September Sobriety Group Part 2

[endzoner]

thanks for the pretty pics .. simply heavenly i love the mountains .. its my HP .. hey Primal its hard to tell from the pic is that a boulavard ( sp ) Suki bike ?? looks way like ours other then the chest on back .. either way nice ride up there on it im sure ..... we ride ours in the black hills of SD " sturgis " i know you know what that is ... anyways thanks for shareing the pics .. peace out ! ~ huggles Endzy ~

[PrimalScream]

Originally Posted by endzoner

thanks for the pretty pics .. simply heavenly i love the mountains .. its my HP .. hey Primal its hard to tell from the pic is that a boulavard ( sp ) Suki bike ?? looks way like ours other then the chest on back .. either way nice ride up there on it im sure ..... we ride ours in the black hills of SD " sturgis " i know you know what that is ... anyways thanks for shareing the pics .. peace out ! ~ huggles Endzy ~

Why yes it is endzoner...an 07 C50. Do you have a C50 or C90? Astro has a C50T as well. There are pics of both of ours in the bikers recovery section. I only put the trunk on for multiday rides...it comes in real handy. Around town, like today, I keep the bike pretty stripped down. no windshiled, trunk or even passenger seat, I put a chrome luggage rack on the rear bumper instead of the passenger seat. I just keep the bags on it, I like the look of a naked bike . Sturgis...the holy grail ...I have to make it down to that some year. Although, honestly, I don't know if I could handle that many bikes in one place. We have the oyster run out on the coast here every year in anacortes Washington and there are like 80,000 bikes or something...I've gone a few times but I'm really not into the crowds...I prefer the open road . Have a great sober day!!

[pennylane2009]

Thanks, Primal, for those photos. They are awesome.

And Daisy and Bubba, keep going. Start over. I feel silly giving advice since I've been here less than a week, but remember that you want to stop. Don't let the alcohol make decisions for you.

So, it's the weekend. I am a little worried about it. Weekends are usually when I let myself drink. And today I'm having a bad day. Made a really big mistake at work, and have spent the morning apologizing profusely all over the place. I was supposed to send something out on Monday, but I sent it last night and got to people this morning, three days early. Which wouldn't be too terrible, except it was supposed to be a secret until Monday. I just got the days mixed up; thought it was supposed to be out on Friday. I've had a ton of anxiety all morning over this, and normally would end the day with a few drinks to kill the anxiety feeling. So ... I commit to staying sober today, even though I'm all ramped up. Hopefully tomorrow, too. We'll see.

That's it from me. Hope you're all having a fine day.

[PurpleCat]

You can do it pennylane!

[endzoner]

Primal .. asked the Mr he said yes its basically a c-50 but ours is a Valucia ( sp ) which is the same as a boulavard. just a diff yr .. ours is all dolled up lotta of crome accs. shield , bych back ( for me ) corba exaust, forward controls ( him hes 6'3 ) and all sorts of other gismos.. we gotta get bags or something for it for when we wanna take a days trip . got pics but there on my FB acct . have a great sober day ..ooh yah and your right bout to many ppl at sturgis , I dont like to be there during the giant rat race of unexpericnced riders . the mountains dont leave when the rallys over with . its better when the million bikes are gone

[CherryD]

Hi sorry I disappeared there. I had a pretty major slip up. I had a big test coming up and I felt so behind with everything. I don't do things less than perfect, and I don't get less than an A. All I could think was if I just had something to get me through the week before the test and help me study. I would be fine. My own perfectionism brought me down and I've been on a binge for a few days.

But I'm trying again and today is day 1.

[PurpleCat]

If at first you don't succeed, try try again!

[ANGELINA243]

Don't give up Cherry......keep moving forward.

[CDawg5591]

September 16th is my first day of sobriety this go around. I sure hope this is it for me.

[ANGELINA243]

Welcome CDawg to the September class.

[CherryD]

Thanks Angelina and Purplecat and welcome to CDawg.

[thirtybubba]

Welcom CDawg. I hope it's it too, for your sake.

Cherry, come on back. I had day one yesterday. Not proud, but what can I do but go forward? Join me...

Backwards is gonna kill me. I've been depressed all day, and not the usual detox at all. Just plain ol' sad. No shakes, no sweats, no nothing but sad.

Is this normal or a really bad sign? It's usually pretty bad for me.

-TB, sober

[Lonelyranger]

Well i did it again...... Went out last night going to a buddies house whos in recovery, they wasn't home so i rode around for 20 minutes and said F*** it.......I threw a guys keys from his car into the parking lot ( he had been messing with my 14 year old cusin ) and....needless to say i over reacted........ So sad and feeling helpless.... I really dont know if im going to be able to quit drinking I HAVE TO! I blame me drinking on everything but me.....now i have to deal with his family and mine (who hasnt stopped yelling since i woke up) but i need it i think.. a lil tough love.

BUT I MEAN REALLY WTF.....

TB i feel the same way this morning... I'm sorry is all i can say over and over......

((all things are possible through my higher power)) i repeat that everyday and I messed up......

Day 1 of recovery again.

[CherryD]

Welcome back Ranger and TB. Looks like we're all coming back after a slip up.

I think it's important to not beat yourself up for messing up. What's done is done and you can't change it. But you can redeem yourself through your actions right now. Easier said than done for me. I've found I just get trapped in the same old patterns when I dwell on messing up. Also just like a bad boyfriend, now I know what to avoid.

Anyways I'm working on reasons why I need to stop. I'm hoping it'll balance out the boost the Ritalin gives me with studying. I hope it's ok if I post these here. First is that I'm working twords being a doctor and even though I've got years of school ahead. An addict doctor is a disaster waiting to happen. Second, the mood swings I go through and the obsessiveness. Being so tweaked out that I'm cleaning everything and then still seeing dirt and scrubbing until I destroy the floor makes me feel completely insane. Third and yes this is really shallow. All the snorting is destroying my nose and I'm a little obsessive about my looks. So my face being destroyed like this makes me hate myself. I made promise that after a full year of complete sobriety I can get a nose job to fix it. But not before, it'll be my incentive.

[thirtybubba]

LR, come on back... :wavey

I really dont know if im going to be able to quit drinking I HAVE TO!

There's my fear in a nutshell. It will kill me if I don't--risking it when I quit--but staying quit at least I won't die of my own drinking.

You'd think that'd be enough reason for anybody. 2 seizures, I'm not even thirty. And every so often I just fall back into it or something. I'm not even sure, although I have figured out that it's not the same thing each time.

Well detox is going scary well. It's day three and... nothing. I'm kinda lethargic, just sitting here, and I keep having to go into the city and those 3h on the bus are killing me. *nods again* But no shakes after the first day, nothing else but a headache.

I'm either mutating or my body is messing with me. I hope it doesn't get bad in the middle of the week. Got too much to do.

And Cherry, I wrote out a list like that a couple months ago--it was a lot longer--and it is useful: every time I go out, I reread it and realize that if I don't catch myself and sober up quick, I will be like that again. And the funny thing is, when I wrote the list--sober--,most of the things on it seemed like inconveniences to me that I would be happy to be rid of. Every single time I've reread the list--usually drunk--it horrifies me that that's how I have lived for the last few years.

List=Good. Might wanna add some stuff, so you remember how it was like... (you can reread them sober, too, I'd imagine)

Take care y'all, and the others reading this,
Stay sober...
TB, hungry all of a sudden

[ZeroNowhere]

I'm glad I found this thread I'm finding a LOT of support in reading and posting here. So, I'm going to make it a daily thing, or try to. One of our computers got a virus and is offline. I'm being ultra careful with this computer though so I can have my dailies here.

Thank you all, and I'm really glad to be posting with you all

[ANGELINA243]

Welcome ZeroNowhere! GLad you found us.

Lonelyranger--I can only speak for myself. I certainly didn't get recovery the first, second, or even third time round. Don't beat yourself up. I'm just glad you are still here with us. Keep moving forward.

[CherryD]

Welcome zero

TB it's definitely a work in progress. I'm sure it'll get longer the more time I go without the drugs. It's difficult at the moment though just because I'm so focused on the benefits it has at school. I'm definitely effected most by the shallow reasons. Even if it sounds really stupid to someone else it's working for me. Another one I've got is that snorting drugs is just disgusting. It turns me into a snotty mess and all the hacking and spitting is not hot. The whole thing makes my skin scrawl to think of how gross I get when I'm snorting a lot. And another one. I used to have a really hot body, but now I just look sick. I can't get my boobs and butt back if I'm using. Hey whatever gives me the kick in the ass right?

[thirtybubba]

Welcome ZeroNowhere.

Cherry, re if it's the hot body that makes you want out... what's wrong with that? It's your own reasons in the end... your problem, your reasons. What matters most to us doesn't always make sense to others.

And re snorting working for you right now in school. This, I can actually relate to in an equally twisted way. I'm in school too, with a double course load and activities. I'm allowed to do that because I did good these past three years... or so they think. I did it all drinking, and not a few beers at the bar. When I sobered up--and I didn't want to, because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle school and newfound sobriety--I had trouble at first. But, honestly (grr), this whole semester so far except for last week I was sober--and I found that I was able to maintain my readings and attend class knowing what was going on. Papers, I haven't had too many of those yet.

I know Ritalin is different, although I don't know how the detox of that is, or how it affects sleep patterns, but once you're through that part, you might find that you're capable of what you thought you couldn't do without the drug. I was very surprised.

'Cause you're right about addiction in the medical field... I had to watch a movie about that in a psych class. While the prof. stared me down the whole time--she had busted me the day before for being drunk.

Yeah, even just typing that, I'm reaffirmed in wanting to be sober.

Take care y'all.
TB, also a work in progress, somewhere around the penciling in stage

[PurpleCat]

Welcome CDawg and ZeroNowhere.

I'm looking at three weeks now, with a slight two-day detour this week when I was at that conference. No problem getting back in the non-drinking saddle, though. I actually wanted a beer today, but as soon as I got water in me it went away - it was thirst.

Zero - I went through your neck of the woods on my way back from the conference this week. There's four of us Michiganders in this thread.

[Kablume]

Welcome CDawg and ZeroNowhere. Glad you are here. For those that are starting over, glad you made it back. It's all ODAAT for all of us.

Today is 3 weeks. The time goes by fast but yet slow. Does that make sense?

I am grateful to be sober today. I got to go see my grandson play football yesterday without a hangover.

So 4 Michiganders Purplecat? Neat!

I hope everyone has a good sober day today.

[JeffreySandman]

Hello CDawg and ZeroNowhere - welcome to the group. Its day 18 for me. Saw a cardiologist a couple of days ago - my results are normal so far, unlike the cardiac episode I had when I was drinking. They can't say if the drinking caused it but the one thing for sure is that more alcohol won't help. That is helping to keep me sober. I love the outdoors, working out, etc. and I won't accept having a bad heart in exchange for something as mundane as a six pack of Coors a day. Enjoy the autumn everyone and stay positive!

[PrimalScream]

Good day all, Day 18 for me to. All is good except I am bagged everyday cuz my sleeping sucks...and I think I have a bit of a cold or something so that might be contributing to my sluggishness. Went for a nice 4 hour ride yesterday which was great...but I was bagged when I got back...I want to go riding again today but I am sooo bagged...totally sucks. I think I am just going to rest today, maybe...but it's so nice out I might just go for a quick ride, but once I get out there I am fine and will stay out for hours, I should really just rest, except resting is boring lol. Oh well, I could have worse problems.

Sorry to hear about the relapse LR...hang in there, all you can do is keep on trying...you can do it!! Hi to everyone else and to any newcomers...sorry, I haven't read all the threads...to tired. You can all do it...just keep trying. Have a great sober day!!

[thirtybubba]

Hi y'all. Still sober since Thursday, that's what, 3.5 days. Tired as all get out, don't know why. Take care everybody. Welcome to any newcomers and future ones too.

-TB

[a fallen man]

today is day 20 for me. i honestly do not want a drink. i feel great physically as i have started doing some small amount of exercise. every time i have any little craving (and they are getting fewer and fewer) i pick up my 20 lb. dumbells and do a few sets with them.

this has had two effects, it seems to knock back any craving and is getting me toned up like i haven't been in some time. i'm not a big guy, 5'11...170. but when i'm drinking i get a real 'vodka chic' look. just too thin. in the small amount that i have quit i have probably put on 5 lbs. and all of it good. i'm fortunate that i have a decent metabolism or all of the sweet tea i've been drinking would have put 20 lbs on me.

i also went to church for the first time in over a year. (christmas and easter at my wife's church) my oldest son asked me to go because his fiance was singing. in my typical fashion i wouldn't commit to it but said 'i might come'. i'm glad i did. no miracles from on high but there was a spiritual sense that i needed to help fill some of my emptiness from no longer drinking.

definitely not committing to going next week but i might end up there again. it can in no way hurt me as far as i can see. i ran into folks i haven't seen in the last 5 years since i quit going. this is a very large dynamic non-judgemental church. had anyone asked where i had been i was going to tell them i've been attending the 'first church of smirnoff' for the last 5 years. fortunately nobody asked me that question.

i look back at the things i did before i became an alcoholic and i want to get back to that level. i look back at how much i've spent on vodka through those years and it makes me ashamed at how much better that money could have been spent.

i know this is long but i needed to get it out. i thank everyone at s.r. for if it were not for them i would have never quit. oh...the toxicity that i was at following the last 3 day weekend is what made me quit but it's through the strength i've received from s.r. that has kept me quit through these 20 days.

i thank everyone on here for their honesty and i hope and wish everyone that wants to quit and stay quit will have the strength to do so.

sincerely,

a fallen man.