Class of October 2014 Part 5
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
Originally Posted by JL2014 
Lost 3 posts. Basically I've had no sleep got screwed over all day by my stupid wife, got a long drive to pick the kids up, everything hurts, and I've got my usual 4 day out hangover/ psycho thinking process going on. Hating everything right now. If I had nerve pills I'd eat em, but none of that really has ever helped me. Just not to drink-that's it. Ought to be simple. So mad I just want to scream at the world.
AV, I guess. God I'd love an escape.
I'd really love if I hadn't typed this crap twice already ! Haha
Gotta get it out of me though.
Sober is better than dead. That's where booze takes you.
I hate it that other ppl suffer alcoholism but I'm glad to talk to ppl who know what this is like.
Sober is all I got right now.
AV, I guess. God I'd love an escape.
I'd really love if I hadn't typed this crap twice already ! Haha
Gotta get it out of me though.
Sober is better than dead. That's where booze takes you.
I hate it that other ppl suffer alcoholism but I'm glad to talk to ppl who know what this is like.
Sober is all I got right now.
PLAYING THE TAPE THROUGH.
My AV is sneaky too...I worked (and walked cos I deliver kidney health clothing bags) for five hours today. Awesome thinking time.
I thought about how nice it would be to have some wine tonight, and a pie and salad...well, I had a long time out there, so I played the tape through.
Sure, it would be heaps of fun, but first of all I would scare little V again. She hated me drinking!!!! I think she was abused by a nasty drunk when she was a baby. I will spare you the details.
I would ruin tomorrow....I would not be able to see the addiction counsellor, and I would not handle my appt with my surgeon.
I would have horrible nightmares again.
My finger would hurt terribly.
And I would hate myself.
Plus, after thinking abut this for hours, I now know what I want to discuss with the counsellor tomorrow. Food and alcohol are inextricably linked for me...I think he may be able to help me deal with this.
So much love to you JL...and all of you.
And
Sparkos. I love me my Google Translate!!!! 
V xx
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
I'm glad you're feeling better JL. Sounds like your brain is very sensitive to alcohol if it gives you depression like that. There might be some guilt tied into that as well that makes it worse.
I totally get the resentment with your spouse for overloading you. My husband does it to me too, and sometimes I'm just so tired it's hard to handle. I'm glad you found an alternative to drinking.
Venus that's good you're identifying issues you can discuss with a therapist. I've been seeing a therapist for a couple of years, and it does help. It's good to go in with a plan so you can make the most of it. I usually make a list ahead of time of things I want to discuss.
Goodnight to everyone who's going to bed. I probably should too. It's 9:30pm here, and it would be smart to get a little extra sleep to help move this cold along. Besides, I took some Robitussin for my cough, and my brain feels okay, but it did my stomach wrong. Have I done some RobiTrippin' in my day? Why, yes I have. Definitely NOT my drug of choice. Ugh.
I totally get the resentment with your spouse for overloading you. My husband does it to me too, and sometimes I'm just so tired it's hard to handle. I'm glad you found an alternative to drinking.
Venus that's good you're identifying issues you can discuss with a therapist. I've been seeing a therapist for a couple of years, and it does help. It's good to go in with a plan so you can make the most of it. I usually make a list ahead of time of things I want to discuss.
Goodnight to everyone who's going to bed. I probably should too. It's 9:30pm here, and it would be smart to get a little extra sleep to help move this cold along. Besides, I took some Robitussin for my cough, and my brain feels okay, but it did my stomach wrong. Have I done some RobiTrippin' in my day? Why, yes I have. Definitely NOT my drug of choice. Ugh.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Good morning gang. Cool and rainy this morning, but that makes the coffee extra good. I hope all that struggled so much yesterday were able to power through...it is so tiring I know, but can also be empowering when you make it through.
JL, your new job starts Tuesday right?, that's something to be thankful for.
Ok, time to get to the gym...chest and triceps today....my favorite.
JL, your new job starts Tuesday right?, that's something to be thankful for.
Ok, time to get to the gym...chest and triceps today....my favorite.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 54
I am 38, single, and childless. Sometimes, I feel unaccomplished. I'm scared to admit it, but I don't want kids. I love them, it's just the parenting aspect that is too daunting. Just being married felt confining, and that didn't last long.
I am so grateful today for the quick "returns" to sobriety; it's so much harder to get sober with other issues in your life. Being single makes it easy for me - you guys are REALLY admirable to getting sober and dealing with everything else. This forum has helped me immensely. I'm only making it to one meeting a week, and I couldn't do it without everyone's honesty here.
I did my first ultramarathon this weekend. Knowing I have been sober for 44 days now, I had a major mental advantage. And a 50 mile race is mental. I had a plan (start slow, finish fast, lots of liquid nutrition, hydrate), and I executed it almost perfectly. I was so happy to be outside, playing on the trails all day - I was on a serious high. And I kicked some butt. I'm not often proud of my performances or myself, but I am now. I know I couldn't have done this when I was drinking. I was drunk the day before my last ironman, and that went horribly.
I really wanted a beer when I was done. How messed up is that??
1 hour documentary reco: "my name is bette." It's about women and alcoholism. Interesting stat: 9 of 10 women stay with alcoholic husbands. 1 in 10 men stay with alcoholic wives."
My depression is lifting. I know it's the sobriety. I know a lot of you are also dealing with depression. It leads to alcoholism, which leads to more depression (I got that from the documentary above). I've also cut down caffeine by a lot - I'm down to one cup (and 10 cups decaf). I hope I won't get seasonal affected disorder this winter. After 8 years on an anti-depressant and prescription sleeping pill, I am thinking of cutting pills in half and eventually getting off of them. We'll see - I'm cutting myself a lot of slack now.
They say not to date for the first year. I'm using this as an excuse to treasure a year (if I make it) by myself. I wonder who I am, and what I'll be like. I finally got a cookbook, and I'm making a new recipe today. I lived off of pizza when I was drinking.
Excuse my long post. I'm admittedly on a high right now.
Day 44.
I am so grateful today for the quick "returns" to sobriety; it's so much harder to get sober with other issues in your life. Being single makes it easy for me - you guys are REALLY admirable to getting sober and dealing with everything else. This forum has helped me immensely. I'm only making it to one meeting a week, and I couldn't do it without everyone's honesty here.
I did my first ultramarathon this weekend. Knowing I have been sober for 44 days now, I had a major mental advantage. And a 50 mile race is mental. I had a plan (start slow, finish fast, lots of liquid nutrition, hydrate), and I executed it almost perfectly. I was so happy to be outside, playing on the trails all day - I was on a serious high. And I kicked some butt. I'm not often proud of my performances or myself, but I am now. I know I couldn't have done this when I was drinking. I was drunk the day before my last ironman, and that went horribly.
I really wanted a beer when I was done. How messed up is that??
1 hour documentary reco: "my name is bette." It's about women and alcoholism. Interesting stat: 9 of 10 women stay with alcoholic husbands. 1 in 10 men stay with alcoholic wives."
My depression is lifting. I know it's the sobriety. I know a lot of you are also dealing with depression. It leads to alcoholism, which leads to more depression (I got that from the documentary above). I've also cut down caffeine by a lot - I'm down to one cup (and 10 cups decaf). I hope I won't get seasonal affected disorder this winter. After 8 years on an anti-depressant and prescription sleeping pill, I am thinking of cutting pills in half and eventually getting off of them. We'll see - I'm cutting myself a lot of slack now.
They say not to date for the first year. I'm using this as an excuse to treasure a year (if I make it) by myself. I wonder who I am, and what I'll be like. I finally got a cookbook, and I'm making a new recipe today. I lived off of pizza when I was drinking.
Excuse my long post. I'm admittedly on a high right now.
Day 44.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,697
Happy Sunday, SR friends!
I was reading the thread Things to do with your booze budget, and a couple of side stories on there brought back a personal memory. About 15 years ago, when I was finally legally allowed to purchase my own alcohol (acting like a kid in a candy store for several months), I was swinging by the liquor store after a hair appointment and the nice lady working there said, "Oh! Your hair looks different. I love it!" I beamed on the outside and thanked her kindly. On the inside, a small voice said "You're obviously spending too much time here if the clerks notice when you get a trim. And you're drinking too much." Long story short, I muffled and dismissed that voice of reason for far too long. Sobriety has helped me to hear it more clearly. I didn't mention this yesterday, but I cancelled my plans to go to the comedy show last night and plan to tell my family that I will not be meeting them at the casino tonight. I don't have peace about it and that is what I need most right now, peace from attending to that still, small voice that says "Your needs matter. The day will come when this is all a lot easier. But for now, that's just not a good idea."
If you fell off plan this weekend (been there countless times myself), hop back on the SR train. We saved your spot! Lotsa love to each of you.
I was reading the thread Things to do with your booze budget, and a couple of side stories on there brought back a personal memory. About 15 years ago, when I was finally legally allowed to purchase my own alcohol (acting like a kid in a candy store for several months), I was swinging by the liquor store after a hair appointment and the nice lady working there said, "Oh! Your hair looks different. I love it!" I beamed on the outside and thanked her kindly. On the inside, a small voice said "You're obviously spending too much time here if the clerks notice when you get a trim. And you're drinking too much." Long story short, I muffled and dismissed that voice of reason for far too long. Sobriety has helped me to hear it more clearly. I didn't mention this yesterday, but I cancelled my plans to go to the comedy show last night and plan to tell my family that I will not be meeting them at the casino tonight. I don't have peace about it and that is what I need most right now, peace from attending to that still, small voice that says "Your needs matter. The day will come when this is all a lot easier. But for now, that's just not a good idea."
If you fell off plan this weekend (been there countless times myself), hop back on the SR train. We saved your spot! Lotsa love to each of you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
ironwoman ~ I am older than you, single now, (as of last week), and have no kids. You are not alone. What you did with this latest ultra-marathon is phenomenal. You should be way proud. I am proud of you. Life can unfold for us now, as my friend in another thread said recently, like reverse origami. It can be complex and sweet and wonderful.
Conquest ~ I am incredibly glad you decided to say no to the casino. You seem to me like you have embraced sobriety and are willing to run with your new life....it is inspirational. I don't want you to let that kind of stuff get in your way.
I am following in your wake.
Going (back) to my first meeting tomorrow night in over 10 years.
I am scared.
And excited...meeting up with a friend from SR, and maybe seeing some people who I haven't seen for a very long time.
We can do this. Right?
Conquest ~ I am incredibly glad you decided to say no to the casino. You seem to me like you have embraced sobriety and are willing to run with your new life....it is inspirational. I don't want you to let that kind of stuff get in your way.
I am following in your wake.
Going (back) to my first meeting tomorrow night in over 10 years.
I am scared.
And excited...meeting up with a friend from SR, and maybe seeing some people who I haven't seen for a very long time.
We can do this. Right?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,697
Ironwoman!!! Way to get it, girl!! How long did it take to run 50 miles? That's truly impressive. And what are your plans for relaxing and recovering today? Treat yourself well, Hun. You've certainly earned it!
And btw... I'm also about same age, no hubby or kids, and I know those feelings. The thought of not dating for another year makes me want to scream. Ive already waited a year after a craptastic breakup. Ugh. I'll have to check out that documentary. Thx!
(((Venus))) thank you for your sweet words. Enjoy every minute of your visit with friends. That time is truly golden. And yes, hunny bunny. We got this!
Work it out, Fromadistance! Beastmode activated!
And btw... I'm also about same age, no hubby or kids, and I know those feelings. The thought of not dating for another year makes me want to scream. Ive already waited a year after a craptastic breakup. Ugh. I'll have to check out that documentary. Thx!
(((Venus))) thank you for your sweet words. Enjoy every minute of your visit with friends. That time is truly golden. And yes, hunny bunny. We got this!
Work it out, Fromadistance! Beastmode activated!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 3,233
Ironwoman I am in awe of you!
Conquest I'm so glad you decided to out your sobriety first.
I love the booze budget list. I have my own little list with treats for me every 10 days! I rarely bought myself much except alcohol and smokes so a little something for me has been fun. I'm hoping for a nice trip to disney world next fall also. 
hubby has cut way down also so we really are saving.
I realized this morning that I am finally 2 days past my longest sober time on april/may. That is a really good feeling.
Conquest I'm so glad you decided to out your sobriety first.
I love the booze budget list. I have my own little list with treats for me every 10 days! I rarely bought myself much except alcohol and smokes so a little something for me has been fun. I'm hoping for a nice trip to disney world next fall also. hubby has cut way down also so we really are saving.I realized this morning that I am finally 2 days past my longest sober time on april/may. That is a really good feeling.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,697
Thanks, Chickchick. Congrats on your hard work! Wishing you and everyone else many, many more sober milestones ahead.
And I got totally hooked on a website that I found when googling around for something silly to post on that thread. It has all kinds of crazy stuff that would make unique gifts for the holidays. Ninjabreadmen cookie cutters are something I may need for myself. How hilarious are those?! Haha
Ok. Time to unplug and get some stuff done around here.
And I got totally hooked on a website that I found when googling around for something silly to post on that thread. It has all kinds of crazy stuff that would make unique gifts for the holidays. Ninjabreadmen cookie cutters are something I may need for myself. How hilarious are those?! Haha
Ok. Time to unplug and get some stuff done around here.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
Ironwoman that is just incredible! I'm sure your capacity for mental discipline will help in your recovery. Maybe you can use the same strategies to fight cravings. And there's nothing wrong with not wanting kids. My husband and I were ambivalent about it for many years. We ultimately decided we wanted one (just one), but it took us a long time to know for sure. There is a ton of pressure out there to partner up and have kids (and to have more than one), but it's your choice and there's nothing wrong with choosing not to. It's nothing to feel scared about, you should feel proud that you can recognize and honor what's right for you. People who force themselves into situations that don't fit them usually aren't happy there.
Conquest that's great that you chose to protect your sobriety by not going to those events. Sounds like those things were about others, and you chose to take care of yourself. I am a people pleaser and would really struggle with this, you have great discipline as well.
FAD I hope you had a good workout. I'm going for a walk with my friend shortly. I still have this cold, so this might be a stupid idea, but I don't want to miss it. I'll just put on a warm hat and scarf. It's such a nice, cool, foggy morning. Love that!
V good choice to go to a meeting. I hope you enjoy it and make some good connections. That's great you are going with someone you know, that always makes me feel more comfortable.
ChickChick congrats on 2 days over. Enjoy all the treats you can afford now. As I mentioned on that thread, I've purchased a shameful quantity of boots lately (even paid full price for one pair, the horror! ). But a little guilt over some gorgeous boots is way better than guilt over drinking myself sick.
Arbor and Dee I hope you guys rocked out and had a great time.
I'm feeling much better mentally this morning. I got schooled over on the newcomers thread last night and it hurt, but I saw something that has been holding me me back, and this morning I feel freer. I'm realizing I have a lot more power to control my life in a positive way than I thought I did.
I hope everyone has a great day.
Conquest that's great that you chose to protect your sobriety by not going to those events. Sounds like those things were about others, and you chose to take care of yourself. I am a people pleaser and would really struggle with this, you have great discipline as well.
FAD I hope you had a good workout. I'm going for a walk with my friend shortly. I still have this cold, so this might be a stupid idea, but I don't want to miss it. I'll just put on a warm hat and scarf. It's such a nice, cool, foggy morning. Love that!
V good choice to go to a meeting. I hope you enjoy it and make some good connections. That's great you are going with someone you know, that always makes me feel more comfortable.
ChickChick congrats on 2 days over. Enjoy all the treats you can afford now. As I mentioned on that thread, I've purchased a shameful quantity of boots lately (even paid full price for one pair, the horror! ). But a little guilt over some gorgeous boots is way better than guilt over drinking myself sick.
Arbor and Dee I hope you guys rocked out and had a great time.
I'm feeling much better mentally this morning. I got schooled over on the newcomers thread last night and it hurt, but I saw something that has been holding me me back, and this morning I feel freer. I'm realizing I have a lot more power to control my life in a positive way than I thought I did.
I hope everyone has a great day.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Glad to read you are feeling better Briar.
Ironwoman, wow. Amazing. More amazing, is how you feel about yourself right now! That is awesome.
Venus, 28 days. Awesome! I hope to be there one day.
Slept in this am, which is very rare. Was up at 7ish to use the bathroom and decided to go back to bed and woke around 10am! Husband took the kids to church and I am having some alone time this Sunday morning. It is going to be a domestic day. Getting ready to travel for Thanksgiving. I need to do laundry and bake things for that, and I like leaving a clean house. We will leave sometime on Wednesday. It will be a challenging time with mimosas around noon, and wine all afternoon while we all cook and eat at my in-laws. I have done it sober, once. Let's make it twice, right? Hoping to find that Lemongrass seltzer at that Wegman's near their house.
Ironwoman, wow. Amazing. More amazing, is how you feel about yourself right now! That is awesome.
Venus, 28 days. Awesome! I hope to be there one day.
Slept in this am, which is very rare. Was up at 7ish to use the bathroom and decided to go back to bed and woke around 10am! Husband took the kids to church and I am having some alone time this Sunday morning. It is going to be a domestic day. Getting ready to travel for Thanksgiving. I need to do laundry and bake things for that, and I like leaving a clean house. We will leave sometime on Wednesday. It will be a challenging time with mimosas around noon, and wine all afternoon while we all cook and eat at my in-laws. I have done it sober, once. Let's make it twice, right? Hoping to find that Lemongrass seltzer at that Wegman's near their house.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Hi gang, Sunday afternoon checking in....
ChickChick, the new pic may be the most sophisticated little check I've ever seen. Quite distinguished.
Ironwoman, congratulations on your ultramarathon! I'm not good at long distance runs.
Conquest, a goal of mine is to pay more attention to that still, small voice. I ignored it for years.
Venuscat, best of luck to you at the meeting. Let us know how it goes.
Briar, your walk sounds nice...I lived in California a while and still miss so many of the natural wonders it offers...Big Sur, Yosemite, the sequoias, Carmel area and so much more!
Phoebe, I had dreaded, but now am starting to look forward to my first sober holidays in I don't even know how long. I hope yours are great.
I've missed some of the gang this weekend....I'm hoping all are well and just busy.
Let's all hang in there and make it a nice week!
ChickChick, the new pic may be the most sophisticated little check I've ever seen. Quite distinguished.
Ironwoman, congratulations on your ultramarathon! I'm not good at long distance runs.
Conquest, a goal of mine is to pay more attention to that still, small voice. I ignored it for years.
Venuscat, best of luck to you at the meeting. Let us know how it goes.
Briar, your walk sounds nice...I lived in California a while and still miss so many of the natural wonders it offers...Big Sur, Yosemite, the sequoias, Carmel area and so much more!
Phoebe, I had dreaded, but now am starting to look forward to my first sober holidays in I don't even know how long. I hope yours are great.
I've missed some of the gang this weekend....I'm hoping all are well and just busy.
Let's all hang in there and make it a nice week!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 3,233
I really want to drink this afternoon. It's been a whole since the craving has been this bad. My son's and hubby are not happy with each other and have brought down the whole day, to the point that I haven't said a word to them in the past hour and a half (real mature, I know). I just want to grab the keys and go to the store.
I'll be around here instead. I've got some tea and I'm knitting on a sweater. Is it bedtime yet?
I'll be around here instead. I've got some tea and I'm knitting on a sweater. Is it bedtime yet?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
Rainy rainy Sunday. Starting new job Tuesday. Hoping to continue to chill out, and deal with getting cleaned out. Making myself eat. Hanging out with the wife and boys today. So so thankful not to be getting up at 330 am every morning to get on an ambulance ! Now that's my one day a week part time job. I actually have a chance to start working out again.
Sorry for ranting on here. Bad days are bad for me ! Haha
I hope Sundays going good for everyone.
Sorry for ranting on here. Bad days are bad for me ! Haha
I hope Sundays going good for everyone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
JL ~ you never rant. (((hugs)))
ChickChick ~ I don't think you are online now....please come back and talk to us.
I'm sorry about the tension in the house...please stay strong. Let us help you through it.
I don't like hearing this Briar.
I think we are here to support each other, not tell each other what to do, and I don't like it when people are harsh.
I'm glad you are OK though. (((hugs)))
I'm still hopeless at answering everyone's posts, but man are there some awesome insights in this class.
I'm honoured to be a part of this group.
Love V xx
ChickChick ~ I don't think you are online now....please come back and talk to us.
I'm sorry about the tension in the house...please stay strong. Let us help you through it.
I got schooled over on the newcomers thread last night and it hurt
I think we are here to support each other, not tell each other what to do, and I don't like it when people are harsh.
I'm glad you are OK though. (((hugs)))
I'm still hopeless at answering everyone's posts, but man are there some awesome insights in this class.
I'm honoured to be a part of this group.
Love V xx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Thanks Briar - it was good but I'm paying for it now - body aches.
if yesterdays thread was ultimately a positive thing, I'm glad
stay with us Chick - drinking at people never works anyway
D
if yesterdays thread was ultimately a positive thing, I'm glad
stay with us Chick - drinking at people never works anyway
D
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 3,233
I'm here I baked and cleaned my kitchen like crazy. It helped. Plus my house smells like banana and honey wheat bread now. Still grumpy with all the males in my house, but I'm definitely not going to drink over it.
I'm back to knitting now and my sweet kitty is curled up next to me.
I baked and cleaned my kitchen like crazy. It helped. Plus my house smells like banana and honey wheat bread now. Still grumpy with all the males in my house, but I'm definitely not going to drink over it. I'm back to knitting now and my sweet kitty is curled up next to me.
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