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One Year & Under Club Part 18

Old 07-21-2013, 01:32 AM
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AW I think your post kinda got looked over with the page turning and a few new faces logging on! I hope you are doing ok now? I feel you are ( possibly subconsciously) holding onto some resentment about your husbands work taking you away from your family, and perhaps that is holding you back from settling into your home? You obviously really miss your family, but now you are getting sober you are perfectly placed to make the same commitment to where you live, as you have to your husband. When you get back, how about looking for some night school classes, or joining a local community group? I would suggest specific times to call or Skype family, but to focus on making where you live, the place you want to be. I feel you have been drinking and marking time since you moved, as if in your mind it was temporary. Now is time for acceptance, and jumping in with both feet!
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Old 07-21-2013, 02:01 AM
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DG, I so know what you mean about the bad habits of a loved one, be it toilet seats left up or crocks left unwashed! I used to let everything get to me til I built up a head of steam and blew, but not I think ' hey the world is not about to end over this. Find a way of dealing. For example, lovely hubby folds damp towels, so they are nice and smelly when I come to use them, so he has his towels I have mine. I also have a prima Donna chef, so instead of moaning that he uses every utensil and crock, I throw a pinny on, and act as his kp (kitchen porter, aka dogs body) and make a game of it. What I'm saying is, don't let the little things become big things! That said, you couldn't get your morning coffee??? Now THAT is not acceptable!!!!

Messyliver, glad you found your way here, you will get masses of support and advice, this is a great thread! What are you doing about your recovery? Are you going to try AA? I know you felt you might have a problem with your liver, have you booked to see a doctor yet? I know you are abroad somewhere, but perhaps a doc could point you in the direction of help for your drinking?

Stevie, you turned down work????? Seriously, no wonder you are a little resentful at not being able to relax and enjoy a little R&R with your family, I bet they all wish you were there too! Hope you get some decent down time between shifts. What football ground is it you work at?

HD3 it is only natural to want folk to only see the best in us, most can't look honestly in the mirror and face their darkest parts, but we can only start to heal when we see ourselves warts and all, and begin to make changes. In time we can actually become the person we want people to see. You have come a long way on your personal journey.

Lydia, welcome back, it was near enough a year ago I first logged on, but I wasn't ready yet to accept my alcoholism, I didn't really give sobriety a chance. It had taken me years to even get to the point of looking for help and advice. It took another 8 months of stop start to get to where I am now, 4 months sober. AV is a tricksy nasty wee squit and will push you away from SR when it is trying to tempt you, so stick close this time and read up on things like PAWS and urge surfing.

Siesta, good to see you and you are doing the right thing reaching out rather than giving in.
Again look at PAWS I thing that may help you understand what you are going through drink wise, relationship wise, have you and your hubby talked? Maybe the relationship has drifted as you both deal with your sobriety, maybe counselling or even just dating again would help you reconnect? If there is nothing other than joint sobriety, perhaps the relationship has run it's course, as you say, you have much to think over, but you really need to know where hubby's thoughts are at too

Good to see 3 new faces, I look forward to more posts from you all

WWG, Pete, grace, Gilmer murchovski et al hope your weekend is going well

Be strong, be safe, be sober!
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Old 07-21-2013, 03:37 AM
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Thanks Toots, yes your right I cant settle its like I don't want to and now Im not drinking its more apparent. I do have a job which I love , this has helped and I see my family as much as I can now we've bought a second car. I have had a good chat with Hubby this morning and we are going to try Yoga together and maybe something else. we miss going to the pub together, Im not ready to go to the pub with him Ive tried a couple of times but hated it and I felt resentful and bored. I feel calm but flat I miss the buzz but don't miss the hangover. I need to find something to do. My dream is to live by the sea and Hubby said lets save and get a static home on a site we can go weekends and holidays, now that's a great plan !!

welcome to all the newbies
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Old 07-21-2013, 04:46 AM
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day 3 here. feeling ridiculously pessimistic. feel like running home and giving up on my 'dream' life abroad. feel like i don't know what the hell i'm doing here and why i ever thought moving away would solve any of my problems. a glass of wine is feeling ever so tempting right now x
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Old 07-21-2013, 05:17 AM
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12.15 Sunday

Good morning Sunday best Undies

It's a bit of an overcast one here today, just pegged three lines of washing out so it's bound to rain, oh well if it does it will save me from watering the garden letter!
Had a bit of a lazy morning and I've not done a great deal, which makes me fee guilty, but I wanted to come and do a bit of posting while I can.

D.G, I wander then if our other halves get discount from where they do their shopping, lol. You're doing well with the weed, you've more weed free days than not over the last month, so keep on perservering with it.
I had my hair cut too yesteday and my roots done, so at least I feel a bit more presentable. What are you sewing? I'm dying to know.
When it is my other halfs day off on a Tuesday, he cooks dinner, usually the simplest of things, he can only do two dishes and one of them is salad, he uses every dish, pot and pan we have and I'm left with the clearing up!
I should have a spotless, tidy home, but with taking on a three year old, I always have toys out, finger prints everywhere etc, etc, it's like fighting a losing battle but on the other hand I'm sober, I'm realistic and I'm coping with whatever life throws at me.

AW58, I'm sorry you feel so unsettled and I wish I knew what the answer is. Going back to places from where we had good memories is always bitter-sweet and I'm guessing because you are not blotting those feelings out with booze it's hard actually dealing with them, but you will. I know it's easy to say but we can't dwell on the past and what might have been. I've been married before and have grown up children so I do know where you're coming from, it's hard to let go.

HI Messyliver, welcome to the Undies, it's good to have you with us, you'll get lots of support here so stick close and keep reading and posting. Day 3 today for you then. Just remember it's one day at a time, baby steps all the way, those little steps soon add up to a mile.

EVERYBODY, STEVE WORKS TOO HARD AND TOO MANY HOURS!

HD3, that post is so true, I can relate to it so much. I would like people to think of me as being witty, clever, intelligent, beautiful etc, when really I'm just me, plain old shy Mary, who is a better listener than a coversationalist, a bit clumsy, a bit dipsy, a recovering alcoholic, that's the real me! The honest me who I actually prefer.

Welcome back Lydia, I amire your honesty and I'm glad you've come back. Sobriety isn't a race it's a journey with lots of twists and turns and some big mountains to climb. You're not on the journey alone though so stick close and read and post as much as you can.

Drake, I hope you're feeling better, I can see you have a bit of a dilemma with your dear friend, I think you may have to stand firm on this one and stick to your guns, you have to be in control of your own life. There will be a balance, it's just finding it! You need to be firm with him and mean what you say, I have a very controlling son and I'm working hard on practising what I preach!

Hi Siesta, I'm sorry you've got so much going on in your life, I hope you manage to work through things with your husband. The A.V will be beckoning, he doesn't need much of an excuse to swoop in, so stay strong and don't let him wear you down. Dee is right, posting here more often can only be a good thing, it just helps getting things of your chest and hearing other peoples prospective on things. Stick close.

Steve, I checked in yesterday and you even ticked my post!! Must be all those hours you're working getting to you, lol! Glad you're having a quiet day and I'm glad to see you've not lost your appetite.
I wish you could get on holiday too, you deserve a break. I'm betting your wife and children wish you were there with them, I bet they miss you like crazy. xx

Toots, that's really good advice you've given there and I re-iterate everything you've said. You give such good, common sense advice. By the way, I haven't forgotten that I said I'd p.m you, just been so busy, but I will do as soon as!

Aw58. I think it is really good that you have had a good chat with your husband, communication is all important in any relationship ( says she who struggles with it!) and I think that now is a good time to make plans for you and your husband to do things together. Saving for a static home sounds more than good to me, go for it. xxx

Messyliver, day three was the worst day in my whole 11 months of not drinking, I spent the entire day crying, I stayed up all night tearing my hair out, I was in the darkest of places, I felt like running away to a desert island and just hibernating, but I'm still here 11 months down the line, still sober. Do whatever it takes to keep your mind occupied and post and read here as much as you can, you can do this, you are not alone, we've all been where you are. You can do it, you're worth more.

Back later

Gxxx

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"If, after a period of time, we find ourselves in trouble with our recovery, we have probably stopped doing one or more of the things that helped us in the earlier stages of our recovery."
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Old 07-21-2013, 05:37 AM
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Haha Grace I just found your post from yesterday....I must be losing my marbles....Thanks for another great post xx
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Old 07-21-2013, 05:51 AM
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Great advice Grace. I think i need to chill out in general. I've been in my new flat in Spain for over 3 weeks but because i know i'm only here for Summer before i move on to a different city, i haven't even bothered to unpack. I'm really unsettled. I've returned to a city where i lived as a student a few years back. I promised myself i wouldn't live here again because it wouldn't be the same but at the time it seemed like the best opportunity to move away and i'm kinda of regretting the decision. Wine has helped me a lot over the last 3 weeks. I feel like wherever i am, i'm constantly looking forward to the next move which is naturally unsettling me more! day 3. day 3. day 3.
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Old 07-21-2013, 06:09 AM
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Hi Steve, lol, I'm always losing mine.

You're welcome M.L and I wasn't joking, i will never forget my day three, people here said to me if you can get through this, you can get through anything and I did and I can!
Where in Spain is your flat if you don't mind me asking? My errant son lived in Madrid for 6 years and I went there often. I even went to night school and can speak a little Spanish, he speaks fluent Spanish and I picked up some from him too. Wine hasn't helped you at all over the last 3 weekends if you don't mind me disagreeing with that, all wine does ( wine was my choice of poison too) is blot out feelings. I'm looking forward to seeing you here tomorrow on day four. Lots of love. xxxxx

Gxx
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Old 07-21-2013, 06:27 AM
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I'm in Valencia at the moment but heading to Madrid in Sep. I've never been there so i'm excited for a fresh start. I didn't mean that wine had actually helped lol. I meant it's what i've used to get by which is very different. My problem is that i LOVE wine. I would do anything right now to be sitting outside with a glass. I'm shocked how hard i'm finding it already x
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Old 07-21-2013, 07:34 AM
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I agree also about day three, it was torture. My AV was there all day. I was sunbathing and oh boy the nasty green blob in my head didn't give up taunting. I wouldn't ever want to go back to having a day three again. Grace its rained hear and I've just looked at the weather forecast and it looks like we are getting a bit of rain the next few weeks, but in yesterdays weather it was giving hot sunny days, how can they get it so wrong

Steve you need to learn the word NO to your boss, I know the money is good but so id family life and quality time for your self

Well Im feeling a lot better and looking forward to a hangover free Monday x
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Old 07-21-2013, 07:43 AM
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Thats the problem lol...The money is shockingly low...Minimum wage..Thats why I do so many hours lol...
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Old 07-21-2013, 08:45 AM
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Grace- I'm working on some curtains for a little RV I have. I was too busy drinking when I got the thing and just made-do with some old shirts wired to the wall. (One of them even had wine stains on it where I'd spilled a glass of wine. Glad to have that mess gone.) The old ones were a huge pain as it was hard to get them to not have gaps between them where you could look in. I never did get around to getting them done yesterday though (or getting my hair cut)... spent the whole day doing yard work. At least it was a bit cooler than normal, so it was a nice day for that. Still found myself a bit resentful that bf spent the day out with a friend, then came home with another friend to smoke weed and I spent the day mowing the lawn and pulling weeds! Oh well... at least he wasn't in the way. And I'm jealous that you get salad with the meal, too! Generally we only get one course when bf cooks.

Toots, you are right, I need to find a way not to let this stuff bug me. Sometimes I think I must like feeling resentful or something!! What is a prima Donna chef and a pinny? From now on, I'm asking when I don't know words on here... I'll probably learn like 5 a day!!

Well, today is day 104 no alcohol and day 4 no weed. Perhaps I'll really finish the curtains and get that hair cut today.
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Old 07-21-2013, 09:51 AM
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Can i ask what AV is? I've seen it mentioned a few times around here lol *newbie* x
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Old 07-21-2013, 10:04 AM
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Messy - It is the addictive voice that denies all reason and urges us to drink. We have two voices "the sober voice" that really wants to not drink and then the addictive voice that creeps in and tells us lies. I just shut it down, don't engage it at all. I have a journal I have kept the past 8 years that details the horrors of my drinking. So, if I ever engage in the insanity of wanting to drink - all the misery is laid out in vivid detail.
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Old 07-21-2013, 10:43 AM
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Wow, a lot has happened in one weekend! Welcome, newcomers!

Bad news--I've got to take another long break from SR. I've been struggling with a raging emotional distraction lately. Most people can just overlook these things or take a deep breath and reason them away, but I've got a very touchy conscience. I now find myself getting irritated with ordinary things my husband does, so it's time to "radically amputate," as they say at the Setting Captives Free website.

Last time I left SR I took a nosedive and ended up relapsing. I'm trusting in God not to let that happen again. I've got my family, my church, and the ladies-only AA meeting to help keep me afloat.

I will really miss you all--heck, I already do! Have a great week!
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Old 07-21-2013, 11:46 AM
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Gilmer- I'm not clear on why you have to take a break from SR. Can you explain a little more?
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Old 07-21-2013, 11:49 AM
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ML- I think AV originally comes from AVRT or Addictive Voice Recognition Technique. Although many of us who aren't really AVRT people use the term.

Here's a link to a post that explains AVRT a bit in case you're curious. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
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Old 07-21-2013, 11:56 AM
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Also, here's a link to an article on PAWS that really helped me a lot in understanding the things I was going through when I first quit (and still going through) and in helping me to get through them. Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) | What...Me Sober?
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Old 07-21-2013, 12:55 PM
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Hi guys
Gilmer I'm with DG here, a little confused?? I really hope that you get things sorted super quick and get back here, we need you around, and we need to know you are doing ok.

DG, sorry sweetie, a pinny is slang for an apron, don't ask my why that is! Also known as a housecoat? As for the prima Donna chef thing, just that he likes to be a prima Donna ( like the ballerinas, Grace and ML would translate as I think First Lady?) in the kitchen. All demanding of where everything is, ( he would know if he put it back where it came from each time!) and getting upset if things don't turn out right, blaming the equipment, me or the ingredients! Or a combination of all three!

Grace, hubby is always bringing these toiletries home, I have drawers full of the dang things! Very helpful when we have guests though! I'll swap you a dozen for that Nissan pen?? Haha about the PM, I wouldn't have known who was due who til I checked! Head all over the place at the moment!

Drake I had meant to write before but I refer to my previous sentence!!! I hope you get things sorted, I hate falling out with friends, but we do need them to respect us and our wishes.

Steve some of the worst or hardest jobs are minimum wage, I used to work as a care assistant. You would think someone with the responsibilities and the anti social shifts you have would be better remunerated, but in reality it doesn't happen.

ML, I too loved wine, a crisp Pinot Grigio, a nice full bodied merlot, I could afford to indulge my tastes. I also enjoyed smoking right up until I crushed out my last cigarette. Doesn't mean that either the smoking or the drinking were doing me any good! It is difficult to give up things we love, but the fact is you really don't need it, you can find other things to enjoy. Yes you may miss it at the start, I still do when hubby has a glass or a bottle. He is sipping a malt whisky at my side at the moment, and I know I would really have enjoyed the taste of one. Unfortunately I know it wouldn't stop at one, wine or whisky, and after a couple it is no longer about the pleasure, but about the need to get sh1tfaced again. To satisfy my addiction. So I enjoy his enjoyment vicariously, and write here for my sanity. Be strong sweetie, your liver will thank you!

Dee hope you are managing to chill as you said you would!

To all other Undies, enjoy what you have left of your weekend.
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Old 07-21-2013, 01:05 PM
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Been back home from work about an hour...Quickly walked the dog and just smashed a huge chinese take away....Beef chow mein,barbecue spare ribs,2 spring rolls and a side portion of wok fried beansprouts....I'm guessing that's roughly 3000 calories easy and I still got a litre of caramel Ice cream in the freezer.....

Off to join a new 24 hour gym tomorrow so that I can fit in working out around my work hours....Told the wife and she wasn't too happy but I said all I do is work,sleep and play with the kids....I told her I need a little bit of me time and it will only be 3 hours a week...She knows working out helps keep me sober so I don't see what her problem is...

I hope everyone else is ok and Gilmer it's a shame you have to leave again...

I'll be back tomorrow....Take care....Steve.
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