For Those with Less than 2 Weeks Sober Part 6

[LaDita]

Day three has begun 3 hours and 57 minutes ago. We got five inches of snow and it's beautiful. I enjoyed myself at home today.
But now I have some heavy stuff on my mind and I'm anxious and irritated.
To help pass the time and make the most out of it, I decided to go job-hunting online. There is an employer here that I've wanted to work for forever but something always got in the way. Now it's my criminal record. I have some pretty heavy Gross misdemeanor charges from something pretty ugly I did involving...guess what? Alcohol!...ten years ago.
So that turned into doing alot of research in expunging my criminal record and it brought up alot of really painful emotions from that time and frustration on how I'm going to get it done, it's a really complicated process and I guess that's why God invented Lawyers but I can't afford a lawyer so I will have to do it myself. Some would say I'm not ready for this right now, but I've been putting this off for far too long and I deserve a good job already and the peace of mind from having a clean record.

Sorry to whine. Off to bed finally.

[BrixtonBear]

I'm really in trouble.

I didn't drink for 5 days. Then yesterday I made the mistake
of going to a party.
I didn't drink at the party, but afterwards I had a drink to "wind down" (it was stressful to be around all those people who were drinking).
It's an old trap which I've fallen into before, I really should know better by now.
Today I feel terrible and look awful.

It feels weak, feeble and anti-social to say it, but I really am going to
have to "wrap myself up in cotton wool" and stay away from
friends and situations that could trigger drinking.

I didn't really want to go to the party, I just "caved in" because others really wanted me to go.
I've got to stop trying to please other people all the time
if I'm going to have any chance of stopping my drinking.

I'm going to a meeting after work to try to stay safe today, I don't know what else I can do.

I've got so much evidence now that I really am alcoholic:
1) when I take a drink, I can't stop but keep drinking until I drop
2) I've been trying for 2 years to stop drinking but only last a few days at best
3) alcohol has damaged (and is damaging) my life

Oh, I wish this wasn't so difficult

[ExNavyInHouston]

Hey everyone ... I'm rolling into Day 3 feeling really good. Pretty much hid out in the house most of the weekend.

I had a meal out Saturday and then a movie Sunday.

This morning I am killing time until a 10AM Spinning Class. Then I will go to work around noon.

I chronicling my first 30 days in my initial thread: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-1-again.html (Day 1 - Again)

I invite you all to swing by and visit.

Squid

[least]

Never give up, PB! If I can stay sober, one day at a time, for nearly six months now, so can you. I've been trying to stay sober since one year ago, but it took me months to finally get some sober time under my belt. Learn from this, don't beat yourself up too badly, and start over!

[YaySartre]

10 days sans alcohol.
2 days sans cigarettes. (thank you, steamvessel, for the encouragement, it meant more than I can express.)

The transition from day 9 to day 10 was kind of tenuous, and I started feeling the H.A.L.T.'s hit the skids about mid-evening, when i got a phone call out of the blue from somebody I figured was writing me off, due to past bad-behavior on my part. He put himself out there to see what would happen if we spent time together this evening. We rented movies, talked for hours and, and it was like old times, but even better. Nobody got flippant, nobody nagged, nobody felt disrespected. We're both making so much progress, and he wants to be a part of my recovery, too. (Which ...I am floored by.)

According to him, the changes I've made are utterly evident, I look and act alive again, I laugh again, I'm not the needy, messy, horror-show I was. Even when I'm feeling irritable, I am putting it in perspective. This indicates to me that my Addictive Voice loses power by the day, by the hour, by the conscious choices I now make to shut her up.

Feelings are new again, but I'm learning. I feel appropriately in these circumstances, and I'm taking care to see that my actions and choices are also appropriate. It's ...easier in some ways, and a little harder in others, but will be dealt with.

I'm going to get some sleep now, I'll write about this more tomorrow.

[Brightening]

One week today! Yay! It hasn't actually been as hard I as I would have thought, and this site has certainly helped me through the toughest moments. The urge to have a drink after work is leaving my psyche now...I have replaced it with other activities that are actually more fun. In January hubby and I are going to start a community college class in the evenings (amazing how much TIME I have now, that I didn't before). I know a lot of others won't agree but I'm still planning on having a couple at Christmas and New Years.

[Omega Man]

I like to view this thread as the SOBER WAGON and were all riding it togther.

So PaddingtonBear - dust yourself off and get back on the wagon with us. Here, I'm slowing it down, jump on. Ok - now that your back in, put your seatbelt on, I don't want you falling out again; or I might have to lock you in the boot.

Now, everyone on this thread, put your seatbelt on! The road can be bumpy, so if you feel like your falling out, grab the person next to you and hold on and ask for help.
What I'm saying is, use this thread, especially when your having doubts!

[TryingSoHard]

PB... you are so right when you say you're going to have to stop worrying about pleasing everyone all the time. You CAN'T please everyone else all the time. You just can't. No one can. You CAN please YOURSELF, and you can start doing that by taking care of yourself.

Just for today, don't drink. Ok? We'll be right there with you. I'm not gonna drink today, either.

I like Omega's post, too.

Can't wait to hear how everyone else is doing today!

[scoob]

Good day and welcome to Day 4. My dad is offering to take me to a meeting. Not sure if i'm a fan of that.

[CarolD]

scoob.....

I know 12 Step Recovery is not appealing to everyone...
I left my first meeting before it was finished...
why not go and listen?

Even if you have been before...you might find...as I did
the this last misery go round of active addiction
requires a new direction to overcome.

Well done on your sober time...

[CarolD]

PB...

All my party/fun bottles were empty when I finally quit.
I was no longer a connoisseur of fine wines and expensive liquors
I was drinking cheap hooch with weirdo people...in crummy bars

I detested the woman I had become from drinking...

Do whatever it takes...try anything you can think of...
but please please quit drinking before you slid futhur.

Yes! you can PB...and your so worth the fight.

[EC1979]

Day 1 again.

Ive been sober a few times, over the last 5 years of addiction. It was quite progressive, first it was friends all the time, now its out of freakin control. Today is my first day, and I feel like crap. Ive struggled all day. I cant wait to be tired enough to go to sleep.

[CarolD]

EC1979....

Welcome to SR and to our support thread.

Yes..those initial de tox days are miserable for most of us.
Did you check with your doctor before you quit?

[ExNavyInHouston]

I was no longer a connoisseur of fine wines and expensive liquors
I was drinking cheap hooch with weirdo people...in crummy bars

I detested the woman I had become from drinking..

Change WOMAN to MAN and you just wrote my story too.

[CarolD]

Here is a link about withdrawing from alcohol

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html (Quitting..What to expect ..What we did)

It has information and some of our expereiences
Note that there are many varibles about de toxing.

You just can't be certain what is going to happen
and that's why doing it alone is not wise.

Hope this helps...keep posting...

[EC1979]

No-

I went through an IOP about 6 months ago, and I didnt have a medical detox. I should talk to the doctor, but I didnt. I didnt finish the IOP which is not exactly a smart move either. I was a daily drinker, but after work I would drink until pass out usually about a large bottle of wine. I feel like you and Navy Vet, I thought I was a real connoisseur of fine wines, but really I wanted to get drunk. When drinking as much as I did, it was too expensive to be a "taster" of fine wines.

[Chook]

LaDita keep pressing on with your goals. It is such a worthwhile pursuit clearing your record and getting the job you have always wanted. My absolute support to you. What a great idea.

PB hang in there. I transgressed recently too. Good for you, getting back on the wagon straight away! I unfortunately let my binge last over a week and now I'm heading into the tail end of day 2 and feeling pretty poorly. I'm looking forward to a couple of days from now when I'll start to feel good again, not so ashamed at what I have done. But for now I'm just concentrating on not picking up again. Take care of yourself PB.

Omega Man thanks for your wonderful encouraging words on this thread. You're an inspiration.

Scoob how did the AA meeting with your Dad go? I think we were both in today's SR meeting. Nice to meet you.

EC1979 good to meet you too. I understand where you are coming from and look forward to making it through the next couple of weeks with you.

Navy I think we also may have shared a meeting in the last day or so. Again thankyou for being here.

Brightening - well done on overcoming an obstacle. My mood swings are driving me a bit nuts lately too. But I just keep trying to remember that anything is better than having to deal with real life AND alcohol as well. I treasure my sobriety so much. I hope I don't lose sight of that again.

Thankyou all for reading, good luck and take care.

[dbauer00]

Day 9
I'm heading to a meeting in 30-min. I'm doing well and the group strengthens my resolve. The steps are challenging when I read them. I focus on step 1 right now and stay in touch with my sponsor. I am not going to drink today. D

[Brightening]

Day 8 here and going strong... Dealt with a lot of frustration yesterday but didn't hit a bar after work as would be my previous coping mechanism, especially with a day off the next day. Ate Chinese buffet instead and drank tea, then went home and felt fine. I'm realizing that the alcohol didn't actually make the bad badness go away, it just prolonged the length of time I thought about the badness (into the next morning, and hung over is no way to deal with badness). I would throw myself a pity party in some crappy bar and only THINK I felt better (until I started to feel sick). Also, I only eat two large meals a day and a small snack because work is so intense, and sometimes I can't take time to eat for 8-11 hours at a time...now I'm getting that what my body really wanted all those nights was FOOD, but the quick sugar in the alcohol made me think I wanted to DRINK, which of course led me to not EAT enough after two+ drinks. Hubby suggested keeping bananas around, and that seems to be a good thing for the blood sugar, without trying to eat a meal in front of customers. Sheesh what a way to live...glad I'm on a different track now. In other news, already losing weight...I was never big but the tummy is flattening for the first time in 4 years...looking forward to pants-shopping with the extra money I'm saving...

Chupa, Dita, Navy, and others...It's been great reading your posts and progress and I feel heartened that others are sticking with it through the worst. Keep on keepin on as it gets so much better...total brain makeover!

[CarolD]

EC1979....
Please do read the link I posted just above you.
It's #482....you can see the number on the top right of the reply.

Today will be another day sober for me...
I hope it will be for you too....

[Chook]

Late night argument with husband. He's really tired from work and struggling with the holidays like we all are. Bedroom activities are suffering and I'm feeling so closed off with my own selfish crap and he's rebelling. But no screaming this time. I calmly left the room and came and made myself a cup of tea and now I'm posting. It feels good to have control of this situation. So many times I would have gone to the fridge for a beer (no matter what the hour). But not tonight. Day 3 starts soon.

[espresso]

"No-one said it (recovery) would be easy, and of course there is an easier, softer way - to carry on drinking/using. Alcoholism is a progressive illness and I know from my own experience that the yets can and do happen. I also know what it's like to keep relapsing but I never gave up, and eventually, the penny dropped. To anyone struggling, just don't pick up that first drink Today.

[EC1979]

Day 2

Thank you, Carol

I read through all of the posts, I slept about 8.5 hours last night. Weird Dreams, woke up several times, but was able to go back to sleep.

I feel slightly better today, but its still early, I will probably have more trouble as the day goes on.


Thanks everybody for your support.

[BrixtonBear]

Just a little note to say a huge thank you
for all the on-going encouragement here,
and for not giving up on me

Thanks Least, Omega Man, TryingSoHard, Carol, Chook, Espresso, infact everyone here in this thread.

I'm determined to fight hard for my freedom :
freedom from hangovers
freedom from captivity to a bottle
freedom from the mindless boredom and drudgery of drinking
freedom to reach out to be the best person I possibly can be

Thanks for giving me the courage to fight, and not give up.

[ExNavyInHouston]

Rolling into Day 4 feeling good. I'm to the gym and today I am actually going to make it in the front door.