August Sobriety Group Pt 5

[Zebra1275]

Good for you on 92 days. I'm glad you didn't drink when you are so close to hitting 3 digits on your sobriety days.

I'm looking to get 3 digits of sobriety days as a goal. I once made it to 4 digits before I screwed up. Getting my sobriety days to 5 digits would be cool, but if my math is correct that will take over 27 years. Hopefully I'm still around at that point.

[thirtybubba]

Hi y'all.

Midton, I just conquered my first sober flu... although I had a few (!) less days than you, I can assure you... ((Midton)) The thought of a bottle to cure it/oblivion-ate it occurred to me no finite number of times... But I somehow got through, and in then end, I have to admit, it is better this way. Just a few miserable knock-you-to-your-knees days along the way. But no guilt, no frustration over my inability to stay sober, no withdrawals...

I have now replaced the period with the ellipse. Can't tell you why, it's a sober thing.

I don't have braces, either, I just like that grin.

15 days locked in, I'm in it for the long haul now... Third longest time sober since I was a kid. Am not fixing to define long haul.

Brent, hang in there buddy... VC, you too... KC, OB, y'all too... intent is worth plenty, in the law and sobriety.

Congrats as usual to all the people with lots of days sober. How we got here, I have a good idea, how we got to sober, I may never know... This is not easy.

My life is still as messed up as usual. I went to my classes today, and only one meeting afterward--and it was full up, so I waited around to talk to the people afterwards, to let them know I didn't have a phone. I found out you can have a sponsor without a phone, you just have to arrange to meet them at a meeting, say.

So I'll start looking tomorrow, I think I'll get to that meeting that I have to walk to. This time, I'm wearing pants and tennis shoes. I have no intention of asking for a ride. I don't need my heart broken any more.

I have a mess of school work to catch up on. These flus have set me as far behind, if not further, than liquor ever has. Not the best lesson, but I just don't feel like drinking for now.

Take care y'all
TB, possibly done

[ANEWAUGUST]

Hi everyone...

How is everyones Sunday going?

I have had a busy weekend, with out of town company staying at our house. We watched some great college football, ate some good food, and got into some heated poliical debates.

My daughter and I are off to do some shopping,...and then, on to youth group...

Hoping everyones day is a good one...

[anono]

hi anew... monday morning..... and as with all monday mornings i could do with another few hours sleep

enjoy your sunday

[thirtybubba]

Morning. Oops, afternoon.

Was in chat room, will be heading out for a meeting.

Didn't get a dang thing done.

TB

[bdiddy5522]

sooo a big step for me tonight. I came out! i told my wife the extent of my drinking, and she was shocked. She had no idea! But she was so kind and supportive and then I told her to call my parents. She told them everything, and they are supporting me too. They said they wouldn't spare an expense in getting me the help I need. I am going to and AA meeting tomorrow. I texted my friend who I knew was in AA an he told me to get the help I need before it kills me!

So, I finally broke my fellow August peeps. I need help, and am getting it. You guys are all so great and I am so excited and I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me!!!!!!

[ViciousCycle]

SO PROUD OF YOU BD

I bet you feel 100 lbs lighter!!!!!!!!! Let us know how tomorrow goes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[thirtybubba]

Wow, B. That's the best news I heard all day... well the only good ones, anyways, and *what* a good news... Hopefully now that you got the support of your loved ones, you will have the strength to take this on.


Well, y'all, I went to the meeting... and wish I didn't. It made me feel horrible.

The topic was the 6th step, taking your character flaws and giving them up. The whole time when we were reading the book, I couldn't help but think that I might be better off drinking... Back then, I worked (before I started this school thing) and earned my way. Since going to school, I have had to do all the things in the book... basically beg, lie and manipulate my way into getting my basic needs met. I feel horrible. And coming out so late on a Sunday, the first neon I see on my way home is a bar, and all the way it was either restaurants or liquor stores. Everything else was dark.

I'm hungry--yes, I am eating, but not as much as I once did. I easily hate my 2000 calories before (I think, never counted them) today I had 1140. So passing all those restaurants--and my flu has subsided to where I can smell again--was dang near torture. And the liquor stores...

Worst of all, wasn't any of that. Worst was watching all the people as I walked by. They were in little groups of 3 or 4, laughing with each other as they ate or smoked in the parking lots. And I walked by... kinda cold and feeling down and might isolated after watching all the other people. The people in the meeting were nice enough, but right as I was fixing to go, they were all planning to to a restaurant/diner (? they gave a name...) and I couldn't very well invite myself with no money to spend.

I have about 200 dollars left... I have to save it so I can take the bus to the classes, but it's burning a hole in my pocket (actually most of it's in the bank). It's obviously not enough money to survive for very long, and if I have the willpower, I can make it last until February, 5 dollars at a time... I don't think I have that much willpower though.

Well, take care Augustties.
TB, 16 days sober

[ANEWAUGUST]

Brent...

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!

That took courage to be honest with those you love. IMHO that is the first step to a new way of life for you. As a parent, I promise you it is the single most important gift you will ever give your daughter.

(((Hugs to you)))

[bdiddy5522]

Thanks everyone. To be honest, my parents are being just wonderful. See, my brother went through this about 15 years ago. He did a 30 in house treatment program. He has slipped and drank again, but I think he is sober now. Hard to say. So anyways, my parents have done all the research and they think I should go to a place called Human Service Agency and visit with a counselor and see what they think I should do to start my recovery. This is what they specialize in and can get me started in the right direction. Whether it be an outpatient treatment program, AA, whatever. But get me a professional opinion.

On the other hand, my wife is not happy. She feels like I have just been lying to her all this time. I understand why she feels this way, but I had hoped she would be happy for me, us, and our family. Instead now she is just angry. I hope she turns around. I went to bed alone last night and she wouldn't even talk to me when she came to bed. So it looks like for now it is me and my parents tackling this. I understand why she is hurt. I told her if I had cancer, would she be mad at me, because this IS a disease, and she said no. But she thinks this is different and I made the choice. Well, I will keep everyone posted.

So today is a big day. Let's see what the Lord has in store for me. I am supposed to go to the Black Hills deer hunting for 4 days on Thursday morning. I hope I can still go, but I think I know what the answer will be. Wish me luck everyone, and thank you all soooo much for your love and support! I don't know where I would be without this group! You all are the best!

[bdiddy5522]

VC- How are you getting along? I know you had big plans this weekend. Keep us posted!

[PurpleCat]

All the best to you, bdiddy I think your wife will come around. Hopefully she can get some education along the way too.

(((TB))) Glad you stayed strong, though.

[BreakFree]

Good Morning and Happy Monday! :) :) :)

thirtybubba...You are doing SO AWESOME! I'm SO PROUD OF YOU! :) :) :)

(((bdiddy)))...I am SO PROUD OF YOU!

VC...How did this weekend go? I've been thinking of you! :) :) :)

anono...I hope you had a wonderful Monday! Happy Tuesday to you! :)

Midton...SO, SO PROUD OF YOU! WHOO-HOO! :) :) :)

ANEW,Purple and Zebra...Waves and smiles! :) :) :)

It looks like our group is on it's way toward making quite the recovery! :)

Have a WONDERFUL day everyone!
Love,

[Zebra1275]

BD - I'm not surprised that after the initial shock and show of support that now your wife is angry. She has had time to process this. In a way, it's like you cheated on her with another lover, and your lover came in a bottle. She has lost some trust in you. It will take time for her to get that back.

[ViciousCycle]

Hi all, I am on Day 4. This time around was easy......no shakes......barely anything......was I not being as bad as I thought? I am sleeping like a rock.......very tired though still. The timing for this was perfect with my dude being gone, just perfect. I have the time to worry about just me........rare in my world right now. As you have probably have seen in a posted thread, I am eating like a pig! Everything sounds so good........I must be making up for all those "empty" calories.

Hey I started a cool thread on food called "What's for dinner." Feel free to check it out!!

TB.....I hear ya but know this. Most of America is in your shoes.........school or no school.........not giving you tough love..........I AM THERE TOO. I am a single gal who is in her seasonal layoff period.....I am union so I do collect UI but it is pennies.....I still have a mortgage, all my bills, etc..........I watch as others get to go and do..........I cannot......sometimes I feel resentment.......but this is my life and there is one thing I have learned...........money does not make you happy. Some of the most miserable people I know are loaded. (monetarily, lol) So do what ya gotta do. Millions of people are feeling strapped........and I don't know about there but the number of homeless folks around here is increasing. You are going to school.......awesome. You are one of the lucky ones in that respect. I am too, I have to write a paper today on Japanese-American subcultures.....at least we are bettering ourselves, right? Ok stepping down form the proverbial soapbox........hope I did not offend........just trying to help.

BD, your wife will come around. I bet she's mad you did not confide in her sooner is all. Just be you, that's who she fell in love with.

I hope the rest of you had a great weekend.

Now I gotta get to that paper..........hugs.

[sphalerite]

YAY BRENT! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!
Reading your post really made my day! Thank you.

Admitting to others you have a problem is the first step my friend!


As for me, my weekend out in the woods was amazing. The weather was gorgeous--sunny, and it actually reached 56 degrees--for November that is almost unheard of here!
Sooooo nice to be out there with hubby--so relaxing without the kids, lol! We did a lot of hiking, and lots of relaxing around the campfire. I even got in a little bit of fishing (donated at least 5 hooks to the snags, and not a single bite, but so beautiful down there by the river...)
I really didn't want to come home yesterday.
How different and wonderful to wake up sober with no hangover, and NOT need to have a drink first thing. To not have to plan my day and activities around booze, and whether there will be enough of it, and how we can get more...

I really needed that weekend. It has renewed my faith in my own sobriety.
I CAN do this, and I CAN enjoy life without booze.

[ANEWAUGUST]

Brent...I know that feeling of coming clean, and disappointing a spouse. It is hard when we make the decision, open our souls, and others aren't as excited as we are. Like Zebra said, it will take her some time to process all of this., it is all new to her, unlike you. You have been processing your decision for several months now.

At times I felt like I had made the best decision in my entire life but, felt alone and ashamed that I had hurt my hubby.

Your parents sound wonderful Brent, what unconditional love and support they are showing you..

VC-glad you are doing well, and have been able to be selfish in your self-care right now.

BF-PC-Anono-TB-and anyone I missed...good to see you all here, and moving forward!

[ANEWAUGUST]

Sphal...

Way to go!!!!!You had what sounds like a glorious sober weekend. Your progress has been so amazing to read.

Woo Hoo....

[bdiddy5522]

Thank you everyone! I would not be where I am right now without all of you. Here is an update on what has transpired this morning. I came out to my parents house (which is also where my office is) and they both met me at the door with big hugs! Then we all cried for awhile. haha. My dad started making calls and I have an appointment at 1 this afternoon with an alcoholic counselor for an assessment. So we will see what their recommendation is for my treatment options.

My dad called a good friend of his that is a very active member of AA and has been for 35 years. He is dieing from terminal cancer, but my dad called and asked him if he has time to "save one more person." He said absolutely, and he is picking me up tonight to take me to an AA meeting at 8 tonight. What a great person, and the tears are rolling down my face as I type this.

My wife is already coming around. She gave me a big hug before I left this morning and said she is here for me. I know it will take some time, but we will get there.

Thank you again to everyone, and I will keep you all posted. You guys are all the BEST!!!

[ANEWAUGUST]

Oh Brent....

I have tears in my eyes reading this...

Please let us know how all of this goes.

Look how all of your support has gathered around and wrapped their arms around you...
how wonderful....

((((Hugs)))

[BreakFree]

Crying...
Happy tears...


Guys, you are such an inspiration to me! I love you all!

[bdiddy5522]

So the guy that is taking me to AA tonight just called and talked to me. He has some friends flying in from around the country, all from AA. They are going to do some pheasant hunting, then go out for supper before the meeting. He invited me to go to dinner with them and listen to some guys whose lives are forever better after getting alcohol out of their lives. He told me to get out my calendar, and circle November 9th as the day I start "getting better and loving life again." He wants me to call him right after I finish my alcohol assessment. Oh, and not to mention that he called me from the waiting room at the cancer center while he is waiting to get his radiation treatment!!! I just started choking up on the phone. He asked me if I am ready to throw in the towel, and start living again, and I said I am.

So this has been a pretty intense past 16 hours in my life! God has lined this up so perfectly for me. I can't believe it took me so long to reach our for the hands that are so willing to help!

[ANEWAUGUST]

Doing the happy dance for you....

Amazing, once we get out of the way and let God work in our lives. Each time I have been to a meeting, or met someone, I am once again stunned at how he is working in my life.

It is great that you will meet these guys in a casual, social situation.

[bdiddy5522]

I am just afraid I am going to spend the whole evening just bawling like a little school girl! lol. My eyes haven't dried up all day! I don't know if it is nervousness of what the rest of the day will bring, or just joy and happiness this is all over now. Either way, I will get better.

[thirtybubba]

I hope that happens to me. So far nobody in real life has been much help, and my life is worsening fast the more I stay sober.

I tried to talk to people in the chat room last night, that didn't work so well. I guess I can't expect it to work all the time, and at least it does work sometimes. I think a part of the problem that people don't realize is that this county has more people than several entire states. What services there are are largely used by people who are already familiar with them. Even the website is not so user-friendly.

I woke up sad again, which I think is a first. Usually I'm only sad one day in a row. But I'm stressed, because when I was sick I wasn't able to concentrate on school, and while my teachers gave me a break, every single thing is due today. I have done none of it, and I don't know what to do. I just can't do anything anymore.

I can't take being alone. I can't take being virtually locked up in these four walls because I have nowhere logical to go. I can't take that the only solution for that is to wander to a random place and come back. No money, no friends, no destination. I'm just floating through this school thing, and I think I've run aground. The flu finished off what whiskey started, and did a far better job.

I can't type any more. I'm crying on the keyboard.

Take care y'all, best of luck Brent.
TB