Class of April 2012 Part 2

[Marria]

This has always been the point when I crack and think 'Ok I can be sober, so now I've earned a drink!'
Thankfully I'm still just on tea and coffee and I genuinely feel far more committed this time.

I've often read here that once the drinking stops life begins to change and improve, you start to notice good things happening. Well today was one of those days, I got an unexpected gift from a friend in the post and I've been offered more hours at work. I'm delighted!
I also now realise that I actually hated myself on an almost daily basis for giving in to the glass of wine time and time again. Its a big relief not to feel like that anymore. Its great to be feeling stronger and better about myself than I have in years.

Everyday I get such comfort and support from SR. I can be myself here and what a difference that makes

[NatalieN]

How encouraging to see that many here are making it. Congrats to all of you!!!!

I've had a good day today as opposed to the white knuckle/duct tape type day I had yesterday. Only once today a thought of drinking popped in my head. It lasted just a few seconds and it vanished on its own. I am incredibly grateful for that.

I am weak and lethargic and may just have to go back on my thyroid medication which I discontinued a month ago under doctor's care to see if my thyroid gland starts working again on its own. It appears that's not the case. I'll know more in two days when I meet the doc for blood results, including a complete liver profile. Keeping my fingers crossed. I am certain those numbers will be high as I drank a bottle of wine most days that week.

Life is sooooo much better with a clear head.

Let's keep doing this.

[Dee74]

congratulations everyone - great stuff

D

[jberk65]

You're doing well also Natalie, don't forget that. You conquered your AV!
We'll all keep fighting one day at a time. It's easier when you don't have to do it on your own.

[donenow]

Checking in, day 10. Feeling healthier physically but less strong psychologically today...

[Danica2011]

Hey everyone! I just got back from my tuesday night meeting. I still don't know how I feel about them. I do know that they are good for me to just sit and listen and be there for the hour and a half... I'm on day 17 today! things are still going fairly well, with only mild cravings from time to time... usually on an evening when I would have normally (habitually) been drinking. I'm really enjoying this clear head and I find myself cracking jokes and being just as funny as I thought I was when I was drunk. or in that hazy state of mind when you're not drunk but not quite sober... I think I lived like that for years... not drunk, but always thinking of the next time you were going to drink. (that night, usually, unless too hungover). I'm so glad that I'm not doing that now. today.

Tonights meeting was all about be accountable to this disease and not letting it fool you. Some like to call it AV or beast or whatever... I just know it's an addiction that is hard to break. Thinking clearly will help you to stay on the path. It's when we stop thinking that we can (and often do) get into trouble. When I picked up the first drink of the day, I rarely thought about the last black out (two nights before, or 4 in one week etc etc)... I just thought : mmmm, this wine tastes so good! Till I woke up the next morning not remembering putting myself to bed. ugh. I needed to say all of this to remind myself of what it's like.

Thanks for reading. xo Danica

[NatalieN]

Danica I am not a huge AA fan but the meetings help and I need all the help I can get at this time. I sense it's a good thing you attended that AVRT meeting. I've read some of the posts on their thread here and have also watched some youtubes and I think it's pretty interesting stuff. I attended a couple of Smart Recovery meetings back in December or January of this year after my relapse. The meeting was supposed to be led by a psychologist but it turned out she was also new to recovery an was attending AA meetings as well. That meeting never really took off.

There is an AA club a few miles from my house that offers 21 meetings a week of all kinds, NA, Al-Anon, AA, OA, GA and also support groups for nicotine addiction, not sure how those are called. They also have guided meditation meetings and I hear a new HOW meeting will open soon. HOW is a hard core overeaters meetings, hardcore because they are so strict that once, over 15 yeras ago I was fired by my HOW sponsor for putting noodles in my chicken soup. Not kidding LOL. I was under strict orders not to eat white flour. I can laugh about it now. I am no longer attracted to those extremes thank god.

I would love to hear more about your AVRT meeting if you feel like sharing.

Thanks for the encouragement jberk, parkec and soberbythesea.
You guys are doing great.

Marria best wishes to you. Just because you are at a point where you always cracked before doesnt mean you will this time. I can sense your strength and commitment from reading your last post.

[TigerLili]

Natalie - someone said at a meeting the other day that the etymology of the word 'God' comes from the Sanskrit (the oldest writtenlanguage I believe) from a root word that means 'It is' which can be interpreted as 'life', so 'Life is God' could be one way of looking at it. Also, Appendix 2 in the Big Book describes the spiritual experience as being 'a previously untapped inner resource that some among us came to know as god consciousness'. So, even the BB says that 'God' is something that arises from within rather than being imposed externally. Hope that helps a bit.

[TigerLili]

8 days!

[tanja]

Good Morning All,

I met my sponsor for dinner last night and we attended a meeting. A gentlemen that I have an enormous amount of admiration for took the time to sit and chat with me. He came close to death from alcohol. He was also blind for 9 months due to alcohol and ciggarettes. His spouse still drinks (like mine). He said he wasn't tempted by alcohol in the house. That certainly is not true for me. He explained that he would rather have his spouse drink at home rather than be out drunk driving. He also said going to meetings, taking a walk or calling someone when surrounded by alcohol. He said he would be there if I needed him. That gave me great comfort. My plans are to attend another AA meeting this evening. Not particularly fond of counting days, but it is day 12 for me. I intend upon really giving 100% to AA, which I have never done before. Hope everyone has a wonderful sober Wednesday

[kittycat3]

Day 5. I'm doing good, been very busy at work / school so that helps keep my mind off alcohol. Man, I wish I hadn't had that wine last week, or I'd be on day 20 something. I feel like I'm farther along than I was on my last day 5. I also take great comfort in coming here to check in on everyone, my April classmates! Everyone seems to be doing better this week!! And thank you Dee for being such a wonderful guide!!!!

[jberk65]

When is graduation Dee?
Six months, a Year, five years???
And no dropping out allowed classmates!!

Or at least we can have reunions every month or so.

[NatalieN]

Wishing all Aprilites a sober and serene Wednesday. It’s day 3 for me and I am in great spirits. Tomorrow I see my doctor to find out how much damage I did to my liver since my relapse in June 2011. I am loving the AVRT thread on this forum and might just order the book from Amazon.

Hey tigerlili thanks for that. I just read Appendix 2 of the BB (pages 567 and 568 in my book). The only chapter of this book I am fairly familiar with is ‘How It Works’, so this is uncharted territory for me. I liked reading that appendix. The ‘untapped inner resource’ reference resonates well with me. I sense that we are manifestations of that inner resource and therefore should look within not without. I would have never found that at all all the way in the back of the book so thanks much.

I have casually read portions of the Upanishads and the Vedas, two Hindu holy books that were originally written in Sanskrit. I didn’t know Sanskrit is the oldest written language, but did know that this concept of “It Is’ or “Life is God” is the first ever to be recorded by members of our specie to explain our the great mystery of our existence. Hinduism is almost a thousand years older than Christianity. Some even believe that Jesus spent some time in India with Hindu gurus before reappearing at the age of 33 in the area he was born. In the Gospel of Thomas (not in the bible) many of the words attributed to Jesus have a definite ‘inner/esoteric’ flavor.

So yes, ‘I am down with that’ as young people like to say in the US these days.

All is well.

[soberbythesea]

Hi guys, day 12! Things are going ok here today. I just woke up and it's rainy. I went to check the weather to see if it was going to rain all day. When you click on the "hourly" forecast at weather.com, next to 5pm there is a picture of a little lime and it says "It's Happy Hour! Celebrate with the new Bud Light Lime-a-rita!" I thought, REALLY? Alcohol really does seem to be everywhere at some moments. Not that the thought of Bud Light is at all tempting but it would be nice to at least check the weather without being reminded that I don't drink anymore. Stay strong and have a good day all!

[jberk65]

All the best for tomorrow Natalie. I ordered the AVRT today. I think its great to have choices and this forum.
Nite All.

[Newatthis34]

How's everyone today? I'm on Day 17, have decided to try to quit counting once I get to 30, dunno if I'll be able. Life has kind of settled into a new routine now that doesn't involve alcohol. Am getting up early, running again, back at my volunteering job, and have a couple of part-time jobs in the pipe-line. So things are good. But I need to get my eating under control, have been eating junk food and feel bloated. Was trying to be good this week but have pigged out a few times !! Am half ways through the RR book and it's really hitting home with me. Keep up the good work one and all!

[NatalieN]

Totally agree, soberbythesea. When I first got sober in 2005 it appeared as if all the billboards on the expressways of my city were advertising new flavors of Bacardi rum, my favorite drink back then. I remember saying damn..... what didn't I try this flavor or that flavor before trying to quit.... I'll tell you why.....most of my drinking consisted of pouring half pints and pints of the cheapest Bacardi into a Seven-Eleven big gulp full of diet coke, in my car. When that craving hit there was no time to go to a nice restaurant or bar to ask for the latest bacardi big apple or limon or whatever. I need to keep it 'green'. Thanks for sharing that........sending strength your way.

[Dispatches]

Well it's only 11am and I'm off to a pretty crap day. I'll spare the details. Trying not to be angry, not doing very well. I cant wait to get some alone time today. I have to learn how to say no to people, so I don't keep putting myself in this position. I never do because I don't want them to have something to hold agaisn't me. I knew where the day was going when I was woken up. Anyways I expect today will get better once I can relax for a few hours.

[NatalieN]

I am glad you had a great meeting tanja. There is nothing like support from fellow sufferers. Everyhting else really pales in comparison. The degree to which one alcoholic/problem drinker in recovery can help another is ten times more effective than any therapy could ever be IMHO. My favorite part of the AA fellowship is getting together with a couple of ladies for dinner. The pair I hang out with is into thai and japanese foods. They are always dragging me to the newest sushi joint. I am even developing a taste for the thing..... I have alwayd had a big appetite, now I have to go to the May class to read what stevie is eating. I wish he would've stayed in this class..

[NatalieN]

newatthis I am not big on counting days either but understand the practicality of it. Hope whatever you choose works for you.

dispatches a new day can be started any time of the day, it doesn't have to be upon waking up in the morning. I hope the rest of the day improves for you. When you get your alone time later today do log on to this site to let us know how you're doing.