by the sun.

venuscat

Briar sweetheart ~ the alcohol is clouding your judgement.
I know for me, after continuous drinking for a number of days, well, I am no longer me.

You are just so special....I want you to feel the light of the sun again. It doesn't burn.

Dee74

Briar wouldn't it make more sense to see a professional about the 'mental mess' you're in?


drinking can't *really* be your best alternative, surely?

D

Briar

Tried that.

venuscat

Briar, you were doing so well before you hit the wall and picked up the vodka again.
Everything is harder to deal with when we are drinking.

Dee74

I really think trying it again would be better than the drink, Briar.

I thought booze was helping me stay functional, but I was simply deluding myself more and more and more.

I was growing increasingly dysfunctional

I lost not one but two careers over it, and not one but two partners.

Drinking solved nothing for me and made everything else worse.

I know it's scary right now...that why I think you need help.

D

venuscat

Whatever you decide you need to do Briar, you need to do it with a clear head.
Any decisions you make now will not be in your best interest.

I love you...I am so upset right now hun. I want you to have the life you deserve.
I want my beautiful friend to see the goodness in the world that you could see only a week ago when you were muddy and laughing at your mum's.
I want you to smile because your little one is having a ball playing in the country....

I want you to chase life my love, not run from it.