For Those with Less than 2 Weeks Sober Part 6

[ksplash5]

hi all

pam, i sure can relate to having a bad day...but still claiming it as a clean day. way to hang in there with sobriety. After the bad days come the good moments

I'm trying to let go of the bad moments, of course, and now i am trying to let go of the good moments. I'm trusting in myself more to let go of the last moment, and to open my mind to experience the present moment. that means noticing the good and the bad. that means letting go of the good and the bad. when I let go of the good, then the next moment may be another good.

don't know if that made sense at all.


if you've got nothing to do I've worked on a little something that i will include below and will make this a long post...so stop here if you don't need or want a long post!!!!!!!!!!!
it's a little writing based on a guided meditation that someone lead me through a couple weeks ago in which I experience my SELF of 20 years into the future. the first part starts out in the present day.


A look at my life today, and then 20 years into the future.



TODAY...
I'm in the middle of a dream, but don't know it. It's a happy dream of sorts. The dream seems to be coming to a possible conclusion and before the final details, your alarm goes off. You hear it and turn it off and get out of bed. The rush of madness begins. Another day. Lots to do. Brush teeth. Shower. Clothes. Coffee. Medications. The News. And midst these subplots, are the bigger plans of the day itself. What will come first? A little change will be needed here. Then your phone rings...you hang up and a dozen more things come into your mind. You begin your journey to WORK with your bag of stuff, and start your car, and drive, and approve the traffic report to begin your normal route.

Like the approach of a train, signaled by it's steady growth of power, all these things going on in your mind begin to rattle the windows of your soul. And to think it's only just begun; you've only been awake for 35 minutes and you're wound up tight already. But you know how to push the limits of this obsession with your life, and your multitasking parade of events. You have lived over the edge without any consequence, and heck you're not even close to the ledge. Then it occurs to you that it's only 6:25AM, and you know by 10:00 things will be in full tilt. Are you up for the challenge, up for the game?-- to process the input of the data of your life, and create an impressive output of productivity and outright “together-ness”? For a moment you feel a general tiredness. It has nothing to do with lack of sleep, but you take another drink of your cafeinated medicine and return it to the cup holder and enter the Left Lane of I-75 South.






20 YEARS LATER...
In the early morning you can ease up on your wants – those instant desires of self-ness that race out the morning gates in your brain as you rise. You take a deep breath in, accepting the pain of those desires and the anxiety of the wait. You now claim the life of the breath, and release it to the world with all the love of your soul.

The peace of morning quietness now comes into your Heart early. The winter's forced air of the furnace soothes your reality. Gratitude fills you, and constant wordless prayer emanates from your Heart. All the past, present, and future of your being lives and breathes, here now.

There is no rush and there is no waiting, because you are at exactly where you are at. You are spreading goodness now; and that is what you are about. You are love. This kind of love is a state of being, your state of being. It is a love that is not outward or inward. It is a love of “being”.

So this love, this nature of love, is now the Way. There are no conditions for it; it is. It is in your breath, your mind, your heart. It is spontaneous; it requires no plans. During pain or joy it always remains. It's existence never waits for another time, it doesn't wait until your vacation, or until your out of rush hour traffic, or until you “fall in love”. It just goes on. It always occurs with the breath.

[Lindsay]

Day 3, feeling good. I was mistaken when I said yesterday was Day 1...I was so hungover on my REAL day one that the day almost didn't exist to me. Ugh.

I'm a new relationship, about a month young. I'm really into him, I just don't want it to interfere with my sobriety. He's not a drinker at all really. He'll drink here and there. He's a little older than me and has made comments about how he can go 6 months and not really care to drink at all. He has other interests, which is good. I haven't told him about my issues. I'm afraid to.

It's more a problem within myself. In the past, alcohol has always had a big part in my relationships...i guess to act as a social lubricant, especially early on. That's probably the main reason none have ever worked!

Regardless, not drinking today.

[Pam08]

Day 15 now, feeling pretty numb today, which I guess is a good thing, beats wanting my bottle or hopping in the car to get it which I would always do. I think I am getting a bit stronger everyday...atleast when it comes to the booze, but emotionally I am lost. For now, I am very happy to have 15 days of clean living, and I know today I will not drink.

[mtnmagic]

Lindsay - Congratulations on day 3 and your commitment to stay sober for today. I second the commitment to no more hangovers, yeah!

Pam - Hooray for 15 days. It still seems to be all or nothing for my emotions too. Either flooded with them or numb. Either way I think it is better then all those alcohol producing emotions that I was crazy with for years. just enjoy your day and let yourself experience whatever is supposed to come your way for today. I'll do the same, ok?

allport - Good one -11 days. See, we are going through a bunch of stuff together. I think it is comforting to know I'm not alone with this roller coaster of emotions and feelings. I hope you really get to enjoy your sisters graduation today. I think it is wonderful that you will actually BE there completely present to experience it. Have a wonderful time.

ksplash - Thanks for sharing the meditation. I liked it a lot. Only problem with me is I can't get my head around 20 years from now. Some of us are sicker then others. Have a good day my sobriety buddy. Onward we go!

[BrixtonBear]

Hi everyone,

Thanks Grrrr and Mtnmagic for your encouragement and support - it's much appreciated!

Hey Ksplash, what a great post! Thanks for sharing that meditation. I got alot out of your post - thank you!

Congratulations Pam on reaching 2 weeks - brilliant!

Hi Iamsomebody - I feel the same way, this is my umpteenth time too!

Hi Lindsay - that's brilliant that you had 44 days, wow! I've never made it beyond 26 days.

Hey Allport - well done on your 11 days. You live in a great part of the country - I love north yorkshire!

And thanks for being here Carol - thanks for all your encouragement. It really helps me not to give up.

As for me, I'm still feeling very shipwrecked to tell the truth, but I'm clinging on to SR and AA so that I don't get washed away! Hanging in there!

[CarolD]

We had a few hours of down time today....tweaking our
new SR upgrade. Sooo...if you could not get here
neither could I.

Congratulations to all of us as we move forward!
Sobriety Rocks and you help me keep mine going!

[espresso]

Glad to read of everyone's progress one day at a time - a daily reprieve is what we have.
PB Keep Posting - You can do this

[BrixtonBear]

Hi everyone

Thanks Carol and Espresso for the encouragement.

I didn't drink yesterday. I feel as though I'm pulling out of the downward spin, and getting my recovery back on track.

Going to a meeting this evening straight after work, to help me stay safe. Just for today...

Have a good Wednesday everybody!

[timzup]

Ooops sorry, wrong forum. Shouldn't be here really being on the 15th day and all.

Hang in the you lot, it gets easier, honest.

[allport]

Day 12 today and feeling a little bit overwhelmed. I had a good day yesterday, celebrated my sisters university graduation she got a fantastic degree and she should have been ecstatic but she seemed a little bit down, its strange she seems to have everything, a fabulous daughter, a career, good looks and confidence but i dont think shes happy with her life, it goes to show that everyone has issues not only drinkers. We all went out for a meal and the others were drinking but i didnt have a problem with it, since i was already out and about i went to a meeting, it was good two birthday celebrations and a really good atmosphere but i still cant let people in i feel so uncomfortable in those rooms and i dont know why. x

[ksplash5]

i still cant let people in i feel so uncomfortable in those rooms and i dont know why.

if finding that one of the reasons i have felt uncomfortable in the rooms of AA is because i am someone who thinks I know it all. so when the advise and little "secrets" about how to stay sober are talked about I get a little antsy and judgemental. there are other reasons why people feel uncomfortable I imagine; one of them is probably because some people just are not comfortable with sharing their inner selves with strangers.


anyway it's really nice to have SR available as a recovery tool. I love this site. It provides me with a lot of help. Help in reading other people stories and daily sucesses and struggles--reading these posts slowly--and taking them in to digest and grow.

another nice part of SR is that it provides us the opportunity to write, and write, and write. and writing is good for my recovery. it is good for my soul. it is good at helping me know how I feel.

and right now i feel a little antsy, a little uncomfortable, and lazy. funny. I have no reason to feel this way. what i mean is things are just fine outside of me. these feelings are all coming from inside of me, from my life experience in the past, present, and future.

this uncomfortable-ness, this dis-ease is OK today. I am learning how to live with it when it occurs. learning how to act. Practicing to let go of the drama and of the reactions to things and thoughts that have ruled my life so often in the past. I am staying focused on my intention to live and be clean today and that means putting that ahead of "not feeling comfortable".

so thanks for the thinking and writing that you got me to writing about. I gotta get to my work area soon so in case something comes up.

It's good to be clean and sober. I intend to stay in today, and to work "recovery" into my consciousness throughout the day. I'm going to put everything I got into this day. why not? every thing that is life is right now anyway! so good by to laziness and grouchy-ness for this moment.

[Pam08]

Day 16 and still sober

[allport]

congratulations !

[Eclipse]

Hi All!

Day 8 for me! Feeling pretty good...a little tired. Lots of frost on the ground here!

Have a good day!

[grrrr]

Congrats everyone!

PB - It is great to hear you say that you are feeling better. Keep up those plans and getting yourself to meetings and hanging with us here!

Timzup - There is no rule you have to leave, but you can feel good for graduating. Congrats!

Allport -12 days is great, and being able to celebrate around drinkers without picking one up is really cool too. I know I felt pretty good about myself the first time I was able to say no in that situation.

Pam - 16 days, awesome!!

Eclipse - 8 days is really great. I felt very tired the first couple weeks, but it has gotten much better. I also took some extra vitamins which may help.

Just wanted to stop by and say hi this morning. It inspires me to see everyone chasing after their goals and staying sober. Day 31 for me today! ODAAT I will not pick up.

[allport]

Hi to everyone, just a question. Has anyone tried Campral? My doctor has prescribed it and I wondered if it worked.

[Pam08]

I went on campral for a month or so. It does help stabalize the brain, but it made me so very dizzy..i was having dizzy spells especially at night every 30 seconds ...the spell would only last few seconds...it was nuts..drove me batty....I went off campral..i have not really noticed the difference...i still have a months worth..and that stuff isn't cheap..i have ins. and still had to pay 50 bucks.....if you have cravings try it..it is proven effective..curious if you get the spells like I did...good luck

[Mariposa18]

Hello Everyone~ Is it okay if I join the thread? It's day 6 sober for me and today has already tested me a few times. I haven't had a good night's sleep since I quit drinking and I"m finding myself incredibly irritable and not very patient.

Stay Strong Everyone~

[Lindsay]

Of course Mariposa! Welcome...and congrats on 6 days!

Today's day 4 for me. Feeling good. It's amazing how it's so much easier to wake up in the morning when you're not hungover! I actually look forward to my days...instead of suffering through them. I even worked out for a half hour this morning before getting ready for work.

As the weekend approaches and plans are being made, I need to remind myself how GREAT it feels being sober...as opposed to how I am when I'm not.

Stay strong all!

[espresso]

Still haven't got any Thanks buttons to press so here's a big Thanks from me for all of today's posts

:ghug

[mtnmagic]

Hi Paddy Bear - Hope you had a good day and got to your meeting.
You can do this dear one, I just know you can. Glad to hear
your downward spiral is lifting. You know it will get better.
Thinking of you.

Hey timzup. It was good to see you post here. Day 15 is awesome.
You can post here all you want, lots of us come back here, well just
because. I will always appreciate this thread because it helped
me so very much. Looking forward to seeing around the board.

allport - Day 12 should be just about done for you. Yep, I guess
the grass isn't greener when we really stop and look at it. As far
as the uncomfortableness in meetings, I can get that way too.
Not sure what it is about, but I think it starts with my general
discomfort level with myself on any given day. I'm still not
used to facing people, places and things stone cold sober.
As far as Campral, never used it, but I have heard it helps
with the cravings. Maybe google it on line to get some more
specifics on the medication? It's supposed to help cravings, right?

ksplash - Thanks for another ever so thoughtful post that I can so relate
to. You hit the nail on the head for me in a bunch of ways. Thanks.

Pam - Huge congratulations on Day 16. I know you are going through
a bunch of stuff. I have so much respect for how you are staying sober.
You are an inspiration to me.

grrrr - 31 days. Another one bites the dust. Let's wake up and do it again tomorrow.

Hi Mariposa and welcome. Join the club. Great group here. 6 days is awesome. That noise you might be hearing as you read this might just be
a bunch of us nodding our heads YES, about the lack of sleep in the first
week (or two or three) of sobriety. I don't think any of us got much sleep
at all. For me it has gotten better, and I'm actually sleeping through the night now and feel somewhat rested when I wake up. A few weeks ago, I would have told you I was never going to sleep again, EVER. Glad I was wrong. Keep posting, keep reading. A bedtime routine of calming herbal tea
and reading for awhile helped me a bunch for the sleep. It still took awhile to kick in though.

Hi Lindsay - Glad to hear you are doing well. Day 4 and working out for a half hour is awesome. I think I was still almost crawling to the shower and worn out when I got there on day 4. You have a great attitude too. Keep it up!
We are in this together.

Hi expresso - Hope you had a wonderful day today. Your Thank you shirt cracked me up. It felt good to laugh, so Thank you back!

Doing ok myself. Still committed as ever to stay sober.

[allport]

Thanks Mtnmagic you are always so supportive and i cant tell you how much i appreciate your posts, Campral is supposed to help with cravings so I guess Ill give it a go. Hate to tell you Pam that I get all my medication free. God bless the NHS! Its day 13 for me today, hope its not unlucky, I dont think it will be im all over the place emotionally and mentally but still determined. Im going to go to another aa meeting tonight i wont let my self consiousness and shyness rob me of a valuble recovery resourse. Have a wonderful day everybody. X

[BrixtonBear]

Great job everyone!

Today is day 3 for me. It's great to have a clear head once again.

Have a good Thursday!

[espresso]

Great stuff PB

[ksplash5]

mountian magic it is so cool how you take the time to specifically address so many people on these threads.....thank you so much for the kindness that you give to us

i'm so happy for the sobriety that is growing more and more everyday.

things are good today for myself as well. staying clean. being clean. living one day at a time...one breath at a time as best I can.