September Sobriety Group Part 2

[thirtybubba]

Alright, I'm back. I finished reading this thread, and I gotta say, I've never been in an establishment where they would serve you all those things y'all suggest. I'm not even sure you wouldn't get kicked out for suggesting they might...

LR, day 4? Congrats. So, you're feeling better yet? That's around the time, if I remember right. I don't have a lot of experience with long term (4 days +) sobriety, so I try to remember it all. Kind of motivating, just sometimes it doesn't work.

PL, one day, why not? Beats no days, or just sitting around thinking you're never gonna stop. And you can always renew it at the end of the day...

PS, 2 weeks. Wow. So you graduated that other thread. Congratulations. And showers work for me, too--I don't know why, but it changes my whole perspective some mornings.

DW--advice on how to moderate, I'm the very wrong one to know anything about that. On the other hand, for cravings, try candies. Lots and lots of candies, and remember to brush your teeth. It actually worked for me a *lot* of days. Just remember, if you do eat lots and lots of candies, slow down gradual--you can get shakes from lack of candies, trust me on that one.

And I'm with Recycle on the efficacy of triggers after 1-2 drinks... you're already on that path... you probably won't stop. Funny thing, you actually know that at 1-2 drinks, just not before.

PC, yeah, the doc's been my co-conspirator since the beginning. Grr. Actually, unlike a lot of y'all, I didn't come up with the idea to sober up myself at all. I really figured I'd be like this for the rest of my life, and was resigned to it, or at least until I was finished college and got a job where I could afford the time/cost of rehab. Wasn't might happy with it, but couldn't see a way out no way. Then the doc wanted to take my cholestorol, blood sugar... all that good stuff. And I balked at the blood sugar test, because I figured I *was* mostly sugar. But I couldn't come up with a good reason why I shouldn't take the test, so I confessed that I was always drinking. Back then, I drank 1-2 fifths (750s for the metric people) a day of 80 proof, or one of 150 proof, and had for years. And woke up, cooked, cleaned, shopped, went to work, went to school, promotions, good grades, all sorts of functionality that allowed me to actually consider not quitting.

It was getting worse at the end, but I was laid off last October, and although I applied, nobody was hiring due to the economy. But that didn't have to be the alcohol's fault, or proof of my downfall--the whole country/world was going through something similar, so I never thought of it on personal terms and how it was affecting me. It was easier and easier to just do nothing and stay drunk more of the day, and my tolerance built up but I don't weigh near enough to tolerate all that. Eventually I didn't care about more and more, but with only school to focus on--I'm 1000s of miles from family & friends--life wasn't that hard, except for the money part, and that was so impossible to fix--and that's actually still true--that I couldn't care. It wasn't really worth thinking about, since there was no way I could pay those bills.

Nowadays that seems like another life.

The problem with the doc, though, is she gave me the sober up pills and told me how to do it, etc, and, here's the problem: once I was sober (first time made 11 days) I liked it better. And danged if sobriety isn't more addictive than whiskey...

So that's my story and my new dilemna, for all the newbies who haven't read all 3000 pages of this site.

So, yeah, the doc's worried about me, all the time. I feel bad that I can't stay quit.

But, I was thinking last night, along with a few other things I've mentioned in the last few days (and I'm leaving the bread crumbs for myself... each time I stumble I can reread and at least not make the *same* mistake again) I did one other thing this last sober time. I was sober for 20 days. And I really, really liked how I felt all the time. Waking up easy and such. Sleeping--not much, but without nightmares and hours of insomnia.

20 days, I did it once I can do it again. Everything's always easier the second time.


But right now, I oughtta be writing an essay I should have done a while ago--I had a week to do it... a page or so, not difficult for me. But I was back to drinking and didn't even think about it, so now I got 2 hours to write it instead of 144. This could have been so easy, and I wouldn't have had to play catch up.

-TB, playing catch up because she does have to

[Renee B]

Hi All! Day 17 for me! I had my first "drinking dream" last night...gesh, those suck. On a brighter note, I was walking out of a store today and some lady held the door for me, and after I walked passed she turned around and said, "You are so pretty!" I couldn't believe it! It was a day brightener for sure, but mostly I just thought....2 weeks ago with my bloated face and blotchy skin, I'm certain no one would've made a point to tell me I was pretty.

Have a great day!! I haven't had time to read all the goings on on this thread the last few days, but I hope you're all doing well!

[Dee74]

I have to go with the flow here DaisyWings - if you're anything like me, once you've had that one or two it's too late to be thinking about triggers.

Obviously stress is a biggie for you. Amy idea about what you can do with the evening stress besides drinking?

Really glad to see all you September people still hanging in there...and good to see you back here PC
D

[thirtybubba]

Ugh. Internet's back. Whiskey's gone, per plan. I miss it already...

Drinking dreams are horrible... funny, I have not had one since I've been trying to actually get sober. Used to back in the days, when I'd sober up for something. Rarely been so scared in my life as when I woke up thought I'd done something...

Wasn't even that bad when I really did do something...

TB, at the beginning of sobering up...


...not sure when it ends come to think of it.

[Kablume]

TB, glad the whiskey is gone. Hope your days get easier. I haven't had a drinking dream either (yet) this time. Had them when I was in sobriety a long time ago and they suck. I have had dreams where I've smoked again since I quit ciggies. Does scare you but drinking again scares ya to death.

Heard something good in a meeting last night that stuck in my head. It was used in reference to the 9th step, which I am not on obviously. Show me don't tell me. But it stuck in my head because it fit that we have to live sobriety not talk sobriety. Really hit home with me.

It is still a good day to be sober and for that I am grateful. Thanks for being here. Hope you all have a wonderful sober day.

[JeffreySandman]

Day 15 and am doing great. What I love most about being sober is the freedom to hop in my car, go downtown, have dinner and hang out without the fear of getting pulled over for a DUI on the way home. I had one about 12 years ago and have been nervously watching my rear view mirror ever since. I feel like I have gained a great deal and haven't given anything up by not drinking. I could get used to this! Hope everyone else is doing well - thanks for all of the stories and support.

[Daisywings]

Day 0. I surrender. I may need inpatient treatment and am trying to figure this out. I am so broken this morning. I left my husband a note last night telling him that I no longer have control. I want to be that person that used to but I can't anymore. He thinks I can gain control over this but I tried to explain it is progressive and that I can't get back there.

[endzoner]

good morning all , another day sober and a great day it is ..
yesterday I took one of my power naps and woke 20 minutes later with a wild hair up you know where .. tee hee . Ive been wanting to paint my kitchen for sometime now and decited today was that day ..
Been living in this apt for almost 4 yrs with all white walls and its really gotten old . So I got the paint and did the task .. It looks wondeful Im so pleased with it , and how great it makes me feel lookin at what appears to be something new and diff . and something to occupy some idol time . doing with what I have and makin it look like something diff .
Its so great to be sober , being able to do lil things around the apt gives you that " wow " factor that ive achieved something in my day .
huggles to everyone .... have a happy day ! ~ Endzy ~

[endzoner]

Daisy , its not up to him to decide .. perhaps its a lil control thing for him, as long as your under the influnce things are diff , when your sober its not in his favor ?
Treament would be a great place to get that kick start your seekin and also the tools you need to stay strong and sober . dont beat yourself over this , so many are and have been in the same ship . Surrender is the biggest first part of recovery , once you do this it will make things so much easier . your in our thoughts hun .... you can do this !

[pennylane2009]

Good morning, good morning! Last night was a good night -- DH had some beers, and I wasn't even tempted. Well, I was at first. But then I mixed up some Fresca and cranberry juice, and I felt like I was having a "special" drink too. I was a little jealous later when he was snoozing and I was in the middle of more insomnia, but I feel good today. Very good.

Next challenge is Saturday night. Got invited to an Oktoberfest party (in September?). I still haven't RSVP'd. On the one hand, if I'm going to commit to not drinking, then I should figure out how to socialize when alcohol around. On the other hand, an Oktoberfest party sounds like it's mostly just about the drinking, and maybe it won't be that much fun. I still haven't decided.

Hope everyone has a good day today.

[PurpleCat]

(((Daisywings))) One of our hockey friends went through an inpatient treatment and made it through just fine. Have you already tried outpatient? They have this intensive five hour a night thing in my area.

As for me, feel much better this morning than I did for the last two. No problem at all not drinking last night.

[PrimalScream]

Mornin everyone, Right there with ya JeffreySandman...day 15 for me to. Starting to sleep a little better...feeling better during the days. I ran a couple KM's last night again, I think that has been making me more tired...I had to go to bed at 9pm last night I just couldn't stay up. slept till 3am and then on and off. But I still feel way better than if I was hungover.

Hang in there thirtybubba and Daisywings...you can do it!! And a Good sober day to everyone else in the september group!!

[recycle]

Really friken tough day, I laid off 20% of my staff, and more cuts coming. Perhaps even me. I am in a real hayter mood. Sorry to be a bummer, just don't wanna lie about where I am. I just wanna break something. Hang in folks. I'll do my best.

[endzoner]

recyle .. sorry your having a tuff time , Im sure its not easy being in the possition of doing what you must do , stay focused drinkin wont help anything go away , not now tomarrow or even later .. Im tuff times like these many say the Serenity . you know it ?? if not im sure I can tell it to you or someone else will do so if i dont get back at ya rite way .. I often find my self saying it multipul times when things are tuff , its something simple but sure helps me out , and im sure many others can agree it does . Hang in there Recycle , your in our thoughts and prayers ... :praying

[PurpleCat]

(((recycle)))

[recycle]

Thanks Endzy, if all of Christianity was as beautiful as that prayer, there is know doubt I would be Christian. Thank you, it does give me solace. Humility, strength, and wisdom, in four lines - simply stunning.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

[endzoner]

Amen ! it is words that we ALL can apply to our daily lifes .. ~ huggles ~

btw where is Cascadia ?

[Dee74]

I'm sorry things are so hard right now recycle and DaisyWings.

I think at times like this it's really important to lean on the group - no one has to do this alone, and no one should

D

[JeffreySandman]

Primal, I had trouble sleeping at first too - good exercise helps, I see your'e doing that - what also works for me is an Actifed at bedtime, not the fake American ones, but the authentic Canadian variety you have easy access to. Of course, taking antihistamines to sleep on a regular basis is not a good idea but if you have allergies like me there's a double benefit when taken in moderation.

Sorry to hear about the hard times some of you are going through - I hope you can all find that quiet center in yourselves where you can find some peace. I think of it like an old comfortable sofa within - not the one with springs sticking out to poke you but the one that allows you to relax and watch the world go by without judging and not thinking too hard. You can all do it! My thoughts are with you.

[Dee74]

I get your point, Jeffrey, but I urge everyone to check with their doctor if they have trouble sleeping.

Only your medical practitioner has your full medical records.
We can't recommend treatments here, even over the counter medications.

thanks,
D

[recycle]

Endzy, Cascadia is a bioregion consisting of Oregon, Washington, BC, and just a bit of No. Cal. It is a rich and beautiful part of the world completely capable of a self-sustenance. Winters can be a bit much, it takes a strong heart to get out bed sometimes, but this time of year is magic. This afternoon it was 90, this morning was 45, Sunday I caught a 9 lb steelhead walking distance from my home in Eugene. I know that I am not supposed to say this, and it sounds stupid when I say it, but fly fishing with a vicious hangover is something that will be difficult to give up. Maybe I can just hit myself in the temple with a hammer three or four times and fish just as well.

[thirtybubba]

Show me, don't tell me... I've been trying to say that for years--on a variety of topics, but this one too. Although the 20 days sober I got really did show me what I might have, as far as peaceful days. The relapse showed me another thing.

Daisy, Daisy, Daisy--stay with us, woman. It's rough, more so if there's other conflicts/issues with people around us, but you're doing this for you in the end, and from a sober point of view, you can better deal with the problems with him and everyone else. You just have to get through the first part, with all the emotions and such. If you fall, just pick yourself, dust off and come back.

I don't know all the stories behind the admins of this board, but I know at least three who took a lot of times to finally get it. Me, I'm on my fourth, and I only started 2 months ago. When I think about that, I get to feeling like I can't do it at all. So, right now, I can't think about it. I just focus on not drinking, and coming up with other stuff to occupy my time instead of drinking. There'll be time later for other thoughts.

If you determine that you do in fact need some kind of inpatient/outpatient, there is nothing wrong with that. I'm not even sure at this point that I won't need that too, I just can't afford it now.

Stay strong Daisy... use those Wings and fly yourself out of where your mind's at right now.


I second Recycle's comments about the beauty of Cascadia, I rolled through it this summer on the Amtrak, and actually reconsidered leaving the western states--which is a shocking statement, coming from me. But, as far as the hammer thing--and this is not meant under that medical advice thingy--perhaps a rubber mallet might be, um, less damaging? And you wean on down to a nerf bat or something...

Or you might lean back with the rod & reel and find even more beauty right to look at... Things look better when you're sober, I don't know why. Reminds me of those Kodak/Canon ads on the back of magazines in the 80s.


Well, on to me. I took the day to clear up some court-related stuff that's been nagging at me, partly 'cause I kept drinking and partly 'cause I ran out of money. But, although I was nodding out all day long, due to detox symptoms and the California heat, and long long bus rides, I got that done, so I'd feel good about that if I wasn't so dang exhasted. I seem to be able to type coherently (at least it looks that way to me ) but I couldn't talk in class.

And the Evil Roommate is back on my case, this time about a salad that I should throw away so she can put her things in the fridge. Turns out it wasn't my salad, but I guess I know my place now.

Then she told somebody that she was only making nice so that I'd be easier to deal with, that she had no intentions of stopping fighting with me 'cause I'm a b- who doesn't know who to listen. HUH? I still can't figure out why I should listen to a little girl with a little girl mind... who has no rank on me.

So now I'm here, feeling stoned on these detox pills--yes, I'm taking them per instructions, they just do that to me, I guess depending on how much I drank before I quit--typing this and listening to very loud music on my earphones. I promised Evil RM that I wouldn't refuse to let in her brother if I heard him knock. Semantics is a fun thing.

When she finishes learning that most walls are not soundproof, she might want to look into that one.

Endzy, Jeff, Kablume, PennyL, PS, PC, Daisy, Dee, Recycle, keep on staying in the circle...



LR where are you?

-TB, gonna make it through day one without a drink, and is very very thankful for that

[endzoner]

Good morning classmates .. its a thick foggy morning here , they say 6 weeks from the first thick fog snow is forcasted .. this cant be a good thing !
Thanks for the insight Recycle it sounds like a beautiful place , one in which i can totaly relate to as to the weather ( in ND ) hate getting outta a nice warm bed but yah I do it as long as theres coffee brewing . Fly Fishing thats something ive always wanted to learn to do , see im a big lover of fishing as long as its in the water and its eattable ( is that a word ) Im so there , fishing bit big time here this yr as the horrible winter and we had way to much winter kill in our lakes .
As to the hangover and fishing .. I can kinda relate to this one in 2 ways one was fishing and the other was camping . I always had a few cold ones in the cooler when i went out to cast .. just seemed strang when I finaly did it sober. but i learned to adapt , and not to mention all the lil things that i was missing cuz i was reaching for a beer or I was takin a bathroom break from all the liquid i had drank ( never failed ) . But now I can just hop in my truck get some bait and go , no more worring bout Ice , cold beer .. how ever i do have to have a bag of cheeto's when I fish .. keeps me busy munching and I feed the gulls with um ..
Camping that was something I was so fearful of , I had been sober 5.5 yrs before I went camping for the first time sober , just wasnt sure how to do it . But Hubbie and I got gear and we went and I had such a wonderful time cant wait to do it again next yr . youll get used to it sober Recycle , just be patient and enjoy what mother earth has to offer you in the ways of beautie .

Bubba .. not implying theres stupid , this is just a saying that was shared to me by a wonderful friend on SR .. You cant control stupid .. sometime I use this alot in a day , when someone does something that I have an issue with , they mite be ok with it and I know its me thats annoyed with there thinkin , but its not for me to control there thoughts or ideas ,, so I apply that lil ditty to my thought process .. and amazingly it makes me chuckle and forget bout theres doings way faster then if i just stewed on things . try it , it mite help you ..
hope everyones having a wonderful morning /afternoon .. one more day at work and got the weekend off . Im excited were going to some small town Applefest thing .. lots of really cool activitys parades and pie eatting contests .. just sounds like a fun day , will check in later all .. have a free feeling friday ! ~ huggles Endzy ~

[Daisywings]

Daisy is on Day 2. I did an experiment a couple of nights ago. Can I actually have one glass of wine? Result? About 7.

So I have reflected on this and thought about my adult life of drinking. I have never let myself run out of alcohol. Ever. So once I pick up I never have stopped drinking once until I passed out or went to sleep.

I missed the line where they passed out "Stop Drinking Now" buttons.

I had no problems not drinking when pregnant with my children. You know why? Because I never hit the start button.

So the start button is put away. Never to be used again.

The experiment was humbling and heartbreaking. I don't recommend it, but I learned a great deal from it.

Kids were annoying last night, one was sick, DH was drunk. I read a book about the first year of sobriety. :-)

Oh and hey, I don't know if they have rules about posting links or whatever, but I am going to daily online AA meetings on a site called "Recovery World Chat Rooms" that are at EASTERN 11/3/6/9 that are REALLY helping since I can't get to an in life meeting. Some of them are very powerful and usually there are 20-30 peeps there.

Just click on AA chat and ask for instructions to the meeting room. There are tons of people and lots of newbies and more experienced folks.

[PrimalScream]

Hey all, Day 16 here. Feeling pretty darn good. I did have a little bit of a testing evening last night. I had my first rehearsal with the guys I jam with last night since I quit drinking. I usually got pretty blitzed during our jam sessions and then me and the drummer would go and drink more afterwards and smoke pot...the drummer was actually my pot connection. It was a little weird doing the whole thing sober but I did it. The drummer drank about 7 or 8 beers...we have admitted to each other many times that we are alcoholic's or have alcoholic tendency's...but he hasn't decided to quit yet...he has talked about it but that's about it. The other guitar player only had two beers...he drinks "normally". I drank a litre and a half of water and ate a bag of Doritos lol. It was fine and I actually had more fun playing as I could actually concentrate on what I was doing lol. But I didn't really like having the temptation there...I love the drummer and I used to love nothing better than getting blitzed with him...but now I don't know if I really want to subject myself to that environment every week...We'll see how it goes.

Hey Jeffrey thanks for the tip on sleeping, but I think it is slowly getting better. I think as I continue to exercise and get further along in sobriety things will even out.

Hang in there Daisy, you can do it! Same with you thirtybubba...keep pushing forward...it only gets better. Sucks to have to do that tough stuff at work recycle...we are going through a similiar situation at our work so I can empathise...but like someone said, drinking won't help anything...Oh, and speaking of cascadia...here are a few pics from a trip I took this summer through washington...they are from the cascade mountains (I believe that is part of cascadia isn't it?)...so beautiful up there. Have a great sober day everyone!!


This is on highway 20 heading up into the cascades


This is at a park in the cascades


This is at the same park...the lakes up there are so blue and gorgeous.