Class of December 2012 - Part 13
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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I can't give you an answer there.
I've stayed in many of those relationships and been unhappy, but I was drinking then and I was a whole different kettle of messed up fish lol
I'm not sure what my response would be now - I like to think I'd be strong enough to hold out for the kind of relationship I want, but a companion style relationship certainly seems to be going ok for people I know - I think it gets more attractive the older you get too
D
I've stayed in many of those relationships and been unhappy, but I was drinking then and I was a whole different kettle of messed up fish lol
I'm not sure what my response would be now - I like to think I'd be strong enough to hold out for the kind of relationship I want, but a companion style relationship certainly seems to be going ok for people I know - I think it gets more attractive the older you get too
D
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I know what you mean Dee. I am the same. however, the 'in love' type of relationships I've been in have usually been 1 sided or been with highly unsuitable men. Almost exciting, dangerous, thrill seeking but never lasting. The crazy up and down, tension and nervousness makes me go actually crazy.
Nice and stable and normal with a bit of excitement of course. Whilst I'm 40 the man in question is 18 years my senior and had resigned himself to a life alone till I came into his life and turned it upside down. he says he is happy and excited that his life is now taking a different course and he has a new passion for life now. Ah we shall see.
Most importantly, I feel so so much better today. Clear headed and sober. I will just enjoy things as they are and if that is not enough for me in the future then I will deal with it then.
Again., I have been very self indulgent today
I hope all classmates are doing well and looking forward to the weekend
Nice and stable and normal with a bit of excitement of course. Whilst I'm 40 the man in question is 18 years my senior and had resigned himself to a life alone till I came into his life and turned it upside down. he says he is happy and excited that his life is now taking a different course and he has a new passion for life now. Ah we shall see.
Most importantly, I feel so so much better today. Clear headed and sober. I will just enjoy things as they are and if that is not enough for me in the future then I will deal with it then.
Again., I have been very self indulgent today
I hope all classmates are doing well and looking forward to the weekend
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,036
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I've always held out for the bells and whistles/fireworks kind of relationships -- Dee the romantic lol
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Howdy!
So what's better? Gaga in love, excitement and passion? Or companionship, conversation and comfort? In my experience.... The passionate thing is overrated. It's like a telenovela. It's overdone, emotions are high and exhausting. Give me good old comfort and a good conversation any day! LOL
But, my telenovela could be your story book romance. What do you want long term?
Hi Fallow! How are you? How are the chirrins?
And everyone else! Anyone hear from Alice?
Gotta run, I'm at work.
So what's better? Gaga in love, excitement and passion? Or companionship, conversation and comfort? In my experience.... The passionate thing is overrated. It's like a telenovela. It's overdone, emotions are high and exhausting. Give me good old comfort and a good conversation any day! LOL
But, my telenovela could be your story book romance. What do you want long term?
Hi Fallow! How are you? How are the chirrins?
And everyone else! Anyone hear from Alice?
Gotta run, I'm at work.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 569
Most importantly, I feel so so much better today. Clear headed and sober. I will just enjoy things as they are and if that is not enough for me in the future then I will deal with it then.
absolutely, I agree, if you are enjoying today, there is no reason to think, all things being the same that you will not wake up to another positive day. I have really come to believe that if you shake off and put aside negative thoughts about what you think will happen and focus on and believe the positive side will occur, more often than not, it will. There was a 21 day challenge-
21 day challenge: The Happiness Advantage - The Positivity Project
and the people that I spoke to that stuck to the challenge did find their lives and attitudes towards people changed for the good. After re reading that challenge, I can see where it would help my outlook towards things to the better. Can't hurt anyway.
[I]Do you all love love? Are you dotting your i's with hearts in your dreams? [/
I'm with Tam overrated, I think we have all had and still have moments of pure affection and joy in being with their partner, but that level cannot be maintained for any length of time without consequences. I am happy with easy companionship and sharing of memories and life.
absolutely, I agree, if you are enjoying today, there is no reason to think, all things being the same that you will not wake up to another positive day. I have really come to believe that if you shake off and put aside negative thoughts about what you think will happen and focus on and believe the positive side will occur, more often than not, it will. There was a 21 day challenge-
21 day challenge: The Happiness Advantage - The Positivity Project
and the people that I spoke to that stuck to the challenge did find their lives and attitudes towards people changed for the good. After re reading that challenge, I can see where it would help my outlook towards things to the better. Can't hurt anyway.
[I]Do you all love love? Are you dotting your i's with hearts in your dreams? [/
I'm with Tam overrated, I think we have all had and still have moments of pure affection and joy in being with their partner, but that level cannot be maintained for any length of time without consequences. I am happy with easy companionship and sharing of memories and life.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Thank you thank you thank you 
I feel so much better just for posting on here and receiving your lovely responses. What will be will be. I need to focus on me and my attitude. That is all I can control. i need to stay positive, no matter how hard and unachievable that may seem some mornings. I will do the 21 day project,thanks Tazzle. Easy companionship and shared memories sounds perfect for me.
I've also bought a daylight lamp.Went to the docs and he said I have SAD. I knew that anyway as always feel gloomy in winter(who doesn't!!) It can't do any harm I suppose.
Today I will be positive. Off to church then a walk.Thank you again.xx
I feel so much better just for posting on here and receiving your lovely responses. What will be will be. I need to focus on me and my attitude. That is all I can control. i need to stay positive, no matter how hard and unachievable that may seem some mornings. I will do the 21 day project,thanks Tazzle. Easy companionship and shared memories sounds perfect for me.
I've also bought a daylight lamp.Went to the docs and he said I have SAD. I knew that anyway as always feel gloomy in winter(who doesn't!!) It can't do any harm I suppose.
Today I will be positive. Off to church then a walk.Thank you again.xx
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Yes Seasonal Affective Disorder. Winter blues but on a bigger scale. You can buy sunlight lamps and they really make a huge difference ( so I'm hoping!) Apparently they recalibrate the circadian rhythms which are all out of sync in the dark months. I keep falling asleep every afternoon despite 8 hours at night. It's just craziness. I'm tired all the time
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Aha! K! I'm on the same page! We don't experience that here. I do hope it works, I feel down when we have two gray days, I couldn't imagine months on end of it.
Speaking of bad weather, courage, gonzo, are you guys ok? (Gonzo, I have no idea if you are affected by the blizzard but I know you are in a place that is very cold). Stay safe!
My home group threw a party for us yesterday, it was really overwhelming how nice everyone is.
Leaving work soon, I ate too much cake over the weekend (I rarely have cake because I shouldn't eat flour, I'm completely intolerant) and I had some at the reception and I feel like my drinking days: sluggish, slow, bloated, legs swollen and tired. I just need a lot of water and sleep and I should be good by Wednesday. Man. Allergies suck. I'll go and shake it off at Zumba!
Have a good one!
Speaking of bad weather, courage, gonzo, are you guys ok? (Gonzo, I have no idea if you are affected by the blizzard but I know you are in a place that is very cold). Stay safe!
My home group threw a party for us yesterday, it was really overwhelming how nice everyone is.
Leaving work soon, I ate too much cake over the weekend (I rarely have cake because I shouldn't eat flour, I'm completely intolerant) and I had some at the reception and I feel like my drinking days: sluggish, slow, bloated, legs swollen and tired. I just need a lot of water and sleep and I should be good by Wednesday. Man. Allergies suck. I'll go and shake it off at Zumba!
Have a good one!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,036
Good to see you, Gonzo! Not weighing in on the romance question, I see 
Tam, I'm glad your home group celebrated with you! Feel better soon!
Ready, let us know if/how the daylight lamp works. I know someone who might be helped by one -- what kind did you get?
Napster, Tazzle, Marria,Alice (where are you Alice?), Fallow (still out there, Fallow?) -- I hope everyone is well. I'm pretty pleased tonight -- I'm still sober, still trying! Sometimes it doesn't seem like it matters, but tonight it seems like a terrific accomplishment.
Hooray for us all -- we're alive!
Tam, I'm glad your home group celebrated with you! Feel better soon!
Ready, let us know if/how the daylight lamp works. I know someone who might be helped by one -- what kind did you get?
Napster, Tazzle, Marria,Alice (where are you Alice?), Fallow (still out there, Fallow?) -- I hope everyone is well. I'm pretty pleased tonight -- I'm still sober, still trying! Sometimes it doesn't seem like it matters, but tonight it seems like a terrific accomplishment.
Hooray for us all -- we're alive!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Morning all
you are lucky having such lovely weather Tam I do like the changing seasons here, snuggling up with the fire on in winter although def ready for spring when it comes round.
That was very sweet of your home group. treating yourself occasionally is a good thing. at least the feelings you have now remind you of why you don't drink and used to feel like that all the time!
I've just seen the news about the blizzard in the US. hope you are all ok and unaffected.
courage- it's a Lumie lamp. It's a UK company but sure they export or have an equivalent in the US. It was the same model as my doctor had so I thought I'd give it a try. I got a refurbished model half the price of brand new. Last night I slept well, didn't sleep for as long and feel very bright this morning. Just after 1 session. Might be totally unrelated but hey I feel better How are you feeling courage? Maybe trying it yourself might help you?
Fallow,Napster, Alice,Marria, Tazzle - hope you are all ok. Dee, of course too.
I'm on a strict eating plan this week,Tam I'm with you on the no flour, no sugar and limited carbs as need to fit into a dress !! on Friday night I'm going to stay in a Lighthouse. I'm so very excited. I've not been out for dinner for years never mind staying out overnight!! I've attached a link as I'm just so excited!! It's very remote, on the rocks. hope the blizzard doesn't hit us whilst we are there
Google Corsewall Lighthouse Hotel | unique luxury hotel
you are lucky having such lovely weather Tam
I do like the changing seasons here, snuggling up with the fire on in winter although def ready for spring when it comes round.That was very sweet of your home group. treating yourself occasionally is a good thing. at least the feelings you have now remind you of why you don't drink and used to feel like that all the time!
I've just seen the news about the blizzard in the US. hope you are all ok and unaffected.
courage- it's a Lumie lamp. It's a UK company but sure they export or have an equivalent in the US. It was the same model as my doctor had so I thought I'd give it a try. I got a refurbished model half the price of brand new. Last night I slept well, didn't sleep for as long and feel very bright this morning. Just after 1 session. Might be totally unrelated but hey I feel better
How are you feeling courage? Maybe trying it yourself might help you?Fallow,Napster, Alice,Marria, Tazzle - hope you are all ok. Dee, of course too.
I'm on a strict eating plan this week,Tam I'm with you on the no flour, no sugar and limited carbs as need to fit into a dress !! on Friday night I'm going to stay in a Lighthouse. I'm so very excited. I've not been out for dinner for years never mind staying out overnight!! I've attached a link as I'm just so excited!! It's very remote, on the rocks. hope the blizzard doesn't hit us whilst we are there
Google Corsewall Lighthouse Hotel | unique luxury hotel
Last edited by Dee74; 01-26-2015 at 11:33 PM. Reason: commercial link
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Olde England
Posts: 528
Hi All
Still doing well – got a dump of new accounts to manage after joining this new team at work because someone in that team leaving as I was joining – which is nice but ramps up the work.
Re Love and In Love – from a blokes perspective I think that you can love someone and care for them but keep yourself at arms length to allow for the possibility of a re-think in the future. Your head is ruling your heart. In Love means you’re past the point of rationality and the heart is well and truly ruling the head. Any rethink is not going to be instigated by you. You’re 100% in it – wholesale, a personally risky place to be if you’re carrying the scars from a previous relationship and worried about getting hurt again.
The paradox being that by not wholesale committing and saying you love but are not in love – you raise confusion in the other party which then causes the problems you fear.
As a strategy it’s best to take the pressure off, keep the fun alive and make yourself a place of peace, life and refuge for him – therefore his radar won’t pick up any “RUN” alerts and the love will grow to the point where he finds himself In Love without feeling the threads of the web.
Still doing well – got a dump of new accounts to manage after joining this new team at work because someone in that team leaving as I was joining – which is nice but ramps up the work.
Re Love and In Love – from a blokes perspective I think that you can love someone and care for them but keep yourself at arms length to allow for the possibility of a re-think in the future. Your head is ruling your heart. In Love means you’re past the point of rationality and the heart is well and truly ruling the head. Any rethink is not going to be instigated by you. You’re 100% in it – wholesale, a personally risky place to be if you’re carrying the scars from a previous relationship and worried about getting hurt again.
The paradox being that by not wholesale committing and saying you love but are not in love – you raise confusion in the other party which then causes the problems you fear.
As a strategy it’s best to take the pressure off, keep the fun alive and make yourself a place of peace, life and refuge for him – therefore his radar won’t pick up any “RUN” alerts and the love will grow to the point where he finds himself In Love without feeling the threads of the web.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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That is brilliant Napster, thank you for taking the time to write it. I know he is both scared and scarred from his marriage and pressure is the worst thing he could experience. It is also interesting to hear that you think people CAN go from loving to being in love over time. Thanks again
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