RDBplus3

I have made it through the day without drinking. It is too late for me to risk taking a drink, so I made it through the day. I had thought by this time with 2.5 months sober, that the intensity of thoughts and cravings to drink would be less, but I am experiencing the opposite. It seems to be getting more insistent, the thoughts and cravings. I have a sponsor, I go to a lot of meetings, I am in the middle of my 4th step, and I absolutely do not want to go back to the old behaviors, with the risks to my health, marriage, career, and the real possibility of getting into legal troubles.

Dee74

glad you made it RDB

D

Junebugapril

RDB!!! You made it through today! That's all any of us can do, one day. Congratulations on 2 1/2 months sober. That is truly magnificent! Can you identify the trigger that was making you want to drink?

Marine28

Good job, RDB!

RDBplus3

Junebug asked, can you identify the trigger that is making you want to drink?

I actually think it is a much deeper and overall systemic functioning of my addiction-corrupted lower flesh nature (or beast brain, or lower consciousness survival drive, etc).

I am 58 years old, and I have been drinking my complete adolescent and adult life (and doing drugs when I was younger). I thought I was 'doing whatever I wanted' (being free LOL), but in reality I now realize that I was building an addiction, and then the 'ADDICTION' was doing WHATEVER IT WANTED.

So now, beyond just a 'trigger', this 'Addiction Me' that has been in control for so long is realizing after more than 2 months, IT MAY NOT GET WHAT IT WANTS anymore. So I appear to now be at the TRUE struggle / warfare time of getting TRULY FREE.

'I' cannot give in, or there will NOT be a TRUE ME, just a self-serving, self-centered, selfish dysfunctional lower-consciousness flesh nature out of control, or actually IN CONTROL.

Thanks everyone for the feedback. RDBplus3

Bashforth

Hello everybody! Just found this forum and happy to find I am am member of your class. My sober date is 11/23/12. Things are going well. Doing my 90/90 and working with a terrific sponsor. I look forward to reading the previous posts and becoming a part of the gang. Best wishes to all.

RDBplus3

Hi Bash...Welcome

Wifi

Good job fighting though it RDB!!!

Welcome bash!!! I was a Novie once but now I am in the class of December so I still pop in to support my Novie friends!!!

Big shout out to the class of November!!! I hope you all have a safe and sober day!!!

AnotherPaul

Welcome, Bash.

Day 75 is winding down. No work this weekend, so I'm looking forward to finishing the fourth step (finally) and getting to a couple of meetings. I intend to spend the rest of the time cleaning house, reading, meditating, and catching up on a few episodes of Castle and The Mentalist on the DVR. I'm determined to have a relaxing, recharging weekend.

Sazzle

Ooh I've missed so much, but glad to see you all still here. Big shout out to Bash, welcome to the group!

Nomis, AnotherPaul, Rochele, Dee, June, Marine, Wifi, RDB, marine, Sisterella, FMFT, Nikkipoo & anyone else i may have forgotten at this late hour, you all continue to inspire me.

I'm about to enter day 100! I think I'll stop counting so much now, but it was my target. Next one is my birthday in the summer. I've bought myself the most gorgeous pearl & Silver ring to celebrate and be a visual reminder of my journey. To me it symbolises the rough start I had (grain of sand/grit in the oyster) which turns out to be beautifully smooth (the pearl). It's also my birthstone!

I've been out to the pub after work with good friends and then for a meal. I can honestly say that I did not obsess once about my choices.

I feel great.

Have a great weekend Novies xx

ForMeForThem

Saz - you rock!! I am so proud of you!! You lead the way and are an inspiration...thanks for being here. love ya and congrats on 100!!

you know I love emoticons, so here goes...


::

ForMeForThem

Hi all.

I've had an ok week. Busy at work, got my major reports done which was a good accomplishment. Looking forward to getting organized and jumping into our next major project, which will be stressful but if I stay on track, I will be fine. In two weeks I will be traveling to NYC for a conference, which in the past has been known to be more of a party than a conference, but I plan to use it as intended, with maybe some sightseeing and shopping mixed in. Hard when everyone around you refers to having cocktails and drinking as a way to have fun and release from our stressful positions. It will be ok (as long as my husband is ok with having to manage the household for 3 days, yikes!)

Tomorrow is my middle son's birthday. He was born on 02/02/02...what a cool birthday! He's my angel. He's always been my dreamer, artistic, social, a kind word and smile for everyone. I love that about him. He thinks outside the box. But in school it has always been a struggle. Go figure, this afternoon I got an email from his teacher about his focus and learning troubles, STRESSFUL!!! I have to take a step back and think before I respond. Tomorrow we will enjoy his 11th birthday, he truly is something special ~

Hope you all are well. Welcome to new members.

phoebe64

Sazz, I am pearl, too. You must be a June birthday. What a nice gift to get for yourself. Congrats on 100 days!

FMFT, my boy is much the same. He is adorable and so sweet, and very bright, yet he is very silly and in class. His teacher seems very tough on boys. I see how teachers can favor the girls! I can say this in all fairness since I have one of each and my girl went through his school already. Your guy sounds like a gem. I hope you all enjoy his big day. Happy birthday to him!

AnotherPaul

Big congrats, Sazzle!

Bashforth

"Dear Human: You've got it all wrong. You didn't come here to master unconditional love. That is where you came from and where you'll return. You came here to learn personal love. Universal love. Messy love. Sweaty love. Crazy love. Broken love. Whole love. Infused with divinity. Lived through the grace of stumbling, Demonstrated through the grace of...messing up. Often. You didn't come here to be perfect. You already are. You came here to be gorgeously human. Flawed and fabulous. And then rise again into remembering."

charleesavedme

Hello - I can't believe it's been so long since I posted. I have so much to catch up on. I will do that this weekend, but in the meantime, just want to post to say I'm still here and things are going well.

I am glad January is finally over. It is my least favorite month of the year, but it was better this year since I'm not drinking. I have been totally committed to my morning exercise, but it cuts down a lot on the time I have to be on the computer. I am seeing the results I had hoped for so that's enough to stay motivated.

I always knew that my life would not changed until I first stopped drinking and since doing that in November, I finally feel like I'm truly moving forward. I overheard my dd tell my mom on the phone that she was proud of me since I stopped drinking and am now exercising and losing weight. It makes me so happy that she notices the positive change enough that she would mention it to my mom.

I still have days (many this month at work) where I'm stressed or even depressed, but I just fight through those days and go to bed early if I have to.

Anyway, just want to say hello. I will try to post more regularly - this group is very important to me and I wish you all the best.

Sazzle

Hi Charleesavedme! Lovely to see you here & sounds like you are really coping well. It's good to be so self aware while you are getting through these difficult early months. I'm a big fan of going to bed early to get the tough days over with. I'm doing it less and less but being sober is not all pink clouds and kittens as life/moods still happen.

Take care of yourself.

Much love

S x

phoebe64

I like to get a movie as a distraction on Saturday nights. The kiosk was broken at my Redbox, so my reservations for me and the kids did not get vended. Bummer. Guess I will read my book tonight. Maybe turn in early.

Weekends are very hard, still, as dh pretty much nurses several bottles of beer all evening until he turns in. Ugh.

Marine28

I have never done Redbox but noticed there is one in the grocery store in my new town. Will have to try it.

I am having a tough day for some reason. Very sad and depressed. I think it is past and present grief rearing its head. Grief for my husband who died 2 years ago and grief for my grandmother who died two weeks ago. It seems very strange to not wonder if she got her bath in the nursing home,or if they put clean pajamas on her. I was the one who looked in on her for years as my Mom was 350 miles away from her. I did actually look forward to checking on her, even though with my relocation, it was done by phone.

I am aware that feeling like this could cause some alcohol cravings, so I am trying to stay well fed (chocolate and pizza helps!) and trying to get a lot of rest. HALT. I can handle the HA and the T but the L is tough right now. Oh well. I am traveling most of next week for work, so will be too busy to be lonely. And I found a Yoga studio nearby so signed up for a beginners class for tomorrow. Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend.

phoebe64

Marine, I am sorry for your loss of your husband and grandmother, more recently. I am sure grieving a new loss brings back old feelings and makes them rather raw again. Hugs to you.

Redbox is good, when it works. Seriously, this is the first time I had a problem, and they are very inexpensive. And maybe you will make a friend or two in a yoga class.