For Those with Less than 2 Weeks Sober Part 6

[Omega Man]

Carol - your dead on. I remember "HALT" from my last serious attempt to get sober and AA.
It's very important to identify when HALT starts to kick in and also knowing what our triggers are and do something about it ASAP.

Yesterday, after work, I was: 1) Hungry, 2) Angry and 3) it was happy hour.

I knew I was hungry and should have had an afternoon snack before I left the office.
I was angry about the traffic and the fact that I was stuck in my truck freezing - damn heater broke.
Add the fact that I was a happy hour drinker and wham, triple threat to my sobriety.

Once I got home, warmed up and ate dinner I started feeling better. Never had a craving last that long before; they usually pass pretty quickly.

I'll pay more attention to the warning signs now and add the lesson learned to my sobriety tool box.

[CarolD]

Geez PB....
I was in and out of AA ...up and down in sobriety for
4 bloody years before I finally quit
:

Yes...you too will suceed ...it's a process for some of us.
I have no recovery halo....that's for darn sure!!

On my way out to a noon meeting and lunch
with fellow AA members after.
I go early to make up for the years
I was sliding around.

Forward we go...sometimes quickly...sometimes slowly.

[exbartender]

Originally Posted by dbauer00

Thanks for the kind words!

Day-2 in the books. I feel much better today. No shakes and much of the anxiety is gone. I found a group that meets early every morning and it's on my way to work. I'll be taking my coffee there.

I want to share a bit of my story.
I've known for many years that booze was at the core of most of my problems. I have attempted to mask my alcoholism with exterior achievements, (e,g,. work, running, school, and things). My wife of 20-years has tolerated me but has also asked me to drink "normally". I DON"T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT. I plan everything around getting drunk. I make sure I don't have to drive. If wine is served, I worry about getting my share. If I don't have work; DRUNK. I'll drink beer, wine, Jack, or whatever else is available. I do most of my drinking at home to avoid trouble with the law. When I travel I drink in my room.
I was once a decent athlete but no more. At 46 my drinking has degraded my health both physically and mentally. I look bad because my health is declining. I know that I must stop. Thanks for your concern. Dave

dbauer00, we're similar in that we know if we're gonna drink, we're gonna get drunk. I've known that about myself for years...decades, actually. But I still felt bulletproof, invincible, I am fine, I can handle it! But I also thought those published "risks" about drinking were just propaganda. They didn't really apply to me...but now I know I need to quit. NEED to. I don't necessarily want to...but I know I need to. I'm still trying to figure out how to do it successfully. We're the same age, btw.

Please bear with me while I spill my story (or go ahead and skip this part)...writing it down helps me recognize my own demons, and revisiting my own writings here helps me to counsel myself. (Gee, just how delusional have I become?)

But I'm making a little progress, so it seems to me, anyway. Cumulatively I was able to carve 2+ months of sobriety out of the last 6, including a 43 day stretch that ended before last weekend. Yesterday was supposed to be a new Day 3 for me, but I blew it in an anxiety overwhelm. I felt like I was going to lose my mind last night, so I finally gave in and went to 7-Eleven, where I could buy wine at 1:30 am. Ya, I'm feeling kinda pathetic this morning, but at least it knocked me out so I could get a few hours of sleep.

To complicate matters, my wife and I have come under intense financial pressure, especially since last weekend, when a certain revelation made a bottle of vodka seem like a really good idea. She's a wonderful woman, married 15 years to her, and love her dearly, but with a drinking problem too, made worse by increasing financial pressure from a bad business decision (that we made together about her employment...that's another story). But hell, we've been drinking partners for about 17 years! I think I need to start another thread on how to deal with that kind of long-term co-dependency...(like I even know what "co-dependency means"!).

She doesn't know about this site, that I know of, but I won't hide it from her...and I'm not sure what "brain fog" looks like, but I think I've got it, but dunno, seems foggy.

CarolDd, your detox list scared the detox outta me! I can''t just get over my own self-induced hangovers anymore w/o medical help?! That seems extreme, but my last one was bad, IMO, but I got thru it. And I can't afford a medical team to babysit me, so my only option is DIYD (Do-it-yourself-detox).

[CarolD]

Welcome back to SR Ex-Bartender ...

That information about de tox dangers scared me too
because I had already done it before I knew what
I should have done. Check out the top sticky
post in Alcoholism for members personal experiences
that might help settle your mind....I

You can also check the Friends & Family of Alcoholics
for information about co-dependancy issues.

Glad you are trying again
Blessings to you and your family

[dbauer00]

I went to my White Chip meeting today. I'm going to go tomorrow again. I feel pretty good and strong in my commitment. Writing to ya'll and reading this thread helps me. I'm not drinking today. D

[espresso]

Hi PB, wondered where you'd been. Don't give up. Like Carol, I also relapsed for four years whilst "in and out" of AA but eventually the penny dropped. Glad to see your post and Keep Coming Back here.:ghug

[gravity]

"Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired" is a great guideline. In my own case, I had to add anxiety (drink to get rid of it) and excitement (drink to celebrate) to that list.

While I will never get rid of these "triggers" it really comes down to finding better, healthy ways to deal with these thoughts/feelings. Carol mentioned AA meetings which also help me a great deal. Today, I have so many better things to do when I am anxious or want to celebrate. When you really think about it, the possibilities are endless!

I have been sober for about a year and these "triggers" no longer have me even thinking about drinking let alone actually doing it. I find this to be an amazing part of recovery. Took patience and working hard at my program.

I wouldn't look at prior attempts to quit as anything more than valuable learning experiences (I believe my own past strengthens my sobriety). They don't predict the future. Today really is a new day for all of us!

Keep at it and best wishes!

[dbauer00]

Day 5

I went to an AA meeting yesterday despite looking for every reason not to. I'll be in another one in an hour from now. I am not going to drink today. Thanks for the support. D

[PaddingtonBear]

Thanks for all the support and encouragement here, I really appreciate it And well done, everyone, for all the progress here.

Day 4 today. I've set myself a task for later on today...

I'm going to imagine that I can take my alcoholism and put it on the table in front of me. What would it look like? I've then got to draw it. (But no cheating, no thinking too much, I've got to draw the first thing that comes to mind).

Then I'm going to think about sobriety and recovery. What does it look like? I've then got to draw that too.

Not sure if it will help, but I'll give it a try.

If you could put your recovery into a picture, what would it look like?

Lots of friendly wishes
PB

[scoob]

Day 1 again.

[Omega Man]

Scoob - If I had a $1 for every Day 1, I wouldn't be on my way to work right now. Pick yourself up and start over.

One thing that has really help me this time around is keeping a journal. Make yourself a list of what went wrong, why you drank and while your at it make another list of all the ugly, bad things that have happened when your drinking.

I'm starting Day 13 today and writting down random thoughts, especially all the bad that went with my drinking has kept me humble and sober so far. I tend to have a really short memory (denial) when it comes to my drinking; being able to go back, read and remind myself keeps me focused.

Keep posting, stay positive and stay sober. I'll see you here tomorrow for your Day 2. It's only 24 hours from now, I know you can make 24 hours.

[least]

Don't give up, Scoob! Keep on trying. It will 'stick' one of these days. Just never give up on yourself!

[gravity]

Originally Posted by Omega Man

One thing that has really help me this time around is keeping a journal. Make yourself a list of what went wrong, why you drank and while your at it make another list of all the ugly, bad things that have happened when your drinking.

I'm starting Day 13 today and writting down random thoughts, especially all the bad that went with my drinking has kept me humble and sober so far. I tend to have a really short memory (denial) when it comes to my drinking; being able to go back, read and remind myself keeps me focused.

I have kept a journal for the past couple of years. It does keep me focused. I write down good things and bad things, some stuff related to recovery, mostly just about life. Even some inspirational quotes. I do go through my journal every now and then and one thing I find really cool is that it is undeniable proof of "this too shall pass". I went through some pretty tough days but I would always get through it without drinking. I also noticed that the good days started to dramatically out-number the bad days the longer I stayed sober and practiced my program. And I also get over things a lot quicker, sometimes within hours when it used to take days.

My journal has been a big part of my recovery but, for some reason, I never mention it!

[TryingSoHard]

Originally Posted by Omega Man

One thing that has really help me this time around is keeping a journal. Make yourself a list of what went wrong, why you drank and while your at it make another list of all the ugly, bad things that have happened when your drinking.

I'm starting Day 13 today and writting down random thoughts, especially all the bad that went with my drinking has kept me humble and sober so far. I tend to have a really short memory (denial) when it comes to my drinking; being able to go back, read and remind myself keeps me focused.

I absolutely agree. It's hard to refute my own words when I go back and read them. It's humbling and brings me back to reality pretty quickly. Shuts up that darn addict voice better than anything else I've tried so far.

[LaDita]

Hi,

I'd like to become a member of this thread. Is it still active or has it moved?

[ananda]

Hi Ladita...it is still active....I think everyone is just still asleep...they should be along shortly..though weekends tend to be a bit slow.

[dbauer00]

Day 6

I'm going to a meeting in an hour. Not going to drink today. D

[YaySartre]

Coming 'round to Day 8 of no alcohol, and wound down my last cigarette over an hour ago. Ask my carpet if smoking and drinking go together, at least in my case. (YES.)

One can get downright bouncy after the malaise of week 1, heck, the malaise of not looking forward to much but drinking. My appetite has been improving a little bit each day. My sleep cycle, which has always been amiss, got hit really hard by not going to sleep via black-out like I used to, so I'm going to use my holiday vacation to work on that.

Today, I am going to enforce not thinking like an addict into my conscious mind as much as possible and instead focusing on the Serenity Prayer and the goals therein.

Thanks for reminding us of H.A.L.T. - I'm learning what each letter really feels like now. It's, of course, still really overwhelming, but I love this chance to really live.

[scoob]

I'ts 5:30 am, i'm in and out of the bathroom with an extremely sour stomach, so why am I still mourning the fact that i'm not "allowed" to drink anymore?

Makes no sense.

[Omega Man]

LaDita - Welcome! Yes the thread is still active! Which amazes me; I started this thread around this time last year due to the fact that I could never string 2 weeks together, so this started as a personal goal for myself.

Welcome aboard, please visit and post often. The only rule is that you need to find another home thread when you make day 15; of course your welcome to visit and post anytime.

[Omega Man]

Originally Posted by scoob

I'ts 5:30 am, i'm in and out of the bathroom with an extremely sour stomach, so why am I still mourning the fact that i'm not "allowed" to drink anymore?

Good to see you Scoob - Day 2, right?

The sour stomach thing really sucks. I got it everytime I quit drinking. The good news it does go away after 3-4 days.
Eat light, popcicles help to keep you hydrated and maintain blood sugar, soup is good and bananas really help to settle your stomach.

"Mourning" the drink is probably more a rule than an exception. We've given up a "trusted friend" that never questioned our reason for visiting and didn't care what kind of mood we were in.

Would you continue to hang out with a friend that gave you ulcers and a constant sour stomach? Caused you to throw up pratically every morning? Took away your drive to do anything constructive?
Made you feel guilty and then robbed you of sleep, money, and sex drive? Made you do stupid and embarrassing things and generally caused you nothing but grief? Wanted to you to sit at home alone with him/her and do nothing but be miserable?

Not the kind of friend I want to hang out with and certainly one I don't miss anymore!

It does get better Scoob, you just need to find a better friend.

I'll see you here tomorrow for Day 3, OK?

[CarolD]

PB.....
That's interesting and I've never thought to do it.

My active alcoholism....:a black cloud
for my mental deteration.

My recovery....
for my mental restoration

Forward we go....

[CarolD]

...Scoob
Glad you know you are starting again.
Yes! you can.

[CarolD]

LaDita....
Please do share here with us...Welcome

I see you are rather new to SR
sooo...another Welcome!

[LaDita]

Thank you! I guess I am on Day Two now, technically....I think. The way I see it, is that there's still alot of alcohol in my system the morning after I drink, so I don't count that day. Today is the worst, physically. It's when the 'real hang-over' kicks in.

It's a beautiful winter wonderland here, I'm glad the weather is accommodating to my current state. I love the snow and it makes me feel very peaceful.
I'd love to be knitting right now, but the yarn shop is across town and I probably won't be able to get there for a few days once it's safe to travel.

I hope everyone else is enjoying themselves (or surviving, at least!)