Codependency And Beyond Part 8

[grateful2b]

Part 7 can be found at:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-7-20.html (Codependency and Beyond Part 7)


You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie copyright 1990 The Hazelden Foundation.


Getting Through The Discomfort


October 3


Surrender to the pain. Then learn to surrender to the good.
Its there and there is more on the way
- Beyond Codependency


Our goal in recovery is to make ourselves feel comfortable, peaceful, content, Happy. We want to be at peace with ourselves and our environment. Sometimes, to do that, we need to be willing to face, feel, and get through discomfort.

I am not talking here about being addicted to misery and pain. I am not talking about creating unnecessary pain. I'm talking about the legitimate discomfort we sometimes need to feel as we heal.

When we have surgery, the pain hurts most of the day after the operation. When we do the kind of work we are facing in recovery, we are doing an emotional, mental, and spiritual surgery on ourselves. We're removing parts of us that are infected and inflamed.

Sometimes the process hurts.

We are strong enough to survive discomfort and temporary feelings of emotional pain. Once we are willing to face and feel our discomfort and pain, we are almost to the point of release.

Today, I am willing to face my discomfort, trusting that healing and release are on the other side. Help me, be open to feeling whatever I need to feel to be healed and healthy. While I am doing this, I will trust I am cared for and protected by myself, my friends, my Higher Power, and the Universe

[grateful2b]

I love this particular reading...
years and years ago before I began any work on myself, I was afraid and had no idea where to begin.
I have done a lot of inner work since and of course, now I have a very different view.
I found that I loved the process, the discovery of Self, and the pain of acceptance and of letting go actually felt good..
And the very best part for me was the guidence of my Higher Power as I journeyed through.
Yes,
Surrender to the pain.Then learn to surrender to the good.
Its there and there is more on the way...
that is the reward.

[Gypsy Feet]

nicely said, welcome back=)

[BigDreams1]

The facing the pain is hard isn't it? Because, isn't that why we have created these additive/codie worlds around us....to avoid the pain for so many years.

I sit here and think, "Geez, if I would have just ripped the band aid off years ago...it would have stung, but then I would be in peace...but I was so afraid that taking the band aid off would hurt that I only slowly peeled it away...and that took so many years of slow, throbbing pain as I tried to ignore what I needed to face!

Thanks again, Grateful...for your wisdom. I hope you feel it as another reward that you minister to so many on this thread. What you went through sucked, but now you help change more lives than you ever could have before.

Blessings
Annie

[grateful2b]

Hello everyone,
it is good to be back,

Please help me give thanks to SG and Lisa for their wonderful work on this thread . I am very grateful for their help.

[Gypsy Feet]

Oh my, HG gets married in like. . .2 days? Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.

If your out there girl, don't forget to breath!!!!!!!!

[least]

I am going to have a chance to practice 'detaching with love' for real pretty soon. Dk will soon be moving back home from her sister's apt as sister is having problems with her fiance and may be leaving him and their apt... Not sure what to think about that, but it's her life and she can do what she wants with it.

As to dk moving back home... I'm not looking forward to it after having peace and quiet for the last two weeks. But I've just got to "roll with the punches" and take it as it comes. I ask for your prayers that I can truly detach from her and let her choose the outcome of her actions. I will no longer be willing to protect her from the consequences of her behavior. The only thing that might "wake her up" is hitting her own bottom, whatever that may be.

I have been so distraught over my kids' problems intruding into my life that I actually feel physically sick. I feel exhausted like I've just run one hundred miles. Please keep me in your prayers. Sobriety is easy compared to dealing with these two kids.

[BigDreams1]

Yes..((((HG)))
Breathe!!!!! And let us know (after a timeout for the honeymoon and all ) how it all went!

Blessings on your marriage!

[grateful2b]

Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet

Oh my, HG gets married in like. . .2 days? Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.

If your out there girl, don't forget to breath!!!!!!!!

oh yes, and Lisa, thank you for that reminder. How exciting!

HG, my very best wishes for you and your man.

[Impurrfect]

Welcome back ((Grateful)) and thanks again ((SG)) and ((Lisa)) for doing the readings!!

I actually had a GOOD night at work. I talked with my young coworker who was my "witness" of the incident at work and she said that someone said that A (the guy who came after me) put his hand in my face and that has always been something I can't tolerate - Brit learned that as a baby! I have heard NO ONE say anything about my "nitpicking" so I'm thinking that the "friend" who said that is trying to stir up trouble because when he did it to her, she let it go and said "let's be friends" and I'm not doing that.

Regardless, I have made the decision that I will not talk to him unless it's absolutely necessary as part of my job, and there is no one who can make me. I have an extra copy of the writeup in my car

I did wake up in the middle of the night and realized I must have gotten 2 tickets the day I ran into the back of those 2 cars and have no idea where they are...I basically am pretty much in a fog as to anything that happened for at least a week BEFORE the incident with A Time to clean my car out and see if I can find them.

I was panicked about making enough money for my car payment, but I'm getting close. One of these days I will remember HP always takes care of me and stop with the panic.

((HG)) sending you and your man lots of love on your wedding day!!

((Least)) lots of prayers coming your way. I really do believe when I stopped saying "I CAN'T do this and started saying I WON'T do this" my attitude changed. Still working on that, obviously, though....sigh.

Love, hugs and prayers to you all!!

Amy

[grateful2b]

Lisa just whispered in my ear about today's reading...thank you dear Lisa...I posted saturday's thinking it was today's....


You are reading from the Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie copyright 1990 The Hazelden Foundation.


Faith and Money


October 4


Sometimes, there is not enough money to make ends meet, much less afford any luxuries.

People may tell us to do a budget, and we chuckle. The expenses we need to pay for survival surpass the income.

We look at the situation, shake our heads, and say, "No way."

Many of us have had to live through these situations. This is not the time to panic; this is not the time to despair.

Panic and desperation will lead to bad judgement and desperate moves. This is the time to substitute faith for fear.

This is the time to trust God to meet our needs.

Take life one day and one need at a time. Use your survival skills positively. Know your possibilities are not limited by the past or your present circumstances.

Examine any blocks that might be stopping the flow of money in your life. Do you have an attitude, an issue, a lesson that might be yours to change or learn?

Maybe the lesson is a simple act of faith. In Biblical times, it is said that Jesus walked on the water. It is said His followers could, too, but the moment they let fear take over, they sank.

During financial hard times, we can learn to "walk on Water" with money issues. If we make out a budget, and there's not enough money to survive and pay legitimate expenses, do your best, then let go. Trust your Source to supply your needs. If an emergency arises, and there is no cash to meet the demand, look beyond your wallet. Look to your Source. Claim a divine supply, for all that you need.

Do your part. Strive for an attitude of financial responsibility in thought and action. Ask for Divine Wisdom. Listen to God's leadings. Then let go of your fears and your need to control.

We know that money is a necessary part of being alive and living; so does our Higher Power.

God, bring any blocks and barriers within me concerning money to the surface. Help me take care of myself financially. If money is tight, I will dispel fear and learn to "walk on water" concerning financial issues. I will not use this attitude to justify irresponsibility. I will do my part, including letting go of fear and trusting you to do the rest.

[grateful2b]

Over the years in my relationship with my God, I have learned some things about my invisible support system:

God is there for me always and supplies all my needs.
If there is a break in that flow, interrupt of that flow, it is always at my end, not His, because of my fear or disbelief.
God does not always fill my wishes but always fills my needs.
I know my job is to do everything in my power to fullfill my needs at my end and then leave the rest to him.

This is one of countless needs filled:

I have been looking for a manual treadmill, for the winter. Because of my fibromyalgia, it is critical that I walk everyday and as the winter is approaching, I need the treadmill for exercise inside.
I am limited money wise and do not have a car to transport one if the opportunity arises. I belong to a recycling site but people are expected to travel to pick up items. So I have told God of my need and left it with Him, while I do my part of continuing to look for one.
The other day, someone reposted a treadmill...I took a chance and asked if they would be willing to travel if I paid for the gas. Most people are not willing to do this .
I got an email back saying that they were willing to come to me with the free treadmill! It turned out to be a beautiful newer model..I would have been happy with an old one..and the gentlemen refused to take any money for gas.
I am very grateful to God and these lovely people.
The flow is always there, we can doubt it, block it, or open our arms and give thanks...

[least]

Thank you Grateful for that needed reminder. I've always had a problem with faith - I don't have much - and I need to trust God and let go of my worries, which is very hard for me to do. I thank you for reminding me of the need to "let go" of what is beyond me and trust God to care for my needs.

[grateful2b]

((Least))
even though I have "faith", I still struggle to not get in God's way...and its because I am human, so on those days when I have left the door to God only open a crack, its usually because I think I can do it all myself....I try not to beat myself up....we are gonna have those days...

[Gypsy Feet]

your share made me cry a little (did I mention welcome back?)

This faith and trust thing is sooooo new to me, and it is just blowing my mind. I am so grateful to God and/or the universe holding me when I allow it.

[grateful2b]

Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet

your share made me cry a little (did I mention welcome back?)
This faith and trust thing is sooooo new to me, and it is just blowing my mind. I am so grateful to God and/or the universe holding me when I allow it.

Least....thank you...
it is my favorite topic..

[grateful2b]

Originally Posted by grateful2b

Least....thank you...
it is my favorite topic..

my apologies to Lisa and Least...this post was meant for Lisa...

[least]

I get something from all your posts, whether they are directed at me in particular or not.

[Impurrfect]

Good timing for today's reading. I've been fretting for at least a week about having enough money to pay my car payment by the 9th, with tomorrow (Mon.) night being my last night of work before then. I may have worried longer, but since I've "lost" a week in memory, don't know.

Tonight, I realize I am $20 from reaching that amount and actually have $30 in savings, so I am okay. EVERY SINGLE TIME I've worried about getting enough money for a bill, I have "mysteriously" come up with the money, yet I still get all panicky at first. I had calmed down a couple days ago, as my faith kicked in and I just got worn out and said "here ya go HP, I'm letting you have it all...I'll just do my part". This is what I should have done all along. I'm either a slow learner, or a stubborn person (mostly likely a combination of both).

Today was the one year anniversary of the robbery at work. I wasn't the only one thinking about it, so was my supervisor, who is due to get married Thur. Stepmom says "We've got to get you past this". I wish I COULD - this PTSD sucks! I didn't really think that much about it, other than grateful that I didn't have to stay late tonight.

I had to work with A, the aggressive coworker for several hours but kept it strictly business. Then later, mentioned something about what happened last week and my mgr said "that's old news, done and over with, I don't want to hear anything else about it". Gee, thanks for your support!!

I had a good night in spite of him and I didn't ask ANY of the employees to do their job, I let management handle it.

Oh yeah, AND almost got killed on the way to work. Pulling out on my green light about 2 blocks from work....looked to my left to see a car barrelling toward me. I hit the brakes (thinking he could swerve around me but he couldn't as there was a car in the lane to my right) and he slammed on the brakes. When he came to a stop, he was 2 feet from my door, tires were smoking like crazy and the smell of burning rubber was horrible. I shook for quite a while, but realize, again, HP has a reason for me being here and said a big "Thank you".

Depsite all the weird stuff going on, I had a good day. Met a couple, the man has 19 years sobriety, played with lots of kids, saw quite a few regulars, and when it was time to go, I left. I have one more day, then will work on school work and get my schedule worked out for the stores.

I tried typing this earlier and Elvis erased it...such a smart kitty I have. I guess he thinks he can do what he wants since his picture is here

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[grateful2b]

Originally Posted by BigDreams1

Thanks again, Grateful...for your wisdom. I hope you feel it as another reward that you minister to so many on this thread. What you went through sucked, but now you help change more lives than you ever could have before.

Blessings
Annie

((Annie)), thank you..
I started this thread because I needed a safe place to talk about my codie recovery and I am thrilled that people are getting something from this thread. It is so helpful for me to be able to come here and share my story along with everyone, and I feel blessed to be a part of it.


(((Amy)))
what a day you have had!...first the anniversary of and then the near accident...my heart was in my mouth....I am just so glad you are safe

[BigDreams1]

(((Amy)))
So proud of you for how you came through such a tough day, and how you are trusting God for your finances.

(((Grateful))) Love your faith connection. Wish mine were stronger. I was so sold out for God years ago...and even saw miracles that I may share here someday...but after several years of nothing but trial...my faith weakened and almost died. I am working to trust God again...but there's that fear factor.

The last several times I tried to come back to faith...I got hit with overwhelming troubles. In my head, then, I connect faith with pain...and it's hard to shake that. So...how do I walk through that? Coming here helps...my bible study helps...but I am having such a hard time going back to church. Some of my greatest rejection happened there. How do I brave going back to an institution that made me feel so marginalized? Do I have to? Should I? Doesn't the bible say something about "Not forsaking the assembling of yourselves together?"

Thanks for any insight you can give me.

Hugs,
Annie

[grateful2b]

Annie, I have wanted to be connected to God for as long as I can remember.
I was brought up Baptist, taught Sunday school, sang in the choir, but eventually was left unsatisfied by the church and the double standards ,and real lack of spiritual mentoring. I also struggled with people trying to force feed religion on me.
I left the church in my late teens and for years had no real connection with God.
In my late twenties, in a difficult time, I sought God through prayers, and had a profound experience that set me on a path to my own relationship with God and I have never looked back.
Personally, I am not a part of organized religion, but rather a child of God with a love and longing for Him in my life, and He has shown me the way to know Him. Whenever I have deviated from "my own path to Him" and have been distracted by religion, I have struggled.
I have spent years studying all the different religions looking for the Truth as my faith grew and grew...it has been a wonderful journey!
I believe that every one of us has a unique relationship with God it is no ones place to judge what that is and that the purpose of our being here is to discover that relationship and to love one another.

Edit: I want to add that I have suffered in my life, oh yes, but I would endure it all again, because it has deepened my relationship with my God.

[grateful2b]

You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie copyright 1990 The Hazelden Foundation


Knowledge

October 5


Learn to let yourself be guided into truth.

We will know what we need to know, when we need to know that. We don't have to feel badly about taking our own time to reach our insights. We don't have to force insight or awareness before it's time.

Yes! Maybe the whole world saw a particular truth in our life, and we denied it - until we were ready to deal with it. That's our business, and our right! Our process is our own, and we will discover our truths at the right time, when we are ready, when the learning experience is complete.

The most growth-producing concept we can develop for ourselves and others is to allow ourselves to have our own process. We can give and receive support and encouragement while we go through this process. We can listen to others and say what we think. We can set boundaries and take care of ourselves, when needed. But we still give ourselves and others the right to grow at our own pace, without judgement, and with much trust that all is well and is on schedule.

When we are ready, when the time is right, and when our Higher Power is ready - we will know what we need to do.


Today, I will let myself and others have our own pace and time schedule for growth and change. I will trust that I will be empowered with insights and the tools for dealing with these insights, at the right time.

[SerenityGirl]

Just got back from my trip..So Happy to see you back Grateful, thankyou Lisa for doing the readings for me!!!! Missed everyone!

[grateful2b]

Originally Posted by grateful2b

We will know what we need to know, when we need to know that. We don't have to feel badly about taking our own time to reach our insights. We don't have to force insight or awareness before it's time.

All of my life, I have struggled with people's expectations of me and that coupled with my codie need to control everything, caused me to judge myself on how long it would take me to understand or move through my own process, and to need to understand every little aspect before I actually moved forward.

now, I really do enjoy the process and, the fact that this is my process, and my time frame.