ReadyAtLast

hi courage, yes we are back home. mr ral has got a house in the village and things are civil so at least that is good for sam's sake. i thought I would feel some shock or strangeness but tbh i just feel relief and a sense of calm. things have been very wrong for so long and i've just ignored it. facing it and doing something about it has come as a relief.

the most important person in this is sam. he is doing ok and seems remarkably resilient. he seems much calmer than he has in many weeks and the only thing i can think of is that he was picking up on my stress and anxiety and being on edge and echoing me. now i am calm and happy he picks up on that and is the same.

what are everyone's plans for the weekend?

Marria

Hello everyone!
I haven't visited in a while and it's very comforting to fit back in. All good with me and still sober thank God. Coming up to 2 years soon and amazing how normal it feels. Love to you all and will catch up on posts soon :-)

courage2

Great to see you Marria, and to hear that you're coming up on 2 years! Soon we'll be having an anniversary party here!

Weekend plans...my weekend if half gone -- I went to an AA meeting, had lunch with my sponsor, and went to the office but didn't get much done. Today I have some errands & then the office again. Dull but dull can be good. I need some time to collect my mind that's been shattered and dispersed by various small explosions during the week. And prepare for the next set of explosions!

ReadyAtLast

Great to hear from you Marria

dull is definitely good courage time to think and just re-balance sounds like it's in order.

sam spent the day with his dad yesterday so i cleaned the house, went to town and caught up on a few tasks. today we had church then went for lunch at a friend's house. Early bath and soon to be in bed as school tomorrow.

Sweet dreams everyone.x

Tamerua

Hi all!

RAL, glad to hear you have some normalcy back in your life. And that Sam is doing well. Kids, especially small ones, are extremely in tune to our moods so he is probably less stressed. The. They turn into teens........ I wish the aliens who took my sweet baby would return him and take this moody, grouchy, refrigerator emptying person with them. Lol! hug and kiss that kid as much as you can!

Doing better courage? Have you shared about your work stress at a meeting?


Marria! Nice to see you!

Thanks for the shoulder rub nap! How are things with you over there?

Hi Alice, Dee, gonzo!

Very busy weekend, a lot of recovery activities. And Zumba. And kind of a bait week. I have been sharing more about where I am mentally in meetings.... Not sure if that is good or bad. I haven't shared about that gentleman, I had only just found out.

Off to do more work, everyone hVe a good day!

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

NapsteR1

Hi Marria

Very well done on approaching the 2 years :o)

Dee74

good to hear from you marria - congratulations on your upcoming milestone

D

courage2

3 days since last post -- busy ones.

The funders are in town -- this is for the federally-funded major grant that I work on, not really my job that I was hired for but it "buys me out" of about 1/2 of my contract so I can work on it. Yesterday was prepping intensively for their visit all day. Today was the first of their two days with us. It went, I think, so far, incredibly well. For the first time in my life instead of worrying about whether I'm right or wrong, I'm just throwing my ideas out there, admitting what I don't know, admitting what I can't do on my own, asking questions and asking for help. And instead of rejection and ridicule, I'm getting enthusiasm. At least today. I don't know what's changed, except sobriety, SR, anti-d's, AA, service, my sponsor....

When I was young, you know, people didn't like me. I was strange. I experienced rejection and ridicule and other bad things. I learned how to make those experiences work for me, some, in kind of bent ways. I'm still a little strange but maybe I've grown into it, or maybe I've found a place where my assets outweigh my faults, or I don't reveal as much.

Something happened today that was big good, and I'm not quite sure what it was or what it will mean, but I'm getting a lot of the credit for it. I feel like I'm hallucinating, just a little -- the speedy part of an acid trip. That feeling alone freaks me out. I'm grinding my teeth, I'm not eating or sleeping much, I'm too loud. If I can just get through tomorrow's visit, then I'll have a few days of relative quiet to regroup, and all will be ok. Right?

Ready, Tazzle, Tam, Gonzo, Marria, Alice, Napster, Dee -- thanks for always being here. When I drank for all those years, I never ever talked to anyone, I just drank if you know what I mean. I never knew if I was sane or crazy and it didn't matter as long as I made a living. Now suddenly it does seem to matter whether my perceptions match reality, and suddenly it looks like they don't -- at least not my self-perceptions. So I'm wondering about all my perceptions. I'm so confused! Please bear with me!

courage2

I think it's good.

Napster, are you still going to AA? I made it to a AA meeting this evening -- an anniversary meeting. Before I didn't like anniversaries, but I like listening to celebrants much more now.

Gonzo, how are you? I think of you a lot. What's keeping you busy & out of trouble these days?

Ready, I hope you & husband are still at a stable and manageable level of civility. What are the next steps for you, do you think?

Tazzle, we haven't heard any job stories in a while. Is it stressful, getting less so, are you loving it or ready to walk? Inquiring minds want to know!

Marria, your last post promised more soon -- what's going on with you? How are the kids?

Alice, any travel plans?

See, I do know that it's not all about me!

ReadyAtLast

what a fantastic post courage.

This highlighted bit really resonates with me too. It's so helpful to read of other's experiences and how it makes me feel a little less strange and weird too. maybe as we get older we care less about what others think of us, or in my case, I really think it's just sobriety that has changed me and made me grow so much as a person. I hope your second day at work with the funders goes as well as yesterday.

Ex MrRAl is away in England at the moment but back this weekend. We are speaking civilly which is good. I think the upheaval has hit him hard but he has a house now and whilst it needs some work doing on it I'm sure once he settles in and finds some balance he will feel better. Sam will stay overnight and hopefully we will all get into a good routine with minimum disruption. maybe my expectations or naive and unrealistic but we can but try.

I've had a busy week, sorting out paperwork, calls and deep clean of the house. have bought some Christmas pressies so as not to be caught out at the last minute. Having a quiet day today

Hope everyone is well.

Tamerua

RAL, I was going to say the same thing... That part there is me. To be honest, I've heard that said a lot, in different ways.

I have been chatting with a newcomer.... It is so cool. Lol so this is how it is supposed to work. Who knew (well, everyone but me apparently!)

Courage, your post... If you could see the progress in you that I am reading and that I met... Whoa. You are quite a woman!

RAL, glad to hear things are settling down.

I'll post more later, trying to get to work early and I'm dragging.

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

gonzo4419

I'm still here and fine, still doing 8+ hrs of math a day, that keeps me out of trouble. Not really much to report, I still stop in once every few days.

Hope everyone is having a good week.

courage2

Hope everyone is keeping well.

Tam, I'm glad you're finding it easier to talk in the rooms. I think it's one of those "just do it" things. My god, they're all drunks, too -- let them judge if they want, you know what that's worth.

Ready, how are you feeling? Relief? Are you getting out and about and exercise & eating well? I hope you're taking care of yourself.

Gonzo -- 8 hours!?! That would definitely keep me out of trouble. Are you dreaming in math?

The second day of the site visit went well. We got really good feedback from them -- they were very impressed with the work but had a few points of advice and suggestions. We have a lot to work on and a very small team. The lead on the project would like it to go to a much larger scale and I'm not sure what I'd want my role in that to be.

Still grinding.



Check in again soon, y'all!

Tamerua

courage, that is so funny. Oy vey, teeth grinding... when I'm really stressed, I do that and I don't even know I'm doing it until my head hurts. Be good to yourself... bubble bath? Read a book that you've been putting off because you haven't had time? Lunch with a friend?

RAL, how are you and Sam? Still thinking about you.

Howdy gonzo, good to see you.

And Marria! Congrats! Amazing that it will be two years, right?

Hi Dee, and Napster and Alice! and Taz, how are you? How's the job?
h
I went to coffee with another AA member. I introduce myself to newcomers all the time, but no one ever calls me, so this was something new... and kinda cool.

I'm off all week but I'm beat so I'm going to bed. Everyone have a good night.

NapsteR1

Hi All, Courage, I've missed the last 3 weeks, I don't think I'm being paranoid but I got the impression that I was difficult to pigeon hole for people, I must have lowered the average age of the group by quite some years and turning up looking healthy, slim(ish) in a pin stripe suit having got off the train from London - I don't think I looked as though I was due to be there, like I'd not hit bottom yet and so therefore would probably be back out there soon enough (not a completely inaccurate synopsis based on past form).

Plus, and this is weird / unexpected, the kids are in a gymnastics class from 18:00 to 21:00 on Fridays which means Mrs N and I have this time child free and can go for a meal somewhere. That AA group only meets on a Friday night so my going to that group then, means alcohol is once again preventing us spending quality time together (that's the weird part).

NapsteR1

(in her eyes that is)

Tamerua

I feel ya Napster, there are several Friday night meetings that I can go to and my sponsor would like me to go to but I can't commit to regularly going because I have my family that I need to be with as well.... any way that you could find a different meeting? A London noon meeting?

I like the pin stripe suit btw!

courage2

Hi all

Napster, I agree w/Tam that maybe a noontime meeting in the city would work better. Early on I set a boundary of no Friday evening meetings, no meetings past 7 p.m. No requirement tho to do AA -- but are you getting any support? A doctor? Anything?

Tam, coffee w/AA people can be good -- I've done a fair amount of it but am currently in the mode of dashing out of meetings without talking to anyone. Not really digging meetings lately but I keep going -- 2-3 per week, sponsor almost daily w/1 face-to-face w/her per week, blah blah. I know myself well enough to know I need to maintain the support structure even when I think I don't need it.

Otherwise, I'm still grinding. My son is acting squirrelly which makes me tense and irritates his father.

Ready, Tazzle, Alice, Marria, Gonzo -- how's everyone?

courage2

Dee? That "How're you" goes for you, too!

Dee74

battling with the heat but otherwise good thanks Courage

D