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Old 01-03-2014, 06:11 AM   #321 (permalink)
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Haha, good point Jeni. None of us who post here actually got sober in March! Yup, my sobriety date is 28th of Feb but I posted here because I didn't want to just catch the tail end of a thread. I don't think I realised they carried on after the month. Cos I'm an idiot.

I had an awful night last night with an old friend who got totally pissed. I ended up having a fag cos I was steaming (in an angry not a drunk way) but I had no escape because he was staying at mine. In any other situation I would have just left. I didn't realise but we have met up a few times since I stopped drinking but never with him crashing at mine. Basically he drank half a bottle of vodka before we went out and then had about 5 pints out. Not that much in the grand scheme of things but he can't drink like he used to and he was very wobbly and a bit of an arse. He tried to kiss me too, he said he was just being friendly but I have a sneaking suspicion that he prefers it when I was single (as a side note I am officially no longer single ) and that was one of the reasons he got so drunk to start of with. I am just totally at a loss what to do about our friendship? I can't tolerate this sort of thing and I can't tolerate drunk people. I spoke to my mum about it and she thinks I shouldn't say anything and next time he gets in touch just put down the boundaries then and say I'd prefer not to meet up if he's drinking. The thing I am thinking though is that I have tolerated so much already and I am about ready to **** a few people off but I don't know if I am just being an over dramatic arse. I am also meeting up with my friend tomorrow who doesn't drink and has been less than supportive about my lifestyle choices. He wrote in my Xmas card about just wanting me to be happy and to be honest I found it really patronising. I have got angry with him before about not being supportive about my sobriety and yet he still makes comments... Also another thing that annoyed me was we were supposed to meet up over Christmas and he never got in touch about dates then texted me on boxing day basically saying we'd meet for drinks at 7. I had a date that night so told him I would come up to Manc the following week and he didn't respond, then turned up at my house anyway to drop my present off. Am I allowed to be pissed off about that? I just feel like I say stuff and people ignore me and do what they want anyway...

Ranty rant rant rant

I have counselling this afternoon and I don't want it to turn into a rant about stuff that has pissed me off that day. I think I maybe need to work on healthy boundaries and anger management though.

I am very happy with the guy I am seeing though. He's really nice and he doesn't ever drink more than one pint so that isn't an issue and I feel like I might not be able scare him off. So far so good.

How is everyone else doing? x
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Old 01-03-2014, 06:29 AM   #322 (permalink)
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Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries.

That's what I've got to say Hypo...no it's not acceptable to turn up at your house when you've told him you're busy. No, it isn't acceptable to get pissed and then try it on with you when they know you're with someone else.

I think all our relationships and friendships undergo changes as we grow into sobriety, some flourish and some fade away. I'm really trying to be honest with people and that involves being true to myself. I'm not prepared to act a part any more or pretend things are acceptable when they're not.

Glad you've met someone and are happy Hypo, you really deserve that. Xxx
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Old 01-03-2014, 07:54 AM   #323 (permalink)
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So how do you impose these boundaries? That's what I don't get. I feel like I have asked people to respect certain boundaries already and they don't. Should I just break the friendship then?

Being happy is an adjustment too. I am not used to being treated respectfully (probably down to my lack of healthy boundaries, duh). I could get used to this x

Did you get much work done Jeni? x
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Old 01-03-2014, 09:14 AM   #324 (permalink)
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I think upholding boundaries is really difficult and takes practice. Don't know that I'm terribly good at it yet...I think I would still let people take advantage if they tried. Thing is, I don't really surround myself with anyone likely to do that really. I virtually never go out and if I do it's with people I trust to be respectful towards me.

At the moment my main issues are with H...but I won't get into that. I'm hoping we can sort things out and move past this wobbly stage.

No, I didn't get much work done. That means that ONCE AGAIN I've left it all until the weekend before I go back to work and Sunday will be stressy. I used to be a complete workaholic but now I'm not. Not sure that's progress....?!

How was counselling?xx
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Old 01-03-2014, 02:05 PM   #325 (permalink)
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Oh my God... it was fantastic. My last counselling I found very frustrating because I just sat there and talked and the counsellor never actually said anything. This guy I think I love already. He talks fast and is organised and very insightful. We got through a lot quite quickly, which was helped by the fact I had written about 10 pages of notes of stuff I was concerned about. I was kinda shocked that after reading that and asking a couple of questions he told me he suspected I was on the Autistic spectrum!! Haha. he told me to do a test online when I got home and I scored really high. It isn't a diagnosis because apparently that is a long winded process but he also is on the spectrum and recognised a lot of my characteristics. To be honest it would explain a lot of the problems I have had with personal relationships and the like but something like that just never crossed my mind. I walked out with a big smile on my face thinking, right now we're getting somewhere. I think I may enjoy this process rather than just find it emotionally draining x
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Old 01-03-2014, 02:07 PM   #326 (permalink)
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Wow...now THATS interesting!! Xxx
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Old 01-03-2014, 04:24 PM   #327 (permalink)
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Haha, a friend on facebook posted this Jeni. I'm a monkey

Why Procrastinators Procrastinate | Wait But Why
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Old 01-04-2014, 01:00 PM   #328 (permalink)
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That was such a funny link...I could totally relate. It's Sunday tomorrow and I'm going to have to spend all day working. Ive had 2 weeks off and there's no excuse. Pathetic.
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Old 01-06-2014, 03:42 AM   #329 (permalink)
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I'm here reading, and boy do I have a few things to tell you ladies. Unfortunately I don't have a lot of time, as I am taking a page out of Jen's playbook and procrastinating things I should have done a long time as I type.

Hey James!

Hypo, that scenario sucks, I agree with your mom on that one. Awesome on the new shrink. And congrats on no longer single, as you may read later neither am I (kind of).

Jen I am doing the same right now and have this whole holiday, ugh I wonder is this is a lesson I will ever learn.

The short version from me is that time home went well. The family was cool and not overly intrusive, mostly just glad to see me and be able to chat. A couple of old friends just happen to be in town for the holidays as well so that was neat. On the recovery side, I didn't go to any meetings in my hometown as I just didn't have the time. After talking with my sponsor about it though I agree with him in that I need to be sure to make the time even or especially when things are going well.

Now here is the biggie for me at least. I think I have a girlfriend now

Its a really complicated scenario that I don't have time to go into right now, and we only had one dinner date after initially meeting while I was back home but it went really well and we have been chatting away since. We have a ridiculous amount of things in common and she is the first woman I have met in a long time that I have a genuine interest in. Honestly I think I am going through an infatuation phase right now, but from what she is saying shes right there with me. So in that regard it is a good thing that we don't live anywhere near each other as it is forcing us to take things slow.

I am pretty jazzed though, I haven't smiled this much in a long time. On that note I am trying to not get too excited or start expecting things. I am trying my best to let go of any outcome and just see where things lead. Not always very well mind you, but I am trying.

There is more but now I have spent way to long procrastinating on here and will have to get back to work.

Have a good one all!
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Old 01-06-2014, 04:03 AM   #330 (permalink)
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I think letting things go along as they will, and not forgetting your recovery, is the best way to go

Best wishes INH

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Old 01-06-2014, 02:39 PM   #331 (permalink)
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I am glad you're smiling so much INH I have found that dating has tested my emotional stability somewhat but so far so good. Sometimes though I am not sure I am up to it. Interaction with people tends to make me want to hide in a dark room. I have met his parents already and brothers, albeit briefly, and a small part of me is starting to want to run away... The good thing I suppose is that I am back to work now so that will slow things down a bit.

Glad you had a good time back home too. With the meetings I think it is just good to be mindful of how you are feeling. I know that the few times I distanced myself from some element of recovery I found my head doing leaps back into drinking world... For me just having some interaction with some recovery like stuff helps. I will be doing just an hour and a half meeting a week for my volunteer work at the moment and that just keeps my head focused in the right place. For whatever reason I don't seem to spend as much time here as I used to...
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Old 01-07-2014, 12:58 PM   #332 (permalink)
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Good grief...I turn my back for a moment and the pair of you have gone found yourselves partners.

Does this mean you are both going to ride off into the sunset and leave me all alone on here??!!
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Old 01-07-2014, 02:15 PM   #333 (permalink)
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Haha, I doubt it Jeni x
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Old 01-09-2014, 10:59 AM   #334 (permalink)
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Haha, I don't think so either Jen.

For the record, I don't know if mine counts she lives two states away for now so its not like we'll get to see each other often. Plus were approaching this with excitement and caution so its a little complicated. Just talking so far, especially since we've only had one date, though I might be going to see her in a week. We'll see how it goes.

I forgot to tell you guys that I had surgery didnt I? Nothing major just for my voice which was extremly raspy and breaking worse than a teenager going through puberty. I had nodes on my vocal cords and went to get them taken care of and biopsied Tuesday. I am on pain meds but I don't think I like them, my hands are twitchy again and I can feel my mood is a little depressed, it kinda feels like being just the slightest bit hung over and I don't like it. Of course that could all be from the anistegia of from my new jacked up sleep schedule. Either way I don't like it lol.

Oh yeah this is funny! Because my surgery was on my vocal cords I am not supposed to talk so I am walking around with a dry erase board and writing out what I want to say. Its brought some chuckles.
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Old 01-09-2014, 12:22 PM   #335 (permalink)
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I wish you a speedy recovery INH... That sounds fairly traumatic! Are you okay? x

I have been a little depressed this week. Not sure why. Maybe cos I'm back at work and therefore spending more time out in the dark... but after my sneaky fag the other day I have been having cravings and the odd thought of wanting to get wasted like other people. I think I need to step up the amount of time I spend here or go back to a meeting or something. I miss not having my volunteer friend to chat to on Mondays too so may see if she'd like to meet up sometime. I need more sober people in my life!
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Old 01-12-2014, 01:00 AM   #336 (permalink)
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Gosh, I'm sorry I missed this you two...I don't hang out on SR like I used to and I miss vital stuff.

Sorry to hear about the op INH, and I can totally relate to the pain meds stuff. I am prescribed pain relief for something fairly minor but painful. It flares up from time to time and I have no option but to take meds. I put myself straight to bed..it's like I can't bear to walk around feeling glazed or out of control, not even a little bit now. It makes me anxious. I hope you feel better soon. Long distance relationships can work, at least in the beginning...who knows how it will progress and what the future holds. Have fun xx

Hypo-now I know we are in contact away from SR, and we've talked about this, but there's nothing wrong with leaning on your support network. Old timers I speak to would still consider 2 years as still being early recovery. You are experiencing a lot of change. New diagnosis, new relationship...
And I would say that finding change difficult is classic of those on the autistic spectrum.
Please don't be too hard on yourself here, and REMEMBER no matter how anxious you might feel now, it is nothing that compares to the anxiety after a night on the drink.

You have worked harder than anyone I know on your recovery..read so many books, incorporated AA and AVRT, done volunteering, got a sponsor...bloody hell if there's anyone who deserves peace in sobriety it's you.

This too shall pass....

But in the meantime...text me, phone me, message me, speak to your sponsor, go to a meeting, post on SR, message others on SR, hop on a train to London and I will meet you, do whatever it takes.

Love you girl. You are my bestest and most consistent sobriety buddy..I'm not letting you disappear without a fight xxxxxxxxx
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Old 01-12-2014, 02:02 AM   #337 (permalink)
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Hope you're feeling better INH
You too Hypo

Hope all is well with you Jeni?
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Old 01-12-2014, 02:12 AM   #338 (permalink)
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Hi Dee, I'm good thanks. We had a difficult start to the year at work and lost another of our children. We know lots of the kids we work with have life-limiting conditions, but it still shocks and upsets us all. In my job now I'm responsible for staff support so I tried very hard to do the best I could for everyone. I think the hardest thing was speaking to the other parents, who obviously have kids in the same position. Having to deliver that sort of news was really hard.

But aside from work, I'm doing pretty good. Started sponsoring others now which is amazing but time consuming, still going to my meditation meetings and have just finished counselling for the moment. My counsellor has asked me to go talk in some group survivor meetings which I've agreed to but quite frankly is terrifying me. But, I'm sort of going with it. Can't be scared all my life can I? Lol.

Family life is good, I'm good. A million miles away from the person I used to be.
Thanks for asking. And how are you Dee?xx
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Old 01-12-2014, 02:15 AM   #339 (permalink)
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Good thanks Jeni - I can't complain.

I'm sorry for your loss tho - you and people like you do an amazing job

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Old 01-12-2014, 01:14 PM   #340 (permalink)
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Thanks so much Jeni, your post made me cry. I am feeling very blessed today. Last night was really nice and today my friend came over and we walked the dogs. All good fun without setting a foot near any alcohol. I am so glad we cancelled the night out. I have been very emotionally temperamental recently, and I think you're right, all this change has sent me into a bit if a tailspin. Especially the dating thing. That was my last sober 'first', so on a positive note, it will never be quite this difficult again. I think that's it now, there isn't anything I have yet to attempt sober!

I am so sorry to hear about your loss Jeni. I am sure that must be really difficult to deal with, and for the kids too. The group survivor meetings sound interesting. Would you have to share like in an AA meeting? x
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