For Those with Less than 2 Weeks Sober Part 6

[colagirl]

PB, I've had exactly the same experience, and you're right... none of my friends have the slightest idea about the extent of my drinking. When I'm out I don't usually drink more than anyone I'm with, but the problem is that on the way home I stop and buy more and drink it all at home by myself before I go to bed. If my friends knew about that they would be very worried. My advice would be to either cancel your friends' visit or tell them not to bring the wine... whichever you think is the best option.

[colagirl]

Oh yeah, and day 3 here. I had some strong urges to drink today after leaving Thanksgiving with my family, but I have so far resisted.

[wibble]

This is a really good point and something that i'm facing myself at the moment. I'm on day 12, and have pretty much hid myself away from friends up to this point. My wife has been a fantastic support as has SR & AA but at some point I need to re-connect with my friends.

The constant offers of "Lets go for a drink"... I don't know what to say, I find myself just not answering. I always drank alone to excess so its not really like I have drinking buddies these are people who genuinely want to just go for a social drink. At the moment i'm telling people I've been unwell but do I say this forever? Or is the best advice to be honest?

Originally Posted by PaddingtonBear

You know, I've had the same problem, with well-meaning friends telling me that they think I'm not an alcoholic.

The problem is that they don't know the true extent of my drinking behind closed doors in the privacy of my own home, where I drink all the alcohol in the house and am still looking for more at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning, inspite of having to get up for work the next day.

Infact, I've got a challenge to face right now. Some friends from a town where I used to live are meant to be visiting on Saturday. On the phone last night, they said "we'll bring the wine", even though I've told them previously I feel I have a drink problem.

Now I'm not sure what to do. I stayed awake most of the night worrying about it. I really feel like phoning them and saying "I'm sorry, I don't feel too good, please can we cancel your visit", or something like that. I know it's very anti-social, but I'm so early on in my recovery and I feel I need to protect myself from well-meaning people who unwittingly may sabotage my attempts to heal up.

Any suggestions?

[subzero]

wibble, PB .. I get how you feel, Socialising with friends I would drink comparable amounts .. however before leaving the house I would be sure I had at least a dozen beers or so to see me off once I returned home.. *shakes head* hope I never go back to that sad state of affairs....

Anyway, onwards and upwards, day 11 nearly finished.

We can make it !!!

[wibble]

i'm sure in time we get stronger about it and can deal easier with telling others the truth


I hope so anyway.. i would like to have some friends again!!!!

[BrixtonBear]

Thanks Carol, Colagirl, Wibble and Subzero, this really helps alot.

I love the phrase, Carol, that "I keep a non-drinking apartment" - I think I'm going to start using this phrase too - hope you don't mind!?

I've decided to phone my friends, tell them that I've been very ill with alcoholism, am currently getting help from AA, and ask them please not to bring the wine, and that we can have a fun time with coffee and cake and a nice movie. I think their response will then determine whether they really are "friends" or not. I'm determined not to drink, one day at a time.

Thanks for all the good advice here. (Wibble, I love your Chinese proverb - this is very encouraging!)

PB

[wibble]

PB, you will certainly learn a lot about your friends from their response!!!

[ksplash5]

hi all...I just read a few posts to catch up a little bit...i've been away.

I picked up the flu on tuesday and I am now starting to feel better after seeing the doctor yesterday (on thanksgiving)...

had some strange using dreams a couple of these nights, and i haven't hit a meeting since monday night. i'll be able to go today.

I got to realize that i am not 100% and i need to take it easy

this getting sick made it clear how hard it can be for me to ask for help. First I didn't go to the store to get flu medicine etc, for a couple days. and then i went to the doctor only because my girlfriend basically simply made me.

through this i have managed to stay clean. i had some weird dreams a couple of these nights. and I need to get re-focused upon recovery.

good luck everyone

[BrixtonBear]

Hey Ksplash,

We've missed you here! Sorry to hear you've had flu, and really hope you'll be feeling alot better soon.

[espresso]

Originally Posted by PaddingtonBear

I've decided to phone my friends, tell them that I've been very ill with alcoholism, am currently getting help from AA, and ask them please not to bring the wine, and that we can have a fun time with coffee and cake and a nice movie. I think their response will then determine whether they really are "friends" or not. I'm determined not to drink, one day at a time.
PB

Glad you have come to a decision about what to do. You're right in what you say about whether they are true friends or not and Carol is right in saying you're the most important person in all of this. If they had bought wine and you hadn't drunk it it could have caused problems because your "alcoholic head" might have felt "deprived" and you might have gone onto a bad binge later. I say "might" because I'm not you and am only writing what I think my alcoholic head would have told me in this situation so early on in recovery. If you can get to a meeting tonight and over the weekend. Stay strong PB.

[Chook]

Hello everyone it's now day 4 for me and I feel the cloud is beginning to lift. Have had some mammoth tasks keeping sober the last couple of days with friend visiting from interstate, alcohol is just such a given in these circumstances. Have made it through this far - he's starting to wonder though. My boyfriend has been keeping him company as a drinking buddy - but they are both "normal" drinkers anyway. You know, four or five beers max (unless its a very special occasion).

I have read this thread from start to finish and it has given me a lot of strength - thankyou everyone. Mariposa I would love to know how you are going.

Take care everyone

[subzero]

Originally Posted by wibble

i'm sure in time we get stronger about it and can deal easier with telling others the truth

I know what ya mean wibble .. the stuff I have said in here, I haven't mentioned to anybody else in real life as yet .. kinda using this place for practice.. hope you all dont mind. I'd like to get it straight in my head before blurting it out to others, and getting down on "paper" in here is as good a place as any with the plus of supportive non judgmental people and plenty of sound advice as well.

ksplash5 .. glad yr feeling better and have rejoined us

:ghug

[timzup]

Subzero, You hit the nail on the head there. Feel exactly the same way too, well said.

[CarolD]

Chook....well done on your sober days

Welcome to SR and to our Daily Support thread
full of special people winning over addiction....

[ksplash5]

hello SR 2 weeks thread

and happy sober saturday.

not necessarily a time to rest from recovery on the weekends. in fact the weekend can be a great time to do some serious step work, or serious writing, or adventuring out to a new meeting.

I've hit a meeting and watched my daughter and i'm ready to settle in for a little break

i'm so glad to be still clean. I'm so glad i made it thru the flu without relapsing. I'm so glad i dropped my children off sucessfully after the game last night and that I didn't use afterwards, as i have done so many times in the past. I am so glad to be changing into a new person of sorts and to be starting the second half of my new life

[timzup]

Nice one ksplash. Love to hear good stories of turnaround. Thanks.

[ksplash5]

good morning universe

I don't know what to say, but I can resort to .... hey I'M CLEAN. yup still hanging in there. Yesterday, I watched the movie Bill W. this was a nice digital color version.

[CarolD]

Yes! we are doing the clean and sober deal.....

[Dixie24]

Hi, 7th day without a drink for me. I have the same issue with what to tell friends. On Thanksgiving I was at a friends home, there were those that drank and those that didn't. I was among the latter for once. I explained that I was trying to adopt a more healthy lifestyle. that I have high blood pressure and high cholesterol (both true). Maybe I am wrong, but I don't feel that it is anyone else's business what I ingest, unless I am hurting someone else, and I am definetely not hurting anyone else by NOT drinking

[timzup]

Found this. Liked it. Didn't know where to post it. So here it is.


You are my weekend
My Monday morning
You are my blessing
and my curse

You are my rapist
my concubine
You are my solution
and my problem

You are my sweet dream
my delicious slumber
You are my nightmare
and my deliverance

You are my alibi
and my excuse
You are my agony
and my ecstasy

You are my fear
-my courage
You beat me with your fists
but caress my bloodied cheek.

I thirst for you still,
my darling alcohol.

~Scot Crone

[Mariposa18]

Hello Everyone~ Well, I've been gone for a few days. On Wednesday I did end up having one glass of wine, only 1. I was proud of myself for being able to stop after 1 glass and thought perhaps, I was right about being able to control myself. Thursday I had 4 glasses throughout the day. Again I thought "I didn't finish the bottle, I can do this" Friday I didn't drink at all, that gave me that "hope" that I really would be okay, I can do this social drinking thing!

Then yesterday we were watching Football at my Parents house and they offered me some wine. I had 1 glass...which continued to get refilled until I drank the whole bottle. Okay, so I should have realized right then I should stop I was no longer in control. Then Hubby and I went to the store, I bought a big bottle of wine. Had dinner out and had 2 more glasses. Got home and ended up drinking half of the big bottle. I tossed the rest of that bottle out before bed. This morning I felt like crap, the dreaded "Yep, I F*cked up" The guilt, I even asked Hubby if he was mad at me and he said "I have no reason to be mad at you. Are you feeling guilty, is that why you think that?" Yep, that was exactly why I thought it. I mean I was mad at myself, you know? I still had a bottle of wine here from Thanksgiving and I opened it, had a sip, put it away. Felt so crappy that I took a long nap and when woke up I started cooking. Went outside and took 2 more sips of the wine bottle ...came inside and tossed it down the drain.

So here I am. This weekend was in a sense a revelation for me. Even though when I was drinking yesterday it wasn't because I was upset, trying to hide from feelings or anything like that, I still drank too much. Once I started drinking at my Parents house I knew I would get drunk. The kids were staying over so it would be just me and my Husband...I knew I was going to get drunk. I was looking forward to it.

Today I've felt like crap. I deserve it, I should have known better. Funny thing is on Thursday I woke up feeling guilty over that 1 glass I had Wednesday night and even wrote on my Journal how I didn't want to drink. Thanksgiving was great, no drama, I started with a few sips of Hubby's beer then ended up having the wine.

I'm not going to bash my head against the wall over this. I'm going to pick myself up, take care of myself and start over tomorrow with Day 1~ Come New Years I can celebrate a month Sober and that is what I'm looking forward to, a good way to start the year. But for now, it's one day at a time....

[ananda]

sounds like you learned something really important about yourself! glad you are back here and that you shared that with us

[CarolD]

Dixie...
Welcome to our Daily Support thread

I have to wonder...did any of the other non drinkers
give an explanation/reason why they were chooseing to not drink?

When I was newly sober....
I too thought everyone would notice
and 99% of the time....it was not an issue.

Your on your way... Relax and move forwaard.

[CarolD]

....Mari
Thanks for sharing your new awareness with us.

[CarolD]

Tim....glad you checked in to share..