September Sobriety Group Part 2

[serenitea]

I am 7 days sober today - and just had an experience I did not expect!
So tonight I go to do some home work for a night class I am taking which involves a good deal of drawing.

So first I think - wow this would go a lot quicker if I had a little wine in me to loosen me up! But I get past that and then start drawing.... and it is going really well and I am getting so excited because things are coming together and I start to get sort of hyped up and drawing and then I am done, and I am still totally hyped up.

I start to freak out because normally I would have some wine to relax me to come down after a high like that. But - that is not on the table so I literally feel like I am going to puke because I am so wound up from drawing. How can that be? Shouldn't drawing be relaxing - well funny that huh? I am thinking about it and I used alcohol for that all the time - whenever I was too ramped up and could not come down.

Sort of a manic self medicating thing? Has this happened to anyone else?

So - I instead I made myself a cup of tea and decided to post to SR. Gosh - and I thought getting thru saturday night was bad! This was actually more difficult because I was totally not prepared for it!

[Lonelyranger]

GJ serenitea, use that built up hyperness to do some work outs or something ne-thing but drink, dont do what i did..

back on day 3 again... if i could kick my own ass i would.... Looking back i threw away my week of sobriety just for another 3 days of withdrawls and sleeplessness....So here it is 1.5 hrs before i have a long 10 hr work day.... maybe i can use this as another step in my recovery and look on how i felt and for how long it lasts. no matter how long i binge... 1 day or 1 week i still feel just as bad.... I can't help but to think of what i've heard so many times; the definition of insanity, Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.. O well maybe next time instead of saying imma stay home maybe i should do it.

[endzoner]

Good Morning SR family class of Sept .... glad to see were all here and doing the best we can ..
Welcome all newcommers , were so glad your here and look forward to reading your posts and getting to know a lil bout you.

Cath you out there somewheres? Ive been thinkin bout you and havnt seen you post in a few days . hope your doing ok and stickin to your sober guns .

Wasnt to much of an eventful weekend which to be honnest was nice for a change , chillaxin at home with the hubbie and doing nuttin much , Hunting Season opens here soon and it will be a bit busy at work , no more weekends off for while , so was a good restful wknd . lots of time to reflect and be greatful to so many things
Weeknds are hard for many , to me its just another day ending in Y . I dont need or didnt need the weekends to have an excuse to drink . I had many reasons to drink any day of the week .. esp happy hours .. But now im able to enjoy my weekends doing fun and exciteing sometimes new things .. Blessed lving in a small community wheres theres many towns just like this one all around and they always got something going on in form of festivals , centianials , what ever be it . Its been a great summer and sad to see it leave , it was IMO way to short ! well just wanted to drop in and say hi and show support to all of you .. keep up the good work ODAAT. or less if thats what you require , dont knock your selfs out over something from the other day . as someone said recently , its DONE its OVER and you cant change it . just move forward and learn from it ! ~ huggles , Endzy~

[thirtybubba]

Morning y'all.

Endzy, nice...

Serenitea (I like your name) (and welcome, I haven't seen you) I get that energy that you describe too. Tea sounds like a good idea. What I do is exercise in the day so that I'm physically tired, and just lay down in the dark and hope I sleep it off--even in the afternoon. It works, but not always, I admit, but it's the best I've came up with so far.

LR, that, or you can go out hard for a week and get next to nothing for symptoms save tired. I think it's relapse roulette... Making us not want to risk it...

Yeah, I think we're supposed to learn that lesson.

Well, I'm 4 days sober. Again. If I cross this threshhold into 5, then I will be in a place I've only been 4 times before in the last 20 years. When I say it like that it looks mighty pitiful. 80 days sober in 20 years. Longest stretch about 40--I'm just gonna call it 40.

Heck, I don't even care about the days in the end. I just like the being sober, but I can't seem to stay wanting it so I end up just trying to compete with myself for days. I mean, my life doesn't get any better or anything, but I can blur everything out by being drunk or I can selectively blur out the bad parts by being sober. Yeah, this is insane. I really do like being sober.

Well, anyways, I'm obviously confused somewhere, 'cause if I like being sober, no reason I should have given it all up a couple weeks ago. And didn't even just go out for a minute... 8 or 9 bottles, I'm not even sure. At least if I'd caught myself, I might have understood better. But I went all the way and kept going, knowing what I was doing. Who the He- does that?

-TB, thoroughly confused but not drinking

[fluxcap]

goddam it i made it to 10days sober then went on a week of drinking. Is as though when i try and sober up everything bad starts to happen. This is what happened before it all went to crap this time.

A guy at who I'd known for 5+years didnt show up for work, I later find out that the owners of the business decided that he wasnt perfoming and decided it was better they part ways. Great except the owners lie for a week about what really happened and dont tell management (who I am part of) what really has happpened.

To top it off with my daughter (7years old_ goes in to hopsital for an operation to diagnose if she is allergic to gluten (on top of her type 1 diabetes). This I can deal with as I was prepared for this. My son broke his arm a week ago and was also booked in for a checkup on the same day at the same childrens hospital.

This is where it all went to crap. As my daughter was going under for her op I took my son 1 floor down for his checkup for his arm. Guess what. They looked at the new xray and rushed him into theatre to have his arm rebroken. So spent the whole day in hospital didnt have a thing to eat as me and my wife were looking after the 2 kids. And then the worst thing was this was our 9th wedding annervisery.

I hope to get back on the sober wagon again tommorow but am worried as every time i get sober bad things in life seem to happen.

[PurpleCat]

Jump back ont he wagon, fluxcap. Bad things happen whether drunk or sober - but sober is the best way to deal with things.

TB - Glad to have our sober bubba back!

[karma79]

Well tomorrow is day 30 for me. Longest I've been without a beer in a decade.

I know that at the beginning this place was a really big help. For me at least it seems like once I got through the first 10-15 days it's been much, much easier. Learning to be sober on the weekends was a little rough too but now I look forward to my weekends for reasons other than getting trashed.

Everyone is different I suppose and trust me I'm not saying "I'm cured!!!!!". I look younger (I am getting hit on left and right sometimes... by girls in their early 20s even!), I feel 100 times better, and best of all I haven't done anything stupid or embarrassing for weeks now.

I guess I was more of a "problem drinker/binge drinker" than a full blown alcoholic getting drunk every day but I had a problem for sure.

Next I get to quit smoking... which I am not looking forward to. I'll give it some time before I try it though.

I wish everyone the best of luck! Hopefully I won't be back, lol

Edit: Also shout out to to gofish & aboveitall for pointing me in the right direction. glad I found the forum.

[PrimalScream]

Hi all, Day 19 here. Actually slept pretty good last night and felt pretty good this morning. Now I'm fighting to not get this cold that one of my colleagues here at work has...man I don't want a freaking cold!

That's awesome on the 30 days Karma...congrats!! you sound kind of like me...I was/am a binger too...so not drinking during the week is really not to big a deal for me, although I have been known to get messed up on the odd weeknight...the weekends were my time to drink everything in sight. I hope you stick around...you don't have to leave

Just jump back on the wagon fluxcap...there really is no other alternative, besides drinking and falling further down that slippery slope. You can do it!!

Congrats on day 20 a fallen man!! awesome!! Glad everyone else is doing well to.

Have an awesome sober day!!

[recycle]

uhm, well I took a detour this weekend. It seems I can't help but F-up. I just want someone to solve this for me - how's that for pathetic? I know this my deal to solve, I created it, I need to fix it, but I really need some sleep, good wholesome sleep. Gosh darn it.

[Lonelyranger]

Wow flux, i hope everything comes out good for u and yours man.

My day went better than expected even tho i havent slept in 2 days.. My hopes are high and im feeling better. Still sober, just wanted to drop in . Have a good day guys.

[pennylane2009]

Originally Posted by serenitea

How can that be? Shouldn't drawing be relaxing - well funny that huh? I am thinking about it and I used alcohol for that all the time - whenever I was too ramped up and could not come down.

Sort of a manic self medicating thing? Has this happened to anyone else?

So - I instead I made myself a cup of tea and decided to post to SR. Gosh - and I thought getting thru saturday night was bad! This was actually more difficult because I was totally not prepared for it!

This happens to me when I'm doing a hobby at night. I crochet sometimes, and find I've got to stop at least an hour before bed, otherwise I'm totally amped up.

Good for you for getting through it sober!

[endzoner]

good evening everyone . Its a great day to be sober, and Im so glad I am here today to share my experiences of hope to those who need it .
Ive been commin to SR for over a year , Im a chatter and lots know of my story . but many of you newcommers dont know my story and think maybe something In my story can help you acheive a lil bit of will and desire to stay with a program of your own choice
I'll try and make this brief but something tells me it will be a lil bit longer then I like , so here goes
When I was growing up ( sorry guys i know lil this maybe to bit TMI ) but im getting to something here ) I never had a reg cyle , in my early 20s I was perswaded to see a Dr and find out whats wrong , long story short turns out wasnt much of anything wrong it was just the way I was created , The Gyno expressed to me that I would never concieve a child . at that point in my life it was something I wasnt down about , after all I was in my young youth and was ready to party , and the last thing I desired was a child to get in the way of my party lifestyle . I dabbled in just about everything Coke and Booze was my fav thing back then . But ended up being the basic barstool drinker , happy hours were my thing after all cheap drinks , mean quick drunk and it escalated thu 2 failed marriages and many disasters
Fast forward to my 40's .. gotta DWI .. thought I'd learned a lesson and that I was in control and I could still drink just dont be stupid about it " yah ok sureeeee" . 6 months later found myself being arrested for yet another DWI and worse was , it was the same cop as the first time . I hadnt even finished my court apearnces and such when I got the 2nd one .
I leaned with the 2nd one , I knew something had to give and I was me , I had to give In submit that Im a alki and do what ever is asked of me , with out askin why .. just do it ! after all they been sober way longer then I had and they were apparently doing something right and it was workin for them . SO I listened and became teachable .

I had became friends with a man whom was in recovery for over 2 yrs at that time , tought me alot bout all sorts of things , He was like a sponcer /family memeber and still is to this day .. He joked with me bout how I was getting fat , and said ooh your pregnant ,He knew my story and I told him that was totaly impossible , no ways was I with child . I was at this point almost 3 months sober ..I had no sickness I had no signs of being preg, what did he know ??? well in the back of my head something was saying yes no yes no , cant be .. no ways ? am I ?? so off to the clinic I wnt and to my amazment and shock I WAS PREGNANT ... 6 months along . now do that math here I had been drinkin 3 months into my pregnancy ..
I was shocked .. some hows I dont think thats the word that even discribes how I was feeling at that point . but I was .. I was gonna have a lil baby ... I think at that point in my life I was Ok with this Idea and so wanted to be a mom
March 13, 2004 Sara Nichole was born on her due date all on her own .. mind you they picked the date with out any real definate information other then what the Professionls can tell .. she was healthy and the most beautifulest thing I ever laid eyes on . and she was mine !!
March 17th 2004 Sara Nichole rests in the arms of Angles, the barly tender age of 4 days .. Im shareing my story with you all , not in seekin of pity , Im telling you this because things happen In life that are out of our control and we still can function and feel the pain ,,, Yes its gonna hurt .. and yes I have felt this as well as so many on this sight .. But like most pain it DOES HEAL , IT DOES GET LESS .. impossible for me to ever forget , but I will live , I do have days now and then that are sad from the loss .. But Ive never gave in to the drink. because shes not here with me in body , she is how ever here with me in spirit , and every lil butterfly I see .. Its her flying around with wings ;
She passed away not from my drinkin while she was in my belly . She contracted bacterial menigitus thu me , which I was sposed to have been tested for while preg.. something in which was outta my control ,
this past march marks her 5th birthday , and in sept marks my 6 yrs sober . I retire my AA coins with her , as a gift that just because shes not here , Im not gonna stop living the best life I can no matter what .. Take what you have in life and be humbled and greatful for it , your neightbor may have less . sure its not what we hope for ourselfs all the time but its what we are givin. things do get better and at times things will be hard . but tis still no reason to cave in it wont fix anything or bring anyone back . Appreciate the lil things in life , dont postpone things , you mite not get a 2nd chance , I love life no matter howmy day is .. its a wonderful day when I wake up and can put my feet on the floor and give thanks for what Ive been giving in life , And thats a second chance and doing it things right the best way I can ! SOBER AND FREE , FREE TO BE ME
Peace and Serenity TO you ALLLLLL !!!!

[Dean62]

Thanks for sharing that with us TD. Your such a gift to us all.

13 days for me today. I'm grateful to be alive and sober today.

[PurpleCat]

Thanks for sharing your story, Endzy (((hugs)))

[a fallen man]

endzone.....that is both a beautiful and heartbreaking story at the same time.

i don't think you will ever be able to tell it too many times. tho' i am a guy, i know how much i love my two sons. we've been through a lot with my oldest as he was discovered to have a pituitary tumor 7 years ago. they are not cancerous but because of their location they don't like to operate on them.

at first the doctors thought they could shrink it through medication to the point he could stop taking it. that has not happened and he will probably be on it the rest of his life much like a diabetic has to use insulin.

but back to you girl. you freakin' rock. so many of us on here have the curse of alcohol and have been through mucho crap. i ended up with one dui myself but it didn't stop me. it just caused me to get hammered every night in my casa.

again, thank you for your story. you had every logical drinker's reason to start back after what you've been through. yet you didn't and today you have touched me and given me strength.

today is day 21 for me. i've made it 3 months and 2 months in the last year and a half. i honestly feel like this is it for me. i didn't really have that resolve the other two times.

as long as i have people like you to look up to on this site, i will have the strength to mark one more day off of the calendar. major hugs to you endzone.

a fallen man.

[traderjane]

Hi September people! I'm in the August group and just thought I'd drop in and say hi. I look forward to getting to know you all better here.

Warm wishes,
Laura

[PrimalScream]

Thanks for sharing endzoner, you are an inspiration to me. Thanks again.

Welcome Jane!! The more the merrier

[LauraS]

Is there room on this bus for one more to squeeze in before the end of the month? This is my third day sober (again) and I'm not sure I'm ready to commit to anything beyond just finishing today. But I hear that's all right. Anyway, I don't know if anyone would remember my last two times here (January and April) but I fell off last time somewhere around 45 days and it's time to get serious. Glad that SR is here, and that you are all here.

[Dean62]

It's a big bus Laura. This is not my first time either and I just posted in this thread for the first time a few hours ago. I don't know if your ready for a commitment but coming here is a good sign. Congrats on getting sober.

[PurpleCat]

Hey TJ! Come on in.

Welcome Laura - it's never too late to join!

[ANGELINA243]

Welcome Laura...Glad you are here. All any of us have is today.

[Kablume]

Hi TraderJane, welcome LauraS. The more, the merrier!

[PrimalScream]

Welcome LauraS!! three days is great!! Keep up the good work!! (ok, I am using these !! to much )

Day 20 for me...all is well...still toss and turn a lot at night and wake up less than rested but in the words of Tony Soprano...what are ya gonna do??
Have a great sober day everyone!!!

[thirtybubba]

Hi TJ. Welcome, I think I've seen you somewhere before...

Well, I'm still sober, 5 days and I don't know how much farther I can take it. Truth is I'm sitting here, should be baking cookies or reading for a test tomorrow, don't care about cookies or books. I'm just thinking about I really want to drink. I don't even know why it's such a harsh feeling. I'm arguing all kinds of things in my mind, and I KNOW that if I drink today, I am scr- tomorrow, when I have 6 classes and a test. That's not helping. The threat of future detox, nothing. I can't think of a thing. All I can think of is I'm supposed to know more about grad school than I do, and everybody's acting like "why didn't you do that" and I can't say anything!! I didn't know, but that's no excuse in the law or college... And the state ain't paying out the loans, which means I don't actually have enough money for next month, which is never good, 'cause if I can't make it I don't never feel like just going along stretching out the money...might as well just enjoy it, 'cause the end's the same. My monthly bills are more than I have now, although October is paid for. Can't get a job till the semester's over 'cause of time--and most jobs right here specify no students, I'm finding out.

Everything was going good, but I was still ignoring things I didn't feel capable of dealing with. And they're hitting me hard. I want to run away to... anywhere. The farthest place from college.

And I got nobody to call. This is gonna be a real fun day.

-TB, somewhere

[PrimalScream]

Hey TB...just one minute at a time, you can do it. Remember, play the tape all the way through...you know if you drink today you will be in absolute hell tomorrow and all these things you are worried about will still be there. Just hang in there...go for a long walk...do something...don't just sit there and think about drinking. Do carwheels, or stand on your head...I don't know what the hell I'm talking about lol...just trying to make you laugh so you won't feel like drinking. Go for a long walk right now!! I know you can do it!!!