Class of March 2011 Part 14
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
You're right on target, Mirage. It's kinda like I don't know myself. Right now, I just want to drink and fahgettaboutit. And be whoever it was I used to be. Of course, there were two versions of me then. Drunk me, and sober me. A tale of two cities. I guess there's the core question we've addressed, and the "can't I have the best of both of the previous me's" question. So, I don't feel like I know my life's purpose anymore, and I don't know the superficial me anymore either. I am really craving today. Badly. I've already pulled out the stops; went grocery shopping, went on a bike ride, just made a pizza from scratch. Still, I want to drink very badly right now.
orangutan
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,970
Dave "now that is a fish"!!!!!!!!!!!
Lofty is your doc. putting you on and off your meds or are you just stopping and starting yourself , your body needs time to adjust ,I know when I came of my meds I had some horrible withdrawal symptoms and I weened down slowly these meds are not to be messed with.I hope you sort it out soon.
Mirage "why did you wake me up"? lol.
Lofty is your doc. putting you on and off your meds or are you just stopping and starting yourself , your body needs time to adjust ,I know when I came of my meds I had some horrible withdrawal symptoms and I weened down slowly these meds are not to be messed with.I hope you sort it out soon.
Mirage "why did you wake me up"? lol.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Okay...the pizza did it, along with a pepsi throwback (the real stuff) and two white chocolate macadamia nut cookies, and a reeses cookie...I live to through another craving to tell about it...
I am doing it myself, Aussie. And, yes, I think it is withdrawal...just enough to perturb me.
I am doing it myself, Aussie. And, yes, I think it is withdrawal...just enough to perturb me.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
I found for a long time whenever I felt upset or sick or angry - any strong emotion - that translated as 'I want a drink'...
but that was especially so with meds when I would not take them, halve the dosage etc.
I used to be a 'it's my body, I know best' man - but I made myself ill once too often...the was the old self medication thing again, the drive that got me into drinking in the first place.
I realised I'm a little too impulsive and subjective to be my own Dr.
I know you're not me - but I agree with Aussie, Lofty...i'm glad you feel better, but remember to take it easy
Happy weekend all
D
but that was especially so with meds when I would not take them, halve the dosage etc.
I used to be a 'it's my body, I know best' man - but I made myself ill once too often...the was the old self medication thing again, the drive that got me into drinking in the first place.
I realised I'm a little too impulsive and subjective to be my own Dr.
I know you're not me - but I agree with Aussie, Lofty...i'm glad you feel better, but remember to take it easy
Happy weekend all
D
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
I know...but I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. (No comments from the Dave and Mirage peanut gallery please).
My dosages of my Ritalin and Xanax are the lowest available. The Flexaril is low dosage too. My problem this week and last was that I was not able to focus enough to function, so I concluded I need my Ritalin. It helped for a day or two, but only with task energy, not focus. I am rx'd up to 3/day, and only took 2 or 3/day, depending. If I took 3, my neck and shoulders would tense up to the point of a tension headache, so I'd take a muscle relaxer before bed. One day I had to take two, 4 hrs apart. Therein was the cycle. None of these drugs act systemically like ADs. They are in and out of your system, rather than building up. But, they put me through a tiring rollercoaster. I think I'm more susceptible to it without the booze. Truth be told, these drugs accompanied my worst drinking in the last year or so, and I did abuse them during that time. I still fear I've done permanent damage to my brain. I kinda feel like a burnout much of the time. So, the rock/hard place is that I need more focus and concentration, but the drugs are tickling my addictions, and making me moody. I think I'm better off without them, and discuss with my doctor at my upcoming physical. Also, the Ritalin makes my blood pressure high.
My dosages of my Ritalin and Xanax are the lowest available. The Flexaril is low dosage too. My problem this week and last was that I was not able to focus enough to function, so I concluded I need my Ritalin. It helped for a day or two, but only with task energy, not focus. I am rx'd up to 3/day, and only took 2 or 3/day, depending. If I took 3, my neck and shoulders would tense up to the point of a tension headache, so I'd take a muscle relaxer before bed. One day I had to take two, 4 hrs apart. Therein was the cycle. None of these drugs act systemically like ADs. They are in and out of your system, rather than building up. But, they put me through a tiring rollercoaster. I think I'm more susceptible to it without the booze. Truth be told, these drugs accompanied my worst drinking in the last year or so, and I did abuse them during that time. I still fear I've done permanent damage to my brain. I kinda feel like a burnout much of the time. So, the rock/hard place is that I need more focus and concentration, but the drugs are tickling my addictions, and making me moody. I think I'm better off without them, and discuss with my doctor at my upcoming physical. Also, the Ritalin makes my blood pressure high.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
Like you say all that must be tiring, and my hats off to you Lofty.
I don't think you've done any more permanent damage to your brain than the rest of us, either - for what it's worth my focus and concentration were pretty sub par for a long time, and I wasn't on any meds, bar generally available painkillers.
I'd definitely raise all of this with your Dr.
D
I don't think you've done any more permanent damage to your brain than the rest of us, either - for what it's worth my focus and concentration were pretty sub par for a long time, and I wasn't on any meds, bar generally available painkillers.
I'd definitely raise all of this with your Dr.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Your avatars are cracking me up, Dee. lol
Cuz I missed you, aussie! Good morning and happy Saturday!! Love your avatar, too. Looks like my dog! (Well... my dog if it met up with some psycho with a pair of scissors. Wow, I really hope that's not your dog now.)
Sorry you had a rough day, Lofty. It does sound tricky with the meds involved. I wish I could be of more help. I did find this article for you, tho I'm sure you've googled the hell out of the subject. Ya never know when something small might help, tho. Hugs.
Tips to Improve Concentration and Attention
Cuz I missed you, aussie! Good morning and happy Saturday!! Love your avatar, too. Looks like my dog! (Well... my dog if it met up with some psycho with a pair of scissors. Wow, I really hope that's not your dog now.)
Sorry you had a rough day, Lofty. It does sound tricky with the meds involved. I wish I could be of more help. I did find this article for you, tho I'm sure you've googled the hell out of the subject. Ya never know when something small might help, tho. Hugs.
Tips to Improve Concentration and Attention
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
WHOO HOOOOO Mirage on your husband acknowledging your amazing progress and continuing success.
Aussie that avi sure is a cutie!
HI PBC!
Just more support Lofty, sorry it's been hard. Glad you kept your sobriety safe.
My $.02 are too that there's a solution to be found; might take the right clinician to help you get solid. If your GP isn't able to help, my $.02 would be to get a second opinion or a specialist.
Wonderful day, discovered a new little town by driving around. Coastal Maine has lots of little gems tucked here and there just a few miles off the beaten path.
So I've been thinking about that article Lofty posted. It is kinda true that I don't have good muscles for doing certain hard things. I used to think I was so strong because I tolerated intolerable situations, but now I see it as baby-level inertia and avoidance and Victim mentality. Grown-ups take action and make things better.
I am extremely proud of where I am today and the growth I am experiencing with sobriety. I'm not putting myself down, just acknowledging that I can and will grow.
GOOD MORNING DEE AND AUSSIE!
Happy Friday night everybody!
Aussie that avi sure is a cutie!
HI PBC!
Just more support Lofty, sorry it's been hard. Glad you kept your sobriety safe.
My $.02 are too that there's a solution to be found; might take the right clinician to help you get solid. If your GP isn't able to help, my $.02 would be to get a second opinion or a specialist.
Wonderful day, discovered a new little town by driving around. Coastal Maine has lots of little gems tucked here and there just a few miles off the beaten path.
So I've been thinking about that article Lofty posted. It is kinda true that I don't have good muscles for doing certain hard things. I used to think I was so strong because I tolerated intolerable situations, but now I see it as baby-level inertia and avoidance and Victim mentality. Grown-ups take action and make things better.
I am extremely proud of where I am today and the growth I am experiencing with sobriety. I'm not putting myself down, just acknowledging that I can and will grow.
GOOD MORNING DEE AND AUSSIE!
Happy Friday night everybody!
orangutan
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,970
Originally Posted by frances2011 
I am extremely proud of where I am today and the growth I am experiencing with sobriety. I'm not putting myself down, just acknowledging that I can and will grow.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
On the topic of our brains healing, I played a trivia game with husband yesterday and surprised myself with my recall and speed at coming up with answers. Definite improvement over early brain leaky me.
So I believe all of us will be and feel better brain wise. Our bodies have an amazing ability to heal
So I believe all of us will be and feel better brain wise. Our bodies have an amazing ability to heal
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Thanks, Frances, that's hopeful. I had a couple insights at my AA meeting that were helpful as well.
I have to remember that I'm only a neophyte in recovery. Almost 8 mos without booze, but only 3 without cigs. And only a month or so without my other rx's. It'll get better. Always does, right?
Between a difficult and a hard place? Hmm....I think I like the ring to that. LOL.
A little sleepless last night, but felt a lot better this a.m. I think I was definitely withdrawing, which amazes me. I think I'm hypersensitive to drugs, etc.
New priority. No more drugs. Experiment over. When I am brain dead or craving, jump on the bike for 20-30 min. It did help yesterday.
Enjoy your weekend, Marchers!
I have to remember that I'm only a neophyte in recovery. Almost 8 mos without booze, but only 3 without cigs. And only a month or so without my other rx's. It'll get better. Always does, right?
Between a difficult and a hard place? Hmm....I think I like the ring to that. LOL.
A little sleepless last night, but felt a lot better this a.m. I think I was definitely withdrawing, which amazes me. I think I'm hypersensitive to drugs, etc.
New priority. No more drugs. Experiment over. When I am brain dead or craving, jump on the bike for 20-30 min. It did help yesterday.
Enjoy your weekend, Marchers!
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
Good Day marchers
Yesterday was doing alot of not wanting to do's followed by a quick fishing trip with the boy(Sam) at sunset. We do live in a beautiful place here.We caught fish and had a good time. It was a break for helping me all day. He is on restriction for grades and I am being a little hard on him....but if he doesnt get that there are consequences to his actions now...he will very easily head down the path that I followed so many years ago.He is so much like me that it scares me.
Dang back is giving me issues this am...guess I should not have picked up the old beer fridge to take to the dump..yes it was a full size fridge and yes it wasnt the smartest thing to do..But it was on my punch list. Body parts getting old sucks. Thank God the good ones still work right.
As for second opinions from doctors...I am a firm believer....sometimes it requires a third and forth and your knowledge to decipher where they are coming from with there expertise.
frances you inspire all of us. You are a positive force and dont ever let that go away.
mirage I am happy that your man is on the m-team. That is awesome and will carry you where you want to go!
Thanks aussie. It is not only big, but delicious......the fish that is.
Lofty you are not alone...I have had the itch too. I am not withdrawing from anything. Just seasonal change and old habits wanting to creep back into my life. I miss the fun parts...if there were any in the end...the mind tends to forget the pain and chaos. That is what keeps me sober.
On a side note. I am on call this weekend and it was crappy Friday night... I could not handle the issues from home and had to go into work. I had to call my boss for advice...I mentioned that this kind of crap could send me back to drinking. I never really told him that I quit...His reply was nothing is worth that....we dont want that dave back. Wow....he did notice. I am a better person. Better employee. Better ME!
Dee I hope that the body parts are cooperating.
Pbc- cyber hugs!!!!!!!! I saw your spot the other day on spring break and travel ideas. It was really good. So making a run for the boarder on the road trip isnt such a good Idea....I will have to commit that to memory.
Bryan- I hope that all is right in your world.
Oh yea when I saw PBC's spot.... the temp on the channel said the temp was like 37degrees....was that incorrect for Michigan. I have been sweating my arse off down here.
To all my friends....I hope that you find
Peace
DAve
Yesterday was doing alot of not wanting to do's followed by a quick fishing trip with the boy(Sam) at sunset. We do live in a beautiful place here.We caught fish and had a good time. It was a break for helping me all day. He is on restriction for grades and I am being a little hard on him....but if he doesnt get that there are consequences to his actions now...he will very easily head down the path that I followed so many years ago.He is so much like me that it scares me.
Dang back is giving me issues this am...guess I should not have picked up the old beer fridge to take to the dump..yes it was a full size fridge and yes it wasnt the smartest thing to do..But it was on my punch list. Body parts getting old sucks. Thank God the good ones still work right.
As for second opinions from doctors...I am a firm believer....sometimes it requires a third and forth and your knowledge to decipher where they are coming from with there expertise.
frances you inspire all of us. You are a positive force and dont ever let that go away.
mirage I am happy that your man is on the m-team. That is awesome and will carry you where you want to go!
Thanks aussie. It is not only big, but delicious......the fish that is.
Lofty you are not alone...I have had the itch too. I am not withdrawing from anything. Just seasonal change and old habits wanting to creep back into my life. I miss the fun parts...if there were any in the end...the mind tends to forget the pain and chaos. That is what keeps me sober.
On a side note. I am on call this weekend and it was crappy Friday night... I could not handle the issues from home and had to go into work. I had to call my boss for advice...I mentioned that this kind of crap could send me back to drinking. I never really told him that I quit...His reply was nothing is worth that....we dont want that dave back. Wow....he did notice. I am a better person. Better employee. Better ME!
Dee I hope that the body parts are cooperating.
Pbc- cyber hugs!!!!!!!! I saw your spot the other day on spring break and travel ideas. It was really good. So making a run for the boarder on the road trip isnt such a good Idea....I will have to commit that to memory.
Bryan- I hope that all is right in your world.
Oh yea when I saw PBC's spot.... the temp on the channel said the temp was like 37degrees....was that incorrect for Michigan. I have been sweating my arse off down here.
To all my friends....I hope that you find
Peace
DAve
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
That was correct...it's been chilly! Happy to report the dh brought in 7 walleye the other day, so he was happy. He's out today with all his buds fishing in a tournament he created. He had two guys from the Upper Peninsula come in last night and stay here. I went to bed, so never saw them. But they sat up and had a few beers till 2:00 am and the alarm went off at 4:30 to go fishing. Haha...OUCH. I'm guessing I won't see him much when he gets home. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Sorry about your back, Dave. 
Way to fight those drinking urges, tho. It's a tough time of year, I think you're right.
Be careful with those meds, or lack thereof, Lofty.
May go take the kiddos to see The Lorax today. They're home for a week...yay! LOVE those little buggers!
Way to fight those drinking urges, tho. It's a tough time of year, I think you're right.Be careful with those meds, or lack thereof, Lofty.
May go take the kiddos to see The Lorax today.
They're home for a week...yay! LOVE those little buggers!
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