Babs78756

Metalmatt- what happened (or didn't happen) leading up to the 6-pack? Retrace your steps and you'll find where you left your sobriety. How can we support you?

TigerLili

Get right back on the horse, MetalMatt. DOn't let the monster in your head convince you it's a good idea to keep drinking.

I don't know about you, but I have never woken up thinking "Damn, I wish had had a drink last night." I regret every single drunk. I have never, ever woken up sober and thought it was a bad thing. My life might have seemed to be in the toilet, but it was still good to wake up sober.

Keep posting with us. Maybe check in frequently during the day if you can.

Oh, and you didn't let anyone down. That's not how it works here. Many of us, including me, have had multiple attempts to get sober and stay that way. Just keep getting back on the horse.

Dee74

You didn't let me down MM - I know how hard it is.
Think about what happened tho, and why - and what you could have done better...it will help you next time...

welcome back

D

MariahGayle

Its a new day tomorrow Matt....I too have started over many times - Don't beat yourself up & stay here with us

MetalMatt

I am trying to be numb to my feelings. My feelings are strong right now as I am watching the ex move out. I really don't care about anything anymore, but I know the beast has a big voice in that.

I restarted tonight after a 6 pack and a nap.

Life is worse then it seems when I drink. Life gets worse when I drink though, that needs to be my focus.

Dee74

You'll get through this Matt - drinking only slows the process down and keeps the pain fresh.

D

MetalMatt

Babs, I just gave up. It's been hard for me dealing with the fallout of my drinking. I have every reason not to but I still did.

Picking up the pieces on day 1 today again.

Beanie25

Morning (here) all. Day 27 and still here. Hope everyone is doing Ok...will catch up with posts later, I don't post as much as I would like. But read a lot. Happy Thursday!

TigerLili

MetalMatt the tricky part of not drinking is that you have to feel your pain. We alcoholics self-medicate with alcohol, but the alcohol just contributes to making the pain worse. Hence, we continue to drink, our level of pain escalates and the level of our drinking escalates. It's a vicious cycle.

Drinking won't help anything and it certainly won't get your relationship back.

I really can't think of one thing that alcohol has helped me with, or any problem it solved. It's an insidious evil. When I drink, I feel like I'm possessed because I drink whether I want to or not.

I had to change my routine and circumstances in order to get a day of not drinking, then another day, then another day and so on. Maybe doing something like that might help you.

Blueyesgrn

It's day 27 for me as well.. Holding it together and staying strong! I'm going to enjoy my days off, enjoy this beautiful weather and take some walks on the beach.. Embrace the beautiful things I have to be thankful for.

JackieC

Day 19, folks. I changed my username in case you're wondering who JackieC is. I was 122213 but I felt better about using my first name and not my sobriety date.

Blueyesgrn, enjoy the walks on the beach -- that sounds absolutely heavenly.

Tigerlili -- I really like your idea of changing routine and circumstances. It's sort of like rigging our own game to help ourselves. Like a larger version of not having alcohol in the house. Live in a way that makes drinking way harder in those moments of craving that we all have. I find myself avoiding the area around the wine aisle completely at the store. Yesterday I sent my kids to get the bread and milk because it's down there by the wine. I don't even want to see all those bottles of wine and all those people buying it. It's the same reason I am not ready to go meet friends out for dinner, etc. Why put myself through it so early in the sobriety game? Just not worth it.

Have a wonderful day all,
Jackie

ActualAlcoholic

Hey guys just checking in from the pub... Staying strong, not going to give in. People were surprised I'm not drinking but I don't even care.

JackieC

Glad you're checking in Actual. Good work. Stay strong out there! Besides, how often do we get to surprise people in this world? That's a good thing.
Jackie

zerothehero

Hey friends. I read in another post about people feeling bloated and tired between Day 10 and a couple weeks. I was feeling so positive, and then I start getting this bloated feeling, and waking up in the wee hours with insomnia til near sunrise.

Last night I hit a wall. I went to jam with some friends and brought a bottle of wine - a Christmas gift that had been in the house that I decided I needed to get rid of because it started talking to me - to give to one of my musician friends. This is not a heavy drinking crowd, but we usually have one or two while we play. I and the bass player were sober. One guy brought just one small bottle of hard cider. It was all good.

I gave him the Malbec and explained why. We were just picking and singing, and suddenly I looked at the bottle and felt this overwhelming sense of loss. I also realized I was exhausted, and missed that feeling of the first effects of a drink while jamming - that little bit of magic. My playing was sloppy and uninspired. I found myself getting choked up in the middle of a song and feeling a need to force it down before I started sobbing.

I hadn't felt this way for 13 days of sobriety. Today makes two weeks. I finally slept hard last night but woke up exhausted, dragged myself to work, and started having symptoms, especially dizziness and headache. Maybe I have a virus, I don't know. But at lunchtime I decided to agree with my boss and just go home.

Here I am, oddly depressed after feeling so positive for days. I just want to sleep, so that's what I'm gonna do. Feeling more Zero than Hero right now, but I'm just going to try to love myself, drink some tea, maybe read a little, and fade out...

Here's to better days in the future...

Muhv

It is a very good idea to check in from the pub, I might even use this idea myself in a few weeks. I have a work thing in the end on january, have to fly abroad for 3 days. I love the company I work in, but I have to say, people there just drink too much. And those 3 days will be drinks 24h.

So, it's 21:55 here, I'm off to bed. Tomorrow morning when I wake up, I have been sober for 2 weeks! Yay!

JackieC

Zero, I get the feeling of loss you describe. It's all a big loss. Even though rationally we know that our lives will improve dramatically, we still feel it on an emotional level as a loss. I have been mourning that loss though I didn't really know to call that feeling that until I read your post about your "overwhelming sense of loss."

I think it's good you went home. The roller coaster we are all on can be exhausting.

Muhv -- congratulations on 2 weeks!!

Jackie

ActualAlcoholic

Thanks guys!! Did it. Man, that was a lot more tough than I had thought it would be, caused a lot of anxiety... I'm definitely going to avoid bars any time I can in the future.

HenryKrinkle

I believe I'm on day 40. No cravings. I'm getting the anxiety under control with meds and a good therapist. Still occasionally have a little anxiety over the permanence of never drinking again. I'm still early on this journey and I expect that to iron itself out in due time.

Feeling good.

TigerLili

Day 12.

Zerothehero - I felt a lot of grief when I broke up with alcohol. It was like ending a relationship. A bad one, but a relationship nonetheless.

MariahGayle

Hi all - just winding down here in day 13 today (was off count earlier).....Will be celebrating 2 weeks with you tomorrow ((Muhv)). This is the most sobriety I've managed since I relapsed at 4 months back in August.

(((Zero))) Great for you on 2 weeks & hope tomorrow is a better day for you Encouraging for me to know you ALL are hangin in there & "riding" the waves with me. Have a great Friday.