For Those with Less than 2 Weeks Sober Part 6

[November77]

Hi All,

Sorry I haven't been around lately, I've been so busy with school and work. I've had a few days of feeling really on edge and I've been very moody.

Last night I went to the post office to mail a couple of boxes off for a soldier over seas and I had a run in with someone there. This lady told me that I had to fill out these stickers, so I had to go to the back counter and wait in line again when she told me that I could come back up there. Well, this guy in line try to barge in and I said, "Well F... " He goes, "Well don't go nuts on us." I told him to, "F off" I was so not in the mood for anyones crap. I can't believe I actually said that to this guy.. I was just ticked. He said nothing in return. So I guess I went postal in the post office.

I also have been questioning whether I'm an alcoholic or not. I think I spoke too soon, and I'm feeling very irritable about this whole thing. I never used to drink heavy and the last year or two I have been. I've been so stressed out with school and work. I don't know. I'm just being honest here.

Nearly a month Sober..

[least]

For me, I knew I was an alcoholic, but even if I didn't choose that label I'd still want to stop drinking just because of how much worse alcohol was making my life. So you may be, or not be an alcoholic, but if cutting alcohol out of your life is an improvement then more power to ya!

[Tryingto]

November77........I did a lot of that - and still am - oh I am not a bloody alcoholic this is ridiculous why am I doing this etc - but my pure motive is that "I am not an alcoholic so give me a dam drink" Lol - sounds silly but it's the truth.
I mean I have never ever drank in the morning so I think does that not make me an alcoholic? But I am 110% a binge drinker with an alcohol problem? Same thing I spose? I don't know enough about it all yet to know.

The whole post office thing, we all do things we regret .....I have snapped at my son etc. I did today and he was crying in his room & I felt like the worst person in the world!

[Omega Man]

Originally Posted by Tryingto

November77........I did a lot of that - and still am - oh I am not a bloody alcoholic this is ridiculous why am I doing this etc - but my pure motive is that "I am not an alcoholic so give me a dam drink" Lol - sounds silly but it's the truth.
I mean I have never ever drank in the morning so I think does that not make me an alcoholic? But I am 110% a binge drinker with an alcohol problem? Same thing I spose? I don't know enough about it all yet to know.

I did the same thing for years and even more so for the past year since I first found SR and started this thread. I just couldn't get past the whole "I'm an Alcoholic" thing. I went back and forth so many times it's not funny. I didn't drink everyday, could do 7 days, 2 wks sober no problem, right?
Wrong - my problem is that when I do drink, I am completely powerless.

Just keep moving forward. We all worried about our drinking enough to lead us here, so theres your first indication that something is very wrong. I hope none of you have to go through another year like I did, fighting it tooth and nail, the denial, trial and errors of trying to prove you don't have a problem or controlling your drinking. It's just not worth it, being sober is so much better.

I slept well last night, feel good this morning and have a very busy day scheduled.

I'm running late for work but I'll check in tonight. I hope you all have a great sober day.

[BrixtonBear]

Hi everyone

Just checking in on day 3.

Great job everyone. Well done Sicilia for not picking up after such a difficult day.

Good for you, November, for not drinking after that guy was so awful at the post office.

And thanks Omega Man, for starting this thread! This place (and the wonderful people here) really encourages me to keep going.

Congrats, everyone!

[CarolD]

Tryingto...good to see you here with us

Let's all continue to stay in focus and Win!

[LorelaiNYC]

Originally Posted by sicilia1414

Hi all,

I had a horrible day today, sorry to be so depressing. I got a call from my ex and got into a huge fight with him. Normally I would go straight to the kitchen to make a drink but I didn't. My head is throbbing from crying, and I feel like crap. When i argue with him, my body starts shaking and my adrenelin starts pumping and for years alcohol was the only thing that would calm me down. It sucks to have to deal with these emotions and figure out a way to calm yourself down. Time to get creative I guess....

Man, can I relate to this post. Every time I deal with my daughter's father I have an anxiety attack and a glass of wine or five always helps. Or maybe it doesn't. Maybe I just make excuses for wanting to drink.

Maybe you should change your number so he get sthe message you don't want to talk to him, if you really don't. I wish I could put my ex behind me for good, but we share a child so, I'm stuck all the bad memories. Of course she looks just like him.

I try focusing on all the good things in my life (and not just before deciding to get sober) because it's so easy to focus on the negative. My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me, despite her super A-hole father, which is why I am here - for her. You are a beautiful girl and hopefully have much more going for you than just your pretty face. I hope you can get through this.

Good luck!

[LorelaiNYC]

Also, I am on day three and feel great. I can't wait until I can say it's been a month. I feel really empowered for some reason.

[Tryingto]

LorelaiNYC - I have to deal with my sons father as well (he is not my partner) so I know how hard it can be after a blow out. I am not really happy with him at the moment so I did just that, didn't pick up my phone and side stepped this issue. It's just because when he has him (son) - he still goes to ALL his social commitments but gives son to grandparents. Part of me doesn't mind, my son loves his grandparents. But I get annoyed that he (ex) has an escape route.
It is something I need to get over.

[CarolD]

LorelaiNYC
....Welcome!

Way to go on your 3 days..

[espresso]

:ghug2 everyone, keep going one day at a time!!

[Chook]

Steamvessel I really like your post. I love the idea about taking only half your brain (or energy) to deal with the problems while using the better half to keep yourself well. Ingenious.

Mari, Sicilia and November, you go girls. I'm so pleased you are doing so well. All newcomers, all my love and support to you.

I have bad news. I sustained the whole time with my friends who visited, I'm talking nightclubs, indulgence in other substances, pubs, bands, dinner parties, the whole bit and then on Monday night without warning, I drank. I got back on track on Tuesday night, but then dismally, more disaster Wednesday night. Tomorrow is day 1. Ouch. I'm hurting. I made 13 days. So close. Ugh.

I love you all and wish you all so well. I feel so crappy. I have never felt so good as those 13 days. I just don't know what happened.

[BrixtonBear]

Hi everyone,

Day 4 today. I feel as though I'm going through a painful "divorce" from alcohol.

All the relapses I've had feel like attempts to "get back together" with alcohol, to see if "things will be different this time". But each time I find that alcohol hasn't changed - it just keeps beating me up really badly.

The only hope for healing for me is complete separation from alcohol - my "ex-partner" alcohol can go off on its road, and I have to go off on a completely different road in the opposite direction.

One door closes, but another opens. I'm finding this "divorce" from drink painful, but I'm hoping to find eventual relief and recuperation by staying away from it, one day at a time.

[BrixtonBear]

Hi Chook

Big hugs to you

[espresso]

Definition of Insanity - doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result.
:ghug2

[CarolD]

Chook...
I found the ambience of bars...restaurants..clubs
made me want to drink when I was new to sobriety.

A drastic change was needed for me. Drat!...:

I quit working around booze
As all my friends drank excessively...I declined social invitations.

I found new friends in AA...we did all the things
I enjoyed without alcohol. Yes..even bands/concerts/dining

This may not fit your situation ...but it certainly worked for me.

[least]

I was stuck in "two weeks and under" forever. I kept getting back up and crawling back on the wagon. Never give up, never! And don't pick up that first drink! You CAN do this!:ghug

[grrrr]

I too had a million day 1's until I finally realized that I needed that "divorce" like PB said. I think that is a great way to put it and I too kept trying to "get back together" hoping that it would treat me differently. This thread got me through the first days for sure.

Now that I have been "separated" from alcohol for a little while (day 53), I am able to reflect on how it makes me feel and how it treats me like crap. When I try to drink only a few, I can't stop myself from drinking more. When I drink more than a few, I don't know how I will act towards myself and others. As I have begun to accept these facts about this "partner" alcohol, it makes me not want to be with them. I have more giving relationships to pursue.

Take care all! Follow the good relationships. :ghug2

[ksplash5]

it's nice to be clean

[downtown3]

going on day 4 and doing great. Just made an appointment with a religious figure so i can give him my disfunctional inventory and clean house!! Thanks to all good luck

best

dt3

[CarolD]

downtown....Wow! you are making quick progress

Good to know your here with us...

[ananda]

Hang on steam.....as much as it hurts.....getting through those hard times will be worth it cause you will learn more that makes you stronger if you stay sober through the hard times....Care about you steam...

[BrixtonBear]

Hang in there, Steamvessel. I always get so much from your posts. I really liked what you said the other day, about ensuring that we make room for our own wellness and recovery - that has really helped me during the last few hours infact.

Something really strange happened yesterday. When I left work, it was almost as though my feet were on auto-pilot to the supermarket to buy wine. My mind kept saying "No! No! No!", but my feet kept going towards the store.

Then, as I was walking down the pavement, my trousers got snagged on some railings, and a loud ripping sound announced the sudden removal of a large piece of my trousers. I was so embarassed, I couldn't go into the shop, I just ran home as fast as I could.

And when I got home, I was safe, and filled myself up with lots of fizzy mineral water. I'm so happy today because I didn't drink yesterday!

[Jakey]

Day 19 today for me. The last couple days have been pretty rough, I haven't been able to sleep and haven't had an appetite at all. I've just been in a major funk and not really sure why.

I do feel a little better today though. I'm going to a Lifering meeting tonight for the first time so hopefully that goes well.

Hope the rest of you are doing well!

[Snowbunnie]

Hi all,

Hang in there Steam, we are all here with you.

PB the universe works in mysterious ways. I just love stories like that, it feels like something out there is on our side, even if we're having a difficult time cooperating.

SB