Class Of January 2012 Part 5
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
Thank you Nel 
I used to journal, I think I will start again. I have so much in my head to sort out.
I appreciate your kind words. I didn't mean to turn your bad day into my pity party.
But you are right. I have to do what's right for me to stay emotionally healthy.
The rest of my life is pretty good except my mom. But it has created a huge void. I used to fill it w/ booze. Now I must fill it with self love.
I'm thinking of going back to therapy. It won't hurt.
Much love to you. All of you!
I used to journal, I think I will start again. I have so much in my head to sort out.
I appreciate your kind words. I didn't mean to turn your bad day into my pity party.
But you are right. I have to do what's right for me to stay emotionally healthy.
The rest of my life is pretty good except my mom. But it has created a huge void. I used to fill it w/ booze. Now I must fill it with self love.
I'm thinking of going back to therapy. It won't hurt.
Much love to you. All of you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Spinning happily in my hula hoop
Posts: 2,618
Well my husband came in to the computer room gave me a kiss told me I was beautiful and took me for a ride on the Harley!!! So pretty tonight riding into the sunset 
...a nice way to end the day with my husband♥...Well class mates you are all awesome!!!... I'm off to pop some popcorn and watch a little t.v...night all
...a nice way to end the day with my husband♥...Well class mates you are all awesome!!!... I'm off to pop some popcorn and watch a little t.v...night all
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 732
PCL, I think therapy might help. You really got robbed in the mom department and through no fault of your own, you've been hurt. I hope you can find some peace of mind. I'm not very good at peace of mind, I tend to rehearse my hurts over and over and it's not good. I think I'll try Nel's positive affirmations, thanks Nel!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 14
Long time, no see, everybody. I started Jan 1 with no hangover and am proud to say it's been three months now.
Wife and I took a long planned trip to Europe in March, and I must admit I couldn't be in France without drinking some red wine. I had done a lot of thinking about this in the weeks (months) leading up to the trip, and made a variety of "rules" in my head, in fact wavered back and forth as to whether to do it at all. Didn't want to break sobriety. But didn't want to make a once a decade trip to Paris and not have a drop of wine.
Stayed in an apartment in Paris and at the end of day 1 I went out to the grocery and bought a bottle of red. Opened it up and had a glass and it didn't taste as good as it used to. Stopped at one glass (inconcevable to think this would have happened last year) and went to bed. Next morning wake up to find my wife left the top off the wine bottle and it's bad. Dumped it. Had such little enjoyment from that glass that I skipped night #2 entirely. Picked up another bottle of wine on day #3, poured a glass and enjoyed it that night, corked the bottle, went to bed. Night #4 I was wrestling with myself as to whether to have another or skip it. Decided this was neither what drinking nor visiting Paris was supposed to be about. Put the wine on the shelf and left it there the rest of the week. Never once found myself staring at it and wishing, or wondering, or lusting. Just set it aside and put it out of my mind. Came back home and as clear and sober as I was Jan 1.
Don't know what the purpose of that recital was, but have been wanting to get it off my chest for weeks now. :-)
I think that my current state of mind is that the nice thing about drinking was relaxing and not having to worry. I really feel that in the first three months of this year, I have learned how to relax and not worry on my own, and I don't need a beer or six to do so. Now (after a change of habit), drinking is worrying and being tense. Am I going to slip back in my old ways? Is two too many? What is my wife thinking? Will my daughter notice? Am I doing the right thing? What would a non-alcoholic do?
And what I've learned about stress and worry in the first three months of this year is to identify the item of stress and worry, and eliminate it. Step #1 is ... "do I need this ****?". Turns out, I look at the beer, and think, "no". It's so easy and straightforward.
I have learned so much from this forum (mostly as a lurker), and come on here everytime I get a craving, mostly in the evenings. It recently occurred to me that I could control the cravings myself, and so I haven't been here as much. I still learn so much everytime I stop by, and I appreciate you all, especially in the early days when the cravings were bad and the willpower was weak.
Wife and I took a long planned trip to Europe in March, and I must admit I couldn't be in France without drinking some red wine. I had done a lot of thinking about this in the weeks (months) leading up to the trip, and made a variety of "rules" in my head, in fact wavered back and forth as to whether to do it at all. Didn't want to break sobriety. But didn't want to make a once a decade trip to Paris and not have a drop of wine.
Stayed in an apartment in Paris and at the end of day 1 I went out to the grocery and bought a bottle of red. Opened it up and had a glass and it didn't taste as good as it used to. Stopped at one glass (inconcevable to think this would have happened last year) and went to bed. Next morning wake up to find my wife left the top off the wine bottle and it's bad. Dumped it. Had such little enjoyment from that glass that I skipped night #2 entirely. Picked up another bottle of wine on day #3, poured a glass and enjoyed it that night, corked the bottle, went to bed. Night #4 I was wrestling with myself as to whether to have another or skip it. Decided this was neither what drinking nor visiting Paris was supposed to be about. Put the wine on the shelf and left it there the rest of the week. Never once found myself staring at it and wishing, or wondering, or lusting. Just set it aside and put it out of my mind. Came back home and as clear and sober as I was Jan 1.
Don't know what the purpose of that recital was, but have been wanting to get it off my chest for weeks now. :-)
I think that my current state of mind is that the nice thing about drinking was relaxing and not having to worry. I really feel that in the first three months of this year, I have learned how to relax and not worry on my own, and I don't need a beer or six to do so. Now (after a change of habit), drinking is worrying and being tense. Am I going to slip back in my old ways? Is two too many? What is my wife thinking? Will my daughter notice? Am I doing the right thing? What would a non-alcoholic do?
And what I've learned about stress and worry in the first three months of this year is to identify the item of stress and worry, and eliminate it. Step #1 is ... "do I need this ****?". Turns out, I look at the beer, and think, "no". It's so easy and straightforward.
I have learned so much from this forum (mostly as a lurker), and come on here everytime I get a craving, mostly in the evenings. It recently occurred to me that I could control the cravings myself, and so I haven't been here as much. I still learn so much everytime I stop by, and I appreciate you all, especially in the early days when the cravings were bad and the willpower was weak.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Home - there's no place like Home
Posts: 974
PCL - there is a series of dvd's by John Bradshaw called The Homecoming. He focuses on the wounded inner child. In a nutshell, it is based on how when basic needs are not met beginning as an infant. He suggests excessive in take of food or alcohol is a major factor of unmet core needs and the wounded inner child we all carry around in us as adults acts out and those are two minor ways in which we try to soothe and quiet this child. Very interesting series that was aired on PBS. Might be worth a try ((((u))))
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
Imperium. I am taking ms billy to Paris for her 50TH. I had not thought of wine even though I have been often, loved the red and can't watch a french film without dreaming of Vin rouge. But Paris is going to have to cope with a sober billy. I won't even taste champagne at the champers bar in St Pancras. Green tea here. And the French mess tea up more than the Americans
Meow
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: The Great Lakes State
Posts: 1,585
I think what you learned/experienced was a good thing, Imperium.
(((PCL)))
When I was going through my anxiety years ago (panic attacks galore), I used a self-help taped program to help me get over it. One of the things that always stuck with me was this phrase:
"Don't should on yourself."
Has a lot to do with guilt and what we think we should be doing, when what we want or need to do is something totally different. We beat ourselves up over it, causing ourselves anguish (and anxiety) about what we "should" be doing. We overthink and obsess about it.
The point of "don't should on yourself" is to step back and assess what you want and need, and decide if it is more important than what society/your inner-guilt monster/other people think you should be doing. Once you get the hang of it, it is quite freeing.
(((PCL)))
When I was going through my anxiety years ago (panic attacks galore), I used a self-help taped program to help me get over it. One of the things that always stuck with me was this phrase:
"Don't should on yourself."
Has a lot to do with guilt and what we think we should be doing, when what we want or need to do is something totally different. We beat ourselves up over it, causing ourselves anguish (and anxiety) about what we "should" be doing. We overthink and obsess about it.
The point of "don't should on yourself" is to step back and assess what you want and need, and decide if it is more important than what society/your inner-guilt monster/other people think you should be doing. Once you get the hang of it, it is quite freeing.
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
Goodnight all, just done something that amazed me. I did it without thinking, been to London today, and I have to change trains to get onto my local line. At the station I change there is a bar I used to love going to. It is a station buffet bar on the platform, sells lots of microbrews. I just sat outside it on a seat for 20 minutes waiting for my connection. It was snowing (England has had its summer) and I just sat, not wanting nor even thinking of going in.
That is thru the support I have got from y'all on SR
Thanks
That is thru the support I have got from y'all on SR
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Home - there's no place like Home
Posts: 974
Billy P that is fantastic! I love how we are so accountable to our classmates in the good and not so good times. On the peaks and in the valleys of our sobriety journey. I am so honored to hang with such a cool crew! And, Billy - it is extra cool how you wrote that like some of us talk - mega awesomeness, y'all 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Spinning happily in my hula hoop
Posts: 2,618
Hello class had a very busy day went for my pedi with my step daughter had fun. When we got there she said they serve wine.....I said I don't want any, but for a second I panic..just a second, then I asked for water. I worried for nothing last week when I had my mini melt down....... we had fun girl talking.....Good job to you Billy!! Glad everyone is doing awesome. Has anyone seen Dazee on here? She has not been in class for awhile I hope she is doing fine...Good night awesome class mates
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by Dee74 
so you're recommitting to abstinence Imperium?
congratulations - good decision I think
congratulations - good decision I think
Tough day today, friends. Wife has been on my case for months to get the taxes to the accountant, and with our first full year of small-business-dom behind us, there was a lot to go through. I am terrible at stuff like this, and have been dreading it and finally handed it off. Desperately wanted a beer (probably the strongest craving I've had, which isn't saying much), but suppressed it and honestly once I got out to the patio, lit a fire, and sat down with the laptop the heart rate is back down to normal and the stress is gone. Funny how this would have taken six beers to take the edge off three months ago, but a cup of tea and a fire can do it in ten minutes now. I will say I miss the beer sometimes, but I can't believe how much control I have over my emotions that I never had before.
Thanks for the support.
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
Hi Imperium, thats great. I do it just for the day too. I could never say I will never have a drink again. But every day forwards I will say, I dont want a drink today
And , you think its bad sending the taxes to Accountants, what do you think when we receive them to do!!! Man I need another job.....
Weather here in England is poo this morning, thick snow outside my house, blowing a blizzard.
And , you think its bad sending the taxes to Accountants, what do you think when we receive them to do!!! Man I need another job.....
Weather here in England is poo this morning, thick snow outside my house, blowing a blizzard.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 274
Hi class
So grand to read how well you are doing, Nel- very happy for you that your day with your stepdaughter went well!
From this end things are good, still out travelling and feeling normal :-) Went out with old friends I used to drink with in a bar I used to love last night and it felt great to order a coke and no one asked me any questions. Going out again for dinner tonight and the same there, it feels quite ok if not just fab to do all of this sober! My test is coming home on Friday, have failed a few times before with the whole rewarding myself after a though trip and such coming home, like I deserve it. So this time I have plans to go to a meeting on Friday evening and easing myself into it... My reward will be an AA meetings....new times indeed :-)
Have a wonderful day you all, L
So grand to read how well you are doing, Nel- very happy for you that your day with your stepdaughter went well!
From this end things are good, still out travelling and feeling normal :-) Went out with old friends I used to drink with in a bar I used to love last night and it felt great to order a coke and no one asked me any questions. Going out again for dinner tonight and the same there, it feels quite ok if not just fab to do all of this sober! My test is coming home on Friday, have failed a few times before with the whole rewarding myself after a though trip and such coming home, like I deserve it. So this time I have plans to go to a meeting on Friday evening and easing myself into it... My reward will be an AA meetings....new times indeed :-)
Have a wonderful day you all, L
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Spinning happily in my hula hoop
Posts: 2,618
I second that... I don't dare say "I will never drink" because I feel I will set myself up to fail. I just been doing day by day. It has worked for 95 days so far .... Keep up the good work Limbo and all my other awesome classmates Have a great hump day..
.... Keep up the good work Limbo and all my other awesome classmates Have a great hump day..
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Spinning happily in my hula hoop
Posts: 2,618
Well I got my blood work back not that great at all!! Kidney function way down, bad cholesterol went up since I quit drinking! Good cholesterol went down ...Dang it I got to quit smoking!! I am going to start today! I think its gonna be hard cause I know I substituted my drinking with mass quantities of coffee and smokes in the morning. I am gonna have to apply the same way of thinking with smoking like I do drinking!...Its gonna kill me!..Wish me luck... tomorrow morning will be the true test cause I really don't smoke much after the mornings....this healthy stuff is work!
..lol ..but better then the alternative!
...Dang it I got to quit smoking!! I am going to start today! I think its gonna be hard cause I know I substituted my drinking with mass quantities of coffee and smokes in the morning. I am gonna have to apply the same way of thinking with smoking like I do drinking!...Its gonna kill me!..Wish me luck... tomorrow morning will be the true test cause I really don't smoke much after the mornings....this healthy stuff is work!..lol ..but better then the alternative!
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