Codependency and Beyond Part 6

[grateful2b]

You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright 1990 The Hazelden Foundation


July 13

God As We Understand Him

God is subtle, but he is not malicious

- Albert Einstein

Recovery is an intensely spiritual process that asks us to grow in our understanding of God. Our understanding may have been shaped by early religious experiences or the beliefs of those around us. We may wonder if God is as shaming and frightening as people can be. We may feel as victimized or abandoned by God as we have by people from our past.

Trying to understand God may boggle our mind because of what we have learned and experienced so far in our life.

We can learn to trust God, anyway.

I have grown and changed in my understanding of this Power greater than myself. My understanding has not grown on an intellectual level, but because of what I have experienced since I turned my life and my will over to the care of God, as I understood, or rather didn't understand, God.

God is real. Loving. Good. Caring. God wants to give us all the good we can handle. The more we turn our mind and heart towards a positive understanding of God, the more God validates us.

The more we thank God for who God is, who we are, and the exact nature of our present circumstances, the more God acts on our behalf.

In fact, all along, God planned to act on our behalf.

God is creator, Benefactor and Source. God has shown me, beyond all else, that how I come to understand God is not nearly as important as knowing that God understands me.

Today, I will be open to growing in my understanding of my Higher Power. I will be open to letting go of old, limiting, negative beliefs about God. No matter how I understand God, I will be grateful that God understands me.

[SerenityGirl]

Originally Posted by grateful2b;


My understanding has not grown on an intellectual level, but because of what I have [I

experienced[/I] since I turned my life and my will over to the care of God,

[/I]

This is true for me.....

[Gypsy Feet]

Hi=) I just got back from up north again, and I am emotionally drained. Amy, I never asked her about the contest ( I didn't want to give it any more "weight"). I did jump into her hoop before I left Saturday and found myself giving her job hunting "suggestions", all the while trying to reign in my mouth (progress, not perfection).

After the "probation" thing at work, I really wanted to take off for some me time. The (ex) did some of his helpless stuff, which both got me to delay my trip for a day so he didn't feel abandoned, and pi$$ed me off that I fell for it. He then refused my calls this weekend, and I came home to an empty 12 pack of heiniken. . .

I hung out with my old high school buddy for the second trip, and I find myself fighting off a fairly voracious crush. It's nice to spend time with him and get the twitterpated feeling, but I'm in no position to start anything.

I swam in the ocean, and 2 pods of dolphins graced me by swimming magnificently close and taking their time about it.

As I was saying good night to my friend, I looked up and in the sky were thousands of stars. We have none above my house. They brought tears to my eyes. I went out back, laid on a weight bench with a blanket, and just thanked god, the universe, and life for the breath takingly beautiful display.

I am in tears (again) from the "ask God for what you ant and need" post. I feel so blessed to have my sobriety, and to have found you all. I am so grateful for a job, and a place to live. I spent my whole trip back down fighting to accept where I am today. It hurts to want. . .

The last "wish" I every made was on my birthday cake 10 years ago. My wish was "I am so happy, please just let everything stay this way". 2 months later my "almost" son died (10 years ago July 30). I don't make wishes anymore.

I "try" to pray for things to help along my recovery path.

I have yet to master the fine line between living in the now, and desperately wanting to move on.

[Gypsy Feet]

I guess we are back to living together without speaking. It's very familiar territory. So I used my money to buy groceries for the night (which he ate), and I actually just packed his lunch for tomorrow. . .

Wow!

[liveweyerd]

Lisa, I am rooting for you, luv!
It is so hard to do...leaving.
I just officially moved in with BF and my best friend/roomie feels betrayed and abandoned.


I am trying to find a sane middle ground.

[Gypsy Feet]

I'm happy for you, and as long as she sees you happy, she should come around too

[liveweyerd]

I am sure about wanting to be with him.
My counselor approves, but it is very difficult negotiating thro' this as she is so very hurt
and I hate that I have hurt her...but we are trying to talk thro' things.
He is very nice and friendly towards her....but that doesn't help, as she so wants a man/mate of her own.
I feel a bit torn in two.

[Gypsy Feet]

you deserve to be happy. And who knows, maybe your moving out will open an unplanned door for her. Trust your path girly

hugs

[Impurrfect]

(((Live))) Give it time, sweetie. While you are looking toward this blossoming relationship with the bf, roomie is grieving a bit - the relationship you two had has changed and she probably does feel less important right now. I had a male friend tell me, once, that people underestimate the importance of friendships. He said "I've had all kinds of girlfriends...true, die-hard friends? I can count on one hand". I am NOT saying you are doing anything wrong. I'm simply pointing out the fact that with close friends, any time there is a change in the relationship, i.e. one gets a bf, promotion, new house, etc., the other is probably going to be bent out of shape for a little while. Usually, from what I've seen, time proves that true friendship survives whatever change has happened.

(((Lisa))) - I have such a hard time being around anyone when we aren't speaking, I don't know how you do it. Of course I'm a chatterbox. I'm glad you got away for the weekend, but I can see why you're drained. I am totally envious of you swimming with the dolphins!!! I can also just see you giving your daughter job advice and knowing you need to just hush at the same time...don't you just hate that?!

Dad and stepmom go to see a bankruptcy lawyer tomorrow, so any spare good thoughts/prayers would be appreciated. I am convinced that if dad wasn't under the tremendous financial stress that he is, he wouldn't be so quick to snap, although I know this won't "fix" everything. It would also be nice to not have the phone ringing from creditors every 5 minutes, since I sleep during the day!

Brit came home last night and I came in and hugged her neck and told her I missed her. I also told her exactly what all I discussed with my therapist so my stepmom can not twist anything around or make a big deal out of something that isn't a big deal. Brit is cool with it all and understands that I'm not trying to get into HER therapy.

It was really bad week, money-wise. I am hanging on to faith, though, as it has gotten me through every other rough patch.

I'm also about to fall asleep, so will check in later

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[grateful2b]

Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet

I swam in the ocean, and 2 pods of dolphins graced me by swimming magnificently close and taking their time about it.

As I was saying good night to my friend, I looked up and in the sky were thousands of stars. We have none above my house. They brought tears to my eyes. I went out back, laid on a weight bench with a blanket, and just thanked god, the universe, and life for the breath takingly beautiful display.

I am in tears (again) from the "ask God for what you ant and need" post. I feel so blessed to have my sobriety, and to have found you all. I am so grateful for a job, and a place to live. I spent my whole trip back down fighting to accept where I am today. It hurts to want. . .

I "try" to pray for things to help along my recovery path.

((Lisa))
thank you for this beautiful and inspiring post...gratitude is the key, isn't it
I think you are doing real good around the "pole job" and staying out of it, because that can't be easy.
you are so clear about moving on from the bf, I think it is just a matter of time, eh, a process to work through...I am glad for you that you can get away up the coast when you need to...good self care....I am so envious of the dolphin swim!

((Live)) I agree with Amy,
she has her process, through this and so have you, and you are a good and caring friend to be concerned with how she feels and is managing, but she has her own life lessons to learn through this that you can't protect her from. I can really appreciate her wanting to have what you have (a partner), and how that is possibility amplifying her feelings of abandonment. Hugs and prayers for you and your roomie, Live,.... I am happy that you have found happiness..

((Amy)) big day tomorrow!...I will definitely hold your Dad and Step-mom in my prayers for the highest good

It was a really bad week, money-wise. I am holding onto faith, though, as it has gotten me through every other rough patch
I love this...Amy, you are such an inspiration

Hugs to everyone!

[grateful2b]

You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright 1990 The Hazelden Foundation

July 14

We Are Lovable


Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay

- Codependent No More

Do you ever find yourself thinking: How could anyone possibly love me? For many of us, this is a deeply ingrained belief that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Thinking we are unlovable can sabotage our relationships with co-workers, friends, family members, and other loved ones. This belief can cause us to choose, or stay in, relationships that are less than we deserve becasue we don't believe we deserve better. We may become desperate and cling as if a particular person was our last chance at love. We may become defensive and push people away. We may withdraw or constantly overact.

While growing up, many of us did not receive the unconditional love we deserved. Many of us were abandoned or neglected by important people in our life. We may have concluded that the reason we weren't loved was because we were unlovable. Blaming ourselves is an understandable reaction, but an inappropriate one. If others couldn't love us, or love us in ways that worked, that's not our fault. In recovery, we're learning to separate ourselves from the behavior of others. And we're learning to take responsibility for our healing, regardless of the people around us.

Just as we may have believed that we're unlovable, we can become skilled at practicing the belief that we are lovable. This new belief will improve the quality of our relationships.

It will improve our most important relationships: our relationship with our self. We will be able to let others love us and become open to the love and friendship we deserve.

Today, God, help me be aware of and release any self-defeating beliefs I have about being unlovable. Help me begin, today, to tell myself that I am lovable. Help me practice this belief until it gets into my core and manifests itself in my relationships.

[Gypsy Feet]

I called in sick today and have been on the internet all day looking at jobs and rooms for rent up north. . .

"the baby" has an interview today, fingers crossed!

My bank account is most displeased with my aversion to being here and working. I need to do a little better at working with what I have available to me now, or make the decision to move on. scary stuff

Amy I hope they get some measure of financial relief and that it takes away some of the tension in the house

[Impurrfect]

I thought I would share Ralph with you all for today:

THE DAILY MOTIVATOR
Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Live in joy
+++++++++++++++++++

Just for a moment, live in joy. Forget about what should or
should not be, and just let yourself be as you are.

Let go of the need to need. Feel the reality that you
already are enough, and that it is truly magnificent.

Do not worry about what will be or what won't be. See and
feel the limitless beauty of what is.

Taste the eternal freshness of now. Live fully the boundless
miracle of existence.

What you authentically feel now, you feel always. This
moment is the most valuable opportunity you've ever known.

Live in joy now. And carry more joy forward as each moment
passes.

Ralph Marston

[Impurrfect]

Dad and stepmom are back from the lawyer's with good news. He will file Chapter 13, which means he will pay the money back, but no interest and get to keep the van. He really likes the lawyer and says she didn't even ask him for money today. Now, when the creditors call, they can tell them to call her

The payment arrangements are MUCH more do-able than what he's been trying to do, and he feels better that he is paying the debt. As he stated "it's my debt - I owe it, I need to pay it". It's something he and mom instilled in me, too. I've never wanted to shirk my responsibilities as far as my debt, but I wish people would realize I no longer make the $40/hour I made when I ran up the bills I'm trying to pay!

He said it's like a huge weight is lifted off his shoulders. I REALLY wanted to say "I told you so" but instead said "I'm glad you finally went, because if you had put this off, I was seriously going to have to kill you" then laughed.

I'm playing referee between Mots and Elvis on the bed, while relaxing and enjoying my day off. They won't even have to fuss at me today, as I don't have to work.

I really enjoyed the reading. I grew up, very much loved, and am still much loved by my family, but have never felt loved in a male/female relationship so that's where I have a problem. Still working on believing that.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[grateful2b]

Amy, that is terrific news, hurray!!
and thanks for Ralph..another good one


As I mentioned a few posts ago, its been challenging, lately
You would think that with my daughter in recovery, I would be thrilled...
It has been stressful for me, for a few reasons.
Trying to balance being there for her, and staying in my hula hoop over what has been a source of extreme stress for 8 years.

We are very close, and very sensitive to one another's moods,feelings and I having been jockeying to maintain my Self while supporting her. She struggles with chanelling her anger appropriately when stressed, and I have had to maintain some clear boundaries around that behavior. I have to say I was in her hoop a couple of times this week.

It is hard for me to know, when things are stressful, whether its my bipolar, my ptsd, or my codie emotions sometimes and it has been that kind of week.
So I have been doing this balancing act, trying to find the sweet spot for me...and all the while trying to stay in today, and not think about what her outcome will be, and I have finally adjusted and have found a comfy codie-regulated spot.

Well, I now feel comfortable sharing how she is doing without feeling like I am getting ahead of myself.
She has 14 days, is finally on good meds although the initial adjustment period was tough for her..yikes! They have made all the difference and you can see it in her thinking and doing..and there has been such a change in her.

At the beginning of this week, I was so detached from her process, and actually a bit fearful, I think about letting in any progress that she was making, because I didn't want back on that rollercoaster ride, and all the anxiety and fear around that ride-experience came up initially, and thats okay..

My guts have become unclenched...lol... I can see from what she is doing and saying and the changes that have taken place in her, that there is a miracle taking place in her life.
So , now I can relax a bit...she is on her way...and I am proud of her and so grateful..to our Higher Power.

[Gypsy Feet]

fantastic news!

[Impurrfect]

((Grateful)) I'm glad that your daughter is in a good place and so are you. I never though about my guts being clenched, but darned if that isn't a good description of how I've felt many a time!!

I gave in to sleepiness and took a nap with Mots and Elvis. Yesterday I went to put the Frontline on Patches (I'd already gotten Elvis and Mots) and danged if she wasn't more like a darned octopus!! I was on the floor, trying to hold her down and explain "it's just a few drops, for God's sake, it's not going to kill you!!" I truly believe my cats help me to keep not only my sanity but definitely my sense of humor

(((Lisa))) - I mean to tell you earlier...I understand when the bank account doesn't like our decisions in life. I honestly thing sometimes that's my HP's way of saying "um...time to make a decision!" Not always, but it does usually make me focus on what it is I want in life and whether I am working toward that goal or just wishing.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[SerenityGirl]

Lots of good news!!!! So glad things worked out good for your Dad, Amy!!! and thankyou for the reading today...Also I am happy for you Grateful...and your daughter....!!!

[Gypsy Feet]

every since amy shared her picture I have wanted to get this up (I have considered the warnings against, but this picture is already all over myspace and facebook!!)

These are my two most favoritest bestest beloved people ever! The nephew, and "the baby" (thats me with the tongue!)

[Impurrfect]

(((Lisa)) I love it!!! I know the warnings about the pictures, but like you said, Brit has pictures all over myspace, so they're already out there. It's great to put faces with the names...nephew is so cute!!!! You look like you're having a blast and the "baby" looks like a lovely young lady.

I fell asleep early, and now I'm awake with my eyes itching...I am so tired of these GA allergies I can't see straight. They say they're supposed to last until August, and it's different allergens about every week, so the same OTC meds don't always

Okay, going to try to go back to sleep now.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[lunarise]

Hey there peeps..stopping in saying

Im thinking that maybe my "depression" that has come and gone since middle school may have something to do with being codependent. I am gonna order some books I think and maybe talk to my therapist about it. I guess I would think that if that is a huge factor in my behavior and feelings that she would have noticed and mentioned something...er maybe not. Anywho I took some time to read alot of the posts here recently...you guys are a strong bunch! Im gonna see if I cant check in here more often.

:ghug

[Impurrfect]

Welcome vividserenity!! My therapist never said anything about codependency until I brought it up, and she still doesn't bring it up, but absolutely validates what I'm saying about it, so who knows? The more I've learned about it, the more I realize how it has been a part of my life for a very long time, even though I am very not-typical in that I had loving parents, a pretty darned good childhood.

You are most welcome here. I highly recommend books by Melody Beattie, especially "codependent no more".

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Gypsy Feet]

Hey viv, this thread is my salvation some days! I just replied to a post that was a codie check list. I dont have time before work to find it, but if you look at my post history you might be able to, it was pretty spot on.


So, I am looking for someone to help redo my resume. . .forward momentum!

[Impurrfect]

I am about to go out and do the merchandising thing. Mots is not going to be happy, as he just came in and is wanting some kitty snuggle time.

((Lisa)) - you should have seen me trying to put my resume together. I honestly don't have some of the dates I worked at some jobs. I'm okay on the resume, as I can remember the years, but even then, I was trying to put together 30 years of work onto one page! I put together a rough estimate then had Anvil go over it and she whipped it into an awesome resume - I looked at what she put together and said "wow, I've got an impressive resume!!" Unfortunately, the agencies I've applied for over the internet keep sending me nursing jobs and I can't apply for them. In this area, just about every online job is through an agency and they all have services available to re-do your resume, so you might want to check those out for you, locally. I use Indeed and the local paper, mostly to check out jobs, but even with monster, yahoo and AOL - the majority of the jobs are with an agency.

I'm hoping to do some schoolwork when I get home. It would be sooooo nice to just take some time off and concentrate on that Not gonna happen, though, unless money starts falling from the trees to pay my bills.

I'm in a very good mood, and plan on staying that way!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[SerenityGirl]

((Lisa)) What a sweet picture, thankyou for sharing it with us...

Vivid Serenity

I have been having a hard time posting the last few days, there seems to be so many interruptions if it isn't my H, its my dog wanting to play. Also have been expecting a phone call, I am on dial-up. so frustrating. anyway its not the end of the world...