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Class of March 2012 Part 7

Old 02-26-2014, 01:56 PM
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Really glad to hear it.
How long left with half term?
I don't care for clutter but Emma, now lets see how many books or book shelves you can get in a house.
Love John.
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Old 02-26-2014, 02:28 PM
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Did you have a nice time Jeni?

Personally I think it's good to rant, better to let things out than bottle it up inside, just make sure it's to the right people, which we are

I am fundamentally okay, but been riding the emotional rollercoaster recently. I know it is not good to look too much to the future but I am really hoping that I will settle down when I get my implant changed next week! The last few days I have been really depressed, the worst I have been since I quit drinking. I am a bit better now and there have been a few stressors so it wasn't completely illogical but it was a little scary. I feel like I am settling down now though and have been having a few more rational moments. Life goes on, unfortunately. There's been some good stuff though, I had a pupil come to my music group and he did really well. I know he's a grown man and all but I was dead proud It's little things like that which make it all worthwhile. And as ever my dog is keeping me cheery.

Now how's INH...? x
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Old 02-26-2014, 10:34 PM
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It's weird..I've been feeling a bit wonky lately..dunno all this stuff with H, and my kids getting all independent on me and moving on with their lives, and I'm having a few issues with my boss/friend...and I'm feeling insecure I guess. Life is changing and it makes me want to cling on tight to the past even if it wasn't all good. Fear of change I suppose. I want my kids to be little again so I can do it properly. I want H to start clearing some of his junk so that I don't feel I'm living in a rubbish dump. I want my friend/boss to quit trying to manipulate me.

There's a lot of 'I wants' in there..and I think I've gotta quit all that old malarkey!!

Also...I've been on some sort of spiritual cloud for the past few months..life has been unbelievably good, and now I'm back to doing a little trudging. I have to learn to slow down and stop expecting things to be perfect.

Sorry you've been so depressed Hypo..perhaps we should start skypeing? The gaps between us meeting up are just too far apart!! And texting doesn't cut it. I Skype my sponsor and also my sponsee and it's fun. What do you think? Can you have a multi person Skype? We could get Hux and INH involved too. That's if we can tear him away from his lady...ha ha.

Ugh..it's raining again...and this week at work feel far too long...

Have a good day
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Old 02-28-2014, 01:36 PM
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Hate to be all British about it but maybe it's the weather too. It's been very changeable recently and that always effects my mood. I have been feeling much chirpier today and I am sure that a big part of that is that it's been very spring like here. Oh and it is also my sober birthday, 2 years today. I think there is so much in my moods which has to do with how I respond to stuff. I know this logically, but so often I just react without thinking. Obviously if you respond like a crazy person to a situation then the outcome will be less than satisfactory. I have been panicking so long about how I am feeling, and the depression thing made me think I was on the edge of a downwards spiral, but today I felt a little grateful and decided to be nice to myself and it really has taken me out of the slump. But yes we should skype! Especially with INH if he could bear it! x
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Old 02-28-2014, 02:16 PM
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Oh I'm sooo proud of you Hypo. 2 years...that is utterly amazing. YOU are amazing.



There might not be many of us left, but you are the glue that binds us together xxxxx
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Old 02-28-2014, 02:48 PM
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Congrats again Hypo

have a great weekend guys

D
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Old 02-28-2014, 02:50 PM
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And to you Dee xxx
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Old 03-16-2014, 11:36 AM
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How is everyone?!

Sorry I haven't been around much. Combination of being busy, having a broken computer and I am still navigating the waters of insane depression and anxiety. It doesn't help that there a plenty of things to add to the sh;t in my basket, including family and work problems. It has all left me feeling pretty alone, to which I tried to add by attempting to dump my boyfriend. We're gonna have a chat this week anyway but I am just so much in anxiety central that I am not sure I can tolerate being around people. I wanna lock myself up and isolate again. I thought about drinking, really wanted to but I actually have too much to lose. Even though I feel awful, anxiety ridden depressed me has more self respect than drunk feeling sorry for myself me so I kinda want to hold on to that.

Well, that's my drama anyway...

Hope you're all well xxx
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Old 03-16-2014, 12:33 PM
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Hypo, this has been going on for a little while hasn't it? You've made lots of really positive life changes...do you think it's time to talk to your doctor about how you're feeling? You don't need to suffer like this. Xxx
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Old 03-16-2014, 01:25 PM
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The doctor will either put me on meds or send me for group counselling, which will just be one more thing on my list of things to do. I might need to delegate a bit more in my music group, I am reading stuff on boundaries because I am such a yes person and feel guilty if I say no. I have my counselling which is really helpful and as a practical thing with my work difficulties I am going to join a union, just as a kind of security blanket. Other than that I am just trying not to beat myself up. How's INH? x
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Old 03-16-2014, 11:11 PM
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You don't know he will put you on meds, and if he does suggest it, you don't have to take them. I don't know, sometimes they can help in the short term just so you can get on top of things. I'm not one to push meds, I couldn't wait to come off mine...I was 6 months sober or thereabouts when I did, but hey did help me at a time when I was struggling.

Anyway, that's enough about you...what about ME!!! Lol.

I've got this teacher returning to work today after her maternity leave, and she's a nightmare. She lurches from one crisis to another and is always emotional and unreasonable. I almost didn't take this job just because of her, and it can't be any coincidence that I've been managing so much better this past 7 months without her...I woke up this morning feeling anxious and I haven't done that for ages. Ugh. I swear to you, if we didn't have to pay out for our daughters uni, I would seriously consider leaving.

Apart from work, everything is really good right now. And for that I'm grateful beyond words x

INH...where the heck are you????
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Old 03-17-2014, 12:24 AM
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I agree with Jeni Hypo - you don't know what the Dr will say until you're there.
Being depressed and anxious sober is better than being drunk - but it's still probably not the best to live a life - you deserve as much happiness as anyone else

and Jeni, you don't know what will happen with this teacher either...she may have changed - and even if she hasn't, you have Jeni.

I think you'll do just fine

D
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Old 03-17-2014, 03:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Jeni26 View Post
She lurches from one crisis to another and is always emotional and unreasonable.
Haha, she sounds just like me! I apologise, you guys get the brunt of all my dramas.

I have a girl like that at work too Jeni and I just realised the other day that I deal with it much better now. I don't know if it's just because I am used to it now, or that, ahem, I am more emotionally stable now and don't get so derailed by other people's dramas. It is hard but there are ways to not let other people effect you. I am betting though that Jeni now is probably much better equipped to deal with her than Jeni 7 months ago x
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Old 03-17-2014, 11:38 PM
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Thanks guys but yesterday was really difficult. I was awake at 2 am this morning fretting about today...I just feel out of my depth sometimes. Yesterday I was late for a meeting, I had a teacher asking to see me, a parent wanting to make a complaint, a child who wouldn't get on the bus to go home, and his Mum wanting to speak to me on the phone...at that point I felt like locking myself in the loo and having a weep!! I'd already had to manage a really tricky meeting between 2 members of staff and chaired a child protection meeting.

How did I end up doing a job that involves dealing with conflict and also public speaking which are my 2 most dreaded things...?!

Anyway..it's all going to carry on today because I ran out of time to resolve it yesterday. People think I've got all the answers which I haven't.

I emailed my boss who said she will be around this morning so I can delegate a bit of it hopefully. And on a Tuesday I take one of the lads swimming. He's great but potentially very aggressive, so I volunteered as his class staff are understandably wary. He and I get on great, and it's the highlight of my week now. So maybe it won't be as bad as I hope.

Deep breaths...smile in place...some days are harder than others but I can do this...
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Old 03-17-2014, 11:40 PM
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I'm sorry yesterday was a challenging day for you Jeni - I hope today is better

D
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Old 03-19-2014, 12:10 PM
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I think you're a lot more capable than you give yourself credit for Jeni. You have a very demanding job anyway, even without all the parents and teachers to deal with, and you do it brilliantly (I am assuming ). It is okay to say you can't cope every now and then too. I think we sometimes have this image of perfection which we impose on ourselves which is totally unattainable. How did it go with the teacher who has been on maternity leave? xxx
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Old 03-19-2014, 12:38 PM
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Well, she has actually been ok so far!

Tomorrow evening, I've got to go to a question and answer evening at the local university for trainee teachers. I will be sat at the front and they will be firing questions about special education at me...tell me..how ON EARTH did I end up doing this for a living???

This afternoon, I had half an hour with my little buddy (10 year old kid with learning difficulties and huge emotional problems). He and I bonded after he was in my class 3 years ago, and he often gets sent to me after trashing his classroom. We had some time working on emotions and generally having fun..now THATS what I love...the kids.

And I'm better at handling most things at work, but not when it all happens at the same time. I guess though this is the first really anxious time I've had for a few months, so I'm not doing badly really. And it doesn't even occur to me to want to drink or smoke over it...so that's the main thing.

How are you doing Hypo? Xxx
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Old 03-19-2014, 05:30 PM
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Hello all. I know its been while since my last post sorry about that. I haven't caught up on reading what's going on with everyone else yet, but I've been pretty busy lately. I swear I will get on here eventually and make a proper post but for the time being I wanted to assure you all that I'm alive and sober. I didn't grab a year and go out running amok to celebrate lol. For now that will have to do as I got to get back to work but like I said I will hit thus site up in a few days and put some time into catching up with your posts and putting down one of my own.
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Old 03-19-2014, 10:56 PM
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Hey INH...good to see you. Glad everything is ok...and I will look forward to hearing more from you xxx
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Old 03-20-2014, 02:28 AM
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Originally Posted by InsertNameHere View Post
I didn't grab a year and go out running amok to celebrate lol.
Hey, you laugh but that's what a lot of people do, it certainly crossed my mind Great to hear from you INH x

How did you end up doing this job Jeni?? The way I see it life is too short to do stuff that you don't like doing. You have pushed yourself and proved that you can do this job, it's just you don't like it so much. What you do have is something which you really enjoy doing and are good at. That's more than most people ever find in their life. Why can't you just do that? Even if it means a pay cut, it's better to be happy right?

I am thinking the same things myself, but to be honest I have a good balance at the moment doing my normal job and volunteering on mondays. I do love my work, I just don't like my boss, and all the self doubt and stuff I have would be there no matter what I was doing. Work has been hell recently, with one member of staff getting a warning and her just being general horrible to everyone because she is stressed. She told me she tried to kill herself (which is incidentally bullsh;t as she says this all the time for attention) and then got angry with me when I asked her brother to check on her. So all that drama hasn't helped keep me on the positive side of life. But, I finished two jobs recently which my customers were really pleased about, and both of them have spoken to my boss saying how happy they were with my work, so that should go in my good books at work, hopefully. I am however going to join a union in case the proverbial hits the fan in my department. I am generally paranoid there, and just in general really. I am feeling okay, looking forward to seeing my therapist next week.
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