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Join Date: Aug 2014
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I haven't told bil. H just called and told me. Bil will not be happy, that's for sure. But h said the psychiatrist said Thursday would be fine.
I feel like the worst wife ever. What wife is not happy her husband is coming home??!!
I feel like the worst wife ever. What wife is not happy her husband is coming home??!!
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
A wife that has been putting up with bad behavior for a long time now.
A wife that witnessed her daughter in tears because Daddy pushed her and accused her of ruining his marriage.
A wife that was told it would be a 7 day program....and that it would help him get healthy and stop drinking.
A wife that had hope.
A wife that witnessed her daughter in tears because Daddy pushed her and accused her of ruining his marriage.
A wife that was told it would be a 7 day program....and that it would help him get healthy and stop drinking.
A wife that had hope.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
It seems that you are in panick Soverly because you are worried that you husband will start drinking again and that this same chaos will ensue. I understand where others are coming from when they tell you to either move out or have him move out. But someplace deep inside of you (and all of us for that matter who are living with alcoholics), we want things to change and be better.
My AH has 29 days today, but he asked me tonight on our way to dinner if he could have a beer. I told him no. He accepted that and was silent thereafter, but he then became angry at my driving. I think his anger stemmed not so much from my driving as from the fact that he was bitter that he could not drink. I admit I have zero sense of direction, but that does not justify being yelled at, especially when he is not driving because he is stoned. Oh well. We were able to work through it BECAUSE he did not drink. I told him at dinner that if he was drinking, he may not have been able to calm down and things could have gotten really bad.
So on the one hand I am happy that he is not drinking, but on the other I am discouraged because I know he is not doing it for himself.
I guess my only option is to take it day by day, while accepting the responsibility of trying to keep him away from drinking by not allowing it.
So, it makes sense for you to logically not go back with him at this time. But if you do, try and stay positive.
My AH has 29 days today, but he asked me tonight on our way to dinner if he could have a beer. I told him no. He accepted that and was silent thereafter, but he then became angry at my driving. I think his anger stemmed not so much from my driving as from the fact that he was bitter that he could not drink. I admit I have zero sense of direction, but that does not justify being yelled at, especially when he is not driving because he is stoned. Oh well. We were able to work through it BECAUSE he did not drink. I told him at dinner that if he was drinking, he may not have been able to calm down and things could have gotten really bad.
So on the one hand I am happy that he is not drinking, but on the other I am discouraged because I know he is not doing it for himself.
I guess my only option is to take it day by day, while accepting the responsibility of trying to keep him away from drinking by not allowing it.
So, it makes sense for you to logically not go back with him at this time. But if you do, try and stay positive.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Hi SL! A little owl told me by carrier to come say hello and to wish you well in this trying time! 
I'm the addict in Recovery! My husband is taking pain meds daily! My DOC! He's not so far gone we are at the point y'all are! But it's a pain and sad whenever I have to put up with him after he's taken a pill. If I was 6'7-300 pds? Instead of 5'7-200 pds? I'd grab him by his ears and sit him in a chair and duck tape him to it! Sigh! Instead I leave the room to my hibernation spot here on the porch! We both used to sit out here, but since he quit smoking? He doesn't anymore! Thank you Lord!
Man! Coming home Christmas day? I'm sure that was a shock to your ears and your daughters! I'm sorry for all you've had to endure! I've told my husband many times in a more or less joking manner! I should leave or you'll be sorry if I leave? There are reasons he'd be the bigger loser if I left! That's why I say he'd be sorry!
I'll try to suggest some things for ya! But it's only suggestions! It's up to you on what y'all need to do! First! Get you a big ole piece of paper and write 911 on it! Put it somewhere where he can see it at all times. Let him know if he drinks and gets pushy, punchy again? Someone in your house is going to call that number! Then he'll be drying out in jail instead of a comfortable detox center.
Let him know you are DONE putting up with a husband that drinks alcohol! Take a stand for yourself and children. And stress it heavily to your daughter: She is NOT the reason these things are happening! Kids always want to blame themselves!
If the police are called or even if he starts drinking again? He's out on his ears and you are changing the locks on the house! As for myself? If it got to the point I couldn't stand being around my husband anymore? I'd leave! I've done enough traveling in my life it wouldn't take me long to be outta here!
It's your right to live in a drug/alcohol free home where you are raising your kids! Period!
Sounds like hubby is dried out now and is missing his comforts of home. However? Once he gets home? Does he have any booze hidden around the place? How far is the first place he can get something to drink?
You've lived with this for a long time. He's lucky your love is still strong enough to want to stay and work things out. He'll need to spend many hours on the phone and in meetings to get a stronghold on his Sobriety! Many wives and husbands get angry at this. They feel left out! Unless you know the ways of a Recovering addict and what it takes to continue being Recovered? Give him the time to get there! If he wants to talk to you about it? By all means sit and listen! This will hopefully help you to realize when you see him going down the rabbit hole again. But it's probably going to mean as much to you as if he was listening to you talk about your woman's thing each month! Just saying!
Being an addict myself? My mom didn't get it! I told her to give her coffee up for a month. She freaked out! LOL I said: "Well mom! There you go! That's what it's like giving up my opiates!" Now she understands!
More than likely when he gets home? He'll be very loving and apologetic. Take it all in, because it won't last long! But you'll have that time to remind him how different he was from the time he hits the wall again wanting to drink.
I hope this all makes sense to ya? I don't want to come off sounding like a "B" and a know it all! I do hope he grabs hold of Recovery and hangs on for dear life! And I do wish you and your family the best!
TOD
I'm the addict in Recovery! My husband is taking pain meds daily! My DOC! He's not so far gone we are at the point y'all are! But it's a pain and sad whenever I have to put up with him after he's taken a pill. If I was 6'7-300 pds? Instead of 5'7-200 pds? I'd grab him by his ears and sit him in a chair and duck tape him to it! Sigh! Instead I leave the room to my hibernation spot here on the porch! We both used to sit out here, but since he quit smoking? He doesn't anymore! Thank you Lord!
Man! Coming home Christmas day? I'm sure that was a shock to your ears and your daughters! I'm sorry for all you've had to endure! I've told my husband many times in a more or less joking manner! I should leave or you'll be sorry if I leave? There are reasons he'd be the bigger loser if I left! That's why I say he'd be sorry!
I'll try to suggest some things for ya! But it's only suggestions! It's up to you on what y'all need to do! First! Get you a big ole piece of paper and write 911 on it! Put it somewhere where he can see it at all times. Let him know if he drinks and gets pushy, punchy again? Someone in your house is going to call that number! Then he'll be drying out in jail instead of a comfortable detox center.
Let him know you are DONE putting up with a husband that drinks alcohol! Take a stand for yourself and children. And stress it heavily to your daughter: She is NOT the reason these things are happening! Kids always want to blame themselves!
If the police are called or even if he starts drinking again? He's out on his ears and you are changing the locks on the house! As for myself? If it got to the point I couldn't stand being around my husband anymore? I'd leave! I've done enough traveling in my life it wouldn't take me long to be outta here!
It's your right to live in a drug/alcohol free home where you are raising your kids! Period!
Sounds like hubby is dried out now and is missing his comforts of home. However? Once he gets home? Does he have any booze hidden around the place? How far is the first place he can get something to drink?
You've lived with this for a long time. He's lucky your love is still strong enough to want to stay and work things out. He'll need to spend many hours on the phone and in meetings to get a stronghold on his Sobriety! Many wives and husbands get angry at this. They feel left out! Unless you know the ways of a Recovering addict and what it takes to continue being Recovered? Give him the time to get there! If he wants to talk to you about it? By all means sit and listen! This will hopefully help you to realize when you see him going down the rabbit hole again. But it's probably going to mean as much to you as if he was listening to you talk about your woman's thing each month! Just saying!
Being an addict myself? My mom didn't get it! I told her to give her coffee up for a month. She freaked out! LOL I said: "Well mom! There you go! That's what it's like giving up my opiates!" Now she understands!
More than likely when he gets home? He'll be very loving and apologetic. Take it all in, because it won't last long! But you'll have that time to remind him how different he was from the time he hits the wall again wanting to drink.
I hope this all makes sense to ya? I don't want to come off sounding like a "B" and a know it all! I do hope he grabs hold of Recovery and hangs on for dear life! And I do wish you and your family the best!
TOD
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
Quick note. Will post later. Today I learned that H is expected to follow up with an outpatient rehab so that is good. Have an appointment tomorrow with the Family Services side of Addiction Services and will make a comprehensive plan for when H comes home. Boundaries, acceptable behavior vs non acceptable behavior and consequences. Good thing h told his boss, he will have the time to go to appts. Had nightmares about alcohol last night.
Thank you for all the support. I'm off to get rid of all the empties in the basement. Will post later.
Thank you for all the support. I'm off to get rid of all the empties in the basement. Will post later.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Those are good things! Use the things you've been learning, let your voice be heard about what u feel is acceptable at home with the kids, he knows u held to your word last time so I think u showed your strength. I also think try and stay positive and remember the things on support we've been discussing. This is an opportunity for him to have help in making a change in his life. Who knows if its the right help at the right time, but it sounds like he's on board and motivated to work their plan. A good faith effort on his part toward change would be an exciting thing to see I bet. Find some time to relax today if u can, do something fun with the kids, whatever will boost your spirits. Still praying for u !
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Everyone, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for your support and prayers. Clean, thank you for sharing your story with me. You amaze me with everything you've been thru, you are a real inspiration.
Blue, you reminded me to leave it to God. He brought me to this place, He will continue with me. Thank you for the prayers.
Tiredofdrugs, thank you so much for your words of support and sharing your story. Everything you said made sense, and more!
Justbreathe, I'm sorry your H responded the way he did. I know that feeling of letdown well. Like someone hit you in the gut. I hope that your H will find the strength to be sober for himself.
I'm having a hard time tonight. All of my spidey senses are on full alert. Maybe it's because I haven't heard from H all day. I'm worried something has happened to him or that he checked himself out. He can be very bull headed. Or maybe today was the day the cravings set in and he lost it with the counsellors there. Or maybe I've just been on full alert for so long I'm going crazy. I don't know. I'm exhausted, had nightmares last night.
I feel like I've played the waiting game for so long. Wait to see how he does. Wait to see if he drinks again. Wait to see if he's still there. How do I move on?? I'm sick - literally - of all of this.
Blue, you reminded me to leave it to God. He brought me to this place, He will continue with me. Thank you for the prayers.
Tiredofdrugs, thank you so much for your words of support and sharing your story. Everything you said made sense, and more!
Justbreathe, I'm sorry your H responded the way he did. I know that feeling of letdown well. Like someone hit you in the gut. I hope that your H will find the strength to be sober for himself.
I'm having a hard time tonight. All of my spidey senses are on full alert. Maybe it's because I haven't heard from H all day. I'm worried something has happened to him or that he checked himself out. He can be very bull headed. Or maybe today was the day the cravings set in and he lost it with the counsellors there. Or maybe I've just been on full alert for so long I'm going crazy. I don't know. I'm exhausted, had nightmares last night.
I feel like I've played the waiting game for so long. Wait to see how he does. Wait to see if he drinks again. Wait to see if he's still there. How do I move on?? I'm sick - literally - of all of this.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Maybe you just answered your own question? You have been waiting for your husband, watching for so long, walking on eggshells because of the episodes of rage.. and now he isn’t there… for the moment the house is quiet, he’s in the care of someone else and all those instincts, the adrenalin you’ve been feeling on a daily basis has no where to go. Not to mention you know it will be short lived because things will be changing again on Thursday when he comes home.
Not sure if you can do this; but when my husband was in treatment, I was able to call and do a wellness check. Not something you want to do constantly.. but if you have a hard time sleeping, or don’t hear from him by morning then I would give it a try. We call and check on relatives in the hospital; inquire at the desk without bothering the patient.. it’s the same thing.
I hope you are fully informed about his plan tomorrow when you attend the family meeting. The rehab my husband went to was very good about family involvement & encouraged me to ask questions, and help me get to a place of feeling comfortable with everything happening. (of course your never really comfortable at the start- too many unknowns).
Were you able to get an appointment with the therapist this week? I know hes really booked, and why is it emergencies always happen around holidays?
Prayers going ^^ for you tonight.
Not sure if you can do this; but when my husband was in treatment, I was able to call and do a wellness check. Not something you want to do constantly.. but if you have a hard time sleeping, or don’t hear from him by morning then I would give it a try. We call and check on relatives in the hospital; inquire at the desk without bothering the patient.. it’s the same thing.
I hope you are fully informed about his plan tomorrow when you attend the family meeting. The rehab my husband went to was very good about family involvement & encouraged me to ask questions, and help me get to a place of feeling comfortable with everything happening. (of course your never really comfortable at the start- too many unknowns).
Were you able to get an appointment with the therapist this week? I know hes really booked, and why is it emergencies always happen around holidays?
Prayers going ^^ for you tonight.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
I've been thinking about you and wondering how you're doing. What a difficult situation. It is sad that even when someone is faced with the stark reality of their behavior on video (or audio, I'm not sure which), that they still blame others. Just know that you did not cause your husband to drink. As someone with an alcohol problem I can tell you straight out that it was my choice, and my choice only to drink.
I know it's hard to stop thinking about it. It sucks. When my boyfriend went to rehab (twice) I tried to put him out of my mind and focus on myself. Some days were bad but it got easier.
Just wanted to lend my support. I wish you and your family the very best. Hang in there.
xoxoxox
I know it's hard to stop thinking about it. It sucks. When my boyfriend went to rehab (twice) I tried to put him out of my mind and focus on myself. Some days were bad but it got easier.
Just wanted to lend my support. I wish you and your family the very best. Hang in there.
xoxoxox
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
Had my appt with family services. Because of the privacy laws here they are unable to tell me how H is doing, they can't even confirm that he is actually where I think he is. Sigh. Gotta love that.
However I am a bit clearer on what he should be working on while there (if he is actually there, haha) he should be attending 12 step meetings and private sessions. Everything is voluntary. And 12 step based. The counsellor I talked to hadn't even heard of craft. Sad when you're teaching the counsellor!
Anyway I'm a bit clearer on what I should be doing too. He shouldn't spend Christmas alone and if he feels bad about me staying home with him those are his feelings. Not mine. The main focus right now should be communication, and him letting me know when he has reached his limit with things I can help with like household duties or the kids. He will have next to no ability to handle most stressful issues right away because his main coping mechanism is gone. Thru outpatient sessions he will learn how to cope with life again.
On my way to my appt H called. He was excited about something he learned but didn't have his notes with him so couldn't tell me specifics. He was very upset and defensive that I was going to this meeting, told me there is a lot of "misinformation " out there and really wished I would have waited until he told me whatever he wanted to tell me that he didn't have his notes for. Well that's something he's just going to have to deal with. He cannot control the way I choose to get thru this.
But, now I'm trying to hold myself back from calling him and explaining I'm trying to be on the same page as him. The best of could do is call and leave a message for him to call me back. Because of privacy laws again (Sigh) they will not tell me if he is there but will pass on the message to call me if he wishes.
I don't know of calling him is chasing after him or making it worse, or trying to communicate. The first two would be bad, but the last would be at least a step in the right direction. Problem is I've chased after this man for years, trying to get him to understand and communicate and I'm tired of it. But if this is going to work we need to be open and clear.
So again, conflicted and confused.
I also need to find out if he actually does not want to go to bil's for Christmas because they need to know how much food to make. So there's that too.
However I am a bit clearer on what he should be working on while there (if he is actually there, haha) he should be attending 12 step meetings and private sessions. Everything is voluntary. And 12 step based. The counsellor I talked to hadn't even heard of craft. Sad when you're teaching the counsellor!
Anyway I'm a bit clearer on what I should be doing too. He shouldn't spend Christmas alone and if he feels bad about me staying home with him those are his feelings. Not mine. The main focus right now should be communication, and him letting me know when he has reached his limit with things I can help with like household duties or the kids. He will have next to no ability to handle most stressful issues right away because his main coping mechanism is gone. Thru outpatient sessions he will learn how to cope with life again.
On my way to my appt H called. He was excited about something he learned but didn't have his notes with him so couldn't tell me specifics. He was very upset and defensive that I was going to this meeting, told me there is a lot of "misinformation " out there and really wished I would have waited until he told me whatever he wanted to tell me that he didn't have his notes for. Well that's something he's just going to have to deal with. He cannot control the way I choose to get thru this.
But, now I'm trying to hold myself back from calling him and explaining I'm trying to be on the same page as him. The best of could do is call and leave a message for him to call me back. Because of privacy laws again (Sigh) they will not tell me if he is there but will pass on the message to call me if he wishes.
I don't know of calling him is chasing after him or making it worse, or trying to communicate. The first two would be bad, but the last would be at least a step in the right direction. Problem is I've chased after this man for years, trying to get him to understand and communicate and I'm tired of it. But if this is going to work we need to be open and clear.
So again, conflicted and confused.
I also need to find out if he actually does not want to go to bil's for Christmas because they need to know how much food to make. So there's that too.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Good afternoon SL!
Slow down! You are getting so much information thrown into that head of yours on top of it being Christmas? You're going to explode! You don't need that to happen!
When I was in Rehab back in the 80's? I was there for 30 days. They are very private places. Well at least the one I was in anyway! The personnel there is there for the patients! They don't know you or what sort of environment your husband came from either. So they aren't going to just start giving out info to you or anybody else about anything he's doing in there or if he might even have been transferred someplace else. He could be on the run from you or family? So the personnel sure isn't going to tell you where he went to! Now you understand why they are so private? They leave it up to the patients to make the decision if they feel like speaking with their loved ones on the outside of those walls.
He's in good hands right now! Speaking from my own experiences: I was embarrassed and ashamed of what I had done to everyone while I was using the pain pills. I'm sure your husband is feeling the same way! I tried keeping everything secret about the program from my family too! I felt like a kid caught with her hand in a cookie jar a week after I got the drugs out of my system! It's freaking him out you are going behind his back to get information on the programs! He probably thinks he has all the answers right now too and you are getting all the wrong info. I'm glad you are taking a stand and arming yourself for the storm!
Your husband is in a facility with others coming back to life. It can feel like being a kid back in school during a holiday event! We are like butterflies coming out of our cocoons! He'll feel free and wonderful while he's in there. I personally was scared to death of leaving the facility! Hell there wasn't anything I had done before going into the facility where I didn't need to pop a pill in order to get it done. So the thought of cleaning house, doing laundry, going shopping w/o a pill? Oh MY! But I did it and was truly grateful for the 30 day facility!
Your husband is going to come home and will act like a new better person! Enjoy it! Don't sit around wondering about the what if's! They'll happen soon enough! You can make a decision when it happens.
Best wishes to you and your family!
TOD
Slow down!
You are getting so much information thrown into that head of yours on top of it being Christmas? You're going to explode! You don't need that to happen!When I was in Rehab back in the 80's? I was there for 30 days. They are very private places. Well at least the one I was in anyway! The personnel there is there for the patients! They don't know you or what sort of environment your husband came from either. So they aren't going to just start giving out info to you or anybody else about anything he's doing in there or if he might even have been transferred someplace else. He could be on the run from you or family? So the personnel sure isn't going to tell you where he went to! Now you understand why they are so private? They leave it up to the patients to make the decision if they feel like speaking with their loved ones on the outside of those walls.
He's in good hands right now! Speaking from my own experiences: I was embarrassed and ashamed of what I had done to everyone while I was using the pain pills. I'm sure your husband is feeling the same way! I tried keeping everything secret about the program from my family too! I felt like a kid caught with her hand in a cookie jar a week after I got the drugs out of my system! It's freaking him out you are going behind his back to get information on the programs! He probably thinks he has all the answers right now too and you are getting all the wrong info. I'm glad you are taking a stand and arming yourself for the storm!
Your husband is in a facility with others coming back to life. It can feel like being a kid back in school during a holiday event! We are like butterflies coming out of our cocoons! He'll feel free and wonderful while he's in there. I personally was scared to death of leaving the facility! Hell there wasn't anything I had done before going into the facility where I didn't need to pop a pill in order to get it done. So the thought of cleaning house, doing laundry, going shopping w/o a pill? Oh MY! But I did it and was truly grateful for the 30 day facility!
Your husband is going to come home and will act like a new better person! Enjoy it! Don't sit around wondering about the what if's! They'll happen soon enough! You can make a decision when it happens.
Best wishes to you and your family!
TOD
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
TOD - you are completely right!
I just talked to H, and he said the same thing. He doesn't have to deal with family, work, outside stresses there so it's easy for him to be sober. He says he is learning so much but the test will be when he comes home. He told me he will have to relearn how to cope with life and it will take time and be hard. pretty much everything you said above he said to me just now. Lol!!
His plan for Christmas is solid and I'm happy with it. He says he will be home for Christmas Eve and open gifts the next am, and then he will spend the day at an all day 12 step meeting. I know this is the secular forum so I won't say much about that, except to say if it's working for him now then great!
He also apologized for our conversation this morning. He said someone noticed he was upset and talked with him, and explained he is very lucky to have a home to come home to with a wife who is trying and willing to work on things. He explained to H that me getting my own tools will only lead to good things and better communication and understanding. And that H can't control me
This has been extremely overwhelming. Everything is happening so fast. And if I'm overwhelmed I can't even begin to imagine how H is feeling.
I just talked to H, and he said the same thing. He doesn't have to deal with family, work, outside stresses there so it's easy for him to be sober. He says he is learning so much but the test will be when he comes home. He told me he will have to relearn how to cope with life and it will take time and be hard. pretty much everything you said above he said to me just now. Lol!!
His plan for Christmas is solid and I'm happy with it. He says he will be home for Christmas Eve and open gifts the next am, and then he will spend the day at an all day 12 step meeting. I know this is the secular forum so I won't say much about that, except to say if it's working for him now then great!
He also apologized for our conversation this morning. He said someone noticed he was upset and talked with him, and explained he is very lucky to have a home to come home to with a wife who is trying and willing to work on things. He explained to H that me getting my own tools will only lead to good things and better communication and understanding. And that H can't control me
This has been extremely overwhelming. Everything is happening so fast. And if I'm overwhelmed I can't even begin to imagine how H is feeling.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Go Girl !
Your doing great!
Its a lot to take in for both of you. He sounds excited and has a plan, right now its a lot to be thankful for. From what I went through yes there will be scary days ahead, but hopefully this will be the start to lasting change. I think u have a head start on him because youve already been loading up your toolbox! You will be coming at him with wrenches, hammers, screwdrivers. Oops wait, wrong toolbox! You will come at him with a good understanding of his addiction, new communication skills, compassion, priority of self care, enhanced ears where you can listen to him more efficiently, and better ways to cope. Your going to be able to start using these things now with a husband who is fragile, but sober.
My husband was that way too, but look whats happened in a year, he just played a wiseman in the church play and carried the gold. Hahaha. Anything is possible.
((Soverylost))
Your doing great!
Its a lot to take in for both of you. He sounds excited and has a plan, right now its a lot to be thankful for. From what I went through yes there will be scary days ahead, but hopefully this will be the start to lasting change. I think u have a head start on him because youve already been loading up your toolbox! You will be coming at him with wrenches, hammers, screwdrivers. Oops wait, wrong toolbox! You will come at him with a good understanding of his addiction, new communication skills, compassion, priority of self care, enhanced ears where you can listen to him more efficiently, and better ways to cope. Your going to be able to start using these things now with a husband who is fragile, but sober.
My husband was that way too, but look whats happened in a year, he just played a wiseman in the church play and carried the gold. Hahaha. Anything is possible.
((Soverylost))
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello SL. I just want to drop in and wish you all well. I hope you are getting some help for your daughter so her own healing is not lost while he is healing. She is hurt and confused by what happened, I hope he is ready to speak and sincerely be sorry to her.
My X pushed me the day I made him leave. My DD ran upstairs b/c she was afraid of him. She has never forgiven him b/c he has a bad attitude and never really seems sorry for what he has done. It's actions we have to watch for.
I wish you all the best during a hard time. Tight Hugs!
My X pushed me the day I made him leave. My DD ran upstairs b/c she was afraid of him. She has never forgiven him b/c he has a bad attitude and never really seems sorry for what he has done. It's actions we have to watch for.
I wish you all the best during a hard time. Tight Hugs!
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Soverylost I'm happy to read this today. It looks like you are doing good! Also happy to see your husband is excited about learning new things. That's great!
I ditto pretty much what was said here and think you are getting some good advice. I especially like that he's going to an all day meeting on Christmas Eve. Exactly what he needs right now. Hey whatever works right?
I know a lot of rehabs don't allow their patients to talk to their family members for awhile. Plus some don't discuss treatment unless the patient signs a waiver do to privacy laws. Course they all have different policies...plus you are in a different country so not sure about your laws. But hang tight...as TOD said he's in good hands.
I do think your tools that Blue mentioned are going to be very important once he comes home.
You are fantastic SVL!
Prayers still going up for you and yours!
(((Soverylost))))
I ditto pretty much what was said here and think you are getting some good advice. I especially like that he's going to an all day meeting on Christmas Eve. Exactly what he needs right now. Hey whatever works right?
I know a lot of rehabs don't allow their patients to talk to their family members for awhile. Plus some don't discuss treatment unless the patient signs a waiver do to privacy laws. Course they all have different policies...plus you are in a different country so not sure about your laws. But hang tight...as TOD said he's in good hands.
I do think your tools that Blue mentioned are going to be very important once he comes home.
You are fantastic SVL!
Prayers still going up for you and yours!
(((Soverylost))))
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
I was thinking about how you said your H was receptive to the addiction specialist your both seeing.. and now he appears to be receptive to this also.. I think these are both good signs.. and I hope he will continue to work with the specialist in addition to the other counselors. I think one of the most important aspects of recovery,. and something that CRAFT says also; is for a person to find what works for them, what motivates them and encourages them to make the necessary changes. Early recovery is scary for both people in a relationship (kids too) but it doesn't have to be a negative experience.. recovery is a positive; its healthy growth. The hard part is often facing the dark parts, allowing the time for new behaviors, and thinking patterns to take hold. So I think he is right and hopefully understands the real challenges will be faced in the future.
I think he will be ok over the holiday because he is excited, and will basically be grateful to be with his family; especially on Christmas.
As impossible as it may seem.. really try to look for the good moments in each day.. the ones with him, with each of your kids, and also by seeing the strength inside you. We have all seen it on this forum.. your a beautiful person SLV, a great mom, and Mr SVL is very lucky that you have been fighting for him to get the help he needs to beat this... He has been through a lot in his life, and overcome some serious issues.. I think he must also have inner strength and resilience.. he just has to find it again & go at this..
I will keep you all in my prayers, and I hope you have a peaceful and wonderful Christmas..
I know your son is almost the same age as mine.. so there will definitely be joy on his face... if hes like my son.. he will find happiness in the toy, the wrapping paper and even the bow.. opening his gifts takes a long time because he gets so distracted.. or we might call it that.. but to him its all just wonderment. He has reminded me of all these things and made me look at life from a different perspective..
And another good thing he does for me.. I get to watch Rudolph without being embarrassed.. LOL
I think he will be ok over the holiday because he is excited, and will basically be grateful to be with his family; especially on Christmas.
As impossible as it may seem.. really try to look for the good moments in each day.. the ones with him, with each of your kids, and also by seeing the strength inside you. We have all seen it on this forum.. your a beautiful person SLV, a great mom, and Mr SVL is very lucky that you have been fighting for him to get the help he needs to beat this... He has been through a lot in his life, and overcome some serious issues.. I think he must also have inner strength and resilience.. he just has to find it again & go at this..
I will keep you all in my prayers, and I hope you have a peaceful and wonderful Christmas..
I know your son is almost the same age as mine.. so there will definitely be joy on his face... if hes like my son.. he will find happiness in the toy, the wrapping paper and even the bow.. opening his gifts takes a long time because he gets so distracted.. or we might call it that.. but to him its all just wonderment. He has reminded me of all these things and made me look at life from a different perspective..
And another good thing he does for me.. I get to watch Rudolph without being embarrassed.. LOL
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