JL2014

Dang f

JL2014

Dang folks, I just can't keep it together. I keep trying to plan things and move forward and do things, and I still end up losing track and giving in to the pressure and hiding in a few drinks. I feel like I don't really belong here as you all have passed me in your sober walks, and I've even tried to post on more time correct- (class of) threads. They all seem to die off and quit posting at all.
What an embarrassing post! At least I can get up and try tomorrow.

Dee74

Hey JL

For me the key was deciding that, no matter how great the pressure, I wouldn't drink on it.

The only way to challenge the self belief I had that I couldn't cope without alcohol was to prove I could cope without alcohol.

I think you're a lot stronger and more capable than you realise J - if you give yourself the chance?

D

JL2014

Hey thanks Dee ! I just stole my wife's idea and floated around in hot bubbles for a little while. Now back to bed for a little while. Thanks for being there. I needed exactly what you had to say.

Dee74

Really glad to help J

D

DoubleDragons

Jeff, I never want to hear from you again that you don't belong on our thread. I would be very sad if you left us. You have been a constant, reliable presence here. I rely on the constancy. You guys are my therapy and rocks when it comes to my sobriety! You will get this, Jeff, because you never give up.

WhoDey

JL ... I can only second what Dee had to say. More frequently than I might like, I encounter situations where my thoughts still eventually turn to alcohol. It might be to relax after a tough day or it might be to escape some stressor.

I mentioned this in an earlier post, but each of us has to get to a point where the prospect of not drinking is less painful than the idea of continuing to drink.

Again, I can only second what Dee said. Don't be afraid to be the best you can be. Not drinking will not correct every problem in life, but it will make it a heck of a lot easier to cope with those problems being free of alcohol.

I wish you could see yourself as we see you. You are a strong, responsible, generous, thoughtful person. Say "no" to alcohol and be done with it. You know you can't get to where you want to be and still drink.

Have faith.

JL2014

I've not been too good at handling things lately. I've got the no sleep, super tight hurting shoulders neck thing going. Stress headaches from too much caffeine. Just a terrible outlook. I know what I used to do for this. Can't do that anymore. Made my wife's Halloween an unhappy one by being stressed out and doing everything wrong lately. Need to sleep for like a week or something. Yuck. Sober but yuck !

Dee74

who's putting the pressure on you Jeff - is it external or is it you?

one of the quotes that changed my life:


“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”

― Dalai Lama XIV

Kim1972

I want to thank everyone for your very kind words yesterday!! I really needed it! Good news is I feel so much better today but I still realize I have a huge mountain to climb!! WHat's that saying?? "One day at a time" You guys have no idea how much you helped me!! Thanks again!!!!!

DoubleDragons

Kim, while we would love to take credit, we are the October 2013 class and I am assuming that you meant to thank the October 2014 class?!?

WhoDey

What's up Tobers? Cold windy weekend here. Brrrrr!

Keep the faith!

JL2014

I awoke to a blizzard of snow, to drive thru to work at 0330 this morning. Just the right temp where none would build up for more than a few minutes. Coooooold now in the foothills of the Smokies.
Feels like Christmas !
Dee it's internal, mostly, but for now I'm settling down early tonight with fireplace going, and my tummy full of homemade vegetable soup. I got a little sleep for once and gonna go for it again tonight.
Wife had a nervous meltdown today while I was at work. Same stuff, money upcoming bills we can't pay. She's also having a colonoscopy (TMI, I know), on Tuesday, to look for a bleed somewhere that's making her sick all the time. Thankful I'm off that day so I'll do the school/ babysitter shuttling and take her to and from that.
Read a good devotional and got inspired. Applied for 5 different jobs. Something will happen. Good night y'all !

DoubleDragons

I am feeling a lot of anxiety lately, too, guys. I think it has to do with my two eldest sons growing up and leaving the nest and trying to find my new direction in life. I have had a lot of extremely vivid dreams lately.

We went to a party last night. It was pretty tame as far as alcohol consumption went. I wonder if a lot of parties were like that when I was a drinker but because I was always smashed, I assumed everyone else was?!? That, or we definitely hung out with a hard partying crowd.

I think the part of sobriety I am having trouble with now is that I no longer live in an alcoholic haze, so I see a much more "real" picture of things, not just the way I assumed them to be. My pink glasses are off and I find it a little confusing and disorienting. Does that make sense to any of you?

Dee74

I think having children growing up and preparing to move out is a time of upheaval and some worry for most parents DD.

I think it's the normal reaction of a loving parent.

I had to learn it's ok to feel uncomfortable - wanting to feel comfortable was the main reason for my drinking...I had to get over the idea that feeling discomfort was somehow wrong?

D

LittleSparrow

We went to a party last night, too, except people were definitely drinking a lot. I think part of it was that some of the crowd was younger - early to mid 20s. Now that I no longer drink, I more easily pick up on the point when the party turns from fun to mess and it's time to go. I used to think that's when the party was just getting started. How embarrassing.

WhoDey

DD ... Like Dee mentioned, having kids grow up and leave the house is a major life change. That by itself is confusing. Add to that the removal of your "pink glasses" and it's natural that things would seem unsettled ... because they are!

I've had similar feelings at times over the past year and have learned to be patient and easy on myself during such times. I try not to force the issue and grasp for solutions. I take a deep breath, calm down, and let life come to me on it's own terms.

This is an important stage in your life. How wonderful that you will be taking this turn sober!

WhoDey

POTD: A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.

DoubleDragons

Thank you all for your wise words. I am definitely in "meltdown mode." It is just an accumulation of stressors. (kids, shopping for houses, extended family issues, job, etc.) Part of me would very much like that "quick fix" feel, but now with all of the sobriety experience I have, I have finally completely connected the quick fix, with all of the horrible crap that comes with it. I think when we are active drinkers we compartmentalize a lot and so we only see drinking for the fun, high and all the negatives are somehow separate from the act of drinking. I just am in constant awe of how delusional I was when I was a drinker. I would appreciate some peaceful juju ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (this is for me )

Dee74

I think often the long fix is more satisfying DD - I learn more, and grow more, anyway?

D