Class of June-Part 2

[Jade19]

YEAH BJORK!!!!!!!

I am soooo HAPPY to see you!! I don't know what the heck happened to our group but like I said, I miss everyone!!!

Isn't it wild to be seeing things with almost new eyes so to speak? I was just posting a thread about how I am just feeling normal and I haven't felt normal in quite some time...LOL...who knew normal was so nice!!

I like that they are looking at you like there's something different!! Keep 'em guessing =)

Good luck with school and come back when you get some free time...I'll be here lurking and CONGRATS on 81 DAYS!!!! Big 90 coming up!!! I am at 71 days so I am 10 behind you!!!

Have a great week!!!

HUGS,
Reb

[bjork]

Hey Reb!

Yep....90 days coming up. This is the longest I have gone without drinking in 20 years!

WHOA! You're doing great! How exciting! What are you going to do to celebrate?

I don't know what I will do yet. It will probably involve eating something LOL

[Jade19]

OMG 90 days BJORK!!! WOOHOOO!!! That is so awesome!!! I have 76 days, I think, haven't done the calculator thingy in a few days so I am guesstimating =) Oh mine will def. involve food and possible a little cake!! I have never been sober this long in my life either, sort of freaks me out a bit, but in a GOOD way!! =) Seems like we are the last ones in our group Bjork....we can do it!!!! I wanna see you in one year on here so we can celebrate together =)

HUGS,
Reb

[Jade19]

CONGRATS ON 90 DAYS BJORK!!!!! I figure if I'm at 80 your at 90!! Hope you do something special!!

Miss everyone =)

Hugs, Reb

[Jade19]

Note to whoever comes to this thread....I seem to be the only one left so I am gonna post my days to keep me motivated and as a reminder =)

81

[bjork]

Hey Jade! Thanks so much for the post congratulating me on 90 days! I loved it! It was so nice to read through everybody's encouraging posts. I did not do anything since it was a week day and work has been taking up more time than it ever should.

Your 90 days is coming up too! Definitely have some cake.

It is so sad that we are the only ones left in this forum. We had a running start .... Oh well, if they come back they'll check in here and be excited that there's still somebody they know. Right?

I have had a few wine cravings off and on recently. I never act on it because I always have a cigarette craving as well. I think if I caved on both I would just be so pi ** and at myself. I can not even entertain the notion of either one. There are lots of smokers here in Italy so I get frequent reminders of how smelly it is. That seems to help me refrain as well. Also, smelling alcohol on other people's breath has been a big turn off as well. I never realized how much it smells. I bet I was walking around stinking all the time! I know I was!

A friend has asked me to meet them out tonight at a bar. Bars here have nice snack bars. It's a buffet of snacky foods, pasta dishes, rice dishes, finger sandwiches, hors d'oeuvres, etc.. The place they are going tonight has sushi. So, it's not just alcohol. I'm not going. I feel so tired in the evenings all the time now. Do you?

[Jade19]

YEAH!! I am so happy for you Bjork!!! Big milestone!!

I have been having cravings too, for beer though. STRONG....they just pop in my head, BAM! Beer sounds good right now, I bet I can have just one or two...ughhh it's so frustrating because I still wish I had that normalcy in me and I just don't. My life is so much better sober and I KNOW this....I just have to keep reminding myself of what it was like and stop glamorizing it all.

I am very tired at night plus my appetite is large and in charge! I get hungry all the time it feels...how about you?

I went to the movies tonight and could barely keep my eyes open!! Maybe our bodies are catching up on all the sleep we missed!!!

Write soon!!!

HUGS!
Reb

[jade09]

hey jade and bjork
Congrats to you both!!!
Keep doing whatever is working!!! And if you're feeling weak, remember how hard it was to get to where you are now, and the thought of waking up in the morning and having to start all over. Don't let yourself down!! Stay strong and continue moving foward!!
I can not wait till I get some real time behind me again. My longest attempt was almost 9 months....today I am back on day 13...but this time I am not trying on my own as I have the past several years. I started going to aa meetings, and it is honestly making a big difference for me. I don't have any answers yet, but I am determined....as I have never been before to finally turn my life around.
Hope all is well. And hope to talk soon. It's been awhile since I've hung out with the JuneBugs

[bjork]

Jade09-Glad to hear you are trying AA. I tried AA when I was living in the states. I have thought about going to AA here. What's keeping me from going is knowing that a colleague does a lot of volunteer work at the church that hosts the meetings. These are the only english speaking meetings here. It's a really small community here and I don't want to out myself as an alcoholic at work. I think I will try to get an on line sponsor soon. Keep up the good work Jade09.....you CAN turn your life around!!

Jade19-I am tired and I am snacking more too. I have quit smoking as well, so I am worried about gaining weight. I am hoping that quitting both together will even out the effects of quitting smoking.

Tonight we had an open house at our school. I just got home (8:30pm). On my way home a group of people asked if I wanted to go for apperitivo (snacks and drinks). I said "No, Thank you". I'm such a dud! Not because I'm not drinking, but b/c I'm old (37) LOL I'm seriously too tired by 9pm to do anything any more.

[Jade19]

We're not old!! I'm 37 too!! So if 30 is the new 20 then we're technically only 27!! teehee

So glad to see you jade!! We miss you around here =)

I am struggling lately, maybe it's the 90 day mark but I am craving more and more and the reminders don't seem to be as effective...I am not drinking today. I can promise that...

85....

[bjork]

Stay stong Jade! I still have occassional urges myself. I think I posted a week or two back that I was having cravings as well. It's like my mind says...."Ohhh...you wanna' f*ck with me huh? Well, I'm just gonna head f*ck you today. And maybe tomorrow too." Seriously, how can the sunconscious be so strong?? Anyhow, you are almost at 90 days!!! YAY!

[bjork]

Where is everybody????

[Jade19]

i'm here!!! Just been lurking lately...how are you Bjork?

[bjork]

I'm good! Congrats on 90 days! Did you do anything to celebrate?

Today I just bought a ticket to go to Amsterdam in 3 weeks. We have a long weekend coming up. I'm going by myself, but I think I can manage to enjoy myself.

My poor cat has a cold and has been sniffing for the past 4 days. I'm pretty sure he got it when I took him to the animal hospital for a UTI last week. He's on antibiotics for the UTI, so if there's anything else, hopefully the antibiotic gets it. Otherwise, we are going back to the vet.

[Lindsay]

I'm here, I'm here!!! (And still sober, yay!) I'm sorry I haven't checked in for awhile- I've been so busy! I've gone through a lot of changes, good changes.

Today is day 129- wow! And yes, I did have to get the handy calculator out for that one, haha.

I'll have to go back through the thread a bit and see how everyone has been doing. I browsed quickly just now and saw that some of you have hit big milestones so CONGRATS!

At the beginning of September I moved in with my boyfriend. This is a big, big step for me. If I wasn't so sure about him, I wouldn't have done it...but I love him to death. He's it for me. If it weren't for him, I'm not totally convinced I'd be sober right now. He was there for me through my drunken antics...and he was there for me 100% when I made the decision to stop drinking. Not being an alcoholic himself, he never really understood what I was going through...but he has been THE MOST amazing support system. He no longer drinks at all, either. We both came to the realization that if our relationship was going to work alcohol could not be a part of it. I've heard so many times how once you stop drinking everything falls into place--I couldn't agree with that more. I feel like a completely different person now. I love life!

I haven't had any temptations at all, really. There are still times I wish I could just 'go have a beer' but all it takes is some rational thinking and I quickly realize that is not what I want at all. I haven't been in many social situations where drinking is inovlved. Essentially, I really don't even want to be around it...it's so unappealing and I don't like that lifestyle. I want to be healthy & happy...

Anyway, just thought I'd check in!!! Hope all is well w/everyone!

[bjork]

HI Lindsay! Congrats on your sober time!!!

Congratulations on your big move! You are so lucky to have somebody that is so supportive!

Once you stop drinking, everything falls into place...... I guess things are for me, but very slowly. I can't name anything that is really big, but little pieces are becoming more tolerable and I guess better. I am definitely thinking clearer. I'm looking to move to another country in June '10. Not sure where yet, but definitely feels less stressful since I'm not clouded by drinking.

I have my moments as well when I think some wine would be nice. Luckily I remember how pathetic it would be for me to go sit at home alone and drink a bottle of wine (which means a pack of cigarettes for me as well). When I'm out with friends and they're drinking (usually with dinner or at an outdoor festival) I am totally fine with not drinking.

I, like you, want to be happy and healthy.

[bjork]

Just got over a bout of the flu. I was down for about a week. We have to get a doctors note for every single absence here. I went to the doctor and she told me to stay home Tues-Fri. Holy cow, I would've never felt comfortable taking that much time off. Oh well.....Dr's orders. I feel much better. I go back to work tomorrow.

[Lindsay]

Hey guys. I'm kind of having a bad day...i'm not tempted to drink, it's a different kind of "bad day."

Anyway, I was just wondering what you guys think of my situation. As I've said before, when I stopped drinking my boyfriend did as well. I never said "You can't drink"...he willingly stopped, said he would no longer drink, that it wasn't a big deal to him, etc. It was obvious from the begining that our relationship simply wouldn't work if alcohol was involved in ANY way. It was obvious that I couldn't be exposed to it at all; especially early on. He doesn't have a problem with drinking, but when we first met he went out a few nights a week with his friends, and drank a fair amount. As I've mentioned earlier I moved in with him about 2 months ago and it's been going great.

Well, this past Saturday was his 10 year high school reunion. He asked if I wanted to go but I had no interest what so ever in going. He didn't push it at all, if anything I felt like he maybe didn't want me to go.

So he goes...and while I normally LOVE my alone time, I felt sick to my stomach thinking that he would possibly go to this reunion and drink. It's difficult for me to comprehend why that bothered me so much. It just did. AND it's extremely, EXTREMELY triggering to me. He is always super attentive with text messaging, etc. Well some time around 9pm the texts stopped. I didn't hear from him until the next morning. I was absolutely IRATE. I just knew that he had gone and gotten drunk. The thought of him being around girls he used to know in HS didn't bother me in the LEAST...but the idea of him going and drinking, while knowing how it would effect me, killed me.

So today I'm on facebook and see that one of his friends posted some pictures, one of which was of him holding a drink. I totally lost it. I was pissed off as all hell and suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I immediately sent him a txt asking if he drank at the reunion to which he said, "i did" He told me that he realized that after Sat night that it was something he didn't miss, never wanted to do again, etc. I just can't help but be...extremely mad...and hurt.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like a damn crazy person. I mean, I can honestly handle just about anything...but him going out and drinking is something that I just CANNOT handle. I told him that, threatened to move out, etc. I feel like I am overeacting...but at the same time I guess I can't help how I feel.

What do you guys think?

[bjork]

HI Lindsay! So nice to hear from you and know that you're still sober.

Sorry to hear that your b/f was drinking. I know that his night out drinking seems to have definitely brought up some new boundary concerns. I think I would be bothered about it too. I would prefer to have somebody go through sobriety with me. However, I can't expect someone without a problem to abstain b/c I have to.

I think if you posted this in a different section you could get a lot of responses from people with more sobriety and people who are also going through recovery while in relationships. I'm going through sobriety alone, so I can't really put myself in your shoes.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Please keep posting and stay strong!!

[Lindsay]

Thanks Bjork

After some thought I decided to try to let it go and calm down a bit. I felt wrong for being upset...but at the same time I know best what I can/can't tolerate. At this point in time, that was a bit too much for me. I told him that, and I guess that's all that I can do. He said it won't happen again...I just don't want to feel like the damn police with him.

You're right- I should re-post this in a different catagory to see what others say.

Hope everyone is doing well! I'm almost at 5 months....yay!

[bjork]

Lindsay- I read your post. Wow, you got a lot of responses. Some of the not so nice. Sorry about that. It's a very tough situation.

Keep me posted on how you're doing. I'm going to Amsterdam on Thursday. I'll be there for four days. I'm looking forward to it!

[Lindsay]

Hey Bjork! haha yes, I know...did get some not so pleasant responses...

Most of them were right, though. I think I'm just resentful that I can't do what he can; drink. It's strange though because it's not that I want to actually DRINK, I just miss the social aspect of going out and socializing in that way. Right now I don't think I could be around it without being tempted to drink. I guess maybe at some point that desire will fade.

Another issue I'm facing is the fact that I live 1,200 miles away from my family. If I lived closer to home, when he he went to his reunion I may have went and spent time with my family. I don't really have many close friends here; ever since I moved out of my house with my roommate we've really grown apart. She got upset a couple of weeks back because I cancelled on plans that we had...and we haven't really been speaking since. She's been my best friend and roommate for the past 6-7 years and most of that time together was spent partying/drinking...so since i've stopped we've kind of...drifted...

So basically when he decides to go out w/friends or to some kind of event I'm left hanging and I end up feeling sorry for myself. I guess what I really need to do is put myself out there among sober people...I'm just not really sure how...

ANYWAY--hope everyone is doing well! How's Amsterdam, bjork?

[bjork]

HI Lindsay! Amsterdam was great! I want to move there next. They actualy have an opening, but the savings potential isn't so good. I am going to Bangkok in December to try to get another job. I'll let you know where i end up.

I know what you mean about not having many close friends after moving. Honestly, here, I don't have many options outside of work. I am really hating living here and that doesn't help.