Codependency and Beyond Part 23

[Impurrfect]

(((Rita)) - I know how hard it is to want to give a child something they didn't get the "normal" way (mom and dad). Brit's mom died when she was 1, her dad was an A. Sound familiar?

The difference is, YOU are working recovery, YOU are teaching (((Kaliegh)) healthy ways to deal with stuff. I'm just an "outsider", as the brat is totally attached to dysfunctional stepmom. I just pray that she raises her child diffrerent than the way she was raised.

I just found out her sperm donor's parents are going to get her a "nice" car and pay for insurance when she gets her driver's license. Sorry, but I don't think it's that great an idea (she has NO idea of consequences), though they did steal the money that was collected for her when her mom died. NMP (not my problem). I'll keep trying to be the grounding person in her life.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

[Chino]

Daughter's new apartment will be ready for her by the time we get back. Yeah! These last three weeks have been fine, but I'll be glad to have my space back. I know she's excited too. I will miss her kitty terribly, though. We have quite a mutual love fest going on

Husband's mom is doing very well for being 83 years old! It was a gorgeous day here, but I noticed how chilled she felt when I hugged her. She has home health care; they come by every other day and she goes for little walks. I knew she hadn't been outside yet, so I hustled everyone out to the patio and sitting in full sun. MIL is a very intelligent lady and all she said to me was "Vitamin D" with a beautiful smile.

We all went to dinner, my mom met up with us, too. I'm really tired but in a good way

[Impurrfect]

(((Chino))) - glad that you are getting that natural "vitamin D" and that your daughter's apt. will be ready. I don't envy you on missing the cat, though...totally attached to mine. Elvis is laying in a small plastic box I have my vitamins and supplements in. Since he's only about 7 lbs, he fits just fine and finds the craziest spots to sleep in. He deserves it and though I haven't been home much, he is thoroughly spoiled and I plan on keeping it that way

Tess told me once, I need to find a man who loves me as much as Elvis? Don't know it that's possible, but who knows?

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

[Chino]

I'm with you, Amy. I don't know that it's possible! I've never consistently experienced that kind of love and affection I get from the cats, from humans except for when I was a baby LOL

[Gypsy Feet]

Friday, March 30, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Experiment

Experiment. Try something new. Try stepping out.

We have been held back too long. We have held ourselves back too long.

As children, many of us were deprived of the right to experiment. Many of us are depriving ourselves of the right to experiment and learn as adults.

Now is the time to experiment. It is an important part of recovery. Let yourself try things. Let yourself try something new. Yes, you will make mistakes. But from those mistakes, you can learn what your values are.

Some things we just won't like. That's good. Then we'll know a little more about who we are and what we don't like.

Some things we will like, they will work with our values. They will work with who we are, and we will discover something important and life enriching.

There is a quiet time in recovery, a time to stand still and heal, a time to give ourselves a cooling off time. This is a time of introspection and healing. It is an important time. We deal with our issues.

There also comes a time when it is equally important to experiment, to begin to test the water.

Recovery does not equal abstention from life. Recovery means learning to live and learning to live fully. Recovery means exploration, investigation, and experimentation.

Recovery means being done with the rigid, shame-based rules from the past, and formulating healthy values based on self-love, love for others, and living in harmony with this world.

Experiment. Try something new. Maybe you won't like it. Maybe you'll make a mistake. But maybe you will like it, and maybe you'll discover something you love.

Today, I will give myself permission to experiment in life. I will stop rigidly holding myself back, and I will jump in when jumping in feels right. God, help me let go of my need to deprive myself of being alive.

[Wisconsin]

My mom has been in very poor health for many years, and totally bedridden for the last year. Although she never suffered from alcoholism or drug addiction, she had many hallmarks of a classic addict, and I have been able to use my Al Anon tools to deal with a lot of my very, very mixed feelings about her and her many health problems (all of which were related to lifestyle choices: diabetes, high cholesterol, extreme morbid obesity, etc.). I also think I was able to bring her some comfort during the last 2 years by gently sharing many Al Anon lessons with her, for her to take what she liked and use it to find some serenity surrounding my brother and his substance abuse issues.



She was hospitalized last Saturday night with a systemic MRSA infection. She had a wound on her left leg that had become infected, and the infection then spread into her bloodstream and throughout her body. Although she initially seemed to improve a bit, she took a turn for the worse, and she passed away on Thursday evening.



It was terribly hard to arrive at the hospital and see her suffering so much. She was on a breathing machine, and my dad and brother waited for me to arrive. An hour later, we removed the breathing machine and she passed an hour after that, clearly at peace and not in any pain or distress.



I was very emotional on Thursday, and since then have felt more zombiefied than anything. It's strange to live in a world where I can't pick up the phone and call my mom, but I know she is with her HP and no longer suffering. Mercifully, my AH has been really great throughout everything. He took three days off of work to be there for me and accompany me to Michigan so I could be present when we removed the breathing machine. I have had many hugs and kind words. And because I always try to look at the silver lining, I suppose one upside to this loss is that my brain is totally incapable of having any reaction at all to his drinking.

In any event, thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers.

[MsPINKAcres]

Oh Wisconsin - I'm so very sorry for your lost -I have been praying for you and will -ontinue to pray for you.
I lost my Dad on 09-11-2011 and I still miss him horribly.

I am very glad that AH has been available for you emotionally and supportive thru your painful time . . . It does renew our hope that things can get better. . .

Please Please do your best to take good care of you - for me it has been a painful process but self-care and my program has helped me tremendously.

let me add my PINK HUGS and continued prayers

Praying for God's comfort and His very best for you!
Rita

[Impurrfect]

(((Wisconsin))) - I'm so sorry about your mom. I know it took me quite a while, after my mom died, before I really got it that I couldn't pick up the phone and call her. I think it was about 6 months before I truly accepted that she was gone, even though I knew it.

I'm glad your AH has been supportive. My mom has been gone for almost 21 years, but I still miss her. I also understand about the lifestyle choices. Though my mom didn't do that, my stepmom does and it's hard to hear her complain of things that wouldn't be so bad if she just took better care of herself.

Lots of hugs and prayers,

Amy

[Chino]

I'm so sorry Wisconsin and my thoughts and prayers are with you

[Gypsy Feet]

Saturday, March 31, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Finances

Taking financial responsibility for ourselves is part of recovery. Some of us may find ourselves in hard financial times for a variety of reasons.

Our recovery concepts, including the Steps, work on money issues and restoring manageability to that area of our life. Make appropriate amends -- even if that means tackling a $5,000 debt by sending in $5 a month.

Start where you are, with what you've got. As with other issues, acceptance and gratitude turn what we have into more.

Money issues are not a good place to "act as if." Don't write checks until the money is in the bank. Don't spend money until you've got it in your hand.

If there is too little money to survive, use the appropriate resources available without shame.

Set goals.

Believe you deserve the best, financially.

Believe God cares about your finances.

Let go of your fear, and trust.

Today, I will focus on taking responsibility for my present financial circumstances, no matter how overwhelming that area of my life may feel and be.

[karilynn27]

Wisconsin....
I'm do sorry for your loss. I'm sending prayers for you and yours.
I almost lost my mom last year, in fact it was those dark days among others that led me to sobriety.

[Chino]

Start where you are, with what you've got. As with other issues, acceptance and gratitude turn what we have into more.

OK, I did that but I still didn't win that lottery! lol

It was a beautiful night here. The Final Four was on tonight, one of our teams was playing, but I wanted to photograph an amazing skyline more than watch the game. My husband grumbled a little, but they got behind pretty fast, so we felt better about getting out with our cameras. We were up on a hill, on the plaza at a national museum.

I got an amazing shot of the moon, colorful skylines, and we still got to watch the game! Several couples showed up, shocking us because everyone in this city was watching the game. The guys all grouped up to watch the game on one of their phones, and let us join.

It was 76°, the sky was crystal clear; there were six of us huddled around a phone on the wall, looking out at the city lights below, with a brilliant moon beaming down on us. Our team won, too. It was a perfect night

[Gypsy Feet]

Sunday, April 1, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Going Easy

Go easy. You may have to push forward, but you don't have to push so hard. Go in gentleness - go in peace.

Do not be in so much of a hurry. At no day, no hour, no time are you required to do more than you can do in peace.

Frantic behaviors and urgency are not the foundation for our new way of life.

Do not be in too much of a hurry to begin. Begin, but do not force the beginning if it is not time. Beginnings will arrive soon enough.

Enjoy and relish middles, the heart of the matter.

Do not be in too much of a hurry to finish. You may be almost done, but enjoy the final moments. Give yourself fully to those moments so that you may give and get all there is.

Let the pace flow naturally. Move forward. Start. Keep moving forward. Do it gently, though. Do it in peace. Cherish each moment.

Today, God, help me focus on a peaceful pace rather than a harried one. I will keep moving forward gently, not frantically. Help me let go of my need to be anxious, upset, and harried. Help me replace it with a need to be a peace and in harmony.

[karilynn27]

wow, when I didn't get this message my truck broke down and my keys got lost. I knew there was something God was wanting me to get and go easy was one of them. Take care of myself was the other. I know how to take care of others but finally had to start listening to those I love to learn how to take care of me. I finally have a drs appt. Tue

[Impurrfect]

(((Kari))) - I'm really glad you got your dr's appt. and will pray that they figure out what is going on AND fix it!

Yesterday was my youngest niece's b'day party. I didn't know until I asked dad why there was a truck in our yard. It was the brat's bf's, he had come and he, the brat, and sm went to the party. I had told the brat I'd really like to MEET her bf, but didn't happen.

It bothered me a little, but not too bad. It's like the lines of "step" and "blood" family are getting more and more distinct, but I'll just keep focusing on me and let them do them.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

[Gypsy Feet]

Monday, April 2, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Facing Our Darker Side

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
—Step Four of Al-Anon

By the time we get to the Fourth of the Twelve Steps, we are ready to face our darker side, the side that prevents us from loving others, from letting others love us, and from enjoying life and ourselves. The purpose of Step Four is not to make ourselves feel worse; our purpose is to begin to remove our blocks to joy and love.

We look for fears, anger, hurt, and shame from past events - buried feelings that may be affecting our life today. We search for subconscious beliefs about others and ourselves that may be interfering with the quality of our relationships. These beliefs say: I'm not lovable . . . I'm a burden to those around me . . . People can't be trusted . . . I can't be trusted . . . I don't deserve to be happy and successful . . . Life isn't worth living. We look at our behaviors and patterns with an eye toward discerning the self-defeating ones. With love and compassion for ourselves, we try to unearth all our guilt - earned and unearned - and expose it to the light.

We perform this examination without fear of what we shall find, because this soul searching can cleanse us and help us feel better about ourselves than we ever dreamt possible.

God, help me search out the blocks and barriers within myself. Bring what I need to know into my conscious mind, so I can be free of it. Show me what I need to know about myself

[MsPINKAcres]

Wisconsin - still keeping you in my thoughts & prayers
Karilynn ~ prayers for your dr appt!
Amy ~ still praying for continued healing between you & Brit and all your family
Chino ~ sounds like a perfect nite . . .yeah!!!
Lisa ~ hope all is getting better in your situation ~ at least on your insides if not on the outside!

PINK HUGS my friends,
Rita

[Wisconsin]

Thank you all so very much for your kind words, compassion, and prayers. I went back to work today (no bereavement leave at my temp job, and if Mama doesn't make money, we can't pay all our bills), and hung in there for six hours. Arrived home to a mailbox filled with a motion filed by my ex-husband's horrible, terrible attorney. He wants me to pay his $4,000 in legal fees. He is also seeking to have sole authority to move our daughters to a different school district. This is after he initially refused to agree to a continuance on our child support dispute last week because he thought I was lying about my mother's condition.

Please give me strength to hand all this over to my HP. Please give me the strength to have faith that this will work out. Please help me remember that my ex's ridiculousness is a reflection on him, and not on me. Because right now, I feel like I am barely hanging on.

[Impurrfect]

(((Wisconsin))) - lots of extra hugs and prayers coming your way.

Amy

[karilynn27]

Will be praying wisconsin