I've been sober...

[doorknob]

for 7 days. I have severe OCD and anxiety which is usually what brings me back to using along with not being able to deal with negative emotions. This time around I went to the state funded mental health clinic for meds and counseling. I started meds the same day I stopped drinking and smoking pot. I'm a bit frustrated because at this point I usually feel sober and clear headed, but due to the meds, I don't really feel straight. I know from past experience that this feeling will eventually subside, but patience has never been one of my strengths.

Another issue I'm having a hard time dealing with is the fact that I am not working. With my OCD and anxiety problems, I have a hard time finding work that I can do, and in the very small town I'm living in, there isn't a lot of work, even when the economy is good. I had a job here for about a month, but couldn't handle it. I quit before I was let go. It's about a 45 minute commute to Spokane, where I could probably find something I could do within my limitations, but I have an old car that needs work, and being so far away from a job causes anxiety all by itself. In the past, I have always had a part-time job or two at any given time to get me by and atleast pay my half of the living expenses. For the last couple of months, my gf of 5 years has been paying almost all of our living expenses, working extra hours to do so. About 2 weeks ago, I applied for state disability benefits, and have an interview with them this comming Wednesday. It's not much, but atleast I will be able to contribute something towards our food and monthly bills. I'm hoping that fairly soon, I will be able to get back on my feet enough to work part-time, to supplement my disability payments, if the state allows me to do that. Being allowed to work while on disablilty seems to be a grey area. As much time as I spend online, I wish I could find some work I could do from home that is legitimate, even if it doesn't pay very well.

Also, this town only has one AA meeting a week that really doesn't get much attendance, so face to faces support also means a commute. And I'm really not an AA person as it is. I am going to try some online SMART meetings using voice chat, and LifeRing as well. In addition, I am going to try to organize a support group in town for those who have addiction and mental health issues, which according to my counselor includes the vast majority of their clients.

As always, thank you all for your support and suggestions.

DK

[Tazman53]

DK when looking for a job the best advise I was ever given was to make my job "Finding a job". I was told to wake up every morning at 6Am M-F, shower, shave and get dressed in decent clothes, then go grab a newspaper and go through the Want ads applying for every job advertised that I had not applied for in the last 2 weeks.

After I was finished doing that I needed to grab the phone book, go to the local business section and slelect 5 companies to apply for a job at.

The most important thing to do I was told was to NOT apply for the job online or via letter or fax, but to go down to the place of employment in person!!!

The difference between an employeer seeing someone apply for a job in person and reading an email or fax makes a huge difference, it shows initiative, it tells a prospective employeer "Hey I am willing to get off my butt to find a job and not just sit at home on my computor in my under wear surfing the net and on occasion applying for a job on line.

What you are going to do about SMART & LifeRing sounds good, if you do go to the AA meeting I bet someone there would enjoy some company going to another meeting outside of your town.

Hang in there DK, give it time and keep trying, be willing to do what ever it takes.

[sugErspun]

When they say that willingness is the key - I find it to be true. I think Taz gave some great advice...

Patience not being a strength - I think most of us can relate. I want it NOW! Always - even sober. Unfortunately, the world doesn't quite work like that...accepting that fact is a great step forward.

Your getting out there, being honest and willing will create more opportunity than you can imagine. I like the idea of reaching out to other's in your area - I think it will lead you places you could never imagine.

Keep your head up and spot those opportunities - because they are there.


What other towns are around Davenport?

[doorknob]

I'm out here in the wheat fields. There's a few little towns (Harrington, Creston, Reardan), all smaller than Davenport, LOL. We're actually the seat of Lincoln County.

[sugErspun]

It might be helpful to ask the disability board what kind of work they have available, or any references they could provide. I think most government agencies want people to get off of social welfare programs as quickly as possible.

Things like web-design are pretty easy to learn, and legitimate (lots of free online resources) and you can get paid to work from home...(most web guys I know have a healthy fear of the 'office environment').

[Dee74]

I have no advice for ya DK - and I hear you on the patience thing....
ill-advised to say one day at a time right? LOL

keep doing it DK - you're doing well!
D

[CarolD]

Hmm..
Why do you choose to live there?


I know me...I would be heading towards
a place with more resources

That disabilty claim takes awhile to get started.
I don't know anyone who did not get refused
the first time around. Most had a lawyer and
still waited all over a year.
I certainly hope you will be the exception Paul..

[doorknob]

Originally Posted by sugErspun

It might be helpful to ask the disability board what kind of work they have available, or any references they could provide. I think most government agencies want people to get off of social welfare programs as quickly as possible.

I'm definitely gonna do that. General Assistance is not nearly enough to live off of, but I'm pretty much a basket case right now. Anytime I feel like I'm under any pressure or time constraint, my OCD worsens and I have an anxiety attack. I've been dealing with it for years, but it's become more acute in recent months, and when I'm sober it actually gets worse. Of course, it's been years since I've had any mental health treatment either, so hopefully the meds will help atleast a little. Right now, they're actually making it a little bit worse.

[BackToSquareOne]

Do you have enough previous years of work to apply for SSDI? You won't get much on general assistance.

[doorknob]

Originally Posted by CarolD

Hmm..
Why do you choose to live there?


I know me...I would be heading towards
a place with more resources

That disabilty claim takes awhile to get started.
I don't know anyone who did not get refused
the first time around. Most had a lawyer and
still waited all over a year.
I certainly hope you will be the exception Paul..

Carol, we didn't really choose to live here. We had a place lined up much closer to Spokane, where we both have family, but it fell through. We had already given notice at our jobs and for our place, and with 2 dogs and a cat and limited money, this was the best we could find. We're not planning on staying here indefinitely, but we do have a one year lease on the trailer park rental. We're on a 'rent to own' for the trailer, but we can bail on that. But even if we weren't on a lease, we need time to regroup before trying to move again. It was an awful lot or work moving our household, and I did it myself. We also don't have the money to put down on another place. We just have to make the best of it here for a while, and that's what we are doing.

As far as disability, WA General Assistance isn't too tough to get, but it's not very much. SSDI is another story, and if it looks like I'm not going to get better, I will look into starting that process. For now, I'm hoping for the best.

[doorknob]

Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne

Do you have enough previous years of work to apply for SSDI? You won't get much on general assistance.

Well, I'm 39 and have been working low wage jobs since I was 15. My Social Security Statement says that if I become disabled right now, I would get $712 a month, $2 less than if I work until I'm 67 (that's scary).

[BackToSquareOne]

Originally Posted by doorknob

Well, I'm 39 and have been working low wage jobs since I was 15. My Social Security Statement says that if I become disabled right now, I would get $712 a month, $2 less than if I work until I'm 67 (that's scary).

That sounds very low to me, more like what you'd get on SSI, SSDI usually pays a lot more. I've been on SSDI for the past year and get a little over $1500. a month.

[doorknob]

I'm going by the statement they send out every year. I've never made a very good income, always struggled to hold jobs and get by, so it doesn't suprise me too much (I'm a loser). Are you allowed to work at all?

[Freedom1990]

Originally Posted by doorknob

I'm out here in the wheat fields. There's a few little towns (Harrington, Creston, Reardan), all smaller than Davenport, LOL. We're actually the seat of Lincoln County.

You must be my brother in a parallel universe! I'm out in the wheat fields too, and my little agricultural town has a whomping population of 3000!

[Freedom1990]

Originally Posted by doorknob

I'm going by the statement they send out every year. I've never made a very good income, always struggled to hold jobs and get by, so it doesn't suprise me too much (I'm a loser). Are you allowed to work at all?

With SSD, you can earn up to $500 a month here in Kansas without losing it. I'm not sure what SSDI allows.

[doorknob]

Originally Posted by Freedom1990

You must be my brother in a parallel universe! I'm out in the wheat fields too, and my little agricultural town has a whomping population of 3000!

Thanks! That made me smile.

That's almost twice the size of Davenport. How far are you from a city?

[BackToSquareOne]

Originally Posted by doorknob

I'm going by the statement they send out every year. I've never made a very good income, always struggled to hold jobs and get by, so it doesn't suprise me too much (I'm a loser). Are you allowed to work at all?

You can work but at a certain point it starts reducing your benefit. I think it's somewhere around $700. a month you can earn before reducing your benefits.

[Freedom1990]

Originally Posted by doorknob

Thanks! That made me smile.

Hooray! I've done my job well then!

I don't date here either because they all either chew Skoal or smell like bovine dung!

DeVon-who will never have a social life!

[doorknob]

Our trailer court is on the edge of town and behind us is a cow auction yard. Every Sunday through Tuesday we enjoy it's sounds and aroma.

[doorknob]

Day 9. Having a rough morning...

[vegibean]

I believe working on your core issues would be beneficial. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I didn't I didn't get any where in my sobriety getting pats on the back with a "there, there, you're ok........" People were honest with me and I was my problem. Get out of your own way and do something to fix it for good. Best of luck to you!!

[Ago]

keep doing what you are doing (this time)

.....




..........




/hug






that's it.....that's all I could come up with...just for me, I know my life got better after I got sober and stayed that way, it took me 6 months this time to move to a larger area with better job opportunities and more/better meetings, so I am on "Stage two" of the "doorknob" plan of recovery, and it's still hard but slowly getting better...

my experience has been it usually took about 18 months for my "outside stuff" to all fall into place, but if I took care of my "insides" my "outside stuff" just falls into place like magic. It's super bizarre and I can't explain it, but like if I go to a meeting, or "do the next right thing" stuff just appears in my life, usually a lot better then I could have done it myself, so, for me, it's like "and our lives were unmanageable" this is what that means...when I run my life I end up in bohunk towns with a$$ jobs living in trailers...when I "jump off the cliff" and "ask for help halfway down" and "do the next right thing" I get taken care of. Super model girlfriends, job offers to be the next Brad Pitt fall into my life like Candy....ok...maybe not quite, but close enough for me dammit haha.

It's like if I'm trying to quit drinking and I can't, so I go to the arctic, some Eskimo will magically show up with a bottle of Scotch, when I am staying Sober, that "Eskimo" still keeps appearing at odd intervals, but instead of a bottle of Scotch, he'll have like, a job, or something else I need...it really is bizarre, and it's always last minute, and it's always just enough.

It's literally never failed me, and it isn't failing me now, it's just uncomfortable.

the difference is, with sobriety, the steps etc I KNOW my life will be mostly sorted out in the next year, it's happened before, but when I was drinking I KNEW that this was it, this is what I have to look forward to, because if nothing changes, nothing changes.

In the meantime my a$$ hurts, so remember, anything that doesn't kill you makes you stronger (hahahaha hahahah /ducks and runs, jesus GOD I hate people that say that hahahahahaha)

hang in there kid, it sounds like you are doing everything you can, keep plugging away, it gets better it really does.

[doorknob]

Originally Posted by vegibean

I believe working on your core issues would be beneficial. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I didn't I didn't get any where in my sobriety getting pats on the back with a "there, there, you're ok........" People were honest with me and I was my problem. Get out of your own way and do something to fix it for good. Best of luck to you!!

Thanks, Bean. I really am trying to pull out all the stops this time.

[doorknob]

Thanks, Ago. Your post are always helpful. Maybe I'll venture into Spokane tonight and check out an AA or NA meeting. There are lots to choose from there. I'll have to learn my way around there eventually. Anybody live in the Spokane area?

[Freedom1990]

Originally Posted by doorknob

Thanks! That made me smile.

That's almost twice the size of Davenport. How far are you from a city?

I'm only 36 miles from Wichita, Kansas, so that's where I head for most of my monthly shopping