30 Days and Under Part 2

[espresso]

Thanks Anna cos I have no Thanks Button to press...and no smiley to add!!! LOL
and Thanks to everyone here for their posts...Keep Posting Guys!!

[shanman422]

CONGRATULATIONS to grrr, PB and justforme, today is 30 days sober for us!

I do feel like it's getting easier with each passing day, but we are not in the clear as our addictive minds remind us. Let's keep working together and continue on this wonderful path of/to recovery! I'm so so glad to have you all here with me going through the exact same thing as I am, just knowing that I am not alone in this helps out tremendously!

[justforme]

Thanks shanman!

Congrats to us on 30 days is right! I am proud of you all - and hey, i'm proud of me too!

I think coming upon the 30 day mark was starting to get to me a little bit. Someone reminded me that it was just another day, and I know this logically... but I just think that it was starting to play with my head a little bit if that makes sense. But I did it, I made it to 30 days and I am so glad I did. I am very excited to get my 30 day medallion tomorrow!!!

Today is just another day, but it's another day that I will stay sober. I am very happy to say that!

[grrrr]

Yay! Happy 30 days folks! Very glad to be making this journey with y'all! I am also very proud of us!

It has been getting easier, but I agree with shanman that the addict voice hasn't and probably never does go away. Let's keep on posting and moving forward.

[mtnmagic]

justforme, Shanman and grrrr - I am so happy for you all. It's an
honor to take this journey through our early recovering days together.
I don't know if that addicted voice ever goes away.
Prolly not, but it is sure easier knowing that I have company in dealing with it. Feels nice that we all immediately understand when we share what we are
going through. I guess we aren't as nuts as we thought. LOL.

[PaddingtonBear]

Congratulations Shanman, Grrrr and Justforme on 30 days!!! Way to go!!!

[mtnmagic]

Hey Paddy Bear - So good to see you here. How ya doing today?
Hope you are being gentle and kind with yourself. Any beating up
on yourself is not allowed, ok? Have a good day today. You are
a special person.

[PaddingtonBear]

Thanks Mtnmagic. You're wonderful!

[CatWings]

I am on day 13 of no weed. This is the longest I have gone in a year and a half. It is not easy at all and I feel really lost in some weird way and kind of depressed - like maybe I lost a friend or something - but I am glad it is more authentic. It's just not easy to start seeing some things with a cleaner, clearer view. At times it feels good and then at other times, not so good. This site is one of the things keeping me going - just knowing that there is a good reason so many of us are here trying to quit one thing or another. When I start thinking I can't do it and it's not worth it, I try to remember why I am here and so many others are. If being an addict, etc. was the better way, no one would be here trying so hard and having hope that there has to be a better way.

Cat

[grrrr]

Thanks PB! You have been a big help in supporting me here. I know you mentioned feeling a little overwhelmed right now, but I am confident you will start feeling better soon as you continue on down the sober path.

Thanks Mtnmagic! - This site definitely helps me realize I am not as nuts as I thought I was! Or at least, that there are lots of other really good nuts out there to share this world with. lol I don't want to be "normal" I just want to be me! The real me!

Catwings - It is very true that there are lots of people here wanting to change because life is better without substances. We relate to each other in so many ways and I find sharing feelings and experiences key to my recovery.

I myself became extremely tired of fighting an internal battle. I knew I didn't want to smoke or drink so much, but I kept convincing myself it was ok. But it wasn't, I knew it, and the internal battle never ended. Then, I finally gave up and admitted I was powerless over the addictions. I wanted that healthy life I kept dreaming about. Every day that I am not fighting that battle is absolutely worth it to me. Even on the tough days, I now know what side of that battle I am going to take. The addict voice may never shut up, but I can choose not to listen.

thanks for letting me ramble this evening. Time to say goodnight to day 30.

K

[justforme]

grrrr, thanks for your post. i can definitely relate to what you wrote. every day that i remain sober is a great day, even if it's a tough one. and you're right, i still get the urge and the addict whisper... but i just don't even listen to it - it's not an option. sometimes it takes all day to go away, sometimes it is gone in a few minutes. what keeps me going is knowing that eventually, it always gets better. always! this has never failed me.

31 days for me today. really living odaat... it's not always easy but it's working. really, really excited to get my 30 day medallion today and share that with my aa group. it really means a lot to me, and i am so thankful that i have made it this far. it has been a tough journey and i have a long way to go, but life is pretty damn good.

i hope you all have a wonderful wednesday!

[mtnmagic]

justforme - That is great that you got your thirty day chip today. What an incredible accomplishment. Thanks for the reminder that drinking is not an option. It isn't. That little addict whispered on and off today and it was so empowering not to listen or act upon it. Have a restful night and I look forward to another day of this journey with you tomorrow.

grrrr - I so relate to what you said here in your post. So here's to both of
us finding out exactly who we are. The real us! Sweet dreams.

CatsWings - Another post that I find myself nodding my head as I read.
Grief, maybe that is what we are going through here. Plain grief at giving
up something that once worked and we have known for a long, long time
has not, yet we still tried to make it work. Like the worst relationship in the world, but still so sad when you let go. Dunno, I'm rambling here, so I'll leave it at that.

Good night to everybody. See you tomorrow.

[grrrr]

Hi all! I have definitely heard letting go of our drugs or alcohol will have some kind of a grieving or loss feeling. I know that I felt that way in the first few days and was lamenting how I hadn't visited XX pub with my mom, and how I wouldnt get to have the taste of that drink again, etc. etc. I have tried to balance it out with the things I won't miss, like waking up with strange bruises from running into things or rushing to my phone to see what stupid text messages I sent. It is a good reminder though, because we have lost a friend/companion/whatever even though it was a bad relationship like mtn said.

Glad y'all can relate to what I am going through. Sharing with you all gives me so much strength and confidence. Justforme - you are so right - drinking is not an option period! I had a bad dream last night that my mom had done something to really hurt my feelings and in the dream I thought about going to get drunk because of it. I was going to, but then my rational head kicked in and I said no, nothing is reason to lose this sober time. Even my subconscious seems to be getting with the program!!

Take care everyone!

[CatWings]

Good for you grrrr. When I think of not getting the pleasure of tasting good marijuana again, I just try to think of how many times I already have. Been there, done that sort of thinking. And I think as you go along, that feeling will become less and less of an issue.

[grrrr]

Hi Catwings, that is a good way of looking at it. I have been applying it to alcohol. If I think I miss drinking at all, I think that I have had enough good times with it and tastes of those drinks. That inevitably leads me to thinking about all the bad times I have had as well, which really makes me feel like staying away.
With smoking, I am just so glad to have my control back. I don't miss constantly smoking at all. As I drive to work in the morning, I often think that I am so glad not be stoned at that moment. Living 24/7 in a MJ cloud for 13 years or so was enough for me. It hope to feel the same way about alcohol in time.

TGIF everyone!

[KindBird]

Lucky 13. Have to write this down - just found this thread. Writing it down is an affirmation - 13 days no drinking and just so so grateful for these forums - any time day or night there is inspiration and support. WE ARE SO LUCKY.

Thank you everyone of you for being part of this great network of sharing. I need it bad!

[CatWings]

Halfway through day 16, I finally had the feeling that my head was clearing up and that I was happy not to be smoking dope anymore and happier even to really be feeling like I don't want to - even though the cravings come up. I am finally reaping the reward of abstaining for the sake of abstaining.

Yesterday I was very depressed because it was grey out. I had written a friend telling him I quit weed. I got an email back yesterday (7 days later) with him telling me what great medicine it is for his SAD symptoms and how it helps him get in touch with his own energy as opposed to that of the world's and how he is the only one he knows who has managed to move his use from chronic to casual.

In the mood that I was in, this sent me into this spiral of thinking that maybe i have the "no weed" thing all wrong, but then I went to a LifeRing meeting and realized that I could actually hear myself talk - as in my voice finally feels connected to my body and my words are coming out clear as a bell.

I woke up still depressed since the wreckage of my not-so-great 42 year-old life is still here to be salvaged, but my hope lies in the fact that I am clean and because I am clean, I probably have a fighting chance at least to clean this mess up and make a life for myself that I can actually live and be at peace in.

I am so proud of myself!! I feel sorry for my friend who is in still so much denial. He has two little kids and he is still selling hash and has been busted a few times already - got out of a major thing and had three smaller incidences.

I am no longer envious of those who can "handle" marijuana.

[allport]

Hi day 15 for me today so i thought id check in with the 30 day crowd since that is my next milestone, ive never really taken much notice of how many days i had before and i think once ive got a bit more time i will let it go, but im doing so well counting the days at the moment that im going to go with the saying if its aint broke dont fix it. Weekends are normally a bad time for me (and everyone else i assume) but im going to do my best to make this one enjoyable. Take care everyone. X

[espresso]

[grrrr]

Hi Kindbird - congrats on your 13 days, or I guess 14 today! 2 Weeks, yay!

Catwings - I am so happy for you! I can relate to a lot of the things that you are going through. It seems like you are doing a great job of analyzing the world around you for what it is and not wanting to go back to the fuzzy using world. Don't be too hard on yourself about where you are now. Or too aggressive about where you want to be in the future. Perhaps think about some small, achievable, but concrete short term goals to work towards (like sobriety ). Set yourself up for success now, and don't worry about the past. You sound great despite the grey day, thanks for sharing!

Hi allport - Good to see you here. I agree that counting days will some day not be as important, but I sure felt good to get through 2 weeks and it will probably take a good few more of those before I am done counting!

Espresso - I love your thank you posts. I miss that button too!!!!

[KindBird]

Day 15 and just love that I can now count in weeks "I am in week 3" - yes. Looking forward to "I am in month 3" and "I am in year 3". I never thought I would say that - looking forward to NOT drinking after all those years of looking foward TO drinking. I love what I look forward to now - sleep, morning coffee, reading with a clear head, combing my dog... the simplest things feel more full. I am very grateful for this group to share with. Thank you for being here!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[CatWings]

grrrr - thank you so much for that helpful advice. I copied and pasted it into my daily inspiration log I keep for myself here. progress not perfection. rome was not built in a day and all that, but it can be built one brick or whatever it was built with little by little.

kindbird - I love that I am now in week three too! isn't that great? it's almost like feeling like a little kid again. the world is full of new wonders and old.

[espresso]