August Sobriety Group Pt 5 - Page 5 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

thirtybubba · 10-20-2009, 11:53 AM

Morning, y'all.

Yeah, that comfortable phase or whatever--buzzed without being drunk--that's how I loved to live my life for years. I didn't know I had a problem, and when I found out, I decided I still liked being buzzed better. Then I decided to quit last October (my, has it been a year) and dang near died--and the irony of *quitting* drinking sealed my resolve: it was not only funner and easier to live life buzzed, it was safer too.

Aside from 'sober up' days (court dates, alcohol classes etc) I never considered quitting until one day in July (don't know if it was sunny but might as well have been) I up and decided to go along with what the doctor said. No thought into it, it was just another drunken desision that looked like something I oughtta do--I had been roughly a year since the first time I tried quitting, back when I found out how much alcohol was a problem in my life and in my family.

And sobriety has its good times, especially once you have days under you, but it's those first days that are he- and those are usually the ones I have, unfortunately. At first in sobriety (my definition of the period since July 09, being that I have spend more time that way than otherwise... hardliners will hate my use of the term I know) I couldn't fathom how I had gotten to my senior year with a 3.5 on at least a bottle of whiskey a day. Now, I think that feat will pale in comparison to making it this semester--half sober or otherwise.

Like TJ said "and I would have been hungover today trying to pick up the pieces again. Oh, what a horrible cycle that was." That's what my life's been like lately. And it's getting frantic sometimes, falling sick has not helped at all.

I know I've said most of this before, I just needed to clarify it for myself. Motivation has been up and down lately, mostly because it seems like I can't win, and usually then I like to just refocus on something I can... saves me energy.

Last night I dreamed I couldn't sleep (grr), that I woke up and posted a lot of things I might regret... remember thinking how my brain's still all cloudy even though I'm sober and I can't never win for losing... I fell asleep thinking "I oughtta PM the admins and ask them to erase it all..." I woke up (for real) terrified in a cold sweat. Oh, boy, these are back... fun times. Sobering up is like a clockworks gear shift for me, only I never know which teeth are going to line up, but this time I get "limited physical symptoms" "emotional rollercoaster" and "bad dreams." Last time it was different... as was the time before.

OB, (((hugs))).

ANew, I wondered where you were. Come on back, you know the drill (told me it a few times...) brush off and back on. Welcome back...

Zebra, how you been?

Brent, 3 days & you're feeling good? Wow. With any luck, that'll ease you through these rough days... I got 3 too. Numerical odds have you quitting for good... seems most everybody who quits the same day as me usually ends up with a month plus.

/

Take care y'all,
-TB, taking it easy today

ANEWAUGUST · 10-20-2009, 12:28 PM

TJ..

Well...you pointed me in the right direction...I just left my first AA meeting...

sphalerite · 10-20-2009, 01:26 PM

Congrats Anew! How was your first meeting?

I remember mine a month ago--I was TERRIFIED. I had known for years that they held them twice a week just up the road from where I live. I could never get up the courage to get to one though--even though I was pretty desperate to change my life. I live in a very small town, and was very nervous of who I might see there, or who might see me...
I finally came to the point where I sucked it up and went. It helped a lot that my husband was willing to go along with me, but it was still frightening.
I was just off a very bad detox, and on some meds to help me out--so I was a little fuzzy, but I remember walking into the room and there being only about 10 other people there--all quite a lot older than I am, and all male! We sat down and listened and as they read 'The Promises' near the beginning of the meeting I couldn't hold it any longer, and burst into tears. Talk about mortifying! I left the room to collect myself, and let me tell you it was pretty hard to walk back in there. I'm sure if my husband had not been there I would have bolted!

Turns out everyone was SO nice. It was a step meeting, and they started over at step one just because we were newcomers...I could relate to what a lot of those people had to say (even though most of them were at least 20 years my senior with anywhere from 10-27 years of sobriety!!)

Hubby and I have kept going back. We really like hanging out with our new sober friends (we never had any of those before!), and at almost every meeting I attend I can take something away that helps me.

Sorry for the AA ramble, I am having a really rough day, and for the first time today (while writing this) have felt a little bit of relief.

Bdiddy--I have had that happen. A lot. For me it was related to panic attacks (that occurred more and more frequently as my drinking got worse. They would be one of my first signals of withdrawal). Not sure if yours are the same, but it is always a good idea to talk to your doctor when you are worried about your heart...

ANEWAUGUST · 10-20-2009, 01:55 PM

Sphal...well..having been exposed to the Al-Anon program years ago...and although, I haven't been a part of the fellowship of AA....I have read the Big Book...and embraced
so many of the ideas....

I felt so loved, welcomed, and like I was at home. Although, I talk to my DH about the things I face and am challenged with...I know he doesn't get it. Today...I heard my story, my feelings, over and over.

I made a complete _ss of myself Sunday night, and last night. It will take some time for my DH and DD to process all of my stupid antics.....hopefully, they will forgive me.

Regardless though, I have to be active in saving my own life...

traderjane · 10-20-2009, 01:57 PM

How was the meeting, Anew?

I think it's a great step for you. I wanted to try everything else before admitting that I needed AA. The day I went to my first meeting was humbling --- I did it hungover, and it was admitting defeat.

Somehow I think the defeat turns into victory. I feel like I'm the "winner" now by getting myself back from the alcoholic mess that I was.

Please let us know how it went, I hope it was positive.

traderjane · 10-20-2009, 02:00 PM

Wow, Anew, our posts crossed.

I had the same experience you did. Amazing...

Thanks for sharing your experience. I think everything is going to be okay

ANEWAUGUST · 10-20-2009, 02:09 PM

Thanks TJ....a friend of mine, has attended AA meetings for years., so, I was pointed in a direction, when I asked for help.

I can't go back in time...but, I want to take it one day at a time., doing the next
right thing..

traderjane · 10-20-2009, 02:23 PM

Me, too. I asked for help... to no one in particular (God?) and then found myself going to AA the next day.

I did some mighty stupid and foolish things when I drank. It helps to remember them so I don't think it was all fun and games. In the end it was anything but.

Keep with us -- we'll support you.

ANEWAUGUST · 10-20-2009, 02:50 PM

Oh..I will be here in this August group as long as it exists....

Having had 5-6 years of sobriety before...without AA...I had to look at my life think, well., maybe I need to give AA a try...what could it hurt?

traderjane · 10-20-2009, 03:07 PM

My feelings exactly. I didn't think it could hurt, and it really was my last hope to kick this thing in the butt.

You've inspired me to go to a meeting tonight. My ex has the kids tonight, I've already exercised, so it's a good time to do it.

Once of the things that kind of amazes me about AA is that when I first started looking into it (last fall) I thought I would have to travel REALLY far to find a meeting. I thought there were only a few meetings in special locations, etc. I live in the the DC area and when I found out how many meetings there were every day happening in my own neighborhood it was really eye opening. Alcoholism is not a small problem limited to a few misfortunate souls. It's pretty big. So that was my eye opening moment.

I'll probably go to a speaker meeting tonight at 7:30.

Take care...

ANEWAUGUST · 10-20-2009, 03:14 PM

TJ....another "God" moment..I looked up the meetings in my area, online...called my friend to see what he knew of certain groups, meetings., etc...

There is a meeting within 5 minutes of my workplace everyday at noon and at six.,
another at a church within 10 minutes of my workplace at 6 every night. For now., I think I will check out the noon meeting, and I am going back tonight at 6..

I tried to tell my husband, that although he tries to understand what I am going thru, he doesn't really "get" it, as he isn't an alcoholic. Instead of trying to get him to understand me., I will concentrate more on surrounding myself with folks that understand me, and what I am struggling with.

traderjane · 10-20-2009, 03:58 PM

I think that's a good plan. Concentrate on yourself and what you need.

The people at AA had stories to tell that I could relate to and understand at a level that a non-alcoholic never could. When I told my story, a very abbreviated version, they understood me.

I haven't decided how many meetings a week to attend, but it's good to know that they have them every day here. Many times and places to pick from. So when I feel that void I used to feel and then run to the wine store, I now just go online and see where and when the meetings are.

I was told to come to a meeting when you feel like you need it AND when you feel like you really don't need it. That seeming contradiction actually makes sense to me!

ANEWAUGUST · 10-20-2009, 04:18 PM

I don't know how many meetings I will attend either. Tonight, well, I just feel like I need
to go...it can't hurt anything, at all.

I finally realized the I need the face to face contact...I need the human interaction that a meeting offers.

anono · 10-20-2009, 05:32 PM

hi TJ and Anew, i am glad to hear you both sounding so positive..

wow TJ you reminded me 70days!! for me actually today 71 days!...i can honestly say i could not have done it without AA meetings, the people i have met have been so friendly, helpful and welcoming, without being pushy or judgemental... i sist and listen to there stories and can find something to relate to in almost every story i hear, regardless of the age or gender of the speaker...

i have been advised to just keep going to meetings... more is better, go to as many as you can, as your sobriety is THE most important thing to you at this point, i have got the BB and reading through it and am just about to start the steps... sometimes if feels almost cultish.... but i have to say 'i want what they have' a happy, serene, sober life!
i have heard many times of people who have stayed sober for years, only to relapse... but once they commit to AA... the relapses cease....

it is harder for us to accept we are alcoholics... because we have found our way to help before we have reached the 'bottom'... ie we still manage jobs, kids, home... hard to relate that to an alcoholic...

since i have been going my way of thinking is slowly changing... one of the 'flashes' of clarity i had was it really doesnt matter HOW much you drink.. BUT what that drink does to YOU... i know you have had the same thought TJ...

anyway enough rambling from the newly converted..... !

hope you are all having a lovely sleep.. i am just starting my day

good thoughts to alll

kate

Zebra1275 · 10-20-2009, 06:12 PM

Zebra here - ANEWAUGUST, ThirtyBubba, OceanBound, - what's going on with us? Is there a full moon or something that caused us all to fall at the same time?

I'm picking myself back up, damn it, come on along with me! We can do this. Like ANEW I had 5+ years of sobriety, until this thing bit me in the butt again. Last time I did it on my own. That worked for quite awhile until life piled a bunch of crap on me all at once this summer, and I guess I found that I had become complacent. And gee, what's one little beer going to hurt anyway? Well, one beer leads to a lot more in my case, and ultimately it hurts a lot! I'm going to try AA later this week, right now I'm just trying to rest and get my strength back, this is day 3 for me. I also think I need a face to face component, in addition to SR. I also will be part of the August group until somebody kicks me out.

anono · 10-20-2009, 06:28 PM

noone will kick you out zebra... you belong here

anono · 10-20-2009, 06:29 PM

Quote:

I'm picking myself back up, damn it, come on along with me! We can do this. Like ANEW I had 5+ years of sobriety

i gotta say 5 yrs is AWESOME i am not even at the stage i can imagine it!!!

this is the longest i have ever gone!

Zebra1275 · 10-20-2009, 07:21 PM

Yep, 5 1/2 years was great. But it didn't take much to end up back on day 3. I hope others can learn from that. One day at a time, as the saying goes.

KC1 · 10-20-2009, 08:56 PM

KC here on Tuesday night feeling sorry for myself!!!!

Had a Gift Certificate to a Spa for a massage and some kind of steam bath. Went right after work --- great idea. Stressful couple of days, looking forward to it. What do they offer you the second you walk in the door? Yep. Wine. Well, not just wine, but that is the first word out of their mouths before coffee, tea, soda, and herbal water. Of course I took a glass of white wine. Drank it while undergoing some sort of inhalation therapy involving steam, sea brine, waterfalls, comfy chaise lounges and colored lights. Wonderful. Then went right into the massage, where I promptly fell asleep during that luxurious one hour massage. The therapist had to wake me up to tell me to leave! Seeing that I only slept 2 hours last night due to hubbys SNORING, it's no wonder.
On the way home, stopped off at the local Italian restaurant for some dinner and had another glass of white wine. No, didn't do any more than that, but I came home ANGRY at the world. And feeling SELFISH. Huh??? I am NOT a selfish person. But I am very ANGRY that I am talking about giving up my golf membership and my hubby selling his plane when his two adult kids owe us tens of thousands of dollars and they don't even speak to us. Don't get me going there on that subject. But it was another "Ah Ha Moment" for me. Really. Anger fuels this alcohol thing. Pure, raw anger. Hatred, in fact.

So, yes, while I did indeed have a glass of wine, it brough to the surface another trigger point. Anger. Now I have Loneliness and Anger that triggers me to drink. Not a good combo.

I am hanging in there. No more to drink...just the once again realization of WHAT makes me drink.

Looking forward to my weekend away with my new friend! And it's only Tuesday! Hope you all are doing well. I so appreciate the virtual friendship.

KC

PurpleCat · 10-20-2009, 09:12 PM

Lord help me to deal with my husband when he has had too much to drink and is being total and absolute jerk.

traderjane · 10-20-2009, 09:32 PM

I agree with you Kate about AA. I think it's a great program. I have found something useful from almost everyone I have heard speak there.

Tonight's meeting was in a different place and a different crowd. What took my completely off guard tonight was that the entire place was filled with young people. And by young, I mean in their 20's (that is young to me

) I couldn't believe it!!! Really good looking young people in their 20's All alcoholics. Unbelievable.

The speakers were all interesting, but some more than others. I got something pretty powerful out of one of the speeches. One man in his early 50's was speaking of his ordeal with alcohol. Now mine is nothing compared to his, but so many things he said made me feel scared of alcohol all over again. He told a story of how he used to "blackout" before even getting drunk near the end of his drinking and how he had a whole conversation with someone that he didn't remember the next day. It made me wonder if I have ever done that. I found out later from my Mom that one night when I had too much to drink I was telling her the same things over and over again. Scary. What else have I done that I don't remember?

This guy had 6 DUIs, hundreds of jobs, stints in rehab, lived in halfway houses and was at the end stage of alcoholism and made it by "divine intervention." I never got to that point....but do I really want to? The answer is OF COURSE NOT. I am happy with my 7 days sober and really feel good. And actually even more scared of what drinking can do than I was yesterday.

One thing that is a little weird about AA -- women come up to me and ask me for my phone number. I can understand them giving me their phone number, but it's a little weird giving them mine. Do I want to be called by some stranger? I don't think so. I have a busy life. I have kids. I know when I can fit in a meeting and when I can't. This one nice but a little strange woman approached me afterwards (she has 4 years of sobriety) and asked me if I could go to a meeting with her at 8:00 tomorrow morning. My reaction was like, "Are you crazy? I have 3 kids that I have to get to school... then I have to go to work!" So now she is going to call me tomorrow and I have to figure out how to deal with it. I want to go to AA, but I want to do it on my terms. What should I do, guys?

PurpleCat · 10-20-2009, 09:46 PM

I'd just say thanks for asking, but you have family responsibilities in the morning and can't go.

traderjane · 10-20-2009, 10:15 PM

Thanks, PC. Should I be more careful about giving out my phone number in the future? I'm feeling like I got caught off guard, gave this person my phone number and now wish I hadn't. I'm not really struggling with not drinking. And I have you guys for daily support. I need to go to meetings when I need to (and can) but I'm not too comfortable with over-extending myself with lots of new people, etc. I don't know --- it's troubling me.

**Dee74** · 10-20-2009, 10:43 PM

You might be glad of the numbers sometime in future tho TJ...recovery has a annoying way of not being linear.

If you're not happy giving out your number, TJ, then don't - let them give you theirs.

I think PC had the right idea about the 8am meeting...simply tell the truth

D

ANEWAUGUST · 10-21-2009, 04:26 AM

Went to another meeting last night. Some of the folks from the noon meeting were there.

I knew two people there.

If I can get a good nights sleep, I will feel much better...maybe tonight will be the night.

10-20-2009, 10:43 PM	#124 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 42,369	You might be glad of the numbers sometime in future tho TJ...recovery has a annoying way of not being linear. If you're not happy giving out your number, TJ, then don't - let them give you theirs. I think PC had the right idea about the 8am meeting...simply tell the truth D __________________ “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be”Lao Tzu

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10-20-2009, 11:53 AM	#101 (permalink)
thirtybubba Owner of a strange glitch. Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: midsouth Posts: 2,275	Morning, y'all. Yeah, that comfortable phase or whatever--buzzed without being drunk--that's how I loved to live my life for years. I didn't know I had a problem, and when I found out, I decided I still liked being buzzed better. Then I decided to quit last October (my, has it been a year) and dang near died--and the irony of quitting drinking sealed my resolve: it was not only funner and easier to live life buzzed, it was safer too. Aside from 'sober up' days (court dates, alcohol classes etc) I never considered quitting until one day in July (don't know if it was sunny but might as well have been) I up and decided to go along with what the doctor said. No thought into it, it was just another drunken desision that looked like something I oughtta do--I had been roughly a year since the first time I tried quitting, back when I found out how much alcohol was a problem in my life and in my family. And sobriety has its good times, especially once you have days under you, but it's those first days that are he- and those are usually the ones I have, unfortunately. At first in sobriety (my definition of the period since July 09, being that I have spend more time that way than otherwise... hardliners will hate my use of the term I know) I couldn't fathom how I had gotten to my senior year with a 3.5 on at least a bottle of whiskey a day. Now, I think that feat will pale in comparison to making it this semester--half sober or otherwise. Like TJ said "and I would have been hungover today trying to pick up the pieces again. Oh, what a horrible cycle that was." That's what my life's been like lately. And it's getting frantic sometimes, falling sick has not helped at all. I know I've said most of this before, I just needed to clarify it for myself. Motivation has been up and down lately, mostly because it seems like I can't win, and usually then I like to just refocus on something I can... saves me energy. Last night I dreamed I couldn't sleep (grr), that I woke up and posted a lot of things I might regret... remember thinking how my brain's still all cloudy even though I'm sober and I can't never win for losing... I fell asleep thinking "I oughtta PM the admins and ask them to erase it all..." I woke up (for real) terrified in a cold sweat. Oh, boy, these are back... fun times. Sobering up is like a clockworks gear shift for me, only I never know which teeth are going to line up, but this time I get "limited physical symptoms" "emotional rollercoaster" and "bad dreams." Last time it was different... as was the time before. OB, (((hugs))). ANew, I wondered where you were. Come on back, you know the drill (told me it a few times...) brush off and back on. Welcome back... Zebra, how you been? Brent, 3 days & you're feeling good? Wow. With any luck, that'll ease you through these rough days... I got 3 too. Numerical odds have you quitting for good... seems most everybody who quits the same day as me usually ends up with a month plus. / Take care y'all, -TB, taking it easy today

10-20-2009, 12:28 PM	#102 (permalink)
ANEWAUGUST Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: The Sunny South Posts: 1,593	TJ.. Well...you pointed me in the right direction...I just left my first AA meeting...

10-20-2009, 01:26 PM	#103 (permalink)
sphalerite Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: up north Posts: 99	Congrats Anew! How was your first meeting? I remember mine a month ago--I was TERRIFIED. I had known for years that they held them twice a week just up the road from where I live. I could never get up the courage to get to one though--even though I was pretty desperate to change my life. I live in a very small town, and was very nervous of who I might see there, or who might see me... I finally came to the point where I sucked it up and went. It helped a lot that my husband was willing to go along with me, but it was still frightening. I was just off a very bad detox, and on some meds to help me out--so I was a little fuzzy, but I remember walking into the room and there being only about 10 other people there--all quite a lot older than I am, and all male! We sat down and listened and as they read 'The Promises' near the beginning of the meeting I couldn't hold it any longer, and burst into tears. Talk about mortifying! I left the room to collect myself, and let me tell you it was pretty hard to walk back in there. I'm sure if my husband had not been there I would have bolted! Turns out everyone was SO nice. It was a step meeting, and they started over at step one just because we were newcomers...I could relate to what a lot of those people had to say (even though most of them were at least 20 years my senior with anywhere from 10-27 years of sobriety!!) Hubby and I have kept going back. We really like hanging out with our new sober friends (we never had any of those before!), and at almost every meeting I attend I can take something away that helps me. Sorry for the AA ramble, I am having a really rough day, and for the first time today (while writing this) have felt a little bit of relief. Bdiddy--I have had that happen. A lot. For me it was related to panic attacks (that occurred more and more frequently as my drinking got worse. They would be one of my first signals of withdrawal). Not sure if yours are the same, but it is always a good idea to talk to your doctor when you are worried about your heart...

10-20-2009, 01:55 PM	#104 (permalink)
ANEWAUGUST Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: The Sunny South Posts: 1,593	Sphal...well..having been exposed to the Al-Anon program years ago...and although, I haven't been a part of the fellowship of AA....I have read the Big Book...and embraced so many of the ideas.... I felt so loved, welcomed, and like I was at home. Although, I talk to my DH about the things I face and am challenged with...I know he doesn't get it. Today...I heard my story, my feelings, over and over. I made a complete _ss of myself Sunday night, and last night. It will take some time for my DH and DD to process all of my stupid antics.....hopefully, they will forgive me. Regardless though, I have to be active in saving my own life...

10-20-2009, 01:57 PM	#105 (permalink)
traderjane Guest Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 1,262 Blog Entries: 28	How was the meeting, Anew? I think it's a great step for you. I wanted to try everything else before admitting that I needed AA. The day I went to my first meeting was humbling --- I did it hungover, and it was admitting defeat. Somehow I think the defeat turns into victory. I feel like I'm the "winner" now by getting myself back from the alcoholic mess that I was. Please let us know how it went, I hope it was positive.

10-20-2009, 02:00 PM	#106 (permalink)
traderjane Guest Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 1,262 Blog Entries: 28	Wow, Anew, our posts crossed. I had the same experience you did. Amazing... Thanks for sharing your experience. I think everything is going to be okay

10-20-2009, 02:09 PM	#107 (permalink)
ANEWAUGUST Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: The Sunny South Posts: 1,593	Thanks TJ....a friend of mine, has attended AA meetings for years., so, I was pointed in a direction, when I asked for help. I can't go back in time...but, I want to take it one day at a time., doing the next right thing..

10-20-2009, 02:23 PM	#108 (permalink)
traderjane Guest Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 1,262 Blog Entries: 28	Me, too. I asked for help... to no one in particular (God?) and then found myself going to AA the next day. I did some mighty stupid and foolish things when I drank. It helps to remember them so I don't think it was all fun and games. In the end it was anything but. Keep with us -- we'll support you.

10-20-2009, 02:50 PM	#109 (permalink)
ANEWAUGUST Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: The Sunny South Posts: 1,593	Oh..I will be here in this August group as long as it exists.... Having had 5-6 years of sobriety before...without AA...I had to look at my life think, well., maybe I need to give AA a try...what could it hurt?

10-20-2009, 03:07 PM	#110 (permalink)
traderjane Guest Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 1,262 Blog Entries: 28	My feelings exactly. I didn't think it could hurt, and it really was my last hope to kick this thing in the butt. You've inspired me to go to a meeting tonight. My ex has the kids tonight, I've already exercised, so it's a good time to do it. Once of the things that kind of amazes me about AA is that when I first started looking into it (last fall) I thought I would have to travel REALLY far to find a meeting. I thought there were only a few meetings in special locations, etc. I live in the the DC area and when I found out how many meetings there were every day happening in my own neighborhood it was really eye opening. Alcoholism is not a small problem limited to a few misfortunate souls. It's pretty big. So that was my eye opening moment. I'll probably go to a speaker meeting tonight at 7:30. Take care...

10-20-2009, 03:14 PM	#111 (permalink)
ANEWAUGUST Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: The Sunny South Posts: 1,593	TJ....another "God" moment..I looked up the meetings in my area, online...called my friend to see what he knew of certain groups, meetings., etc... There is a meeting within 5 minutes of my workplace everyday at noon and at six., another at a church within 10 minutes of my workplace at 6 every night. For now., I think I will check out the noon meeting, and I am going back tonight at 6.. I tried to tell my husband, that although he tries to understand what I am going thru, he doesn't really "get" it, as he isn't an alcoholic. Instead of trying to get him to understand me., I will concentrate more on surrounding myself with folks that understand me, and what I am struggling with.

10-20-2009, 03:58 PM	#112 (permalink)
traderjane Guest Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 1,262 Blog Entries: 28	I think that's a good plan. Concentrate on yourself and what you need. The people at AA had stories to tell that I could relate to and understand at a level that a non-alcoholic never could. When I told my story, a very abbreviated version, they understood me. I haven't decided how many meetings a week to attend, but it's good to know that they have them every day here. Many times and places to pick from. So when I feel that void I used to feel and then run to the wine store, I now just go online and see where and when the meetings are. I was told to come to a meeting when you feel like you need it AND when you feel like you really don't need it. That seeming contradiction actually makes sense to me!

10-20-2009, 04:18 PM	#113 (permalink)
ANEWAUGUST Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: The Sunny South Posts: 1,593	I don't know how many meetings I will attend either. Tonight, well, I just feel like I need to go...it can't hurt anything, at all. I finally realized the I need the face to face contact...I need the human interaction that a meeting offers.

10-20-2009, 05:32 PM	#114 (permalink)
anono Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: over the seas and far away Posts: 862	hi TJ and Anew, i am glad to hear you both sounding so positive.. wow TJ you reminded me 70days!! for me actually today 71 days!...i can honestly say i could not have done it without AA meetings, the people i have met have been so friendly, helpful and welcoming, without being pushy or judgemental... i sist and listen to there stories and can find something to relate to in almost every story i hear, regardless of the age or gender of the speaker... i have been advised to just keep going to meetings... more is better, go to as many as you can, as your sobriety is THE most important thing to you at this point, i have got the BB and reading through it and am just about to start the steps... sometimes if feels almost cultish.... but i have to say 'i want what they have' a happy, serene, sober life! i have heard many times of people who have stayed sober for years, only to relapse... but once they commit to AA... the relapses cease.... it is harder for us to accept we are alcoholics... because we have found our way to help before we have reached the 'bottom'... ie we still manage jobs, kids, home... hard to relate that to an alcoholic... since i have been going my way of thinking is slowly changing... one of the 'flashes' of clarity i had was it really doesnt matter HOW much you drink.. BUT what that drink does to YOU... i know you have had the same thought TJ... anyway enough rambling from the newly converted..... ! hope you are all having a lovely sleep.. i am just starting my day good thoughts to alll kate

10-20-2009, 06:12 PM	#115 (permalink)
Zebra1275 Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 2,496	Zebra here - ANEWAUGUST, ThirtyBubba, OceanBound, - what's going on with us? Is there a full moon or something that caused us all to fall at the same time? I'm picking myself back up, damn it, come on along with me! We can do this. Like ANEW I had 5+ years of sobriety, until this thing bit me in the butt again. Last time I did it on my own. That worked for quite awhile until life piled a bunch of crap on me all at once this summer, and I guess I found that I had become complacent. And gee, what's one little beer going to hurt anyway? Well, one beer leads to a lot more in my case, and ultimately it hurts a lot! I'm going to try AA later this week, right now I'm just trying to rest and get my strength back, this is day 3 for me. I also think I need a face to face component, in addition to SR. I also will be part of the August group until somebody kicks me out.

10-20-2009, 06:28 PM	#116 (permalink)
anono Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: over the seas and far away Posts: 862	noone will kick you out zebra... you belong here

10-20-2009, 07:21 PM	#118 (permalink)
Zebra1275 Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 2,496	Yep, 5 1/2 years was great. But it didn't take much to end up back on day 3. I hope others can learn from that. One day at a time, as the saying goes.

10-20-2009, 08:56 PM	#119 (permalink)
KC1 Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Philadelphia, PA area Posts: 335	KC here on Tuesday night feeling sorry for myself!!!! Had a Gift Certificate to a Spa for a massage and some kind of steam bath. Went right after work --- great idea. Stressful couple of days, looking forward to it. What do they offer you the second you walk in the door? Yep. Wine. Well, not just wine, but that is the first word out of their mouths before coffee, tea, soda, and herbal water. Of course I took a glass of white wine. Drank it while undergoing some sort of inhalation therapy involving steam, sea brine, waterfalls, comfy chaise lounges and colored lights. Wonderful. Then went right into the massage, where I promptly fell asleep during that luxurious one hour massage. The therapist had to wake me up to tell me to leave! Seeing that I only slept 2 hours last night due to hubbys SNORING, it's no wonder. On the way home, stopped off at the local Italian restaurant for some dinner and had another glass of white wine. No, didn't do any more than that, but I came home ANGRY at the world. And feeling SELFISH. Huh??? I am NOT a selfish person. But I am very ANGRY that I am talking about giving up my golf membership and my hubby selling his plane when his two adult kids owe us tens of thousands of dollars and they don't even speak to us. Don't get me going there on that subject. But it was another "Ah Ha Moment" for me. Really. Anger fuels this alcohol thing. Pure, raw anger. Hatred, in fact. So, yes, while I did indeed have a glass of wine, it brough to the surface another trigger point. Anger. Now I have Loneliness and Anger that triggers me to drink. Not a good combo. I am hanging in there. No more to drink...just the once again realization of WHAT makes me drink. Looking forward to my weekend away with my new friend! And it's only Tuesday! Hope you all are doing well. I so appreciate the virtual friendship. KC

10-20-2009, 09:12 PM	#120 (permalink)
PurpleCat Meow Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 781	Lord help me to deal with my husband when he has had too much to drink and is being total and absolute jerk.

10-20-2009, 09:32 PM	#121 (permalink)
traderjane Guest Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 1,262 Blog Entries: 28	I agree with you Kate about AA. I think it's a great program. I have found something useful from almost everyone I have heard speak there. Tonight's meeting was in a different place and a different crowd. What took my completely off guard tonight was that the entire place was filled with young people. And by young, I mean in their 20's (that is young to me ) I couldn't believe it!!! Really good looking young people in their 20's All alcoholics. Unbelievable. The speakers were all interesting, but some more than others. I got something pretty powerful out of one of the speeches. One man in his early 50's was speaking of his ordeal with alcohol. Now mine is nothing compared to his, but so many things he said made me feel scared of alcohol all over again. He told a story of how he used to "blackout" before even getting drunk near the end of his drinking and how he had a whole conversation with someone that he didn't remember the next day. It made me wonder if I have ever done that. I found out later from my Mom that one night when I had too much to drink I was telling her the same things over and over again. Scary. What else have I done that I don't remember? This guy had 6 DUIs, hundreds of jobs, stints in rehab, lived in halfway houses and was at the end stage of alcoholism and made it by "divine intervention." I never got to that point....but do I really want to? The answer is OF COURSE NOT. I am happy with my 7 days sober and really feel good. And actually even more scared of what drinking can do than I was yesterday. One thing that is a little weird about AA -- women come up to me and ask me for my phone number. I can understand them giving me their phone number, but it's a little weird giving them mine. Do I want to be called by some stranger? I don't think so. I have a busy life. I have kids. I know when I can fit in a meeting and when I can't. This one nice but a little strange woman approached me afterwards (she has 4 years of sobriety) and asked me if I could go to a meeting with her at 8:00 tomorrow morning. My reaction was like, "Are you crazy? I have 3 kids that I have to get to school... then I have to go to work!" So now she is going to call me tomorrow and I have to figure out how to deal with it. I want to go to AA, but I want to do it on my terms. What should I do, guys?

10-20-2009, 09:46 PM	#122 (permalink)
PurpleCat Meow Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 781	I'd just say thanks for asking, but you have family responsibilities in the morning and can't go.

10-20-2009, 10:15 PM	#123 (permalink)
traderjane Guest Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 1,262 Blog Entries: 28	Thanks, PC. Should I be more careful about giving out my phone number in the future? I'm feeling like I got caught off guard, gave this person my phone number and now wish I hadn't. I'm not really struggling with not drinking. And I have you guys for daily support. I need to go to meetings when I need to (and can) but I'm not too comfortable with over-extending myself with lots of new people, etc. I don't know --- it's troubling me.

10-21-2009, 04:26 AM	#125 (permalink)
ANEWAUGUST Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: The Sunny South Posts: 1,593	Went to another meeting last night. Some of the folks from the noon meeting were there. I knew two people there. If I can get a good nights sleep, I will feel much better...maybe tonight will be the night.

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