Serious part 2

[stone]

No beginners Zen class on Wednesday, they are closed as there is a retreat going on elsewhere or something. The next beginners class is May so screw that I will just go the week after next when they open again.

They have a new website, here it is StoneWater Zen Sangha - Welcome

[least]

I am going to have a good (sober) day. Church and then lunch with mom and bro, then a nice long long walk with diabetic boy.

[stone]

Originally Posted by nelco

Good Morning Stone

A couple of Questions for you. You mentioned in the first post that you got 6 months sober while on "Bottoms" and it ended 2008. How did you feel depression wise and tired wise as the months went on?? Also, can you remember what brought you back to drink. In A.A they say we slip in our thinking etc long before we pick up a drink. Did you get fed up, get down, get resentful or angry about anything? Or had you just got restless, irritable and discontentent as mentioned in Big book??
Was there anything there you can learn from? Did you put anything in place last time or make any changes?


This is something you could work on. When I was drinking, I changed doctor often , i know your case may be different, but I was running and hiding, and did not really want anyone to know me fully even a doctor, plus they start trying to help me if I Kept going (god forbid) just give me the tablets so I can sleep!! When I got sober...it was suggested to me to find a doc and stick with him. I did that and it works for me. I must say though, since I got sober I seldom need the doc(fingers crossed) I was on anti-depressants etc and for me drink was a big part of my depression. I did not have that lingering depression you talk about, although I got very high and very low.....all or nothing. I just had to learn to slow down and balance out a lot of stuff. I either did not care or I was over-reacting.....It was the same with every area of my life for a while.
NOW im perfect ....(not)

How did I feel tired-wise and depression-wise?The tiredness got better slowly, it wasn't as bad at the start as it is now though.
Mood-wise was awful, I had been on a 3 months mega-bender and was all over the place due to that for a month or two, after that it started to get better but at 6 months I was very depressed, which contributed to...
What brought me back to the drink, I wasn't craving or obsessing at the time, hadn't for a month or two. It was partly the depression and partly out of denial, I didn't want to be an alkie, I wanted to see if I could control it (lol). I did kinda control it for 6 months and then...it went out of control again. It always WILL! I think I have accepted that now.

So, how much does the drink affect my depression and what I think might be bi-polar? Obviously it makes it worse but I had the symptoms before I became a full on alkie, in fact I had them all my life, even as a kid. SO I am pretty sure that I will still have it even when I have been sober a number of years.
It might, however be best to get sober for a year before seeing anybody about it because in the first year (or more) my moods are going to be very affected by quitting drinking. It would skew any psychiatric evaluation.

[parentrecovers]

it was hard for them to diagnose my daughter's type of depression, because of all the coke she had been doing ...

they wanted to say she was bi-polar, but once she detoxed for awhile from that, and the booze, the symptoms changed quite a bit so i agree - wise to get some sober time before you start "labelling".

just my little 2 cents worth.

[parentrecovers]

just in case anybody's even THINKIN' of DRINKIN'!

[nelco]

It might, however be best to get sober for a year before seeing anybody about it because in the first year (or more) my moods are going to be very affected by quitting drinking. It would skew any psychiatric evaluation

Thanks for the answers....WE are just trying to get to know your situation a bit better and keep you on your toes lol.
journaling is good for noticing patterns etc.You said you had a journal thing here before.....does it tell you anything? any patterns emerging?? I appreciate you were depressed before also. At some point in recovery reality strikes hard and we are back with all those feelings that made us pick up a drink in the first place. You know I use the steps for this and meetings,sponser. You will have to be aware that this will come again. I hope you can find a safe place to talk.....a safe place to go, so you too can get past this wall and recover. Its soooo worth going through the pain to get to the other side.
You have also given a damm good reason in an earlier post for any kid to be depressed.

[stone]

Originally Posted by parentrecovers

just in case anybody's even THINKIN' of DRINKIN'!

Nope, not even thinkin about thinkin about it.

[stone]

Originally Posted by nelco

At some point in recovery reality strikes hard and we are back with all those feelings that made us pick up a drink in the first place.

Yea, it came as a shock to me last time, I thought once I was sober that would be it, everything would be wonderful!

The good thing is that this time I have a lot more peace of mind, I have worked through a lot of stuff, including the abuse, when I was in my 6 months sober period I had a lot of anger about it surface. I didn't even know all the anger was there until I was sober for a while.

Remember, I was sober for most of last year, things only started getting bad again in the last few months. My mental state for most of last year was pretty good and I developed my mindfulness practice a lot, I was also taking the things I liked from the AA Program and using them, I still do. I have gained more peace of mind over the last year than I have ever had. They say alcoholism is a progressive disease and it is but in the last few years I have actually been improving, drinking less and getting my head together-wise.
Two years ago when I first started posting regularly here, I was a mess, if I wasn't drinking I was just waiting until the pains in my stomach passed so I could drink again. I was smashing bottles over my head, cutting my arms, nuts.
When I say I have been improving I still haven't been sober for longer than that 6 months and I am not living in denial because I know only 100% abstinence is proper recovery...but it is still a fact that things have got better.
Basically I am better mental health-wise than I have been for years, this gives me a real advantage for recovery that I didn't have last time I went 6 months.

[allport]

Good to hear you sounding so positive.

[stone]

Thanks Porty, yea I kinda shocked myself there with my positivity.

[stone]

9.15pm, I didn't go for a walk or do yoga but I have managed everything else I mentioned, as for the early night we will see, I am gonna go to bed soon.

I REALLY have to pull my finger out re: the yoga and walks!

Was a pretty good day though and I was sober.

[IO Storm]

Okay folks..throwing in disagreement. And that's okay. It's in love.

I was diagnosed with BP at 4 months of sobriety. I was in crisis..went into the

Behavioral Health Office literally jumping out of my skin..my GP had referred me there

and I had not taken the referral. He had been giving me samples of a certain

med..and I ran out. He refused to see me that (for my own good)..so I went into

the BH office and lay on a Crisis cot..beaten. A former SW..man, I used to take

clients there! But I didn't care..they made an initial diagnosis of BP II..I refused it..

not me! But I accepted medication, heck yeah. I sure didn't want to relapse, no

matter what. I saw a psychologist the next day. Again..BP II...I cried. Still not wanting

to accept it. They gave me an appointment with my current psych for the following

week. "Sherry..I am giving you thees diagnosis of seveer bipolar type I"...she is

Pakistani..an amazing and compassionate woman...and excellent. I have grown attached.

As I sat there..it dawned on me that as I accepted my alcoholism , and "ceased

fighting anyone or anything ..even alcohol"..I might have to apply it to this new

challenge.

I made up my mind then and there to try. I told her this. The doc explained that

I most likely had been self medicating for several years..

All I do know is this. I could not stay sober before..and this..is...controversial.

The most interesting part is..the people closest to me say I am not just the "old"

Sherry..but "better."

I would not wait a year Stoney..for evaluation and treatment. It just might make

all the difference for you..



lol advice advice

[stone]

Thanks for sharing that Sher.

I have certainly considered getting the evaluation done sooner rather than later, I change my mind on what to do a lot! I will think again on what you said.

Happy birthday!

[IO Storm]

Awwww..Fanks You!

Just keep in mind babes...

You're in the early days...I was at 4 months..huge difference.

And remember what they say on SR..we are not doctors here! lol

Just alkies with huge egos sometimes (me)

Good onya for staying sober, hun.

And positive.

I love ya..

[least]

Happy you had a good and sober day. I hope you can see a good shrink and get some help. I know the mania and the horrible lows. But my meds help a lot, and help even more now that I'm sober. Lots of love to you, dear friend!


Diabetic boy and I went for a walk to and from my mom's - at least four miles! Now we're both tired but content!

[stone]

Hey least.

Gonna try for an early night, wish me luck.

[IO Storm]

Luck!

[nelco]

Night Stone

[gypsytears]

Hi babes . Just checking on you here in the serious serial. I hope you've had success with the early bedtime. Another day without drinking is a good day .

[nelco]

Morning Stone........hope you slept well. Have a good day. Raining and cold here today.

[espresso]

[stone]

Hi everyone.

Well, I got to sleep at a normal time I think.

Today I am gonna walk to the Docs to get my prescription, do some yoga and med and some laundry.

I will be sober today.

[Rowan]

Sounds like a good day, Paul.

[tanyapmc]

Happy Monday to you Stoney.

Remember:

Sober.................GOOD
Drinking...............BAD

Yeah, I wish it was that simple! Maybe it can be?

[stone]

Simple but not easy, Tan.

However, today it is not a struggle.