One Year & Under Club Part 35
Working-cl*** pseudo tough
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 485
Morning everyone!
Happy undie Friday.
Still have a story to share from Wed if I get time. Gilmer, glad to see the tooth is doing better.
If I don't get a chance to pop back in over the weekend, hope everyone has a strong and sober one.
Happy undie Friday.
Still have a story to share from Wed if I get time. Gilmer, glad to see the tooth is doing better.
If I don't get a chance to pop back in over the weekend, hope everyone has a strong and sober one.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Thanks for the kind wishes R1ck, Carlos, and Toots! I'm feeling great at five months, and rooted in recovery.
Carlos - I like what you said about treating the first few months of recovery like a job. My time spent at AA, on SR, and reading and reflecting on self help philosophies have been as much a priority for me these first five months as going to work and taking care of my family. For folks like us, whose drinking took priority, all that recovery work is time well spent. As I test the waters of real life, and wean myself from my supports, recovery must remain in the forefront to ensure success.
Toots - Thanks for all your insights. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you cutting through my philosophical meanderings to show me how to make sense of all the real life stuff.
Sparky - I like seltzer water. Plain is my favorite. I also like coffee, although it's not indicated for anxiety; I should probably switch to decaf after my first cup.
Gilmer - omg that tooth! I'm so glad you found a dentist you trust to get the job done. I hope the pain is manageable today.
I can relate to your agitation with your care taking; any caretaker who is honest will tell you that we all have days where we have zero patience for the people we are caring for. A few years ago there was a little boy who, for the few hours I cared for him each week, was both my Tuesday and my Thursday excuse to drink. It doesn't matter whether the person is a family member, or whether they have control over the behavior that irritates you. Understanding how to work in breaks that replenish your patience is important. Acceptance that it's a natural part of the role is helpful, too. At the end of the day, what you're giving a generous of yourself - and that's something to be proud of, no matter how patient you were - or were not - that day.
BoozeFree - Sometimes it's preferable to feel a bit of pain rather than be on the disorganized roller coaster of high, numb, withdrawing, and craving. I'm so impressed that you're staying sober rather than use this injury as an excuse to get pills.
Gracette - Twenty four hour a day help is a wonderful thing! I'm glad you accessed SR instead of the depths of your medicine cabinet. I echo Gilmer's advice to dump the pills if they only serve to tempt you. When I'm upset my go to reaction is to stop the discomfort. In sobriety someone suggested that maybe I need to accept that I will be uncomfortable sometimes. That's pretty powerful advice, that we can survive feeling our emotions and need not be held prisoner by them!
Courage - I hope you are getting through the difficulties that you're facing calmly and soberly.
Dee - how's the housing situation?
North - How's everything?
Tanja - You're in my thoughts. I hope you're doing ok.
Evenings and weekends, when my husband is around, are a bit of a challenge for my emotional sobriety and mood. He's a good person, but aside from the wellbeing of our children, our priorities couldn't be more different. I feel like I'm swimming upstream. The harder I swim towards sobriety and health, the more he presses down on the current to maintain the status quo. This weekend I want to take the kids to do a fun activity like a zoo or whatever. Tonight he wants to bring the kids to the pool to swim and socialize - while he drinks booze. In return he will probably go along with my idea to take the kids somewhere fun on Saturday.
Accompanying him to the pool is fraught with my issues relating to sobriety. I also understand that relationships require compromise. I'm not totally accustomed to healthy compromise, as I always let go of a lot of myself to make up for my drinking, and in sobriety I've been fairly self centered so far. That's why I'm asking you -- is it a healthy compromise even if it means that he is ignoring my previously stated frustrations about being in situations where he is drinking heavily? Is it fair if it poses a challenge for my sobriety?
I hope everyone has a safe and sober weekend.
Carlos - I like what you said about treating the first few months of recovery like a job. My time spent at AA, on SR, and reading and reflecting on self help philosophies have been as much a priority for me these first five months as going to work and taking care of my family. For folks like us, whose drinking took priority, all that recovery work is time well spent. As I test the waters of real life, and wean myself from my supports, recovery must remain in the forefront to ensure success.
Toots - Thanks for all your insights. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you cutting through my philosophical meanderings to show me how to make sense of all the real life stuff.
Sparky - I like seltzer water. Plain is my favorite. I also like coffee, although it's not indicated for anxiety; I should probably switch to decaf after my first cup.
Gilmer - omg that tooth! I'm so glad you found a dentist you trust to get the job done. I hope the pain is manageable today.
I can relate to your agitation with your care taking; any caretaker who is honest will tell you that we all have days where we have zero patience for the people we are caring for. A few years ago there was a little boy who, for the few hours I cared for him each week, was both my Tuesday and my Thursday excuse to drink. It doesn't matter whether the person is a family member, or whether they have control over the behavior that irritates you. Understanding how to work in breaks that replenish your patience is important. Acceptance that it's a natural part of the role is helpful, too. At the end of the day, what you're giving a generous of yourself - and that's something to be proud of, no matter how patient you were - or were not - that day.
BoozeFree - Sometimes it's preferable to feel a bit of pain rather than be on the disorganized roller coaster of high, numb, withdrawing, and craving. I'm so impressed that you're staying sober rather than use this injury as an excuse to get pills.
Gracette - Twenty four hour a day help is a wonderful thing! I'm glad you accessed SR instead of the depths of your medicine cabinet. I echo Gilmer's advice to dump the pills if they only serve to tempt you. When I'm upset my go to reaction is to stop the discomfort. In sobriety someone suggested that maybe I need to accept that I will be uncomfortable sometimes. That's pretty powerful advice, that we can survive feeling our emotions and need not be held prisoner by them!
Courage - I hope you are getting through the difficulties that you're facing calmly and soberly.
Dee - how's the housing situation?
North - How's everything?
Tanja - You're in my thoughts. I hope you're doing ok.
Evenings and weekends, when my husband is around, are a bit of a challenge for my emotional sobriety and mood. He's a good person, but aside from the wellbeing of our children, our priorities couldn't be more different. I feel like I'm swimming upstream. The harder I swim towards sobriety and health, the more he presses down on the current to maintain the status quo. This weekend I want to take the kids to do a fun activity like a zoo or whatever. Tonight he wants to bring the kids to the pool to swim and socialize - while he drinks booze. In return he will probably go along with my idea to take the kids somewhere fun on Saturday.
Accompanying him to the pool is fraught with my issues relating to sobriety. I also understand that relationships require compromise. I'm not totally accustomed to healthy compromise, as I always let go of a lot of myself to make up for my drinking, and in sobriety I've been fairly self centered so far. That's why I'm asking you -- is it a healthy compromise even if it means that he is ignoring my previously stated frustrations about being in situations where he is drinking heavily? Is it fair if it poses a challenge for my sobriety?
I hope everyone has a safe and sober weekend.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Hey Undies,
First things First. Welcome Mish. I think that you are on to something by using July 4th as your Independence Day!
Congrats on the 3 plus weeks sober! Now that you have figured out why we call ourselves the Undies I am compelled to confound this myth. Some of us, myself included, with separation anxiety, have chosen to continue to post here, post graduation. Anyway, great to have you on this sober journey.
TFIG...no, I did get that right. Thank Friday Its Golf. I plan to break 80 today. Gleeeeee....heeeelllpppp...I may not be keeping my expectations aligned with acceptance. Okay, I plan to shoot over 80 but would love a 79, 19.
Oh my Gilmer, glad things worked out and you are feeling better.
North, BF & DG...so what fun activities are planned for the non womp-womp?
Gracette, I agree...nice to have people who not only care, but understand our journey just fingertips away.
SMS, enjoy your weekend...and, yes, we are on the same page. A journey without a specific route.
Ali, you got me again. I have been so remiss at doing my Morning Gat's. Thanks for the reminder.
Glee, just caught your post. I say that ANYTHING THAT POSES A POTENTIAL COMPROMISE TO YOUR SOBRIETY SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS! Baring that answer, if you do attend for relationship compromise sake, be sure to have a solid plan in place in the event that you seriously trigger. (Have "someone" hum-hum on speed-dial). Lastly, I would suggest that you offer the idea that every once in a while at these normally drinking social events that he join you in not drinking...like once, twice a month. Perhaps you might offer something special in return of that favor... Just sayin?? Bake a cake?
Catch you dudes and BL's on the rebound. Hey, steer clear of the bad stuff, okay?
Carlos xx
First things First. Welcome Mish. I think that you are on to something by using July 4th as your Independence Day!
Congrats on the 3 plus weeks sober! Now that you have figured out why we call ourselves the Undies I am compelled to confound this myth. Some of us, myself included, with separation anxiety, have chosen to continue to post here, post graduation. Anyway, great to have you on this sober journey. TFIG...no, I did get that right. Thank Friday Its Golf. I plan to break 80 today. Gleeeeee....heeeelllpppp...I may not be keeping my expectations aligned with acceptance. Okay, I plan to shoot over 80 but would love a 79, 19.
Oh my Gilmer, glad things worked out and you are feeling better.
North, BF & DG...so what fun activities are planned for the non womp-womp?
Gracette, I agree...nice to have people who not only care, but understand our journey just fingertips away.
SMS, enjoy your weekend...and, yes, we are on the same page. A journey without a specific route.
Ali, you got me again. I have been so remiss at doing my Morning Gat's. Thanks for the reminder.
Glee, just caught your post. I say that ANYTHING THAT POSES A POTENTIAL COMPROMISE TO YOUR SOBRIETY SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS! Baring that answer, if you do attend for relationship compromise sake, be sure to have a solid plan in place in the event that you seriously trigger. (Have "someone" hum-hum on speed-dial). Lastly, I would suggest that you offer the idea that every once in a while at these normally drinking social events that he join you in not drinking...like once, twice a month. Perhaps you might offer something special in return of that favor...
Just sayin?? Bake a cake?Catch you dudes and BL's on the rebound. Hey, steer clear of the bad stuff, okay?
Carlos xx
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Glee, might it be possible for him to simply take the kids to the pool without you? They are his kids, too. If he insists on drinking there, maybe you could drop them off and pick them up. At least that way you wouldn't have to sit there with it all night.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Glee- I don't think that there is anything you can do to change his drinking. He wants to be doing it- at home and out and about. All you can do is decide what you're going to do. Even if he DID happen to not drink for you, he's just going to resent you for it and that will come out in other ways. Try to focus on what you can do to strengthen your recovery. One thing that helped me when I was still living with my bf when he was drinking and smoking weed was observing how he was and thinking that I didn't want to be like that. I really feel for you though: it's tough having a partner that is still doing that stuff when we're working so hard on recovery. It can feel so lonely and just like life isn't fair. To make it worse, we realize that we're the ones that made the choices to put ourselves in that situation and at the time we made those choices we were drinking to ignore the consequences and not thinking clearly. With some time it will all work itself out if we continue to focus on our recovery and just keep making better decisions each day.
Well, I'm attempting not to spend so much time on SR anymore. So, my time is up for today. But I have to go over and write a few more sentences anyway. Today's plan is to do some work and to get C's b-day present in the mail. Some days, it sucks doing the long-distance thing, although I am also thankful for the space to continue working on me and my recovery. This weekend, I plan to stay around the house and dosome chores and stuff. It's a bit of a mess around here since I was gone all of last weekend, but it was worth it.
Hope everyone has a good day.
Well, I'm attempting not to spend so much time on SR anymore. So, my time is up for today. But I have to go over and write a few more sentences anyway. Today's plan is to do some work and to get C's b-day present in the mail. Some days, it sucks doing the long-distance thing, although I am also thankful for the space to continue working on me and my recovery. This weekend, I plan to stay around the house and dosome chores and stuff. It's a bit of a mess around here since I was gone all of last weekend, but it was worth it.
Hope everyone has a good day.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 397
Originally Posted by Mish 
Took me a while to work out why everyone was referring to undies!! Is it ok if I join? Sober three weeks so far x Mish
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 397
I was at the grocery yesterday and got behind a customer who was really intoxicated. The cashier and manager refused sale of what looked like whiskey or dark rum -- something brown. It was unsettling, especially since I've been someplace similar. A "glad it's not me today" moment. It took 5 minutes for him to leave, too, just kept trying, as if he could talk them into it.... babbling about his family doesn't care, etc. It was super uncomfortable to overhear.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 621
Hi everyone - I haven't posted on this thread before (or certainly not since I first got sober - can't quite remember!). It was suggested to me to add to my support network so that's what I'm doing.
I'm two and a half months sober and had a really big urge to drink 2 nights ago. It was certainly the strongest urge in quite a while. Anyway I didn't but I really don't want to feel so close to slipping again. Looking forward to being part of this thread.
I'm two and a half months sober and had a really big urge to drink 2 nights ago. It was certainly the strongest urge in quite a while. Anyway I didn't but I really don't want to feel so close to slipping again. Looking forward to being part of this thread.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Hi, AF66! I'm an early-risiang American, and I am pleased to see you again!
Was there a particular trigger situation two nights ago, or was it just a random thought from the AV? Sorry you suffered, but really glad that you didn't cave. Everybody regrets it when they cave!
Was there a particular trigger situation two nights ago, or was it just a random thought from the AV? Sorry you suffered, but really glad that you didn't cave. Everybody regrets it when they cave!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 621
Hi Gilmer - bit of stress at home with child studying for final exams and I've just taken on more responsibility at work. I was away from home due to work on Thursday night. All the 'nobody would know' thoughts entered my head and I guess I played with them and allowed the thoughts to escalate. Finally I decided to eat and stopped the urge in it's tracks but it was scarily close. Thanks for responding so quickly.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
You would have known--and if you had caved, the AV would have turned on you and been vicious with self-recriminations!
So glad you didn't! Definitely vent here when the pressure gets intense at work and at home! It works for me like a valve that releases steam--and the responses I get from the folks here are very helpful and encouraging!
So glad you didn't! Definitely vent here when the pressure gets intense at work and at home! It works for me like a valve that releases steam--and the responses I get from the folks here are very helpful and encouraging!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 621
Originally Posted by Gilmer
You would have known--and if you had caved, the AV would have turned on you and been vicious with self-recriminations!
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