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Class of March 2011 Part 23

Old 10-30-2014, 05:55 PM
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There does seem to be a lot of people slipping aussie - it makes me sad...but there's no reason for you to join them tho.

I don't like storms much either - but I think you could get through them - wearing headphones - shutting the curtains - even seeing your Dr for help has to be better than drinking, aus....

D
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Old 10-31-2014, 04:20 AM
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People relapse cuz they convince themselves of things like they can't get through a storm without drinking. C'mon aussie..get imaginative. See a doctor. Drinking is not the only way to get through a storm, you've just convinced yourself of that so you have an reason. You can do it.

I'm sorry you're struggling, aussie.
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Old 11-01-2014, 10:44 AM
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Hi friends! All is well. Feeling good, no depression, and kicking butt with some amazing work opportunities.
Actually jumping out of bed to start the day, that's how excited I am.

Booze is the furthest thing from my mind.

With love Aussie, you can be sober, storms or not.
I don't know what your panic and terror feels like.
I only know mine.
For me, booze kept me a prisoner.
I hope you choose to be sober today. Oxoxox

Ps-I've started thinking about my depression as a medical condition. It's a mental shift.
I've let go of th ego about wanting to be "strong enough" to be medication free.
Now I just want to be happy. Drugs help me, that's that.
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Old 11-02-2014, 12:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
There does seem to be a lot of people slipping aussie - it makes me sad...but there's no reason for you to join them tho.

I don't like storms much either - but I think you could get through them - wearing headphones - shutting the curtains - even seeing your Dr for help has to be better than drinking, aus....

D
I do all that and more , I wear ear plugs inside my ear muffs close everything that can be shut I have seen the doctor about this and I have spent months doing therapy but haven't managed to get on top of it from the first sign of a storm I will start getting anxiety and by the time it arrives I will be completely off the planet. It's not just anxiety its a phobia and I can't manage it. Even medicated I was still a mess.
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Old 11-02-2014, 01:01 PM
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Big hugs to you, aussie!! I'll be hoping the storms steer clear of you!
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Old 11-02-2014, 01:08 PM
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We didn't end up getting any storms but I still put in a huge amount of anxiety in anticipation. We really do need some rain though, its dry as a bone here, we have fires burning some where near with 30 knot wind the other day, very smokey .
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Old 11-04-2014, 03:13 AM
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Aussie, sending you storm-free, deep breathing, comfortable vibes ****************}}}}}}}}

I know how my anxiety/panic attacks feel. I can't speak to yours. In my experience, they are a negative feedback loop. When I think about the stressor, it starts a chain that leads to more and more and more and more bad feelings. The opposite is true for me.

A KEY FOR ME is PRACTICING the calming behaviors WHEN I'M CALM. I learn to do them automatically and successfully. KEY HERE is that it's been done WITHOUT the stress. I get to feel the rewards of a calming mantra or breathing or gentle stretching....my brain learns "Oh! When I do this, I feel good." Then gradually I can apply the calming behavior when a SMALL amount of stress arises....and be successful in keeping calm under a LITTLE bit of stress. I build the muscle of self-calming gradually. See where this goes?

What's key for me is that it's absolutely useless to try to calm myself once I'm gone off the cliff and am in free fall. When my mind has gone terrifyingly blank, like. Or I'm overcome by a wave of panic. The key is to be all prepared and calm and know how to help myself BEFORE it happens.....so when it starts I can be confident and calm and happy and know what to do.

I am learning that I can take care of myself, slowly and surely. And key for me is consistently doing small good things for myself every day.

Has anyone suggested you try something like this? I can provide links if you want.

I can only relate to how my yucky stuff feels, and I know it was pretty wretched.

I love you, and I send you these words in the hopes that they are helpful.
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Old 11-05-2014, 04:22 AM
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Great stuff, frances..thanks for sharing that. Mindfulness is so key to everything, isn't it? Not just feeling the feelings, but being mindful of them. I have found I do this a lot now...sometimes I'll be feeling crabby or unsettled or angry or sad and I'll just be sort of ignoring it, not even thinking about WHY. Then I stop and say, out loud even sometimes, "Ok, what's the matter? You're not in a good mood, why not?" And I remember what triggered the mood and I try to work through it real quick. It's like an 'oh yeah. Work called and asked if you could sub and you said no and that stressed you out a bit. It's ok, you don't have to feel bad, they'll find someone. It's not your job anymore.' And then I can let it go a little bit more and it's not in the back of my brain affecting my mood. Just taking the time to work through each feeling, accepting it, identifying it...it helps me get through it.

I don't think this is what you were saying frances, but it reminded me of what I do more now. This might not help you, aussie, with the storms, cuz I'm pretty sure you know what is bothering you! lol Anyway..it just helps me with getting through bad feelings.
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Old 11-06-2014, 04:18 AM
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Had a dream about drinking last night. Dreamt that I was at my class reunion and was REALLY considering having Jack and cokes just for that one night. I even told myself I wouldn't tell you guys, that I would let myself off the hook for one night only so I could join my friends and have some fun. I hate dreams like that.
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Old 11-06-2014, 04:22 AM
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I did that for reals mirage - didn't stop again for another two years

D
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Old 11-06-2014, 04:26 AM
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Oh man. There's the rub, right there.
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Old 11-07-2014, 12:33 PM
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DAY 6
Frances I would like to have those links please. I have been taught the breathing exercises but I never put them into practice until I am already freaking out so starting before I am in panic mode may work.
I had a couple of rough days with storms , my husband thinks I need to get back into therapy , I really worry him the way I pace around when its storming , he reckons I will give myself a heart attack one day. I love the winter the weather is much calmer so I am easy to live with but come the summer and this starts I turn into another freak .

Hope your all doing well.
Have a great weekend
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Old 11-09-2014, 06:12 AM
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I'm so sorry you've been struggling, Aussie. You are on my heart and in my prayers.

For me, I've found that the longer I go without drinking, the less my anxiety flares. When I first came to SR, I had extreme driving anxiety and couldn't even drive outside of my own town. Now I drive all the time all over the midwest.

AA has really helped me, too. The principles and steps are designed to not just help me to avoid alcohol, but to empower me to live a happy, emotionally healthy life. Yesterday was a bit rough for me, for example, and I had a bit of a pity party. Dh and I are staying at a friend's bed and breakfast right now up north with some other neighbors, having a bit of a reunion of sorts. And guess what they've been doing all weekend? I've been okay with being around them drinking ... I brought a bunch of diet soda for me and some junk food (anticipating that's I'd want a treat, too), but then yesterday they went wine-tasting. I chose to not go, because not only would I be surrounded by alcohol, but it would honestly be the TOPIC of conversation. So, I stayed all alone at the B&B ... for 5 hours. And it was COLD - not matter how many blankets I wrapped up in, I couldn't get warm. And they didn't think to leave me any food, so I didn't eat for 10 hours between breakfast and dinner and was stupid-hungry. I was all alone all day (and I thrive on socialization), reading my book and checking fb (which I could have done in my own house). And then, when they got home, we ate dinner and they pulled out more bourbon and watched a football game on tv. I have no interest in football. We had talked about going out and doing karaoke, which I was looking forward to, but it never happened. All that led to me feeling down and sorry for myself.

But I know that now. And I know that's a fault of mine, which I can choose to work toward making better. I was even a little teary, but I didn't want to let them know and spoil their fun, so I finally went up to my room and called a dear AA friend. I have soooo much to be grateful for, and she helped me to focus on that. The world doesn't have to cater to me, as if it doesn't enough already. I am the one in charge of my own happiness. I ended up going to bed early, and I do feel better today.

And ... in the midst of all that, my college daughter also had a really, really bad night. She called me crying several times, needing Mommy to love her and support her and even asking for my advice (she even used that word!) on some things she was dealing with. If I'd drank, I'd have been useless to her. I probably wouldn't have even heard the phone, let alone been about to get outside myself enough to be there for her. How many times did she need me in the past and I was passed out? Selfishly focusing on myself and getting my high? I'm so so so so grateful and humbled that she never gave up on me, and that today I can be there for her.

There's a little church across the street and I plan to go sit in on their service a bit later. That will make me happy.
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Old 11-09-2014, 12:11 PM
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That sounds like it would have been miserable for you PBC , they certainly weren't thinking of you when they chose to go wine tasting. I hope things work out for your daughter.

I have started to do more walking again I have let it slip for a while and intend to get back on my bike after about a week of walking. I always feel better when I get moving.

group hug Marchers.
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Old 11-11-2014, 04:43 AM
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My boy missed his bus this morning so I drove him to school. There was a time when I probably would have been still buzzed from the night before. I smiled on the way home as the sun was rising, being grateful for another day of sobriety.
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Old 11-13-2014, 02:16 PM
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That's awesome, Mirage. The little things mean the most to me, too.

Aussie, how are you doing?
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Old 11-13-2014, 02:52 PM
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DAY 12 PBC thanks for asking, I am on one of my up moods , so all good.
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Old 11-13-2014, 02:54 PM
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go Aussie

Have a good weekend everyone!

D
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Old 11-13-2014, 02:56 PM
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You Too Dee!
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Old 11-16-2014, 04:35 AM
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Hey All! Glad you are back on the bus, Aussie. Save me a seat, please. It sounds like each of you have a good handle on life right now. My life is going okay, but would be great without booze, so I am heading back to sobriety. Sick and tired of being sick and tired, I guess.

We've had another neighborhood tragedy involving a teen driver. He was drunk, coming home from a party near his school, traveling the wrong way on the interstate, and hit a truck head on. We know him and his family. He's hanging on for life this moment. It's very sad, and hits me hard. There, but for the grace of God...
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