It's all about me Part 2
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Clean I have this for you, came from Smart.
Remember the points
1. Building and maintaining motivation
2. coping with urges
3. Managing thoughts, feelings, behaviors
4. Living a balanced life
A Conversation with the Urge
*KNOCK – KNOCK*
ME: Who’s there?
VOICE: It’s me, your urge.
ME: Oh hai, Urge. C’mon in.
*Urge comes in and takes of its boots*
ME: What brings you to this part of the neighbourhood?
URGE: You’re stressed. I could sense it. So, I came to help you out.
ME: Oh yeah? How so?
URGE: I have a sales pitch for you.
ME: Oh great-
URGE: Hear me out now. I can help you relax, feel good, uninhibited, socialable and just an all-around better person.
ME: I’m listening. How can you do that?
URGE: All you have to do is come have a smoke, a puff.
ME: But I’m trying to live up to a standard. And not using is part of that standard.
URGE: Just one smoke man. It’s no big deal.
ME: That’s what you said last time.
URGE: It’ll be different this time. What are you? Some sort of kid? You can’t handle a single cigarette without going overboard? Of course you’re not. You’re completely in control of it. You can do it. I know you can. You’ve changed. Just do it to prove that you can do it. This way you’ll almost be like,*helping*your sobriety, you know what I mean?
ME: The best way to help my sobriety would be to not smoke in the first place. Don’t you agree? I mean, you say I’ve changed, isn’t the whole reason I’ve been able to change because I’ve quit using? Wouldn’t having a smoke be going backwards?
URGE: No it wouldn’t be going backwards because*you’re not like that anymore.*Don’t you see that? Don’t you realize that when someone changes for the better, that it’s written in stone, and there is no possible way they can go back?
ME: Don’t you realize that it’s*very*possible to go back, and every time I decide to use again, I put everything I’ve worked for at risk?
URGE: Oh that’s wishy-wash man. It’s true for them, but it’s not true for you. You’re a tough guy, you can handle it. You know you can. You’re not like the rest. You’re special.
ME: Well, I am a pretty tough dude.
URGE: Exactly! And a couple puffs, just to relax,*is no big deal.*Not for a guy like you. I bet if you went out tonight you’d be the life of the party. There’s a pretty bartender just waiting for your attention.
( hopefully this part doest apply)
ME: But what if I end up having more than I planned.
URGE: You won’t. One smoke. One single smoke.
ME: Ummm, I don’t know dude.
URGE: You can do it. And this will prove that you can.
ME: Promise?
URGE: I promise.
ME: Alright. I’ll do it. Just let me get my boots.
URGE: Nice! You’re back! Back and ready to have a good time. No more of this struggling bullcrap. No more of this stopping yourself from doing what you want to do. It’s time to let loose for once.
ME: Just one question though.
URGE: Sure ol’ pal. Go ahead.
ME: Well, you said you had a sales pitch right?
URGE: Right.
ME: And that you can offer me relaxation, uninhibitedness, socialness, etc. etc.
URGE: Some of those aren't actual words, but you betcha. You’ll get those by the barrel full.
ME: OK, but, since you’re giving that to me, what do I have to give to you?
URGE: Uh, whatcha mean friend?
ME: Well for every benefit there’s a cost. So what are the costs here?
URGE: Why don’t you let future-self worry about the costs?
ME: Because that’s not what a responsible adult does.
URGE: Did I mention that it’ll relax you?
ME: You did. But you forgot to mention that in order to relax for a few minutes I’ll have to either give up or put at risk my health, family, looks, reputation, money, time, productivity, goals, safety, sensibility, standards, belief in myself-
*urge checks its watch*
ME: -and I’ll end up feeling shame, guilt, hung-over, sick, tired, embarrassment and just generally like a bag-o-crap. Not to mention, everything you’re offering to me I can get*without*putting all those good things at risk, and*without*feeling shame, guilt, hung-over, sick, tired and embarrassed.
URGE: You don’t know that though. You don’t know that it’ll happen this time.
ME: But I know it happened almost every other time. And if I was a betting man, I would bet on the team that has a 99% chance of winning. Wouldn’t you?
URGE: Dude, that’s not you. That’s your inhibitions talking. You know what will fix that right?
ME: That’s OK! My inhibitions are a good thing. My inhibition comes from good judgement! What you want is for me to lose my good judgement!
URGE: That’s not what I sa-
ME: And you know what! It’s OK that I’m a lil’ stressed out right now. It’s OK that I’m not the most socialable person in the world at all times. It’s OK that I’m not the best person. I don’t need to be. I’m an adult, and I can handle it. I’m a real human being feeling real human feelings. And running from those emotions is childish response. It’s the definition of maladaptive.
URGE: Dude, you only live once. Live in the moment why don’t cha.
ME: You don’t want me to live in the moment. You want me to run from the moment.
*urge is stumped*
URGE: So uh… how’s Derek?
ME: Why?
URGE: Just wondering. You haven’t seen him in a while, eh? You should give ‘em a call. See if he wants to hang out. I’m sure he could use a friend.
ME: No I haven’t seen him for a while. But I hear he’s not doing too well.
URGE: Why not?
ME: Because he gives into his urges.
URGE: Boy is there egg on my face.
ME: What are you still doing here?
URGE: Sheesh. Well I can see when I’m not wanted. I’m leaving now.
ME: Yeah. And don’t forget your boots.
*Urge puts on his boots and heads out the door.*
ME: And tell Derek I said “Hi!”
URGE: Will do! I’ll be back.
ME: I know. I’ll be ready!
CLEAN you will be ready !
Remember the points
1. Building and maintaining motivation
2. coping with urges
3. Managing thoughts, feelings, behaviors
4. Living a balanced life
A Conversation with the Urge
*KNOCK – KNOCK*
ME: Who’s there?
VOICE: It’s me, your urge.
ME: Oh hai, Urge. C’mon in.
*Urge comes in and takes of its boots*
ME: What brings you to this part of the neighbourhood?
URGE: You’re stressed. I could sense it. So, I came to help you out.
ME: Oh yeah? How so?
URGE: I have a sales pitch for you.
ME: Oh great-
URGE: Hear me out now. I can help you relax, feel good, uninhibited, socialable and just an all-around better person.
ME: I’m listening. How can you do that?
URGE: All you have to do is come have a smoke, a puff.
ME: But I’m trying to live up to a standard. And not using is part of that standard.
URGE: Just one smoke man. It’s no big deal.
ME: That’s what you said last time.
URGE: It’ll be different this time. What are you? Some sort of kid? You can’t handle a single cigarette without going overboard? Of course you’re not. You’re completely in control of it. You can do it. I know you can. You’ve changed. Just do it to prove that you can do it. This way you’ll almost be like,*helping*your sobriety, you know what I mean?
ME: The best way to help my sobriety would be to not smoke in the first place. Don’t you agree? I mean, you say I’ve changed, isn’t the whole reason I’ve been able to change because I’ve quit using? Wouldn’t having a smoke be going backwards?
URGE: No it wouldn’t be going backwards because*you’re not like that anymore.*Don’t you see that? Don’t you realize that when someone changes for the better, that it’s written in stone, and there is no possible way they can go back?
ME: Don’t you realize that it’s*very*possible to go back, and every time I decide to use again, I put everything I’ve worked for at risk?
URGE: Oh that’s wishy-wash man. It’s true for them, but it’s not true for you. You’re a tough guy, you can handle it. You know you can. You’re not like the rest. You’re special.
ME: Well, I am a pretty tough dude.
URGE: Exactly! And a couple puffs, just to relax,*is no big deal.*Not for a guy like you. I bet if you went out tonight you’d be the life of the party. There’s a pretty bartender just waiting for your attention.
( hopefully this part doest apply)
ME: But what if I end up having more than I planned.
URGE: You won’t. One smoke. One single smoke.
ME: Ummm, I don’t know dude.
URGE: You can do it. And this will prove that you can.
ME: Promise?
URGE: I promise.
ME: Alright. I’ll do it. Just let me get my boots.
URGE: Nice! You’re back! Back and ready to have a good time. No more of this struggling bullcrap. No more of this stopping yourself from doing what you want to do. It’s time to let loose for once.
ME: Just one question though.
URGE: Sure ol’ pal. Go ahead.
ME: Well, you said you had a sales pitch right?
URGE: Right.
ME: And that you can offer me relaxation, uninhibitedness, socialness, etc. etc.
URGE: Some of those aren't actual words, but you betcha. You’ll get those by the barrel full.
ME: OK, but, since you’re giving that to me, what do I have to give to you?
URGE: Uh, whatcha mean friend?
ME: Well for every benefit there’s a cost. So what are the costs here?
URGE: Why don’t you let future-self worry about the costs?
ME: Because that’s not what a responsible adult does.
URGE: Did I mention that it’ll relax you?
ME: You did. But you forgot to mention that in order to relax for a few minutes I’ll have to either give up or put at risk my health, family, looks, reputation, money, time, productivity, goals, safety, sensibility, standards, belief in myself-
*urge checks its watch*
ME: -and I’ll end up feeling shame, guilt, hung-over, sick, tired, embarrassment and just generally like a bag-o-crap. Not to mention, everything you’re offering to me I can get*without*putting all those good things at risk, and*without*feeling shame, guilt, hung-over, sick, tired and embarrassed.
URGE: You don’t know that though. You don’t know that it’ll happen this time.
ME: But I know it happened almost every other time. And if I was a betting man, I would bet on the team that has a 99% chance of winning. Wouldn’t you?
URGE: Dude, that’s not you. That’s your inhibitions talking. You know what will fix that right?
ME: That’s OK! My inhibitions are a good thing. My inhibition comes from good judgement! What you want is for me to lose my good judgement!
URGE: That’s not what I sa-
ME: And you know what! It’s OK that I’m a lil’ stressed out right now. It’s OK that I’m not the most socialable person in the world at all times. It’s OK that I’m not the best person. I don’t need to be. I’m an adult, and I can handle it. I’m a real human being feeling real human feelings. And running from those emotions is childish response. It’s the definition of maladaptive.
URGE: Dude, you only live once. Live in the moment why don’t cha.
ME: You don’t want me to live in the moment. You want me to run from the moment.
*urge is stumped*
URGE: So uh… how’s Derek?
ME: Why?
URGE: Just wondering. You haven’t seen him in a while, eh? You should give ‘em a call. See if he wants to hang out. I’m sure he could use a friend.
ME: No I haven’t seen him for a while. But I hear he’s not doing too well.
URGE: Why not?
ME: Because he gives into his urges.
URGE: Boy is there egg on my face.
ME: What are you still doing here?
URGE: Sheesh. Well I can see when I’m not wanted. I’m leaving now.
ME: Yeah. And don’t forget your boots.
*Urge puts on his boots and heads out the door.*
ME: And tell Derek I said “Hi!”
URGE: Will do! I’ll be back.
ME: I know. I’ll be ready!
CLEAN you will be ready !
Last edited by BlueChair; 12-15-2014 at 12:46 PM. Reason: edited for smoking
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Reading the weekend updates, my mind is a little blown because what sticks out is the amount of influence other people have in affecting how we feel, respond, behave. Likewise look what impact our behavior has on others, and how they respond to our words and actions. Its interesting!
Hang with me while I explore. Clean, being early in quitting ciggies, you relapsed over stress and the argument with your husband, feelings you felt because of your daughter being upset. Of course end game your the one who has to find other ways to cope than smoking, but whats interesting is tiny changes by you, or I think by your husband in that situation would have created an entirely different outcome.
Soverylost, I understand what your saying, you told him Sunday you could put it in the past, but its not simple emotionally because everytime he breaks apart, disrespects you, calls you names, shows his anger, it doesnt magically go away. Words hurt, seeing someone act out of control, obsessing in loops must only confirm his instability. You see it, and logically know it can come out and show itself again. He is hopefully starting to work on these things with his doctor. I think its understandable your feelings, and you cant wipe the emotional slate clean until he shows change and consistency. I think this might be a good thing to journal. What happened, how it made you feel, how you reacted, what words you internalized from what he said, and making sure you counter in your mind with the truth.
Does any of this make sense?
Hang with me while I explore. Clean, being early in quitting ciggies, you relapsed over stress and the argument with your husband, feelings you felt because of your daughter being upset. Of course end game your the one who has to find other ways to cope than smoking, but whats interesting is tiny changes by you, or I think by your husband in that situation would have created an entirely different outcome.
Soverylost, I understand what your saying, you told him Sunday you could put it in the past, but its not simple emotionally because everytime he breaks apart, disrespects you, calls you names, shows his anger, it doesnt magically go away. Words hurt, seeing someone act out of control, obsessing in loops must only confirm his instability. You see it, and logically know it can come out and show itself again. He is hopefully starting to work on these things with his doctor. I think its understandable your feelings, and you cant wipe the emotional slate clean until he shows change and consistency. I think this might be a good thing to journal. What happened, how it made you feel, how you reacted, what words you internalized from what he said, and making sure you counter in your mind with the truth.
Does any of this make sense?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
Love that exchange for Clean, Blue!
Also, good idea about the journal. I tried it in the past, but put it away. I think I should get it out again. I know he is starting to work on things, and that is going to cause instability in him. I have to be the stable one, the rock, right now, until he is well enough to be. I need to remember that doesn't make my feelings any less, it just means I need to deal with them so I don't become like him. Or I could hold them in until I explode too. The journal will be out later today.
Also, good idea about the journal. I tried it in the past, but put it away. I think I should get it out again. I know he is starting to work on things, and that is going to cause instability in him. I have to be the stable one, the rock, right now, until he is well enough to be. I need to remember that doesn't make my feelings any less, it just means I need to deal with them so I don't become like him. Or I could hold them in until I explode too. The journal will be out later today.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Wow...you BLEW me away BLUE!!!! I'm speechless! But what you wrote was exactly what it was like! The urge was just like that. I had been battling it for the past week! I was even thinking that something must be wrong with me that I was able to hold out and not puff for so long. I think I even went so far as to set myself up for failure. Like I was waiting for an excuse to take that puff. At the time I gave in I even told myself that I "deserve" this smoke for what I had put myself thru all week. Almost like a reward or something? Also, I thought "see hubs you MADE me smoke again! It's all your fault!" I even told him that. He said..."what are you expecting of me? I should walk on eggshells?" My answer, "well at least you could wait till I have a couple weeks in to accuse me of something!"
See my big problem now is that I've given hope to my hubs and kids that I can quit. So they are expecting that to happen. I can't go back and tell them...."never-mind, I'm not going to try to quit anymore." They are not excepting that. My son is so upset he doesn't want to talk to me and the first thing my husband asked when he called today was "did I smoke?" I couldn't very well lie about it. So I told him the truth. But he said he sees that cigs are killing me and he won't sit back and let me die. He's right about that. I am well aware of that...it's just so hard to get back on track. To find my momentum that I had before. The thought of struggling thru those urges again...drains me.
But you are right that type of conversation has been going on in my head each and every day...many times per day. It's exhausting! So how can I quit and avoid those exhausting thoughts? Is there a way? I just want to say...no more puffs and mean it and never look back! I did it before...I did it with pills...so why can't I do it with cigarettes?
Soverylost, thank you for your support! I really appreciate it! I understand what you are saying about parents never fighting and good for kids to see conflict resolution. I think that's true that it can be a good lesson for kids to learn. I just think sometimes fights never actually arrive to a resolution. Lol at least ours don't. We could fight one second and hug the next. Lol but we can fight over some stupid things too.
Ok...hubs just came home. Demanded the cigarettes he supposedly threw out the first go around...but being the nutty professor he is....forgot to throw them away and left them behind my TV set in my room. Which I happened to stumble upon that day. He came back and said he threw them away this time. I hope so. So this is my last smoke...my goodbye puff! My start to a non-smoker life. I feel scared to death!
See my big problem now is that I've given hope to my hubs and kids that I can quit. So they are expecting that to happen. I can't go back and tell them...."never-mind, I'm not going to try to quit anymore." They are not excepting that. My son is so upset he doesn't want to talk to me and the first thing my husband asked when he called today was "did I smoke?" I couldn't very well lie about it. So I told him the truth. But he said he sees that cigs are killing me and he won't sit back and let me die. He's right about that. I am well aware of that...it's just so hard to get back on track. To find my momentum that I had before. The thought of struggling thru those urges again...drains me.
But you are right that type of conversation has been going on in my head each and every day...many times per day. It's exhausting! So how can I quit and avoid those exhausting thoughts? Is there a way? I just want to say...no more puffs and mean it and never look back! I did it before...I did it with pills...so why can't I do it with cigarettes?
Soverylost, thank you for your support! I really appreciate it! I understand what you are saying about parents never fighting and good for kids to see conflict resolution. I think that's true that it can be a good lesson for kids to learn. I just think sometimes fights never actually arrive to a resolution. Lol at least ours don't. We could fight one second and hug the next. Lol but we can fight over some stupid things too.
Ok...hubs just came home. Demanded the cigarettes he supposedly threw out the first go around...but being the nutty professor he is....forgot to throw them away and left them behind my TV set in my room. Which I happened to stumble upon that day. He came back and said he threw them away this time. I hope so. So this is my last smoke...my goodbye puff! My start to a non-smoker life. I feel scared to death!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
That was very nice Blue... I showed it to my husband too. Had to pry him away from an interview we were watching.. he was watching more intently than me obviously... LOL
Cleanin and SVL... I think your both still being hard on yourselves. My opinion, its good to want to reach our full potential in terms of coping with our loved ones, situations that happen, and life issues in general; but from my experience when I tried to be a "rock" ... "be perfect"... and I think it was leading me to burn out.. Im still working on leaving behind this perfectionist thing I have... mostly its with work, organizing the house, trying to be the perfect mom to my son... its really hard because its naturally how I am... LOL.. getting off track...just don't put too much pressure on yourself... we all have limits, slips, and make mistakes.
Now on to happier things.. Project Runway. Can I tell you one of my secrets? I have most of the seasons on dvd. You might look to see if they are available even through something like ebay... I started my collection when I was pregnant; which was actually a funny time because I was gaining weight and watching models on the runway. But I think Heidi Klum was pregnant on the show at the time so it made me feel better. I haven't seen any of the All star seasons on dvd, but maybe one day. I have some of those I saved when they aired.
Cleanin.. did your ever try the nicotine patches where they step you down? I think those are different than Chantix... ? Im sorry this is so painful for you. I know your family is just worried about your health and want to encourage you. I also know seeing how upset they are makes you emotional - which doesn't help your triggers to smoke.. its circular...
Cleanin and SVL... I think your both still being hard on yourselves. My opinion, its good to want to reach our full potential in terms of coping with our loved ones, situations that happen, and life issues in general; but from my experience when I tried to be a "rock" ... "be perfect"... and I think it was leading me to burn out.. Im still working on leaving behind this perfectionist thing I have... mostly its with work, organizing the house, trying to be the perfect mom to my son... its really hard because its naturally how I am... LOL.. getting off track...just don't put too much pressure on yourself... we all have limits, slips, and make mistakes.
Now on to happier things.. Project Runway. Can I tell you one of my secrets? I have most of the seasons on dvd. You might look to see if they are available even through something like ebay... I started my collection when I was pregnant; which was actually a funny time because I was gaining weight and watching models on the runway. But I think Heidi Klum was pregnant on the show at the time so it made me feel better. I haven't seen any of the All star seasons on dvd, but maybe one day. I have some of those I saved when they aired.
Cleanin.. did your ever try the nicotine patches where they step you down? I think those are different than Chantix... ? Im sorry this is so painful for you. I know your family is just worried about your health and want to encourage you. I also know seeing how upset they are makes you emotional - which doesn't help your triggers to smoke.. its circular...
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,606
(((((Clean))))) Oh clean, I can see that you are so hard on yourself and it hurts me because I can see how you beat yourself up. I think it is great how determined you are to give up smoking but i honestly think you are way too hard on yourself. I might take a different approach and I hope i dont step on your feet. Yes, cigs are unhealthy,yes cigs can cause cancer, i totally see that and I agree with it BUT it is not like with drugs that it can kill you through an OD or something like that. I hope you don't mind me saying that, but in my opinion you can't really compare drug addiction with smoking. These are two different pairs of shoes, similar yes, but yet different. I feel, as if you and your family need a different approach to that. Not like "getting clean of cigs" but rather changing your lifestyle. there are a lot of people who eat too much sugar and want to change their diet to become healthier. Maybe you can see it as that, changing your lifestyle, because then i feel there is less pressure for you. I had to change my diet and yes it sucks and is hard, at the beginning i would cheat,sometimes it is really worth it, but the longer I have been watching my diet regarding lactose the more I came to the realization that the good thing is not worth the suffering afterwards. So more and more I say no.So i think, if you say, ok i am giving up cigs because they are unhealthy and i want to live a healthier lifestyle, it might be easier for you. PLEASE take the pressure of you, I can see how the pressure you and your family is putting on you is affecting you in a negative way. Yes, smoking is bad but honestly, i think the situation and feelings your slip regarding smoking caused is bad too. Does this make any sense? I hope you dont mind me saying this.
Hi everyone else ((((hugs)))
Blue how is the planning of my wedding going on?
Just as I am trying to move on from B and his addiction i suddenly saw a group called Sober Facebook on my fb wall. You know how FB shows you groups you're friends are members in? Apparently a friend of mine joined this group. The description says something like where alcoholics/drug addicts help other alcoholics/drug addicts. My friend and I are not very close, i know him from one of my earlier stays in Boston, but I like him and I just hope he is okay and is there for another reason than the obvious.
Ok, gotta go back to studying
Hi everyone else ((((hugs)))
Blue how is the planning of my wedding going on?
Just as I am trying to move on from B and his addiction i suddenly saw a group called Sober Facebook on my fb wall. You know how FB shows you groups you're friends are members in? Apparently a friend of mine joined this group. The description says something like where alcoholics/drug addicts help other alcoholics/drug addicts. My friend and I are not very close, i know him from one of my earlier stays in Boston, but I like him and I just hope he is okay and is there for another reason than the obvious.
Ok, gotta go back to studying
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Hope everything goes ok for your husbunny at his appointment. Are you feeling a little better today? While your out I hope you can stop for a bite to eat, enjoy a few quiet moments of alone time.
Butter what are u doing here spying on my plans for you? Hahahaha. I showed u some of those single activities I found. They look like fun! And a good way for you to mix and mingle.
Good luck on your exam/paper today. Almost over ! !
Soverylost, how are you today?
Husband and I are both off work/working from home when need be. Its harder for me to come online because of it. We were out on the town most of yesterday. went and got our "real" tree. (We have one real and one artificial, long story!) Had fun decorating it. I also finished sending all our official Christmas cards over the weekend, but for a few people they are getting a more personalized one Im making myself. My sister talked me into buying this paper cutting/decor machine and I can use it to make cards, do scrapbooking, make gift tags and lots of cool stuff, so Ive been playing with it, and having fun.
((Hugs)) to everyone!
Butter what are u doing here spying on my plans for you? Hahahaha. I showed u some of those single activities I found. They look like fun! And a good way for you to mix and mingle.
Good luck on your exam/paper today. Almost over ! !
Soverylost, how are you today?
Husband and I are both off work/working from home when need be. Its harder for me to come online because of it. We were out on the town most of yesterday. went and got our "real" tree. (We have one real and one artificial, long story!) Had fun decorating it. I also finished sending all our official Christmas cards over the weekend, but for a few people they are getting a more personalized one Im making myself. My sister talked me into buying this paper cutting/decor machine and I can use it to make cards, do scrapbooking, make gift tags and lots of cool stuff, so Ive been playing with it, and having fun.
((Hugs)) to everyone!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,606
haha blue i knew you would have a secret mission! i actually am seriously contemplating to go to one of them
clean i hope the appointment goes well and you are feeling better today!
ladies i need some advice from some more experienced ladies. I am packing my stuff and found a dairy which is basically the whole story of me and B. what do i do with it? Throw it away? Keep it? I don't know! i feel like throwing it away but i might regret it later
thanks for your well wishes! i am all done now and ready for christmas and going home
clean i hope the appointment goes well and you are feeling better today!
ladies i need some advice from some more experienced ladies. I am packing my stuff and found a dairy which is basically the whole story of me and B. what do i do with it? Throw it away? Keep it? I don't know! i feel like throwing it away but i might regret it later
thanks for your well wishes! i am all done now and ready for christmas and going home
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Originally Posted by buttercup89 
haha blue i knew you would have a secret mission! i actually am seriously contemplating to go to one of them
clean i hope the appointment goes well and you are feeling better today!
ladies i need some advice from some more experienced ladies. I am packing my stuff and found a dairy which is basically the whole story of me and B. what do i do with it? Throw it away? Keep it? I don't know! i feel like throwing it away but i might regret it later
thanks for your well wishes! i am all done now and ready for christmas and going home
clean i hope the appointment goes well and you are feeling better today!
ladies i need some advice from some more experienced ladies. I am packing my stuff and found a dairy which is basically the whole story of me and B. what do i do with it? Throw it away? Keep it? I don't know! i feel like throwing it away but i might regret it later
thanks for your well wishes! i am all done now and ready for christmas and going home
Good job Butter!
A lot of those started in January, and looked lime fun. Who knew rhere were chocolate tours anywhere in Massachusetts?
A diary of B, wow. Tough one. I cant answer it, because the reason u stated, will u regret it later? I think in a way, letting it go might be a beautiful thing to start the new year. But its symbolic too, are you ready? It has to come from a place inside u
when u leave, it will be a whole new timezone. I just got used to this one!
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I just think I might want to read it at one point in the future because even though it ended bad , there where some good times.... i really forgot about it! The rest of the B is at my friends.. I think i will take it with me and ask her to keep it for me also. i think i would make the decision to throw it away due to wrong emotions even though i reached the point when i thought about. "forgiving" him and letting my anger go.
I honestly dont know how much i still feel for him! i had a long conversation with my friend about that.... i am doing well most of the time...
haha yeah... i will be 6 hours ahead of clean and 9 hours ahead of blue and someone else
I honestly dont know how much i still feel for him! i had a long conversation with my friend about that.... i am doing well most of the time...
haha yeah... i will be 6 hours ahead of clean and 9 hours ahead of blue and someone else
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Butter have a safe trip home. Keep in touch if you aren't too busy. As far as the diary goes. All I can give you is my experience. I never had a diary, but I did have pics that I threw of someone who was dear to me but made me upset and of course broke my heart. As a sign of "moving on" I tossed them. It felt good at the time very liberating, but later.....several years later I wished I had held on to them. I kind of like the idea of giving it to a friend. That way you let it go symbolically but can get it back later. Or you can still toss it later too.
Blue I always wanted something like that. Those scrapbooking machines look like fun. Enjoy! Also, enjoy your vacation time at home with husbunny.
I'm feeling better. Had long discussion with hubs about smoking and what I need to quit. It went well. I'm really lucky to have an understandibg husband. Details later.
Cooking tilapia tonight with mango salsa and potatoes. Bbl!
Love to all my peeps!
Blue I always wanted something like that. Those scrapbooking machines look like fun. Enjoy! Also, enjoy your vacation time at home with husbunny.
I'm feeling better. Had long discussion with hubs about smoking and what I need to quit. It went well. I'm really lucky to have an understandibg husband. Details later.
Cooking tilapia tonight with mango salsa and potatoes. Bbl!
Love to all my peeps!
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Location: Canada.
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Clean glad you had a good understanding talk with your husband. You are a very strong person, you can kick this.
Blue, sounds like you are getting into the Christmas spirit! I used to love making cards, have fun!!
Butter maybe pack away the diary and bring it our when you are ready. You might regret throwing it away. I completely understand where you are coming from.
I'm ok. I understand now H does not really want to communicate, he doesn't want to be held accountable or responsible. So it is what it is I guess. I had hope, now I will have to find somewhere else to put my hope. Maybe I'll hope he develops a horrible disease. Just kidding. Maybe.
Blue, sounds like you are getting into the Christmas spirit! I used to love making cards, have fun!!
Butter maybe pack away the diary and bring it our when you are ready. You might regret throwing it away. I completely understand where you are coming from.
I'm ok. I understand now H does not really want to communicate, he doesn't want to be held accountable or responsible. So it is what it is I guess. I had hope, now I will have to find somewhere else to put my hope. Maybe I'll hope he develops a horrible disease. Just kidding. Maybe.
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Cleanin Im sure its all gone now.. but dinner sounded really good. Tilapia with Mango salsa... Good to hear your feeling better. Your husband is a good guy, and probably being fed so well keeps him.. cant even say fat and happy.. Tilapia is low fat... but Im sure it puts a smile on his face.
SVL.. doesn't sound like things have been going well. He is up against a wall and shutting down perhaps. If you need to change your focus of hope, then I think put it back on yourself.. your hopes and dreams. You can control these and work towards them.
Hi Blue and Butter.... Butter your leaving us ? But your coming back next semester correct? I hope you have a safe trip home & enjoy time with your family and friends... I know they will all be happy to see you, and I know your probably especially happy to celebrate your moms birthday, and some time with your grandmother.. she is feeling better now I hope.
Keep us posted ok.
Ive just been busy.. warning .. cute son story... we were out shopping and waiting in line. There were these two teenagers in front of us and an older woman in front of them. They were goofing around (the two boys, not the older woman just to clarify) and they were getting a little loud too. They started to get out of line and one of them bumped up against the older woman and made her stumble and drop something. One of the boys just left and the other one picked it up for her. after they left she was talking about them, and she looked upset. My son told her, the one boy was bad and Santa wouldn't come to see him. She started smiling then and said he has such good manners and she was sure he would never do anything like that.. well he is only 3.. I hope he never does when hes 16 or 17... No matter what the situation, he always makes me smile and feel so proud of him.
Good to hear your feeling better. Your husband is a good guy, and probably being fed so well keeps him.. cant even say fat and happy.. Tilapia is low fat... but Im sure it puts a smile on his face. SVL.. doesn't sound like things have been going well. He is up against a wall and shutting down perhaps. If you need to change your focus of hope, then I think put it back on yourself.. your hopes and dreams. You can control these and work towards them.
Hi Blue and Butter.... Butter your leaving us ? But your coming back next semester correct? I hope you have a safe trip home & enjoy time with your family and friends... I know they will all be happy to see you, and I know your probably especially happy to celebrate your moms birthday, and some time with your grandmother.. she is feeling better now I hope.
Keep us posted ok.
Ive just been busy.. warning .. cute son story... we were out shopping and waiting in line. There were these two teenagers in front of us and an older woman in front of them. They were goofing around (the two boys, not the older woman just to clarify) and they were getting a little loud too. They started to get out of line and one of them bumped up against the older woman and made her stumble and drop something. One of the boys just left and the other one picked it up for her. after they left she was talking about them, and she looked upset. My son told her, the one boy was bad and Santa wouldn't come to see him. She started smiling then and said he has such good manners and she was sure he would never do anything like that.. well he is only 3.. I hope he never does when hes 16 or 17... No matter what the situation, he always makes me smile and feel so proud of him.
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Decorating without me? the queen of smilies?
Than you guys! I am leaving monday) very excited and happy! i cant wait to hug everyone :-) my grandma is doing well allfor :-) thanks for asking!
i got a new haircut today and feel very good! maybe the time of sadness and pain due to B is finally over. i have been talking to this guy i met online and no matter how it turns out it feels good. Getting some male attention and realizing that B and i probably wouldn't have worked out anyways. So we will see! could you please keep my your fingers for me? and the other guy? :-)
besides that i am anxiously waiting for my final grades...
i hope you are all doing well!!! special hugs for clean and socerylost ((((hugs))))
Than you guys! I am leaving monday) very excited and happy! i cant wait to hug everyone :-) my grandma is doing well allfor :-) thanks for asking!
i got a new haircut today and feel very good! maybe the time of sadness and pain due to B is finally over. i have been talking to this guy i met online and no matter how it turns out it feels good. Getting some male attention and realizing that B and i probably wouldn't have worked out anyways. So we will see! could you please keep my your fingers for me? and the other guy? :-)
besides that i am anxiously waiting for my final grades...
i hope you are all doing well!!! special hugs for clean and socerylost ((((hugs))))
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Good evening my special SR friends!
Butter you are always at the top of my prayer list ok? I really want that special someone in your life! A special man for a very special woman.
Soverylost you are also up there! I always pray your hubby comes around....gets the help he needs and excepts that help. I know he's a good guy (just knowing who you are tells me you wouldn't have married him if he wasn't) plagued with a very terrible disease. May our Lord heal him of this devastating disease that causes so much pain and hardship and to all who love him. In the meantime, I ask that He give you the hope and the peace to take care of yourself....to remain your strong self and to find happiness in your life and the strength to get through this. I just want to give you the biggest hug my friend. I know it's hard. I've found that it's always darkest before the light.
Allfor that is the sweetest story. Your son is a very special little guy. May he always be this sweet....with a you as his mom and guiding him...I'm sure that he will be.
Last night I had a discussion with hubs. I told him the pressure they were putting me thru was too much for me. That I needed to figure this out myself...how to get back the momentum I had before. I will...in the meantime I promised to cut way down. That I would refrain from smoking while the kids are home and awake. That I would go outside alone away from the house and without the iPad/tablet when I really needed to smoke. That would guarantee that I wouldn't enjoy it too much. It's getting cold outside. So therefore I will stop equating a cig with a pleasurable experience. Let's see how it goes....but I'll try again after the holidays. I don't know if that was just quacking on my part or not? It sort of seems like it...but I just can't do it right now and I wanted to be honest about it. See, my problem in the past has been unable to be truthful about how I feel and what my needs are. For some unknown reason I do not like to be honest about my feelings. I don't know if that makes me feel vulnerable or exposed? But I would much rather bury them or numb them then face them. So I'm trying to change this pattern of mine.
Have a safe trip home Butter and I'm sure your grades are very good! But let us know so we can celebrate with you!
Butter you are always at the top of my prayer list ok? I really want that special someone in your life! A special man for a very special woman.
Soverylost you are also up there! I always pray your hubby comes around....gets the help he needs and excepts that help. I know he's a good guy (just knowing who you are tells me you wouldn't have married him if he wasn't) plagued with a very terrible disease. May our Lord heal him of this devastating disease that causes so much pain and hardship and to all who love him. In the meantime, I ask that He give you the hope and the peace to take care of yourself....to remain your strong self and to find happiness in your life and the strength to get through this. I just want to give you the biggest hug my friend. I know it's hard. I've found that it's always darkest before the light.
Allfor that is the sweetest story. Your son is a very special little guy. May he always be this sweet....with a you as his mom and guiding him...I'm sure that he will be.
Last night I had a discussion with hubs. I told him the pressure they were putting me thru was too much for me. That I needed to figure this out myself...how to get back the momentum I had before. I will...in the meantime I promised to cut way down. That I would refrain from smoking while the kids are home and awake. That I would go outside alone away from the house and without the iPad/tablet when I really needed to smoke. That would guarantee that I wouldn't enjoy it too much. It's getting cold outside. So therefore I will stop equating a cig with a pleasurable experience. Let's see how it goes....but I'll try again after the holidays. I don't know if that was just quacking on my part or not? It sort of seems like it...but I just can't do it right now and I wanted to be honest about it. See, my problem in the past has been unable to be truthful about how I feel and what my needs are. For some unknown reason I do not like to be honest about my feelings. I don't know if that makes me feel vulnerable or exposed? But I would much rather bury them or numb them then face them. So I'm trying to change this pattern of mine.
Have a safe trip home Butter and I'm sure your grades are very good! But let us know so we can celebrate with you!
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Allfor, that is the sweetest story about your son. He sounds so adorable, with such a kind and moral heart already. Just by the way you describe him he sounds like a great joy in your life!! I wish I could snuggle him, lol!!
Blue, I got a kick out of the smiley you posted for Mr Soverylost! LOL! If I could send him one of those in real life, I would! LOL!
Butter, so excited for you! I bet you look awesome in your new hairdo, and so excited for your trip! I will keep my fingers crossed for you and a special someone ...
Clean, I am so happy you had a good talk with your hubby. If the time isn't right it isn't right, but it sounds like you are making great steps forward anyway. You are putting into place deterrents that will work to give you negative reinforcement and that's awesome. Also very wise. You are actually beating this addiction at its own game by doing that. It's hard to have our feelings exposed, and it can make us very vulnerable. But realizing that is a great step, Clean! It means you are acknowledging it and facing it!
Thank you for the prayers, it seems like I have an almost continuous internal prayer for H nowadays. I feel like he's on the very edge and the littlest breeze could knock him in either direction, and it scares me to death.
Yesterday, H decided that would be the first day he would not drink. He told me and he told BIL. I should be over the moon, except I've heard this before. Too many times.
I've off of work after today until Jan 5, and I'm nervous. Work is my safe place. I'm worried about the alcoholic mental progression H seems to have made - I'm not so much worried for my physical safety as I am for his. He gets very depressed in a very angry, violent way and has said more than once, that if he only had a gun, he'd have pulled the trigger. That scares me and I'm not sure how serious he is.
Of course, if he's serious about not drinking, then I don't have to be worried anymore, right? (crossing fingers, and toes, and knocking on wood).
I know God has a plan for me, to guide me through all of this with H. I need to be still in all my worry and just listen to Him. It's hard though to know what is God and what are my own thoughts. Maybe they are the same, God giving me the thoughts I need to move forward. I don't know. I need to have faith that He will see me through all of this, I think He sent all of you to me to help me, and I thank Him daily for that.
in all I have done, and in all that has happened - 3 miscarriages, losing all my grandparents and my dad, my sister with some very serious struggles with bipolar disorder and almost losing her many times to that - this is the hardest thing I have ever lived through.
Blue, I got a kick out of the smiley you posted for Mr Soverylost! LOL! If I could send him one of those in real life, I would! LOL!
Butter, so excited for you! I bet you look awesome in your new hairdo, and so excited for your trip! I will keep my fingers crossed for you and a special someone ...
Clean, I am so happy you had a good talk with your hubby. If the time isn't right it isn't right, but it sounds like you are making great steps forward anyway. You are putting into place deterrents that will work to give you negative reinforcement and that's awesome. Also very wise. You are actually beating this addiction at its own game by doing that. It's hard to have our feelings exposed, and it can make us very vulnerable. But realizing that is a great step, Clean! It means you are acknowledging it and facing it!
Thank you for the prayers, it seems like I have an almost continuous internal prayer for H nowadays. I feel like he's on the very edge and the littlest breeze could knock him in either direction, and it scares me to death.
Yesterday, H decided that would be the first day he would not drink. He told me and he told BIL. I should be over the moon, except I've heard this before. Too many times.
I've off of work after today until Jan 5, and I'm nervous. Work is my safe place. I'm worried about the alcoholic mental progression H seems to have made - I'm not so much worried for my physical safety as I am for his. He gets very depressed in a very angry, violent way and has said more than once, that if he only had a gun, he'd have pulled the trigger. That scares me and I'm not sure how serious he is.
Of course, if he's serious about not drinking, then I don't have to be worried anymore, right? (crossing fingers, and toes, and knocking on wood).
I know God has a plan for me, to guide me through all of this with H. I need to be still in all my worry and just listen to Him. It's hard though to know what is God and what are my own thoughts. Maybe they are the same, God giving me the thoughts I need to move forward. I don't know. I need to have faith that He will see me through all of this, I think He sent all of you to me to help me, and I thank Him daily for that.
in all I have done, and in all that has happened - 3 miscarriages, losing all my grandparents and my dad, my sister with some very serious struggles with bipolar disorder and almost losing her many times to that - this is the hardest thing I have ever lived through.
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Come on lets show some Christmas cheer!
Going through these things is confusing in a spiritual way too. I have a lot of faith but its hard not to ask why? Whats the purpose of all this? I do know Ive learned a lot about myself, cemented a lot of my ideas, thoughts, feelings. Its been the hardest thing Ive ever been through too. I bet there are a lot of good qualities you can find surfacing in yourself right now Soverylost. Some of them may get hidden behind the not so nice comments coming your way when husband is drinking, but theres a challenge in that too, learning to not absorb any of those ridiculous comments, and believing in your strength and goodness.
Clean, I wish I could finally use the quack word for something but I dont think it applies to you here. Change is a process! I was thinking about it, and I hope u dont mind my saying this, but I feel like youve been making a progression in becoming more aware, and more open with your own feelings, and the ability to share your vulnerabilities here with us. I see you examining a lot of the beliefs youve had about what it means to be strong. And in a way its a lot like what my husband has been going through. Maybe Im projecting some of him onto you, but I think hes realizing its ok to let those who love him see more of his vulnerabilities, but more importantly I think hes realizing its ok for him not to be perfect, its ok to have emotional needs, or have pain over things from his past. I feel like your getting more in tune with yourself too. Maybe its the core of self your focusing on right now? No quack there!
Excellent idea to not link smoking with ipad use! We dont want to reinforce smoking!
Now about me! I thought when u microwaved metal it would spark or something? I left a big. serving spoon in glass pan and nothing happened. I didnt know it was in there until I took it out. Then I was afraid it might have transmitted some radioactivity to the food? I love how I can stump my husband with these questions. Honey, will this ? Ha! We ate something else.
And a baking question, whats the easiest way to put filling inside cupcakes? Baking is fun!
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Awe soverylost you have been thru so much! I just want to give you a giant bear hug right now. I think you are so right that God is there right with you....in your heart and in your mind. He is there for you to lean on..listen to Him ..have faith in Him....He will see you through this. I'm positive!
I totally understand your apprehension! After he's told you so many times he was quitting and didn't...you have very little trust. I guess all you can do is take it day by day..and pray each morning that God give you the strength to get thru each day and the faith that things will get better. I really wish it were simpler and easy...but it's not. We are here with you...you are not alone! In praying for a miracle!
Lots to do today. Going to hubs work to pick up his check. I think he's supposed to get a Christmas bonus this week. Hope so. Will hopefully make it back later.
Hope everyone is enjoying their day!
Thanks for that Blue! Will get cheery when I get back! Hubs is after me to get going! Lol
I totally understand your apprehension! After he's told you so many times he was quitting and didn't...you have very little trust. I guess all you can do is take it day by day..and pray each morning that God give you the strength to get thru each day and the faith that things will get better. I really wish it were simpler and easy...but it's not. We are here with you...you are not alone! In praying for a miracle!
Lots to do today. Going to hubs work to pick up his check. I think he's supposed to get a Christmas bonus this week. Hope so. Will hopefully make it back later.
Hope everyone is enjoying their day!
Thanks for that Blue! Will get cheery when I get back! Hubs is after me to get going! Lol
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