Originally Posted by tornrealization

I had a very angry day. My husband was complaining about Easter plans and I said you get to at least drink. He said it's not his fault I can't handle my liquor. I just let that one go. Then I go buy his moms gift ant lunch and eat at a BBQ lunch. I'm in a weight loss challenge and he joked, I thought it was weight off and not weight on. Typically I get the jokes, he's not an *******, but people at work we're being difficult, so I told him to knock off the comments.

He apologized and said the joke was lost. I know now. I was mad because people don't want to take the time to do their work. Just shrug their hands, say I don't know let's ignore the problem. Ugh!

So then I'm like getting a bad case of the fu????k its and start thinking about Southern Comfort. IOP last night was a presentation about how to budget money. Two hours!

So I'm driving to IOP, knowing that hubby is out having drinks and watching sports tonight. I'm tired as hell going to work two hours earlier to go to IOP, and maintain 50 work hrs.

I start envisioning what I'm going to say to the counselor, like a smart ass, I'm Hungry on a weight loss thing, Angry about work and Easter, Loney, hubby gone tonight and Tired. See if he picks up on what I just did HALT.

Group was ok tonight. By time it was my turn, it as time to go but I shared how I almost just said screw this and bought a bottle but came to group instead.

On the way home, I decided not to buy the booze again. Would've been easy too, especially with hubby out.

I bought Oreo brownies. I'm like 7 pounds over my BMI. I decided eff the diet.

Now I'm fed, with kitty and in bed.

I wonder about the drama too. I feel bored and I do like a bit of crazy and different. I'm sticking to IOP but I don't think it is the best. I really enjoy the counselor . However, he talks about his life lots, and it feels like just a share fest and almost only about court, guns, sports. It's been two weeks and he's not covered relapse info or talked about cravings. I still don't have a plan or phone number to reach them if I miss a day. So unorganized, I think my first IOP was better years ago. I still have addiction handouts, brain information, really good stuff. They no longer had night IOP though. I wonder if an AA meeting would've worked just as fine without all the cost if IOP for tonight's craving.

Ramble ramble, I'll stop now.

Have to get to work early to do AA!

Originally Posted by DiggingIn

Oops. . . Hit send too early. Anyway in dream my former friend was being nice to me. Invited me out to watch some live music. In the dream it felt very normal and natural. Woke up today with feelings of loss, sadness and loneliness. I don't miss who she became, but I miss who she was.

Originally Posted by SayAnything

My sister has things going on and I feel kind of helpless here. She lives about 3 hours drive from me and went through a really crappy, crazy divorce in the last couple of years. Her ex wasted no time and got remarried (good riddance and poor new wife!) But it's been hard on the kids. Her teenage daughter has been cutting and had been in the hospital briefly for it. Now she just found out that she's been drinking. Not party drinking with her friends, but drinking alone at night, mostly to sleep and to replace the cutting. It's heart-breaking. I don't want to see her end up on this board someday. I wish I knew what to do. I don't get to see her often and my kids are closer to her younger brother's age. I guess the good thing is that she (my sister) is free of her oppressive marriage and is a much stronger person that provides a safe home for her kids. And at least they found out what they're dealing with. It was really tough, especially on my sister, when our mom died 8 years ago. They were really close. I know she misses having her to talk to. I'm not the greatest of comforting shoulders to cry on.

I haven't told anyone my struggles with alcohol. They know I drink occasionally, but I have no family in town and no one has any idea the extent of my dependence or of my decision to abstain. I'm thinking maybe I should share this with her because it might be helpful. Or it might be more of a burden for her to know. IDK. All my family think I'm perfect and the perfect mother. But if it could help her deal with her daughter, then it's time to shatter that image. I always feel guilty when they say, "You're such a great mom!" etc. Not that I'm not a good mom in a lot of ways, but they don't know what it's like for me here.

Last night, I was cooking dinner, and I actually started to reach for my glass of wine. I love having a glass (or 2) while I'm cooking! It felt really weird having to stop in my tracks for a second and think, "I don't drink anymore." There was just a moment of sadness and regret, but then it passed. I know it's early in my recovery, but it kind of threw me. I guess it probably won't be the last time.

bunny!

Originally Posted by gleefan

SayAnything - I have the same peer pressure with the same ridiculous mentality.

Good job saying no, and not picking up a glass while cooking. I "play the tape to the end" when I'm cooking. The classy glass of wine while cooking doesn't look so innocent when I see myself passed out at the end of the night, and how limited my life feels the next morning between headache, regret, and intensified agoraphobic tendencies!

Originally Posted by LonelyShadow

I really hope the situation gets better soon SoberLeigh, I'd say focus on getting yourself physically well first of all

Originally Posted by Gazza

Soberleigh Sorry to hear about your mother's passing and your brother being difficult. Wish there was something I ould do. Sending you get thoughts and prayers.

On the cravings thing in the book 'under the influence' it says these are often caused by nutrition. After drinking the cells of the body adjust to the prescence of alcohol and become accustomed to it. They cry out for it. The book mentions avoiding cafine, pastry, sugar and high GI foods. Its basically a diet for hypoglycemia. Ive also heard there are AA groups called No Whites Allowed where people only eat low GI foods, no white sugar, flour, spuds etc.