Codependency and Beyond Part 7

[51anna]

The last part:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-6-a-22.html (Codependency and Beyond Part 6)

[least]

can't believe I'm first at something...

[Impurrfect]

Wow, we're already at part 7!! I remember when we were trying so hard to get to 500 posts just so we could be in this forum

((Kwhims)) - I, too, feel that when someone has given me something, I should give them something back in return. It's a hard habit to break, but what I have learned from a very dear friend and my stepmom is that some of the neatest gifts I've been given don't even cost $2!! They've picked them up at yard sales or things like that, but it was something they knew I would like because they know me so well and they were right..I absolutely loved them!! I have begun to try to do the same...if I can't get past the feeling that I need to return the gift, since I am very low in funds, myself, I look for something that means something to them but doesn't hurt me financially - you'll be amazed at what you can fine. I'm still trying to get to the point where I can just gracefully accept a gift, though.

My morning has not started off well, but I am not letting it get to me....yet. Dad had told Brit he was getting her grades from school. She hasn't even done any school work since Dec. and before that, her grades averaged 70. He is furious, as he's been paying the $40/month for nothing, while she's been running around having fun. According to stepmom, she HAS been memorizing the menu for that job and the guy told her he didn't care if it took her more than a week, as long as she had it memorized to make a 90 on the test, the job was hers.

I told dad I had really been working on getting Brit to get back in school...that I told her the day she was born, I held her and prayed "God, please help me get this baby through to her high school graduation" and that her mama had often said "MY baby's gonna graduate high school" and she had asked if she needed help, would I help her and I said "absolutely!!!".

But dad's being a jerk, so I don't know how it will go. He says if she doesn't go to school, she can't live here. I left the room, then heard my stepmom screaming "go ahead and hit me" and came running back in. HE says he was pointing his finger in her face, she says he was shaking his fist in her face. Having had the fist shook in my face, I'm sure she knows the difference. Then he called her a "stupid b***c" and I said "see..there you go with the name calling again" and I went back to my room.

I have ear plugs. However, I will not sit here and not do anything if my dad goes after my stepmom or Brit. Yes, I will call the cops on him if I can't break it up before it gets started.

I JUST talked to him in the last 2 days about him and the name calling stuff and told him he is pushing me away when he does this. I know old habits are hard to break, but he's turning into a man I love, but I really don't like nor do I want to be around. I pray every day he gets a trip and goes out of town. I told ((Anvil)) I lived at "dysfunction junction"

Sorry, here I go again with more drama. Amazingly, I'm okay. I'm more determined than ever that I'm going to be okay. I'm not happy with Brit's decisions, I actually agree with some of what dad says, just not the way he says it.

I'm okay, 'cause I'm tough!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[51anna]

Wow, you guys are all Rockin-On!

Hugs to all of you who help to make this an amazing thread.

SG, thanks for the readings. I will definitely have that on my mind today.

Least, Big Welcome!

Amy, hang in there with your family. I hope things settle down for you.

[least]

Dk has been whining about "her" social security check and my "stealing" "her" money, so I took care of that yesterday. I called SS and cancelled her checks. No more money for dk, too bad, so sad. No more allowance for her selfish demanding ass. She thinks she had it bad before, now she will know what it really means to "do without". It will be bad for me, as no extra money to pay bills, but it will be a relief to not have her screaming about "her" money anymore.

I am ready to give her up for adoption... tho at age 17 it's probably too late for that...

[Impurrfect]

I hear ya ((Least)). Brit is threatening to move out, but wants us to support her while she's out..um, sorry, but NOT!!! Kids, these days, have no clue what it costs to live and I, for one, can't wait until Brit gets her first dose of reality. I do have to give her credit, though. When it comes to me, she is VERY careful and concientious about how much stuff costs. She isn't that way with dad.

I think the difference is she's seen dad come home with whatever he wants, even while complaining about money. Like he'll be complaining about being broke and come home with a brank new laptop.

Me? I'll make the comment I'm broke and she'll see me go to work with holes in my shoes for a month because I won't buy any more and she knows I don't go anywhere but to work and home.

At least she's learning some good behaviours.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[IO Storm]

Least and Amy...

Kid stuff..



My heart goes out to you both today...

[IO Storm]

Just wanted to give a big shout out to Kev! :

[51anna]

Least, Amy - hang in there with the teen-agers!

LOL, I remember my daughter calling me, soon after she had moved out to go to university, and she said "Mom, do you know how much cereal costs?"


And yes, Storm, Hugs for Kevin!

[nogard]

Happy to be part of part 7, in fact happy 'to be part of' rather than apart from today

[Impurrfect]

(((Anna))) That is just precious about your daughter calling from college about the price of cereal!! I think it takes a few years, on their own, before they start to appreciate what their parents went through.

Amazingly, my home is calm for now. Stepmom went to her PO today and paid off her fine. All she has left is 24 hours of community service. She had taken a percocet she found the other night, even though she's perscribed lortabls, and drove me up the wall asking me if it was going to show up. I finally told her, last night, that if she asked me ONE MORE TIME, I was not speaking to her until tomorrow! She passed, BTW.

Dad and I also discovered about 10 beer missing from the house since yesterday. It hd to be Brit and/or friends. I wanted no part of their conversation, so had my TV turned up to drown them ou, had waited to take all my meds unti they got hee, and had Anvil on standby on if I needed her. I actually fell asleep despite Brit's raised voice,but tit ws not the normal cusisng and fussing it usually is except on Brti's part, so I think dad did much better.

I asked him later and he says she is planning on moivng in with Teresa, my stepsister. I actually agree for now. Teresa has 2 kids (5 and 8) who are extremely well behaved. Brit won't be alllowed to smoke, cus, play her msic over there. She will have to be ivolvd in SOME kind of school and work on int Monday-firi, in front of Teresa. She'll have a curfew and there certainly won't beany girl/boys down in out baseent at any givent time that we know nothing aobutl

I've always agreed with Teresa and luckily, i'm the one person in this house she has s great relationship with Heck if she weren't allergic to my cats, I would have moved intoher basement a long time ago! She lives less than 10 miles from here!

It looks like prayers are being aswered. Not exactly the way I planned, but the eay the need to be!

[IO Storm]

I hope the new arrangement works out for everyone, Amy.

Maybe this (is) an answer to prayer.

You have my prayers for peace and happiness for all family members!

And of course..you!

[SerenityGirl]

You Are Reading from the Language of Letting Go by Melodie Beattie

August 12

DIRECTNESS

Direct people are a joy to be around.
We never have to guess what they're really thinking or feeling, because they're honest about their thoughts and openly express their feelings.
We never have to wonder if they're with us because they want to be, or if they're there out of guilt and obligation.
When they do something for us, we don't have to worry whether they'll end up resenting us because direct people generally do things that please themselves.
We don't have to fuss about the status of our relationship because if we ask, they'll tell us.
We don't have to worry if they're angry because they deal openly with their anger and resolve it quickly.
We don't have to ponder whether they are talking about us behind our backs because if they have something to say, it will be said to us directly.
We don't have to wonder if we can rely on them because direct people are trustworthy.
Wouldn't it be nice if we were all direct?

Today, I will let go of my notions that it is somehow good or desirable to be indirect. Instead, I will strive for honesty, directness, and clarity in my communication. I will let directness in my relationships begin with me.
.

[SerenityGirl]

(((Amy)) It does seem it is an answer to prayers for you right now, but I know you will miss Brit, but she won't be to far away.
(((Least)) Yes, I remember what its was like to have teenagers, that had to be the hardest time of raising my kids, now I see my kids going through that with their teens.

Yes, isn't it great we are at Part 7, I just love this Codie thread!!!!! Thanks again Grateful for starting it.

[Impurrfect]

Well, I'm doing really well with the being direct part Not feeling too hot today, and after trying to fill out 3 government job applications I am irritable and am VERY direct about how I'm feeling.

Brit is not moving out. She IS, however, getting back into school. She asked me to run her over to her friend's house, and I was going to but my battery was dead? I just said "forget it". She had called dad, he said I could use his van and I told her "nope...you want to go over there, walk. I think you don't need to see her every single day, you need to be working on memorizing the menu and I need to get back to applying for jobs" and into my room I went. Lo and behold, a few minutes later, she and stepmom were going over the menu and she is doing quite well at the memorization.

Dad got everything settled for the bankruptcy, stepmom got everything settled for the probation and a place she can go and answer their phone once a week to get her community service taken care of.

I think I have applied for 25 jobs, so far. I have a new and improved resume

Brit found out that I wasn't kidding when I told her, way back when, that weed gets expensive to smoke and that it can really screw her up at getting a job, so she says she has quit! I believe her because she wouldn't have said anything if she didn't mean it.

I was playing with the dog, and said "Tinker PLEASE tell God I need a new and better job...I promise I'll give you all the bologna and ham you want". Sheez....now I'm bribing the dog to say extra prayers for me...I've already asked the cats

I keep seeing my income going down, down, down but I'm doing what I can and I've never known HP not to come through for me, so I'm actually quite calm. I've got the roof over my head, food to eat, and with the bankruptcy finalized, dad is in more of a position that he can help me a little here and there if I absolutely need it, but that's a last resort.

All this and I still feel good! My brain is a little overworked and I think they should give me a job re-writing job applications for the gov't because some of there's are just plain stupid!! I'm still a bit achy and I'm taking the medicine as directed or even less, plus taking OTC sinus stuff, but it really worked!

Have a great day!!!

Hugs and prayers!!

Amy

I hope everyone is having a good day

[IO Storm]

Amy)))

Things are working out the way they are supposed to after all...I am so glad.

I admire you (again) in the way you are firm with Brit..

Sheesh, Amy..you do better than I did with my boy! Really..

I spoiled that kid, but he does all right. I worry about his drinking..but he is my joy.

I was very firm with the girls, even being such a young mother.. 16 and 19 when

they were born, and did not start the drinking career until they were in their teens.

One, now a nurse at 35, the other, an accountant...34. My boy is in the Navy, my

baby..23. The discipline I failed to give him...maybe the love made up for it, and

the hard knocks of the military combined to make him such a wonderful loving

young man today.

Hugs to all...

:

Thanks SG)))))

I like the reading today!

Directness..yes.

Cut to the chase.

Tell it like it is...

I can't stand to be "hoodwinked".."snowjobbed"...lol.

With me, "What you see is what you get."

The trick is..to say things in ways that don't harm.

"Telling the truth in love"..

I always think of what a friend on SR has on their sig line..(Lbad)

"Mean what you say, say what you mean, but don't say it mean."

A good rule to remember.

[Gypsy Feet]

I just took my last promotion test. It was a keyboard, and I only scored a 28, which places me in the "keyboard knowledge" category. It opens a few more jobs, a 30 would have been better. I spent last night visiting my mom, dad, sis, nephew, daughter and annie the dog=)

The people letting me sofa surf are a lady I met fairly recently through friends, her husband, and his dad Bill (dad owns the place). I was nervous as I didn't even know the gal for that long, and hadn't met the owner of the house. The night after I moved in, the married couple left to hike Mt. Whitney, and it has just been Bill and I in the house. Bill is 75, and a riot! He and I are getting along like cookies and milk=) We have gone out for ice cream, had dinner, and he even gets up with me at 5am and has coffee with me before I leave for work.

I have some other housing opportunities available, but I sure am growing fond of old Bill, so part of me is hoping to stay. He wont take a dime from me, so I have been cleaning and such trying to earn my keep. I am exhausted, I slept on 5 different sofas/beds in 5 days and this gypsy is getting a bit long in the tooth for those shenanigans.

The reading today gave me pause. I have a pretty good crush building on a guy up here. I am enjoy the rush when I see him, but we are such good friends part of me would prefer the crush to disappear so I dont muck up the friendship. I have thought about telling him, clearing the air, but I am just having to much fun right now=)

[IO Storm]

Lisa))))

A word of advice?

Mystery is good! Enjoy the rush..and the tension.

Makes me feel like a high school girl with you.

Betcha things will evolve on their own.. soon enough.

[IO Storm]

Just sayin'

lol

[Impurrfect]

(((Sher))) Once again, it's just so good to see you here. I learn so much from you (and everyone else here) but lately, you've been a huge comfort to me and I appreciate it.

(((Lisa))) - I just got a big smile on my face at how things are working out up there. It's funny how your buddy's name is Bill. I laugh because there are about 6 "Bill's" in my own life, including my dad. When I e-mail anvil I have to distinguish them by the jobs they do.

My dad just made me very, very angry. We went out to jump my car off with the battery cables and it started right up. The battery is fairly new, and I hadn't left anything on, so didn't know what was wrong. I asked him if our mechanic buddy could check it to see if I needed a knew one, then checked the balance on my credit cards to see if I could even use one of them, as I've been having to use them for the basics, like gas and cat food lately. I had enough on one card.

When we went out there, I told him "I know my car is dirty, and I'll clean it out when I'm feeling better".

I've still been filling out applications. He just came in, tossed the keys to me and said "you owe me $85" I asked for what and he said a new battery. No problem because I know he'll take it as I can afford it. However, he then said "and I want that car cleaned by tomorrow afternoon". I said "I'll clean it when I get to feeling better" and he said "just forget it" and slammed the door out of my room.

This is MY car. I pay the car payment, the insurance, the gas, and everything else on it. His name is no where on this car. I'm back in tears AGAIN. I went out to the den, where he is fuming and I said "I told you, the very first thing, I would clean the car out when I felt better" and he goes on with this BS about why I can't do it now. I pointed out the fact that I've barely been out of bed in a week and who the heck is he to put a time limit on me to clean MY car?

It ended with me yelling "do you give a damn that I am still hurting, and I have to go back to work in 2 days and I don't know if I can keep up with this job and I'm scared? Do you even give a shyt?" and I went back to my room and slammed the door. I think he said dinner was ready but I don't want anything to do with him.

Sorry, I just needed to vent. I've quit on the job applications for a while, those darned gov't applications will drive you crazy!!

I'll be okay. Like my mom-Kay always tells me..God has me in the palm of His hand

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Gypsy Feet]

((((hugs))))

I too find it comforting to know its all part of the journey, but I am sorry you hurt.

[SerenityGirl]

(((Amy)) that is so cute you asking your dog and kitties for prayers...sorry you had a rough time today, but you seem to handle it great. You are a brave girl....

((Sher)) So nice to see hanging out here more especially with all helpful things you share.

(((Lisa)) happy you like where your staying for now, that Bill sounds like great company.

[liveweyerd]

I love today's reading!!!!
Don't you all agree it should be taught along with regular English classes?

hugs, Amy....dangit anyhow!!!!

There is still one person in my life with whom communcation is very difficult for me.
I was supposed to see my counselor Friday morning, but have sinced picked up temp work for that day.

I need some clarification on what is a boundary for the other person vs controlling me.

David has found a new sport/hobby for us that I have to laugh, it seems perfect for codies! Geocache, which I am calling mystery snooping...it gets me excercise, I get to play with skills I have only read about and it is just plain fun.

Saw pdoc today, all is going well and I am decreasing my meds. YAY!!!

[SerenityGirl]

(((Live)) Good for you!!!! So glad your doing well!!!

[liveweyerd]

Me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lol