Class of February 2013 Part 11
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Arizona
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Hey se, this has definitely happened to me. When I was around 6 months sober I visited my friend in New York. Her father in law was talking to me about how he had been sober for 30 years, gone through AA, and now at age 60 was a drinker again. This really rattled me on a few levels. I thought it was inappropriate to tell me all this for starters. Secondly, it activated my av big time. I talked to my friend later in the night and she said "yeah but he's still the drunkest person on Christmas, he just doesn't realize it" which made me feel better.
When I first stopped drinking I wrote myself a letter that has been a source of strength for me, I think I've posted it here before but I'll share it with you again:
Dear Melissa,
The answer is No.
No, you cannot have a glass of wine on holidays. No, you have not magically grown out of this problem. No, just one drink does not work for you. You are an alcoholic and the answer is no. No, No, No.
You've been in hospitals, police stations, and bottomless pits of shame. You've hurt the people you love and you've hurt yourself. You've made this promise before and broken it but not this time, the answer is no.
Remember how bad it is? When your puking your guts out trying to make it through a shift? When you can't remember all those mortifying details from the night before? When you are withdrawing from this poison, stuck in bed for days on end? That will not happen again because the answer is no.
Look at how much you have accomplished since you wrote this, how wonderful, stable, and healthy your life has become. You've worked so hard, done so well. You deserve happiness. Whatever the reason that brought you to this letter today it's not worth it. Drinking is not and never will be an option for you. You will be strong and your answer will always be no.
P.S. I love you.
I was going to suggest what Dee suggested as well which is to go back re-read, which is also something i do from time to time. Please keep us posted and keep communicating these feelings
When I first stopped drinking I wrote myself a letter that has been a source of strength for me, I think I've posted it here before but I'll share it with you again:
Dear Melissa,
The answer is No.
No, you cannot have a glass of wine on holidays. No, you have not magically grown out of this problem. No, just one drink does not work for you. You are an alcoholic and the answer is no. No, No, No.
You've been in hospitals, police stations, and bottomless pits of shame. You've hurt the people you love and you've hurt yourself. You've made this promise before and broken it but not this time, the answer is no.
Remember how bad it is? When your puking your guts out trying to make it through a shift? When you can't remember all those mortifying details from the night before? When you are withdrawing from this poison, stuck in bed for days on end? That will not happen again because the answer is no.
Look at how much you have accomplished since you wrote this, how wonderful, stable, and healthy your life has become. You've worked so hard, done so well. You deserve happiness. Whatever the reason that brought you to this letter today it's not worth it. Drinking is not and never will be an option for you. You will be strong and your answer will always be no.
P.S. I love you.
I was going to suggest what Dee suggested as well which is to go back re-read, which is also something i do from time to time. Please keep us posted and keep communicating these feelings
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,634
Thank you Dee and Mel for your wise and thoughtful words. They really help! And Mel, I LOVE your letter - thank you so much for posting it again.
I am feeling a lot better and my brain has settled down a bunch.
It helped a lot to just post my thoughts to get my fears out, and then last week I gave myself the gift of not working in the evenings, but just let myself relax. I think i was in bed by 8pm most nights.
I think the feeling that was most uncomfortable is how quickly i could move from a place of confidence in my recovery to feeling vulnerable. I didnt expect it.
In other news, i have been eating very healthily for the past 3 weeks - something that i struggled with last fall - and that is feeling good. I basically cut out sugar, limit carbs, and choosing veggies. Im losing weight slowly, but i am more happy about not reaching for food as my crutch (weight is just normalizing bc I am not stress eating). Overall I just feel much more centered, happier, and more energy now.
Mel - you're in my thoughts!!!! I'm excited for you for Clarks arrival. Have you had your shower? You make such cute crafty things - i am curious how you decorated
Hugs to all you fine febbies
I am feeling a lot better and my brain has settled down a bunch.
It helped a lot to just post my thoughts to get my fears out, and then last week I gave myself the gift of not working in the evenings, but just let myself relax. I think i was in bed by 8pm most nights.
I think the feeling that was most uncomfortable is how quickly i could move from a place of confidence in my recovery to feeling vulnerable. I didnt expect it.
In other news, i have been eating very healthily for the past 3 weeks - something that i struggled with last fall - and that is feeling good. I basically cut out sugar, limit carbs, and choosing veggies. Im losing weight slowly, but i am more happy about not reaching for food as my crutch (weight is just normalizing bc I am not stress eating). Overall I just feel much more centered, happier, and more energy now.
Mel - you're in my thoughts!!!! I'm excited for you for Clarks arrival. Have you had your shower? You make such cute crafty things - i am curious how you decorated
Hugs to all you fine febbies
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
Originally Posted by SereneEdition 
I think the feeling that was most uncomfortable is how quickly i could move from a place of confidence in my recovery to feeling vulnerable. I didnt expect it.
However, the part of your post I just quoted was pretty much what happened to me last September. The difference is, I didn't talk about it. And it just got worse. I am so glad you worked through it Serene my love.
I am also eating well now, and dropping the pounds that I stacked on over the Christmas weeks...I was lonely, and I ate junk to make myself feel better. Not a good idea. Now that I have dropped sugar from my diet again, I look and feel way better.
I also loved reading that letter again mel!
And yes, it's getting so close now; how exciting.
I will be 3 months sober on the day you are expecting Clark.
So January 27 is going to be a happy happy day! (Unless he comes early of course). Hope you are feeling well love, and that the nursery is all ready. Knowing you, it is.
Huge hugs and tons of love,
V xx
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 494
Hey guys, officially on maternity leave now. I tried to work until 39 weeks but my body decided it was done working on my feet and I tapped out at 38 weeks. I finished the nursery and will try to attach some photos at the bottom of this for you to check out. The baby shower was in early December. I had a BBQ in the park and decorated with a burger/dog topping bar, desserts galore, and red gingham table cloths. It was a really nice day full of sunshine and love.
V I know you had a moment of relapse but that doesn't negate all the hard work you put in. Don't be too hard on yourself- always a February to us no matter what bumps you had in the road.
I on the other hand have not been eating healthy. Apparently babies really like sweets and I can't deny the little guy his chocolate. He's coming any day now so it's only a matter of time before I get back on the healthy horse.
http://m.imgur.com/a/c93hb
V I know you had a moment of relapse but that doesn't negate all the hard work you put in. Don't be too hard on yourself- always a February to us no matter what bumps you had in the road.
I on the other hand have not been eating healthy. Apparently babies really like sweets and I can't deny the little guy his chocolate. He's coming any day now so it's only a matter of time before I get back on the healthy horse.
http://m.imgur.com/a/c93hb
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
Oh that looks lovely mel ~ and I LOVE the little chuck taylor all stars....cutest thing ever.
Glad you finally stopped working girl!!!
And thank you...I know I will always be a Febbie; I need to let up on myself a little.
Glad you finally stopped working girl!!!
And thank you...I know I will always be a Febbie; I need to let up on myself a little.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,634
Hi everyone!
V- Thank you for positing.
I am so glad you posted & I am so glad you shared why you weren't feeling like posting. I have noticed that you have a tendency to not post when you are not feeling centered. I am proud of you and can see you're growing!!!! (pointing it out b/c this is the type of stuff that I tend not to see in myself, nor give myself credit for doing) It's also the type of changes that I didn't start making until after my first year sober. I agree with Mel - you belong here, always.
Also, I can tell you I definitely didn't FEEL like I was working through a 2 year sober type issue - more like a 2 week sober feeling when I was all confused and uncomfortable!!!! And the BEST thing was having you, Mel, and Dee here so that I had a place I could turn to. Thank you!
Mel - OMG Clark's room is adorable!!!!!! thank you so much for sharing. Glad you got off your feet too. I have 3 friends who are due within a week of you, and I have been meeting them for 'coffee' this week as they are reaching that point too. I have a hurt foot, so we're all moving at the same speed - and it feels so luxurious to have great life convos in the middle of the week day.
I will be in Mexico on the 27th, possibly w/o internet but please know that I will be thinking of both you and V!!!!!
Dee - Happy you are back. I'm also glad when you take time for yourself too
V- Thank you for positing.
I am so glad you posted & I am so glad you shared why you weren't feeling like posting. I have noticed that you have a tendency to not post when you are not feeling centered. I am proud of you and can see you're growing!!!! (pointing it out b/c this is the type of stuff that I tend not to see in myself, nor give myself credit for doing) It's also the type of changes that I didn't start making until after my first year sober. I agree with Mel - you belong here, always.
Also, I can tell you I definitely didn't FEEL like I was working through a 2 year sober type issue - more like a 2 week sober feeling when I was all confused and uncomfortable!!!! And the BEST thing was having you, Mel, and Dee here so that I had a place I could turn to. Thank you!
Mel - OMG Clark's room is adorable!!!!!! thank you so much for sharing. Glad you got off your feet too. I have 3 friends who are due within a week of you, and I have been meeting them for 'coffee' this week as they are reaching that point too. I have a hurt foot, so we're all moving at the same speed - and it feels so luxurious to have great life convos in the middle of the week day.
I will be in Mexico on the 27th, possibly w/o internet but please know that I will be thinking of both you and V!!!!!
Dee - Happy you are back. I'm also glad when you take time for yourself too
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,634
Also.....
Today is my 2nd year anniversary
Happy to report that I feel Serene. Life is pretty good right now. I know this because life no longer has to have everything right to be feeling good. I am happy with where I am
I focused on internal recovery work and establishing good habits last year. This year I'm moving my focus externally and turning those into milestones. IE, there are things that I want to accomplish and the fear of failing is no longer the barrier that it once was. Thanks to learning the tools of sobriety, I now have much better resiliency.
So I'm excited (& a little nervous) to stretch myself just a little bit further into what feels uncomfortable. An example is spending 2 weeks in eastern turkey as a solo female. I know I can do it though - it's time to push myself out of the nest
As always - so grateful to have you here with me!!!! (((hugs)))
Today is my 2nd year anniversary
Happy to report that I feel Serene. Life is pretty good right now. I know this because life no longer has to have everything right to be feeling good. I am happy with where I am
I focused on internal recovery work and establishing good habits last year. This year I'm moving my focus externally and turning those into milestones. IE, there are things that I want to accomplish and the fear of failing is no longer the barrier that it once was. Thanks to learning the tools of sobriety, I now have much better resiliency.
So I'm excited (& a little nervous) to stretch myself just a little bit further into what feels uncomfortable. An example is spending 2 weeks in eastern turkey as a solo female. I know I can do it though - it's time to push myself out of the nest
As always - so grateful to have you here with me!!!! (((hugs)))
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
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Fetching you virtual cups of tea mel...and sending loads of love.
I hear that first babies like to take their time...so I guess Clark is going to make you watch a lot more shows and movies yet. At least you have Netflix so you have a lot to choose from!
I hear that first babies like to take their time...so I guess Clark is going to make you watch a lot more shows and movies yet. At least you have Netflix so you have a lot to choose from!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,634
Hi Mel & V -
Now I'm having the baby hunch....Is Clark here? Is Clark here?
Hi V! I just tried a new tea that was a free sample before bed tonight: lavender rioboos (sp?) I don't usually like rioboos, but this one wasn't bad. What tea are you drinking these days?
Think of ya'll and sending good thoughts your way for this week!
The boy and I are heading to Mexico for 5 days this week to relax before I start a west coast road trip to see a bunch of friends before I leave on my big trip. 5 more weeks and counting, but only 10 days left with the boy, and this will be some nice quality time before I start to get really busy.
Now I'm having the baby hunch....Is Clark here? Is Clark here?
Hi V! I just tried a new tea that was a free sample before bed tonight: lavender rioboos (sp?) I don't usually like rioboos, but this one wasn't bad. What tea are you drinking these days?
Think of ya'll and sending good thoughts your way for this week!
The boy and I are heading to Mexico for 5 days this week to relax before I start a west coast road trip to see a bunch of friends before I leave on my big trip. 5 more weeks and counting, but only 10 days left with the boy, and this will be some nice quality time before I start to get really busy.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
Oh wow Serene, I almost posted here before....having the same feelings as you.
I think he is here. I really do. ♥
As for tea, my October thread buddies are obsessed...and would you know it, someone actually started a thread last night about being addicted to tea....lordy....I don't drink much tea. The tannin disagrees with me...but I do like plain old English Breakfast and Earl Grey. Not so much into the fruity ones, except for Cranberry Raspberry etc...
Can I please come to Mexico with you?
You will hardly notice me...I am very independent.
I am so happy for you love.
You are living my dream.
Enjoy.
And then the next part....it is going to be awesome.
It's funny.... I am in a lot of threads. But I hear from you here, and I come alive in a way that is incomprehensible to me....it takes me back to who I was when I started this journey. I so love you sweetheart. And I'm proud of you, and happy for you. You inspire me girl!!! Go you!!! ♥
I have no idea when mel will be able to post....hope she can feel our love.
I think he is here. I really do.
♥As for tea, my October thread buddies are obsessed...and would you know it, someone actually started a thread last night about being addicted to tea....lordy....I don't drink much tea. The tannin disagrees with me...but I do like plain old English Breakfast and Earl Grey. Not so much into the fruity ones, except for Cranberry Raspberry etc...
Can I please come to Mexico with you?
You will hardly notice me...I am very independent.
I am so happy for you love.
You are living my dream.
Enjoy.
And then the next part....it is going to be awesome.
It's funny.... I am in a lot of threads. But I hear from you here, and I come alive in a way that is incomprehensible to me....it takes me back to who I was when I started this journey. I so love you sweetheart. And I'm proud of you, and happy for you. You inspire me girl!!! Go you!!!
♥I have no idea when mel will be able to post....hope she can feel our love.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,634
Yes Mel!!! We are thinking of you!!!
Yes V!!!! Would love to have you with us in Mexico. Funny - this is my first trip to Mexico. The places further away always sound more exotic
And thank you for your kind, sweet words. You inspire me in so many ways and I have learned SOOOO much from you, particularly in how to talk about feelings. Thank you!!! My life is much richer now!!!
I had a small victory this morning and I wanted to share with you. I have a tendency to blame others when things go sideways. I don't usually voice it (so it gets all bottled up - not healthy) but I see it as an alcoholic behavior and it doesn't help. So this morning I needed to go to the ******** office early and needed to take some print outs - which I thought that my BF printed out for me. Alas at 530 this morning I did a double check on what was printed and alas it was missing the full document.
So I had to rush to get to a printer, and made it to my appt with 2 mins to spare due to the error. I get on a flight tomorrow, so it was stressful. And I am happy that when the thought came in my head of 'man if my BF hadn't screwed up a task as simple as printing a document, then I wouldn't be in this mess' - I saw the thought and made the choice not to go there and instead followed it up with: if it's this important you should have checked it earlier.
I can happily report that I got to the Appt, was much calmer the whole way through bc I was't holding onto anger.
I'm really liking this 'owning your contribution' rather than focusing on what other people do
Yes V!!!! Would love to have you with us in Mexico. Funny - this is my first trip to Mexico. The places further away always sound more exotic
And thank you for your kind, sweet words. You inspire me in so many ways and I have learned SOOOO much from you, particularly in how to talk about feelings. Thank you!!! My life is much richer now!!!
I had a small victory this morning and I wanted to share with you. I have a tendency to blame others when things go sideways. I don't usually voice it (so it gets all bottled up - not healthy) but I see it as an alcoholic behavior and it doesn't help. So this morning I needed to go to the ******** office early and needed to take some print outs - which I thought that my BF printed out for me. Alas at 530 this morning I did a double check on what was printed and alas it was missing the full document.
So I had to rush to get to a printer, and made it to my appt with 2 mins to spare due to the error. I get on a flight tomorrow, so it was stressful. And I am happy that when the thought came in my head of 'man if my BF hadn't screwed up a task as simple as printing a document, then I wouldn't be in this mess' - I saw the thought and made the choice not to go there and instead followed it up with: if it's this important you should have checked it earlier.
I can happily report that I got to the Appt, was much calmer the whole way through bc I was't holding onto anger.
I'm really liking this 'owning your contribution' rather than focusing on what other people do
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
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Yes. Owning your contribution is excellent. I haven't heard that one before.
And well done love, that is a big win.
I like one that I learned in AA a long time ago...
Don't take someone else's inventory.
My ex, who is still my friend, still lets me down constantly.
It infuriates me....I feel myself gritting my teeth and thinking why can't he just....
And then I tell myself to stop taking his inventory.
The only person I can control is me.
It helps me a great deal.
So, you go tomorrow....wow.
I am packing myself into the corner of your suitcase.
Have a wonderful time darling Serene!!!
Don't forget to post when you can with updates. Mwwwwaaahhhh!!!
And well done love, that is a big win.
I like one that I learned in AA a long time ago...
Don't take someone else's inventory.
My ex, who is still my friend, still lets me down constantly.
It infuriates me....I feel myself gritting my teeth and thinking why can't he just....
And then I tell myself to stop taking his inventory.
The only person I can control is me.
It helps me a great deal.
So, you go tomorrow....wow.
I am packing myself into the corner of your suitcase.
Have a wonderful time darling Serene!!!
Don't forget to post when you can with updates. Mwwwwaaahhhh!!!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 494
Serene, Sounds like a pretty important break through. I found the uncomfortable act of taking a good hard look at my behavior and owning my actions one of the most beneficial and rewarding shifts I've ever made. I still get caught up in moments but practice makes perfect. I think the three of us have been really successful because we never stop evolving, learning, and growing.
Have a great time in Mexico, I'll just be sitting here pregnant forever, and ever, and ever..... Come on baby!!
Have a great time in Mexico, I'll just be sitting here pregnant forever, and ever, and ever..... Come on baby!!
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