lucygoose

Pet sitting has so many perks! I'm away from all the kids who are sleeping over. I dropped the girls at the community pool and my sons friend is coming at 8pm. I have a whole 2 hours to hang out with my furry friends. I do not get enough alone time.

My Alanon meeting was amazing last night. I connected with this great lady. Her peacefulness really touched me. She talked about her most amazing times are when she's alone. I used to feel that way too.

I've been so concerned about my hubby all the time that I never do things for myself. I'm missing out on so much life. Friends invite me places but I often say no but I'm going to start saying yes!!!!

Ladybug2

Good for you Lucy!! Do you attend both AA and Alanon meetings?

lucygoose

Hey Lady bug! I go mostly to Alanon meetings. The AA meetings around here are 75 percent men and it feels like a meat market to be honest. I feel like all eyes are on me instead of just working the steps. And all the stories are just like my husbands and I don't want to hear about them. I'm still very resentful. I haven't even told my hubby all the things that happened that day. He's like a child right now. Very fragile. When he calls I have to trudge lightly. All he talks about is when he can come home. I understand but we are not ready and even if he thinks he's ready he is not. He's got a lot of work still to do. They give people meds in rehab. He's still taking drugs in that way. I swear he's never going to be just sober. He needs meds to relax. I'm just afraid it makes his mind think he needs something always to take. It pisses me off. Rehab should be cold turkey in my opinion. He's still fighting people in there with wanting to leave early so he can work. I say hold up until we hear what the courts say. Until then we have to sit tight. There is no reason to plan anything. They say you end up at the age you started drinking. He seems about age 14 right now. I don't want to feel sorry for him. I want a confident husband. I don't like to see his vulnerable side. I guess I sound lame. I want my John Wayne. If that makes sense??? I miss the husband I used to have before it got so out of control. Do we sometimes just grow apart??? it's me who feels so strong? It's a total role reversal. Something to contemplate.

Happy Saturday to all of you!!!

I'm off to let doggies out....

SoberLife2014

Hi ladies,

Just checking in real quick. Not a whole lot going on around here, but I'm making some changes in my life. Just changes within me. I think I mentioned earlier that I was reading a book called "The Four Agreements". Well, I finished it and it gave me a lot to think about. So, one thing I've decided that I need to work on is accepting myself. I was pretty mean to myself during my alcoholism. A lot of how I feel about myself comes from external sources and how I interpret them. Not a whole lot actually comes from within. If that makes any sense. In other words, I take things very personally and I care a lot about what others think of me. So I've stopped wearing makeup. This is kind of a big deal for me because I've been wearing makeup since I was about 10. I'm very blonde and have fair skin. I've always felt self-conscious about it. I felt like a cross between Swiss Miss and Gene Wilder without make up on. This time I'm not going to wear it an every time I look in the mirror I'm going to tell myself that I'm beautiful without it. I'm beautiful just the way I am. And I'm going to hold my head high in public and I'm going to make eye contact with everyone I meet. So far no one has gasped upon seeing my face. No one has confused me for Willy Wonka. My husband didn't even NOTICE that I stopped wearing makeup until I mentioned something to him! It's still a little odd for me, but I think over time I'll get used to it.

Other than that I've been cleaning like a mad woman. I think I'm having some post baby nesting instinct. I've been having some cravings for alcohol, surprisingly. Here I am trying to do an inventory on myself so I won't feel the need to drink and it's making me feel like I want to drink. Mostly because I feel a little awkward and I want to get out of my head. I just have to stay vigilant I guess. This is kind of a scary thing but I think in the end it'll be a good thing. Take care ladies!

Bebetter

Hi all,

Lulu - I think it's great that you are making changes that both physically and internally show the real you! I also take things personally. I remember growing up, my parents often calling me hyper-sensitive (and now I'm raising a hyper-sensitive daughter as well). It gives me a lot of great traits, but my heart also weighs heavily on many things that others can just let go. I also agree with Lucy who said that when you get sober, you kind of are emotionally/mentally at the same age you were before you started drinking because you rely on escape to get through things, rather than facing them and growing. I know I don't act like a 20 year old, but there are lots of things I feel ill-equipped to deal with. I'm also quite introverted and find that being around lots of people drains me, and I need alone time to recharge. I'm not the party girl people used to think I was, and I sometimes wonder if anyone really knows me, besides my family and a select few friends. I'm awkward sometimes... I'm very cool with being me, now, and try to remember my strengths when I'm facing my weaknesses. I know that my sobriety has brought me more peace than I ever had while drinking.

Dollyangel17

Hi all.., Just came back from a cookout at a neighbors house. I was wondering how it would be as this is the first party I attended with people that didn't know about my alcoholism ( I have mostly only gone to family parties). It was fine for the most part even though it was a drinking crowd. I didn't notice much who was drinking or not, and only had one fleeting moment of longing when they were pouring shots of Baileys at dessert time. I thought how nice that would taste with my chocolate cake and how it would settle my stomach after a big meal. Again.,,it was fleeting, but I got up from the table where they bottles were anyway. At one point one of the women looked at her watch when deciding if she should have another drink, and counted the hours until she had to be up for work. Oh how many nights I did that math in my head in my efforts to convince myself it was okay to have "1 more". Let's see...if I have 1 more drink, I will go to bed at such a time, and that would give me 7 hours of sleep. Fast forward 1 hour...okay, if I have another one and don't shower in the morning, I will get 6 1/2 hours sleep...not bad. Oh how the cycle went round and round with my drinking math! Well, tonight I was do happy to go home sober with no fear I would be hungover and sick for work:-) A very successful cookout I would say:-)

JustSarah

Hey everyone!

I'm sorry to hear your hubby's a bit fragile Lucy, I can't imagine what it would be like for the roles to reverse but I'm sure this is just a stage and if you can get through this then it'll be much better on the other side, and maybe it won't be such a bad thing for you to be a little stronger too? Just a thought

Well I'm a little miffed with my hubs at the moment and it's not often I bitch about him but right now I'm just frustrated. He goes away on his travels and I'm left here with the kids which is all well and good but when he gets back it's like I have another child to look after. Dirty clothes can't make it to the washing basket, I empty his case after getting fed up of tripping over it, the mess he leaves behind is as bad as the two kids and I just find that all three of them taketaketake right now. It's tiring. I want a lie in one day of a weekend, just some time to myself to wake up with the newspaper, where I don't have to make everyone juice and toast the minute my eyes are open. It seems too much to ask, if the eldest isnt stood at the door with his list of demands then my hubby is making demands of his own (if you know what I mean) I mean really, can't I just have some time to myself?! How about letting me make a few demands of my own. Eugh. I'm just tired of doing everything for everyone. It's like he goes out to work and my job is to do everything else - the dynamics have totally Shifted as I can't work right now and it just gets me down

Anyways, enough of that - we had a great BBQ on the Saturday night with some friends and I stuck to driving so I was fine, my hubby got slightly drunk and then spent Sunday hungover. I had enough around 3pm and just hid in our room for an hour.

Anyways, sorry for the rant, I feel better already xxxx

Ladybug2

Hi Mommas,

Sarah, I know EXACTLY what you mean about feeling like you have an extra child to take care of and the whole wanting some "me time". I think I posted (somewhere) about this not too long ago? My hubby does the same with clothes/dishes laying around the house. I swear he doesn't know what a clothes hamper or dishwasher is! And don't get me started on the whole suitcase thing after a trip. Sometimes it takes him a week to even bring it in from the car, not to mention how many times I trip over it while it just sits in the living room. Has anyone ever seen that episode of Everyone Loves Raymond? It's all about about the suitcase issue I've tried talking to my husband about these issues, but I think it's just the way he is. He doesn't expect me to pick up after him, but if I don't then the house is a complete disaster. Messes and clutter don't bother him, but it drives me nuts! Regarding getting some alone time, have you told your hubby you feel this way? Maybe ask him to give you a morning to yourself one weekend? Sometimes I don't think they realize how tired we get of being on call 24/7? Anyway, you're not alone. Hope you get some nice "me time" soon

JustSarah

I haven't seen that episode but can imagine as I've seen quite a few of them over the yrs - I'm glad I'm not alone ladybug - thanks . I will talk to him I just haven't got there yet. I got all stroppy yesterday afternoon and he said 'I've noticed you get like this more lately' and I said 'well maybe you annoy me more lately' I must admit, when I came out of hiding from them - the boys had been fed and the washing hung up so I think he knows where I'm at .

It's funny that I put up with less when I have my **** together - I think the guilt of drinking makes me more acceptable to the mess they make but when I'm on the straight and narrow I think 'why should I do all this'. Just an observation I've made

Like you Lulu, I'm working on myself too - it's tiring trying to sort certain aspects in our heads out and good for you with the make-up. I couldn't do it, I have a full face on just to do the school run - but it gives me the confidence I need to get through the day

Hope everyones having a nice Monday - I'm just chilling in the garden with the Little one and catching some rays .


Xxxxxx

Babs78756

Good Morning Mamas!

Sarah, LadyBug - I was just having this conversation with my husband at dinner last night. Before we try for another we have to work out some of the 'issues' in our marriage. While I have surrendered the fantasy of our marriage being 50/50, its hard working full time and coming home and managing the house full time (dishes, laundry, thank you notes, social plans, handymen, trash, dry cleaning, groceries, pick-up, drop-off etc. etc. etc.). I cannot tell you all how comforting it is to know this exact same argument is happening in house around the world. I told my husband it boils down to 'taking care of the person you need to take care of you. I need to you lighten my load when you're home because you love and care about me, just like I want to lighten your load because I love and care about you. Releaving you, means you can give more to our family." He insisted that he cares and notices and appreciates it but I think he's come to expect a clean house, a full fridge, dry-cleaning done and back in his closet before his trips.... Part of it is about my expectations and the home/family I want to have but the other part is about standards and the standards we're teaching our daughter.... anyway...

SO...Saturday was 6 months for me. I'm very proud of myself. It's strange though, I still want to drink sometimes. I think I always will. I still want the comraderie around drinking. But now those thoughts and cravings are followed by the flashes of horrible memories of things I did while drink, things I said, bruises I woke up to, lies I told, bottles I hid, sicknesses I made up, feelings I hurt, friendships I lost.... It's strange, sometimes at 3:00 in he morning I'll wake up to a horrible memory from a drunken episode in the past and I remain mortified until I wake up. I wonder if this gets better?

My husband has a few friends in recovery and one of them is thinking about loosening the reigns on himself after 5 years of no booze or drugs. I'm not sure what that means and I said the other day 'maybe that's something I could do..." and my husband said 'yeah, maybe.' His tone implied 'maybe not.' I think I just have to resolve to be among the sober people for the rest of my life.... and that's not something that is tough for me to do.

Anyway... I've rambled, will check in again soon.

Babs78756

I meant being sober for the rest of my life is still something that is tough for me to accept....

Lots of typos in my last post. Apologies.

Ladybug2

Hey Babs, congrats on 6 months! You SHOULD be proud of yourself. I know what you mean about still wanting to drink sometimes. I hit 4 months last week and still think about how nice it would be sometimes to escape and have some wine and feel that relaxing buzz again. But, like you said, I quickly remind myself of the consequences. I think part of the attraction for me is/was the anticipation of drinking. Having that to look forward to at the end of a long day, I guess? As others have said, though, the cravings pass pretty quickly now so that's a good thing. Hopefully my AV won't try to convince me that it will be ok to try and "moderate" again after the baby is born, ugh.

Hope everyone is having a good evening xxxx

Dollyangel17

Hi moms...

Congrats on 6 months Babs!!!! You have done do well, be proud:-)

A bit of a trying night here. Daughter was very winey and diva like tonight. At only 7 years old, I wonder how I will get through her teen years do sober!! Ugh...

Hubby is also driving me batty lately. I feel like all I do is bitch at him, but lately my nerves are on edge, and everything ticks me off:-(. Don't know what is wrong, but feel like things he does that didn't bother me drunk really get to me now. Hope I can work through it:-(

Well, off to get some tea now...chat later.

Bebetter

I'm glad to see you post, Dolly. I don't know why, but I was thinking about you last night and hoping you were doing well. I'm sure the loss of your step-dad is still reverberating through your family - is everyone holding up okay? How are you? I hope you can find some calm space, both in your head and in family life.

Hubby and I go through the same waves of difficulty, where I'm nagging, he's being a jerk, and I'll look at him and think "WTF did I ever see in you?" (and he's probably doing the same thing). Right now, we're exactly on the same page and things are fantastic - it's always up and down, isn't it?

Dollyangel17

Thanks Bebetter!

I'm doing well, and my mom is doing pretty good too. Things have been hectic, but overall pretty good, and still feeling strong in my sobriety for the most part.

Yeah... It's the same with me and my husband. Sometimes all good, then other times I wonder if we can be fully happy together with me sober. I am not the same person I was when I was drinking, and our relationship has only known me as a drinker, so at times I fear the sober me can't fully fit in.

I worry that I will be like my parents when they sobered up and realized they didn't have a whole lot in common, and that was it:-(.

I need to figure out how to make things work with the new me, because I am not sacrificing my sobriety for anything.

Dee74

time for a new thread - join us here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-11-a.html

D