For Those with Less than 2 Weeks Sober Part 6

[Chook]

Mariposa I'm glad you are back here. I have been where you are so many times and I'm far from being out of the woods myself. The main thing is to keep trying. This time around I have focused heavily on how grateful I am for my sobriety (rather than thinking about what I am giving up, thinking about what I am gaining) and it seems to be working so far. Day 7 for me now - yay!

[peggysue58]

Day 2 for me. I am feeling pretty groggy--got less than two hours sleep last night, spent my time flipping channels and dealing with anxiety. I know this will get better every hour. Thanks so much for all the inspiration!

[ksplash5]

day 49 for me....and it startsed here, one day at a time

[espresso]

Hugs everyone. Keep going one day at a time -it does get easier.
:ghug

[Mariposa18]

Officially Day 1 for me today =) I got a good nights sleep last night which amazed me considering I took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day! lol I feel good and Hubby is here so if I need to get out of the house I can, which is good =)

Chook~ Thanks for the support~ I agree, we're not out of the woods but I think it's easier to see the light shinning through the trees now =) Day 7, good for you!

ksplash5~ Congratulations on Day 49! BTW, I really like your siggy =)

[Pixy1]

Day 1 again for me too

[November77]

Well I almost drank during the holidays, I went to the store to get cigs and I saw the beer cooler in back and said, "Screw it." and bought a 6 pack of bud. I got home, and left it in my trunk, but I brought one bottle inside and hid it in my bedroom. Well... I kept debating on whether I should crack it open or not. I would hold it in my hand and I damn near did it. But I never drank it. Talk about tempting oneself. Why in the hell did I do that? My husband of course found the 6 pack in the trunk and dumped it out LOL What a crazy day that was.

On my 15th day now.. unbelievable. It's still difficult even after 15 days, but I feel better and I know I'm doing the right thing that's what's keeping me on the path. Plus my newfound friends on this board and AA!

Thanks for all your support!!!

[Mariposa18]

November~ I'm so proud of you =) Stay Strong my Friend~

[ksplash5]

mariposa, and Pixie....way to go on DAY 1 today. You can do it...you are doing it. You can walk through the uncomfortablness without alcohol. and someday you can love who YOU are

november...thanks for sharing your story. you did it. and what you did is perhaps even more worthwhile than if you didn't even have an urge and stayed clean. what i mean is that there is nothing to be embarassed about in buying the beer. that was simply part of your recovery. you are halfway to 30, which is great, AND most importantly you are sober today. you are sober right now. and you are doing it and reaching out for help and getting help and growing. very exciting.

[Pixy1]

Ksplash thank you, I called AA tonight and I am going to a meeting tomorrow. I want this to be my last day 1

[November77]

Hi Mariposa,

I know how you feel, I damn near did it over the holidays. We all relapse at one time or another. I have before. The first time going to AA I didn't last long and went right back to drinking. I did it for a few months until I ended up back in AA and this time around I'm trying even harder to avoid alcohol. But, it's not an easy road to go down. We are all human and make mistakes. It's a learning process.

I was mad over the weekend because I thought that I could drink normally, and I was ticked off that I couldn't drink anything. Made me mad to think that I was an alcoholic. It just doesn't seem fair. Then I had a friend of mine ask my if I was going to stay in the house forever because I wouldn't go out drinking with her.

[CarolD]

PeggySue...
Welcome to our Daily Support thread

Drink a lot of water to flush the toxins
Juice and gatorade are also good.

...Yes! you too can recover

[Mariposa18]

November~ Why do Friends do that? That makes me incredibly angry, I mean, respect my choices and decisions, you know? I have a friend who called me last week after I had told her my issue with drinking and said "I really need to have some Rum and go dancing!" Yeah, thanks for that thought! She's also the one who I spoke to on Wednesday and I ended up rationalizing my way to drinking. Funny thing is she's a good friend, and she told me "Girl I'd tell you if I thought you had a problem!" But really, if I think I have a problem, does it matter what our Friends and Family say? Thing is she's been a non-drinker for years because of her religion. Now she's going through a separation and might divorce and has been drinking (she used to when she was younger too) So is it that she wants company so she doesn't feel bad? I mean I wouldn't even drink around her before because I knew she didn't, so what's the difference?

Like somebody told me here, well meaning Family and Friends tend to be a downfall. And that's exactly what I realized this weekend. I know what's true, and if people can't hang out with me without me drinking and can't respect my choice then I guess I'll have to make some hard decisions....

And you are totally right, it's a learning process. I still tell myself I'm not an alcoholic, I just need to get my head straight. Sometimes I wish I would wake up enlightened...and poof all would be okay!

Plus now I"m totally pissed because my SIL is starting to ask what to buy my Kids for Christmas and is asking if she can get a gift that just happens to be what I was planning to get. I want to keep things *VERY* simple and only get a few things but she's the kind of person who just likes to spend money and since she's single she can afford way more than Hubby and I can. I'm so angry right now and I can't even say that's why. Am I really this upset because she mentioned getting that Gift? Dammit I hate feeling like this....this is what I *HATE* about Christmas, the commercial part of it, the "well meaning" people who focus on "oh what can I get the Kids!" UGH!!!!!!!!!

[Chook]

I know what you mean about well meaning family and friends. We have a friend staying at my house from interstate at the moment. He is a friend of my husband's but also a very good friend of mine. The boys went out to clubs both Friday and Saturday night, but I managed to get out of it (volunteering instead to pick them up in the middle of the night - such a generous offer could not be refused). So that's how I got out of that.

So then Sunday comes and our friend (and my hubby) are dying to go to a Sunday session, beers and live music. I can't get out of it this time, so I actually went to a BAR and stayed sober. If you knew me at all you would realise that for me going to a bar is a really really stupid idea. My hubby knows how important staying sober is for me. We have had serious problems due to my alcohol abuse and the way it changes my personality, and he has tried to encourage me to get completely sober many times before.

Notwithstanding this history, every single round, every single time they went to the bar, they both asked me if I wanted a drink, come on Chook, just have one cider. I actually felt I had to watch them like a hawk when during one round I asked for a tomato juice with all those spices in it. I was so scared they would try to sneak some vodka in there.

My hubby thinks that because I had made it through 5 whole days by then, that I must not have a problem. I had to have another quiet talk with him. I am utterly amazed I have not had a drink yet.

Of course, I was the driver again, and home we went from the bar. Our friend decided to buy some wine to go with the dinner I was planning to cook. We sat down at the table and he would not accept my refusal of a glass of wine. He actually took a glass, poured some wine in there and set it down next to me. I gave hubby a panicked look of horror, and thank God, he must have realised how hard that was for me, he just sat there really quietly and he looked at my glass, then he winked at his glass and as soon as our friend wasn't looking I tipped all my wine into his glass.

I can be a very stubborn person and whilst this weekend has made it very difficult to stay on track, it has also provided the sort of conditions that a stubborn person can dig their heels into. What I am worried about now is that when things get easier I might get complacent and start rationalising.

I can't express how much this site has helped me. It is so very very true that people need to surround themselves with like minded people if we need to get over such a massive hurdle like alcoholism or addiction. When it seems like every single person in the world - all our friends and family, are drinkers and very happy that way, it makes it so valuable to have a community of people to draw from who think the way I do about alcohol and have similar experiences.

Thankyou everyone x

[CarolD]

Hmm..
I know many newly sober people who used this..
"No thanks... I've become allergic to alcohol"

Me? I told everyone ...
"I quit ...I go to AA"

...My way clearly defined my true friends.

Most drifted away...allowing me the opportunity to
find AA friends who shared my goal of recovery.

It's been and still is an awesome adventure!
I so hope y'all will find that true for you too...

[Mariposa18]

Well, made it through Day 1~ I thought since I didn't drink again long, meaning that I didn't drink for weeks before I stopped again, that the withdrawal wouldn't be as bad as a few weeks ago. Boy was I wrong. I was so frustrated, annoyed and irritable today! I literally couldn't stand myself and had absolutely no patience.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I need to start working out again and eating healthy instead of eating all the junk I've been putting in my body. Between the booze and the junk food it's amazing to me I've only gained 5lbs...

Sorry to whine, I really am simply disgusted with myself today =( I was doing so good and I freaking gave in. I'm just feeling like a failure and throwing a pity party at the moment, don't mind me...

[sicilia1414]

hey all, on day 1 for me too....trying to go to sleep but i am sure that isn't going to happen.

mariposa - believe me, i am right there with you. all i have done for the past year is drink, eat, and sleep. i am amazed that i only gained ten pounds... a few weeks ago i attempted to do this five day detox where you eat nothing but fruit in the morning and then juiced veggies for dinner.. it wold have went ok if only i wasn't drinking five glasses of wine each night along with my veggies.

[November77]

Mariposa, I know what you mean. Lately I've been so moody because I want to drink like 'Normal' people, but can't. And then I have that friend of mine that's being difficult. Well I feel like telling her where to put it. I'm sick of it.

You are not a failure! You are doing the best that you can. At least you keep trying. That's better than doing nothing. I know you feel like crap right now, believe me I have lived that over and over again. It sucks. But don't beat yourself up over this. Just keep hanging in there. And know that you are not alone with this.

[November77]

Carol - You do find out who your friends are when you quit drinking. It's amazing how crappy they treat you after you quit. I could careless what they think at this point. I'd rather have a T-Rex as a pet than have worthless friends like that around me. I mean, I have always been there for people and then when I need support it's "Well.... gee" It just makes me angry.

[Mariposa18]

sicilia1414 I managed to lose 30lbs since April but the entire time I was either drinking or smoking weed. When I quit smoking I still drank, then I started eating crappy 2 months ago and well, there came the 5lbs. I'm determined to stay off the booze and treat my body well dammit!!!! Tired of treating myself like a garbage can =(

November~ What is it with people? Why can't they accept our choice, I mean we don't badger them about drinking so why badger us about NOT drinking? So Frustrating!!! Thanks for the encouragement, I really appreciate it. I think I'm just finally realizing that I've been treating my body so badly for so many years. Booze, Weed, Overeating...I want to feel good, happy, without having to stuff myself or drink myself into the feeling. It's like if I'm not drinking or overeating I don't know what to do with myself!!!!

[November77]

Mariposa, I know what you mean. I don't know what to do with myself either. Especially when I get really ticked off. Then I want to do something to calm down. So frustrating

[Mariposa18]

Originally Posted by November77

Mariposa, I know what you mean. I don't know what to do with myself either. Especially when I get really ticked off. Then I want to do something to calm down. So frustrating

That's exactly what it is! I just don't know what to do with myself. I try to read but can't concentrate, I tried putting up the tree yesterday and was getting frustrated because the ornaments weren't evenly spaced! Seriously I see myself so angry, and just wonder how I'm going to get through it...

I think I'm going to start to write, starting with the time I took my first drink, and work my way through the years. Maybe that will help me out somehow, I don't know...

[November77]

Mariposa - That's a good idea. I've been writing in my journal about my drinking. Sometimes it helps. I don't know. I thought trying to quit smoking was tough, this seems harder for some reason.

[November77]

And I still smoke dang it. Not as much but still....

[Mariposa18]

Originally Posted by November77

And I still smoke dang it. Not as much but still....

Cigs or Weed? I like weed too much, if I start I'll have another problem on my hands! I haven't smoked weed since August and then since I was so broke I couldn't buy it anyway. I know some would take the edge off, but then I'd do the same thing I did with drinking and smoke too much...

Nothing in moderation for me, what the heck!? Talk about feeling damaged