Class of June-Part 2

[Jade19]

Thank you for responding, I have been biting my nails for a few hours reading through old posts....yes I do usually go for a walk but I am not feeling so hot at the moment..my stomach is just churning...TMI I know, but it's more of a nerve thing. i am nervous and excited at the same time. i wish this treatment center could see me sooner but the lady who I spoke to earlier called to see how I was doing this evening, nice huh? Caught me off guard...my husband, also an alcoholic, is suggesting we go for a long drive just to get out of here for a few hours which I think we may. Thanks for all your suggestions and thank you for writing!!! I will be on all night I am sure...HUGS and MORE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!

~Reb

PS I am sorry you had a bad weekend and that things have quieted down for you...darn neighbors!! Hope your feeling better...

[Chamabama]

Good Evening!

Yesterday was rather crap as I posted in the other forum. But I got through it with help and today was just fine. Spent the morning relaxing and surfing the net (including here) and then spent the afternoon with my friends at the pool. I just got back from dinner with a friend and I'm tired, slightly burnt and content.

Sorry again Eog that you had a rough weekend. It was the neighbors you posted about here, and the jerks at the market, right? Was there something else I missed? (Not trying to imply that that was a handful, just making sure I didn't miss a post!)

Rebeca, I sent you a pm. Hope your finding peace!

[bjork]

Jade-Sorry you are having a difficult time. It sounds like you have a good, proactive plan of action though.

I know how frustrating and helpless you can feel when you keep trying to get this sobriety thing figured out. I have had a few relapses myself.

Kudos to asking for some help! Keep reading and keep posting.

[NewBeginning010]

Its still June so stick with it & stay with the cool class

Feeling kind of emotional & am having a hard time being motivated for work related duties. I guess this too will pass.

Sorry to hear that some are struggling... I know its tough.

Take Care Everyone!

NB

[bnme247]

IT SEEMS AWFUL QUIET HERE......IS EVERYONE EXPERIENCING 4TH, ANXIETY?........I ALWAYS HAVE A LIL TROUBLE AROUND THIS TIME......IT'S THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE DEATH OF MY 11 YEAR OLD OLDER SISTER, AND THE DEATH OF MY 18 YR. OLD NEPHEW....IT'S ESPECIALLY HARD ON MY OLDEST SISTER.......HANG TOUGH AND ASK UR MAKER TO SEE U THROUGH......WE NEVER CELEBRATED IT WHEN I WAS GROWING UP...I WAS ONLY 3 YRS. OLD WHEN MY SISTER DIED, AND A YOUNG MOTHER, VERY CLOSE TO MY 18 YR. OLD NEPHEW......MY PARENTS NEVER FORGAVE THEIR SELVES FOR VARIOUS REASONS.....BUT ONE BEING THAT THEY WERE DRINKING AND ALLOWED HER TO GO WITH ANOTHER COMPANY TO A PIC NIC.....SHE WAS KILLED BY A DRUNK DRIVER.....I'M ALMOST POSITIVE MY NEPHEW WAS DRUNK WHEN HE DOVE FROM A BRIDGE AND NEVER SURFACED AGAIN....BUT HIS FOOT GOT CAUGHT ON A BIG GAFFFING HOOK USED FOR FISHING AND WAS HELD UNDER WATER....THINGS DO AND WILL HAPPEN...WE HAVE TO REALIZE THE BOOK IS ALREADY WRITTEN WE ARE JUST PLAYING OUT THE CHARACTER.....IT'S OUR MAKER'S NOVEL.......SO PLEASE TRY TO MAKE THE BEST OF IT AND ENJOY CELEBRATION!!!..................HUGS, LOVE AND PEACE.......BNME

[Chamabama]

Wow bnme! That's tough! What are you going to do for the 4th? Have you started a new tradition? I can see why it would be a tough time for you!

I'm feeling pretty good this morning. Got my therapy today, so that always make me a bit anxious beforehand, but nothing unmanageable. I'm gonna hike and do a load of laundry, perhaps a few other things around the house... just keep busy until my appointment.

Hope everyone is well!

[Jade19]

Hey all, just popping in real quick before I head to a meeting..just wanted to send HUGS to everyone...will be back later to write more....

HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!!!
Reb

[Lindsay]

Reb- I'm sorry you're having a difficult time. I'm glad that you've recognized that you can't do it alone and are being proactive. The best thing you can do right now is reach out for help...you'll be surprised at the amount of support you will get! You can do this...we've ALL been there. It may seem hopeless but IT'S NOT. You don't have to live like this. Best of luck to you at your meeting! I'm so glad you're going. Keep us updated.


I'm having a fairly good day today. I can't believe tomorrow is July 1st- oh how time flies. Hope everyone has a great day!

Ooo and I'm not really expecting many challenges this holiday weekend...I've been really distancing myself from the possibility of a challenge...so I guess we'll see.

[Jade19]

BNME, wow, I am so sorry this holiday has such bad memories associated with it. I wonder, with Chama, if you do something new now? A new tradition...maybe you can light some candles in their honor...

Chama, I hope your doing ok. I know last therapy session was a very difficult one. Let us know how your doing.

Lindsay, Thanks girl....I am doing my best right now but this freaking voice in my head is loud...I would say powerful but it's not...I have the power to listen to it and I am choosing to ignore it. =)

Well I went to a meeting. I always feel very awkward in meetings. I have only been to a few and I haven't really met anyone, nor have I ever spoken up or accepted a desire chip, even though I REALLY REALLY want one. They know I am new and smile a knowing look...it's like us alkies have a secret language. I really need a sponsor and need to start working the steps but I don't know how to get out there and introduce myself. First time around in AA, I went with a friend who has since moved and I feel very lonely in there. There is a beginner's meeting on Saturday that I plan to attend and I am hoping I can talk and share and finally get that darn chip!!! I know it sounds ridiculous but that chip means a lot to me...I had one once and I would keep it in my pocket. I lasted 28 days...and then I planned my relapse. I actually planned it so that I didn't have to get my 30 day chip. I didn't want to let anyone down so I went ahead and blew it on day 28....anyway, I am rambling now....any tips or experiences you guys can share about meetings?

Thanks everyone,
Reb

[Jade19]

And Lindsay, do I smell a birthday cake????

[eoghanacht]

hey all.
don't know why but I've been down tonight. I didn't drink, but i just can't work this thing out. oh vell.
got the fans going in our apartment, as we have a heatwave over here in the UK (we can't afford Air Con).
Yuck. I prefer the cold. Sounds odd, but wer're all different and unique individuals, right?
Rebecca- glad you're feeling better. Sorry I can't help with the AA stuff, I don't go and never have gone. I just go to the local rehab place, where they hold their own 'lil meetings.
What's a 'desire' chip? They don't play poker there do they? (just kidding).

Chama- You were fine, you didn't miss my posting.
Hope the therapy goes okay today. You probably read this when you get back, so just leave me a message if you want. Not sure when I'll be going to bed yet, as I have to try and fool my silly brain into thunkin that I HAVE to get the sleep earlier now!
seeya

[waterfountain]

....and so ends the month of June. I'm typing this while brushing my teeth - I only have a second before I need to crash. Busy nights - sorry I haven't been able to share my thoughts with you folks that have been sharing so much. If I were the praying type, I'd say you're all in my prayers..... but since I'm not, all I can say is I'm wishing you all the best!
Off to bed; see you guys tomorrow!

[Chamabama]

Good Morning!

Thanks for your well wishes. Therapy certainly left me a bit raw (again)... I got home, went for a long walk did a bit of shopping, made tacos and then some more of my chocolate covered strawberries.

Then I talked to someone from here for an hour. I think that's what finally did the trick. It's weird, when I'm in a 'wanna drink funk' it's like I'm in a fog. And when I come out of the fog, I feel clear, like I've just woken up from a bad dream. Hmmmm... I'm not explaining it well.

It's like this morning I can look back at my funk and see that I was operating in some shadowy, foggy, slow motion world. It almost feels like it wasn't real, but it felt very real at the time. Like when you're in a dream and it seems very reasonable that cars are turning into pineapples but then you wake up and go, "wow, that was weird!"

EOG - Sorry it was so hot at your place. I don't have a/c here wither but it rarely gets too hot. I got stuck in a heatwave in Strausburg once, staying in a hotel with no a/c... boy, that was crap! I was taking 4-5 cold showers everyday, just trying to chill myself.
I hear you on the struggling thing. What are you going to do to reinforce your decision?

REBECCA - Are you going in to IP tomorrow? When does it start? I'm thinking of you! I don't have any experience in AA, sorry. You know, I've read here that you can call the AA offices and ask for someone to come get you and take you to a meeting. Maybe you could do that? That way you would know someone at the meeting and maybe you could get that chip? I know that I've had to do some things lately that are far outside my comfort zone, but my actions are really paying off. Today I'm working on day 40!

Happy 1 month LINDSAY! Hello BJORK and NEWBEGINING! [waves]

and Happy July to us all!!! As soon as someone starts a class of July thread, we will no longer be the newest kids on the block. I think I'll try to stop in and say hello to them sometime this week.

Hope all is well!

[ChameleonBoy]

Hi, first time posting in this thread for me. June 27th was my first full day without alcohol after my last awful binge. My drinking has become worse then I had ever imagined was ever possible. I have been at it a long time and these days when I pick up a drink it completely takes over my life. Only bad things happen when I drink alcohol anymore and yet I still do, which has me feeling like I really am crazy. I'm still feeling ashamed and horrified at my actions during my last drinking binge and it only lasted a couple of weeks. I started to get a cough when I was going through detox and now I am 5 days sober with a really bad cold and yet I still craved a drink this morning. I am home now and in bed for the day trying to get over this cold.

I guess I'm the baby of this class? I hope to get to know everyone in the class of June because I really need support right now. I'm so depressed at the way I acted it just doesn't seem to be going away. I wish I would have blacked out the whole time but for some reason this time I do remember what I was like. Not something to be proud of.

That is where I'm at today.

[Lindsay]

Welcome ChameleonBoy. Glad you're here! I can completely relate to being depressed about things that happened during your binge...I've definitely been there. I'm STILL dealing with things that happened during my last time. There's not much you can do right this moment to help yourself get past it...it simply takes time...SOBER time, especially. Keep posting.

Soooo thanks guys! today is my 1 month. I'm excited, despite not having the best day. It's "that time of month" and I'm so emotional and irritable...and everything else that goes along with it. To top it all off my boyfriend decided to rehash some things that happened the very last time I drank. It's depressing for me to even think back to that stuff...I've been trying my best to move forward, and i thought I had for the most part...ohwell...this too shall pass.

I somehow managed to make it to the gym this morning at 5am before work. I think I just needed to blow off some excess steam....

[Chamabama]

Chameleon! Try to look on the bright side. Maybe it's a good thing you remember exactly what you did... that way you can keep it in mind when you get the urge to drink. My guilt and shame is fading with time. It's still there but there's also a bit of pride creeping in as I gain sober time and keep pushing myself to make the right choices, no matter how uncomfortable it might make me. I'm sorry you have a cold. Please be gentle with yourself! Congrats on day 5!

Awww Lindsay! Time of the month plus boyfriend's hurt feelings!... That's rough! You are moving forward! It's just sometimes 2 steps forward and 1 step back. It's not linear, ya know? Boyfriend is gonna take some time to work through his feelings too. Sorry it upset you! But isn't it great that he was upset about something from a month ago instead of last night? Sounds like progress to me. Congrats on 1 month!

[Chamabama]

Hey Eclipse! I see you here! How are you? I miss you!

[Jade19]

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINDSAY!!!!!! WOOHOOO! CONGRATS!!!!!!


I will write later, making my way through day 3....but have to write to you all later...

HUGS!!
Rebecca

[bnme247]

Well hello, congrats....and good to see you all....................my stomach is driving me insane today.....major tummy ache!!!....i was gonna hang out and try to give a shout out to each of u ...but....i'm illin!!!.....aside from that doin alright......as for the fourth......the family members that i still have will gather @ 1 of my daughter's eat, catch up on what everyon's up to.....yadda, yadda,......my oldest sisters boys and their families live 6 hours away from the rest of us....so we don't see much of each other...the 4th has become our annual family reunion....the rest of us that live down here near each other all work etc. So we don't see each other as much as we should....so,,,,that's the plan......major family time....thanks for everyone's concern.....i appreciate the kindness.....hugs 2 u all!!!

[bnme247]

OH..........BY THE WAY....WELCOME TO THE NEWEST FAMILY MEMBER'S HERE, GOOD TO HAVE U!!!.......POST UP!!! FOR U LINDSAY!!!!......CHAMA I HEAR YA GRL.....KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!

[waterfountain]

eog,
Are you doing any better today (or if you read this [I]after[I] the update, "have you been doing any better at all" *wink*)? I hope some sleep helped!

Chama,
I'm sorry to hear that your therapy session was tough *hug*, and I'm glad that you were able to unwind a bit (with the help of SR even; sweet!). Hopefully today went smoothly for you. You're on day 40, right? Major accomplishment! Please accept my internet high-five!

Chameleon,
While it is obviously important that you do remember what happened while you were drinking, and even more so that you didn't like who you were/what you did, I feel I should stress to you that you must not feel negative about it. It has already happened; it's done. No need to let your present mood be affected by past events. It's a difficult exercise in mental prowess: to remember what happened without experiencing any emotions attached to the memory. Such can easily drain you; it can take a lot of will power to look back on yourself, not like what you see, but instead of letting it get you down, use what you remember to motivate you to do better now - today, tomorrow, and the next day. So, welcome to the June board! I wish you the best of luck, I sincerely hope your mood improves and things start to look at least a little better, and I hope you get inspired to post here often, day or night

Lindsay,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Congrats on 1 month!!!!! I am very happy for you! I know the "time of the month" can really suck; that used to be a big trigger for me. I hope you find something to help ease you through it. I'm stressed out about mine - I'm supposed to be on my cycle this week, but no signs of anything. My birth control routine got seriously messed up when I was in the hospital earlier this month - so I have no idea what's going on for me *worried*. As for your boyfriend issue - please remember this mantra:
"Boys are stupid"
:P (males in the thread: no offense to men! Oh, no. Nothing wrong with men. But some boyfriends really haven't moved out of the realm of boy and can easily come off as childishly ignorant... or, simply stupid )

Jade19,
Congrats on day 3! Those first 4 or 5 were what I consider to be hell, so my heart and best wishes go out to you

see you guys later!

[Chamabama]

Good Morning all!

Just checking in here with my coffee. Feeling fine, birds are singing, it's going to be a beautiful day! My family is coming to see me in just over a week and I'm mega excited about it. (My dear sister, her hubby and 2 kids) I need to do some little things in preparation... make sure the airmattress don't have holes, dust off the beach umbrellas, etc. So, I think that's my plan to day.

Hope everyone is well!

[Lindsay]

Thanks everyone! I'm feeling much better today...It was funny yesterday because I really was being a complete b*&%@ to my boyfriend. He is seriously the most patient person ever, haha. As I was leaving work I sent him a text message and said..."I know JUST what I need right now, a new purse." Shopping always puts me in a good mood and lifts my spirits! Unfortunately I couldn't find anything to buy....but as I was on my way to his house he called and said he was renting us movies...he got "Confessions of a Shopahlic" for me...and it totally MADE MY DAY. haha. Sometimes all you really need is a good movie for a little pick me up.

Cham- yay for family visiting! That is always nice. I know how the whole preperation thing can be...so good luck getting things together!

waterfountain- you sure do seem busy!!! haha..brushing your teeth and typing at the same time? That sure is multi-tasking! How many days do you have now? But yes...that time of the month has always been a trigger for me as well. this month seems magnified...probably has something to do with the fact that i recently went off my AD...but making it through!

bnme- hows everything going for you???? hope you have fun this weekend w/the family! stay strong!

reb- Thank you! congrats on getting through day 3! you need to speak up in your meeting- get that chip! of course I don't have much room to talk in that dept...I have always WANTED to go to AA. I have just never worked up the nerve. I know it would be a wonderful support system and a great way for me to meet people that I can relate to. Hmm...maybe some day...


WELL...I suppose I should do some work. I've been too busy socializing, browsing the internet, and drinking coffee this morning to get much of anything done... Have a great day all!!!!

[Jade19]

Hey everyone!!! Had a tough day yesterday, not cravings, but just physically. Tired, moody the usual. LOL @Lindsay, I know I need to step up but I really get so nervous. The meetings here are HUGE and I hate having any sort of attention being put on me. I will get there and when I do I will post here immediately. =)

So last night the hubby and I had a chat. He is an alcoholic as well and he usually is very supportive but lately he has been a bit distant. I told him last week that I had made an appointment to go into IOP on the 8th and that I was just sick of not helping myself and so I was being proactive. He just sort of shrugged and said ok. VERY odd reaction for him not to ask where? When? How long? He just looked at me. I think a part of him is scared that I may actually follow through with this because it will impact his drinking. I think he is so used to me trying and failing and this IOP I am going to may change that. I am honestly a bit afraid of what could happen. I don't think he is honestly ready to get sober and now feels that I am somehow going to ruin his party. I want him to quit drinking, I REALLY do, but right now I am more focused on myself. So when we were talking last night we realized that we have never been sober in our marriage, not once in our 13 years together. I think this freaked us both out a bit. We were drunk when we got married and it has just continued from there. Have any of you been in a similar situation? Any advice would be appreciated. =)

Sorry so long.....but thanks for reading....

TONS OF HUGS!!!!!!!!

Reb

[Jade19]

Chameleon Boy wrote:
I guess I'm the baby of this class? I hope to get to know everyone in the class of June because I really need support right now. I'm so depressed at the way I acted it just doesn't seem to be going away. I wish I would have blacked out the whole time but for some reason this time I do remember what I was like. Not something to be proud of.


Hi Chameleon!!! Welcome Welcome!!! I know exactly how you feel. The guilt can be so overwhelming and it seems the longer I am sober the more the memories flood back to me. I have wished too before that I would have been blacked out the whole time. But the last few nights I wish I could remember, I wish I knew what I had done or said...I wish I knew exactly what I needed to ask forgiveness for. Such a tough road we are all going down but just think we don't ever have to feel this way again. EVER! =) That makes me feel so much better....I need tons of support too, I only have 3 full days after a relapse....we can do this!! Hope you write more....

:ghug

Rebecca