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Class of April 2013 Part 2

Old 04-16-2013, 05:55 PM
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I went back to an AA meeting, my third so far. It feels good to be proactive about staying sober. It makes me feel like I am really trying this time. I am trying to get my mind as stable as possible before the wedding I have on Saturday. I hope that I am strong enough. I don't want to start over again.
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Old 04-16-2013, 06:36 PM
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Hi everyone...

This is my second go with this forum. I was in the Sept '12 class and I made it 45 days. What I realize now was how important it was to KEEP COMING BACK HERE, reading and posting. At 45 days I have no idea why I relapsed. It was late at night, couldnt sleep, and decided, "Eh ill be alright what's one bottle of wine from the local 7-11 gonna do."

Everyone here knows the story from there.

Before April 14th I was drinking up to a bottle of vodka and one bottle of wine a day. I have no other choice. It was time to quit. I was terrified of withdrawal (still am-- only on day 3) so I went to a detox center and being unemployed without insurance realized I'd never be able to afford it. I went to a psychiatrist instead to get some.benzos for day 1-4. By the way im a single, lonely, 31 year old male from LA so its hard to relate with the majority of you guys but we do all share the same affliction.

I hope to make it far far past 45 days this time. Here's hoping for 45 years and beyond.

I've noticed I've had a pretty bad chest congestion / cold that developed today. And a fever of 100.5 or so. Anyone else notice this during withdrawal? When can I expect to feel kinda normal again, physically that is.

-ideatrack

And anyone who wishes to reach out privately please feel free to do so. I need the support.
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Old 04-16-2013, 07:13 PM
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Welcome back ideatrack

I'm not a Dr but that sounds like your might be sick - have you seen your Dr?

D
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Old 04-16-2013, 08:22 PM
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Hi IdeaTrack! So glad you came back, and I think you're right... reading and posting are good to keep you on the right path. I've made it a few months several times but caved after feeling just a bit too comfortable and far removed from memories of my dependence. Coming to SR as often as possible keeps me grounded in my reality. Also... I'm just rebounding from the cold/flu symptoms you describe. Had a fever for a whole week, so if yours happens to persist... or gets worse, get it checked out. Take care of yourself!

JanieBB ... Good for you!!!! Yay for being proactive and feeling the difference with regard to your commitment this time. I feel that way, too, and am tryng to focus on how strong I feel, how GOOD. Thinking about all the plusses of staying sober rather than about what I'm "supposedly" missing is keeping me going. Have you come up with a non-alcoholic drink or two you enjoy? I really like half seltzer & half tonic water with a lot of lemon and lime on ice as well as extra spicy Virgin Marys. Oh, and I like cole cranberry juice with tonic water, too, in a wine glass.

Geo-caching sounds like fun, mmhoule!!! I think we'll have to try that!

PurpleLily: Congratulations on your 9 days. Two out of my four have diagnosed ADD and one... severe anxiety, so constant pacing. I caught myself being very short-tempered with my kids, too. Being sober helps me to check myself, and when I don't catch myself in time... I've found that an apology afterwards goes a long way. Sometimes it's even opened up avenues for some really good open communication. I keep telling myself that a sober mom is a better mom, one who can listen and advocate for her children. lol... We'll NEVER be perfect, but we can try to come pretty darned close, right?

Oh Beavis, I hope you get chance to meet some friends as time goes on. Are you able to join a gym, volunteer at school, or join a book club? I don't know what you enjoy, but I'm finding that I want to stay "good" busy these days (sober) rather than staying here at home feeling remorse about drinking, slabbed out in front of the boob tube. My daughter laughed at me when I bought a game over the weekend so we can play after dinner. I can focus more now on my family rather than on self-medicating. Let's keep it up together, ok?

Dorris, what kinds of books do you like to read? I LOVE to read, myself, so perhaps I can recommend a few. When I'm stuck, I sometimes spend some time perusing library shelves, pulling out a few, and reading dust jackets. If I take two or three, I don't feel bad about ditching the ones I don't get into.

Keep up the good work, Duffster!!! And you're right, it's just not worth it to give in. I'm finding that my anxiety and depression are getting a little bit better now that I'm at two weeks. Of course, I'm beginning to sleep a bit better, too, so that could be part of it. That, and i'm reminding myself to BREATHE.

Oh boy... just looked at the time. And here I was taking about getting enough rest.... SO.... Good night, all. Will pray for us all as my head hits the pillow.

STAY STRONG and BELIEVE.
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Old 04-16-2013, 11:46 PM
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Day 13..starting to feel much better..also sleeping well. The old AV is becoming more of a pain at times but got it under control at the moment

One day at a time.......
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Old 04-17-2013, 12:12 AM
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Newleaf Thank you for making me think about which books I enjoy. I have always thought I enjoyed girlie books about the 20/30something living in the big city, or exciting housewife who has an amzing life....... you know the sort I mean. I have loads of them upstairs, each summer I will buy a new one and still never finish them and now I've realised I really don't enjoy them sort of books.

Going to try something different, not sure what????

The two books I read yesterday were about dealing with alcoholism.
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Old 04-17-2013, 12:20 AM
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I hate this really low depressed feeling, the last two weeks I was on a high, life was good I started a new job, I was controling my drinking, we were all happy just getting on with life.

It's was not so much the feeling of drinking that pleased me it was the fact I was not spending all day everyday fighting the fact I could not have a drink. I was able to go about normal living and then have a few drinks in the evening with no dyer consequences.

Now with a bang I have brought myself back to reality, knowing I can't contunie living like that it was already getting out of hand drinking 13/21 days.
The last 3 days have been awful and to the point I don't want to go to work today. Not sure if it's the stress I will be on my own coping this week or what but I just want to go back to bed
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Old 04-17-2013, 01:03 AM
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Dorris, hang in there! I can relate to what ur feeling, it is the vicious cycle. Remember that u can do this and u will feel good again. I try to tell myself the things i would say to a good friend if they were down and push out the self-defeating thoughts that plague so many of us. Easier said..... but wanted u to know u r not alone!!!
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Old 04-17-2013, 01:18 AM
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Hello All,
Welcome to those that have joined our Class of April!

Just a quick check in. It's late. I'm roasted. (tired).

Just thought I'd pop in to let everyone know I'm still goin'. More bad news down the pike in the family...so I've been spending less time...doing much of anything.

NOT drinking. But...I'm sure all of you can relate...we reach for it when we're stressed.
Hope all is well with you guys.
Stay tough!
-Scout.
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Old 04-17-2013, 01:23 AM
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Hang in there Scout and Dorris - you know what they say - recovery's not for wimps....but you're not alone

D
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Old 04-17-2013, 02:03 AM
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Joining Class of April??
Relapsed and need to get and stay sober.
Thanks.
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Old 04-17-2013, 02:10 AM
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Welcome TempeBrenn

D
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Old 04-17-2013, 04:53 AM
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Good morning friends,

So sad about the tragedy in Boston. The were showing pictures yesterday of the 8 year old boy who was killed and my heart just breaks for his family and all of the other families who lost loved ones or have loved ones who were severely injured. It really does put things in perspective. You just never know. We really only have today. When I think of all those days I wasted being a useless slug it makes me angry.

Thank you to all for your support and kind words regarding my Dr appt. I was so nervous when I went in that my blood pressure was higher than normal, but my Dr was great. She really listened and made me feel comfortable opening up. Had bloodwork done and was supposed to get the results on Thursday, but then last night, during my husbands BD dinner with my in- laws and mom there, they called with the results. Everything came back normal?! Even my bilirubin, which was slightly elevated last year, was normal. Phew, what a relief. However, now that I found out I am OK, that awful AV is bugging me. It keeps saying, see I didn't do any damage....you can still drink a little..... shut up!!!!

Will stay strong today. Day 11 and don't want to start over.

Welcome to all the new new people and hope everyone is doing well and staying strong
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Old 04-17-2013, 06:26 AM
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I know that little voice oh so well. It won out yesterday, so I am back to square one. Makes me sick-in more ways than one. This forum reminds me I'm no different than anyone else. That I can't have one glass of wine, when I so desperately want to have only one. Just like my friends. Thank you all for your shares.
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Old 04-17-2013, 06:35 AM
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Sorry you had a setback, TempeBrenn, but hang in there and it is good you are back. I have had my share of Day 1's so I know the feeling. I am on Day 11, which is the longest for me this year. I have been doing so well and feeling really strong, but all of a sudden AV is back. IT just came out of nowhere and I am so p***** ! Stay on this site and reach out when you are struggling. We are all here to help each other
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Old 04-17-2013, 06:50 AM
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Scoutball & mmhoule - I take such issue with the whole concept that some type of behavior, way of being, etc, is "normal." Just frosts me. Everyone is different and we all have our nuances bordering on neurocies. Try not to worry too much about it. Sorry to hear that your family situation is getting worse Scoutie, good for you for not picking up, though.

NewLeaf - Thanks for the words of encouragement. Turns out I had my schedule wrong and it was a lifting day. I liked that a lot better and got it in. Something about lifting heavy weights until my muscles quiver like jello that makes me feel better.

Ladybug - Glad the labs came back well! I know what you mean about the AV voice saying "See, this isn't bottom yet, you're fine still!" But then everytime I had any sort of symptom or anything, I would google it. "Sweating and alcohol", "Heart palpitations and withdrawal from alcohol", "Hang nails and alcohol." I felt like I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop and the anxiety was overwhelming. Glad you're telling your AV off!

Janiebluebird - Thanks for the book recommendation. I recommend Drinking a Love Story and Rob Lowe's autobiography as well. Both very well written. I'm reading a book with my son right now, but I'm a little bit ahead of him. I'll see if the library has Broken Open. Good job on the AA meeting.

Beavis - The kids coming home is a huge trigger for me as well, and realizing that is a trigger is a huge source of guilt for me which is also a trigger. It's getting better now that I have spent since September tweaking our after school schedule into something that works for all of us. But it's taken us years to get to an "okay" level of stress afterschool. Did you play any sports in HS or college? Could you join a pick-up league? I would recommend volunteering at the school, but after last weeks craziness with my own PTA, maybe that's not a good call. You'll find people to hang out with. Maybe start bringing your kids to the same playground everyday after school? You may find likeminded moms and dads there.

Purplelily & Wilde - both of my children are special needs. it's tough. I don't want to go into it publicly, but if you'd like to PM me, please do.

mmhoule - geocaching! Forgot about that. Maybe I'll do that with the kids later this week. Thanks for the reminder!

Dorris - I'm sorry you're feeling low.

ideatrack - welcome!

TempeBrenn - welcome! Is your screen name a Bones reference? I love that show. Hang in there on day 1. I've had far too many of those. I went through stretches of weeks where everyday was day 1. UGH!

Day 20 - I think I'm finally starting to stop my excessive sweating through my clinical strength deoderant. I can't tell you how happy this makes me! My DS has an interview today for his special needs summer camp, so I am off again for most of the day. Have a great day bandicoots!
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Old 04-17-2013, 08:52 AM
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MustLoveCoffee Yes, I admire her character. Good catch and thanks for the encouragement.
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Old 04-17-2013, 09:49 AM
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Well I had a few drinks at work last night. Feeling pretty crappy about it. I just want to stay home and hide rather than face another day of failure. I am looking for new work but my husband is laid off so now is not the time to make a change. Has anyone found any holistic methods that help?
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Old 04-17-2013, 09:53 AM
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Sometimes I feel like I will never get sober. I have 1 day...I am so committed when I am hung over and then, the next day I feel great again and have a drink. It's an every other day process with me. So sick of it.
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Old 04-17-2013, 10:19 AM
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Originally Posted by kelle96 View Post
Sometimes I feel like I will never get sober. I have 1 day...I am so committed when I am hung over and then, the next day I feel great again and have a drink. It's an every other day process with me. So sick of it.
You just described me as well. Maybe I'll just go live like a hermit lol. Work from home enough to pay rent. Never go out ever again! :-)
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